As some of you know, my oldest cat Dusty has not been taking her aging well recently. We've had her on glucosamine supplements for a number of years. Early this year she'd lost so much mobility and muscle mass that walking was painful and difficult. Cats lack the ability to take most pain medication without major side effects, unlike dogs. With the consent of her vet, we gave her injections for her pain, however after a few shots it didn't seem to be working for her anymore. Out of desparation to help my aging friend, we put her on pain pills which were pretty much experimental in cats at best (equivilent of Darvacet in humans). She started developing signs of a failing liver and congestive heart failure, probably because of the medication, however she was walking much better and seemed more comfortable.
About three weeks ago the congestive heart failure caused her to accumulate fluid in her abdomen to the point of pushing her spleen out of position. We put her on a diuretic (sp?) to rid her aging body of the excess fluids and pressure on her organs.
About two weeks ago she started sleeping alot and drinking alot of water. Her vet said her heart failure was getting worse and she had a very very fast heart rate. We increased the dosage of diruretic (sp?).
Last Wednesday night she had an episode of very labored fast breathing. I sat and talked with her late into the night asking her if it was her 'time' yet. I got the feeling it probably was, but I didn't want to let her go yet, I figured I'd let her vet decide. I stayed up very very late crying over her, talking to her, and petting her. I took her back to her vet last Thursday, thinking we might have to put her to sleep that day. The vet said we could try increasing the diuretic (sp?) and in a few days we'd know if it would help. I set up the appointment to have her put to sleep in a week. I've been taking alot of pix of Dusty since then knowing they'd be her last ones. I spent alot of time with her every day knowing she wasn't going to be with me much longer.
We gave her the injections, and her pain pills. Friday we took her to my mom's trailer in a campground where Dusty has always loved to go. She seemed to enjoy the car ride there but slept through most of the areas she'd previously enjoyed looking at. In her younger years when we'd pull in she would stand up in the dash and meow in glee, this time she just sat there looking in silence.
In her younger years she'd jump out of the car when I'd open the door, and run up to the door. We don't let her jump anymore so I set her on the ground, and for the first time ever, she didn't have the strength to make the walk to the door herself, so I set her up on the deck and she did manage to walk across the deck and into the door though. I knew this was her last time to be there. I spent alot of time with her brushing her, talking to her, cuddling her, and giving her the people food I'd never let her have before. I let her do whatever she wanted to do, and helped her say goodbye to all the things there she'd always loved to do and see. She slept alot there, but she did want to be put in the cupboard to explore, did play once and watched some birds from the door a couple times. She took one very short walk for about 5 minutes, but other than that, she slept the remainder of the weekend.
I brought her home last night and she was basically sleeping for most of the drive instead of looking around like normal. I gave her the diuretic (sp?) shot late last night. Shortly after the shot she started very labored fast breathing, and a slight wheeze in her nose which she'd not done before. I burst into tears (which I'm not prone to do until recently), and called the ER animal hospital to see if it had anything to do with the shot I gave her. They said it didn't, and most probably she just got upset and had the start of a resperatory infection causing the wheezing (she did sneeze once or twice this weekend and is prone to sinus problems). I was still in a crying fit and finally drove over to my mom's house and woke her up convinced that we'd have to take Dusty to the ER. By the time we got back to my house Dusty was resting somewhat more comfortably but extremely tired. Between my mom and hubby they got me calmed down enough I could go to sleep.
I thought I had 4 more days with my furry baby, but apparently it was not meant to be. My good byes I said with her at the campground this weekend would have to be good enough. My poor old Dusty was suffering and I just couldn't put her or me though anymore nights like that until Thursday.
She meowed good morning to me when I went in her room, and half heartedly ate breakfast, she looked tired. At lunchtime I brushed her and gave her some more people food which she only licked at. I said a goodbye to her before left for work again knowing her time was short. According to my mom who came over to be with Dusty while I worked, Dusty slept most of the day in her basket.
Today at 4:40 p.m. with tears streaming down my face, I took my longtime furry companion to the vet for the last time. I had already asked a special person there who Dusty knows to be the one to hold and comfort her for her last moments on earth, because I knew I couldn't. I cried over her while carrying her in, kissed her head, and gave her one last hug before handing her over to the vet assistant. Dusty went to her willingly and I petted her goodbye for the last time. As I stood back a step, Dusty meowed in concern. I couldn't bear to hear her crying for me, I turned and ran out of the building sobbing the whole way to the car. I know Dusty is not in pain anymore and no longer suffering. I feel bad I couldn't be with her, but I know how she struggles and cries when we draw blood, and I didn't want my last memories of her to be of her fighting while the vet put her to sleep.
I came home and cried for about an hour. The other cats were scared, not knowing why I was so upset and didn't know what was going on. I've been spending the rest of the evening looking at all the pix of Dusty over the years and crying on and off. My heart is breaking, my eyes and nose are raw from wiping the tears from my face.
Dusty was 17 years old. She wandered into my life and my heart on July 25, 1995 at 5 years of age, and left my heart with an empty hole today July 2, 2007. 12 years just wasn't long enough to be with her, and I'm going to miss her very very much. While I love my other cats also, there will never be another like Dusty.
Dusty 1995
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