Our PT joke thread

[Catty1]

Q: How many women with MENOPAUSE does it take to change a light
bulb?

Woman'sAnswer:
One!
ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY? because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb! They don't even know that the bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it out. And,once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the #&%!* lightbulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CABINET for the past 17 YEARS! But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them, 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light
bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE FREAKING LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER PICKS UP OR CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS PLACE! AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHO CHANGES THE TOILET PAPER ROLL !!

I'm sorry.

What was the question?

[CathyBogart]

Little Mary Margaret was not the best student in Catholic School . Usually she slept through the class.

One day her teacher, a Nun, called on her while she was sleeping. 'Tell me Mary Margaret, who created the universe?'

When Mary Margaret didn't stir, little Johnny who was her friend sitting behind her, took his pencil and jabbed her in the rear.

'God Almighty!' shouted Mary Margaret.
The Nun said, 'Very good' and continued teaching her class.

A little e later the Nun asked Mary Margaret, 'Who is our Lord and Savior?'

But Mary didn't stir from her slumber Once again, Johnny came to her rescue and stuck Mary Margaret in the butt.

'Jesus Christ!!!' shouted Mary Margaret and the Nun once again said,'Very good,' and Mary Margaret fell back asleep.

The Nun asked her a third question...'What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'

Again, Johnny came to the rescue.
This time Mary Margaret jumped up and shouted, 'If you stick that thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'

The nun fainted

[lizbud]

The Male Brain vs The female Brain


In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where a family member lay gravely ill. Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.

'I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news,' he said as he surveyed the worried faces. 'The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant. It's an experimental procedure, very risky, but it is the only hope. Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the BRAIN.'

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a time, someone asked, 'How much will a brain cost?'

The doctor quickly responded, '$5,000 for a male brain; $200 for a female brain.'

The moment turned awkward. Some of the men actually had to 'try' to not smile, avoiding eye contact with the women.

A man unable to control his curiosity, finally blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask, 'Why is the male brain so much more than a female brain?'

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, 'It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to price the female brains a lot lower because they've been used.'


SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH, AND TO ANY MAN WHO YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT!

[Catty1]

How do you know when an obscene phone caller is Canadian?

He starts by saying, "I'm sorry, am I calling at a bad time?"

[RICHARD]

Barack Obama is on the campaign trail when his limo drives through a low income neighborhood in his hometown of Chicago.

As he travels down a block with run down homes along it, he spies a family of four sitting on the lawn, plucking blades of brown grass and eating them.

Barack yells at the driver to stop and go back to the lawn. Barack throws open the door and walks over to the family who stop eating and turn to the presidential candidate. "My goodness, what are you doing?", he asks.

"Eating grass", the father says, "I lost my job as a bank manager, my wife was laid off and my kids are starving!" THe mother tells BO that there is no food in their home and the only thing that will stop the children from crying with hunger is to eat the dried up lawn at the front of their home.

BO looks at his wife and says, "I cannot stand by and watch people struggle, I was a community organizer once and have always tried to look out for the welfare of the community and the people in it. I can't stand by and watch people starve!"

He turns to the family and tell them to get into the limo, "I won't let you starve by eating that brown dried grass! I am taking you home so you can eat there!"

The family surround BO and shower him with hugs and kisses. As the family gets into the car, the father hangs back to thank BO. THe man begins to cry and mutter his thanks-BO puts an arm around him and the man stops and asks, "You are the greatest man on the planet, You are kind. thoughtful and generous-I cannot believe you are taking us home to have a meal there..."

BO sheepishly smiles and says to the man, "Sir, you do not have to thank me, The pleasure is mine and no one has mowed my lawn for a few months."

[Freedom]

Oh, this is just TERRIBLE! (I probably should post in Dog General)

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My friend's Dog, Minton, just swallowed a shuttlecock!
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Bad Minton!

[RICHARD]

Oh, this is just TERRIBLE! (I probably should post in Dog General)

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My friend's Dog, Minton, just swallowed a shuttlecock!
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Bad Minton!

THAT was funny, I love the bad ones!