How would you cope with this?

[Freedom]

I agree wtih Lizzie, she has said what I would have said, but much better. Can you find some ex-pats to discuss this? Otherwise, I am stunned and not sure how to help, either. Best wishes, Julie.

[lizbud]

Just wanted to add another thought on this subject. I know I was not
much help & had no good options to offer you Julie, I do think it would be
helpful to find others to talk to about your feelings on this. If it helps at all,
feel free to vent here anytime you want.You will be in my thoughts and
prayers.

[Edwina's Secretary]

Many years ago I was an ex-pat working and living in Guadalajara. I am sure the poverty in Lagos is far worse than anything I saw, but still I can relate. When I first arrived there I was horrified. People coming up to the car at stop lights...young children....women with babies at the breast begging on the sidewalk...sitting in an outside cafe....limbless beggars coming up....and if you gave to one...a dozen more appeared.

Sad but true you cannot save them all and eventually you develop the ability to close out the noise and sights.

Across from where I lived there was a house being built. It was the custom to hire a family to live at the construction site. It was a very poor family. They had running water only from a cold water outside tap. I knew I could not, without giving offense, give them things. So...and I know this will sound so horrible...I would put things in the trash bin area. (I had observed them going through it.) I would put eatable food, clothes, and especially things I had seen the children enjoy...colorful magazines and the like. Perhaps it reinforced the idea of the wasteful gringa..but at least it was something.

[Lilith Cherry]

It is similar to Lagos in many areas of China too; if you do give anything you get mobbed in seconds! It is scary as hell!

We have "adopted " a couple of local families whom we are able to help in various ways like providing clothes and school supplies but this is done with extreme discretion.

As "Edwina's Secretary " said above, leaving "good garbage" is a great plan! Just put it in a separate bag and watch it disappear! Please stay safe and try not to let the situation get you too depressed. Even the tiny bit you can do will make a BIG difference to whomever is on the receiving end.

Lots of love,
Lilith in China

[Ally Cat's Mommy]

Things haven't gotten any better here. I am just avoiding going out wherever possible - which is also NOT good - haven't left the appartment since Saturday morning!

Re baby things:
The "Steward / Chef" we employ (actually the company does - he is part of the package, so I'm NOT going to say no!!) has an 8 month-old daughter (Rachel). She is actually bigger than Cali, but I have gone through all Cali's stuff and given him loads of things - most almost brand new. The reality is that Cali's things are "disappearing" - I can't fire him and have his family out on the street, so I am hoping that by giving him enough stuff, he wont help himself, and at least any favourite stuff of Cali's won't disappear. He was also taking a LOT of disposable diapers (They are v v v expensive here - a colleague of hubby's actually brings in two jumbo packs when he flies in on business, so I REALLY can't afford to be supplying another child!!). I managed to find him a pile of gently used TOWEL nappies from another expat mum, so hopefully he won't take quite as many of mine!

There are some clothes which are getting too small for Cali, but there is no point in passing them on to Rachel, as she is bigger than Cali, so I am planning to pack them into little bundles and keep them in the car - so if there is an opportunity to discretely pass them on to the beggars with little babies, I can try to do so. If that does not work, then our driver (too dangerous to drive yourself here - all expats have drivers) is an elder in his church, so I m sure he will know of needy families to pass the stuff on to.

Other than that, all our leftover food etc goes to the Housekeeper already (he always makes WAY too much rice etc so there are always leftovers for him and the family) - I don't mind, but I have to shop accordingly, so it does come out of my pocket!

Thanks for all your somments, suggestions, and most of all your SUPPORT. It's great to be able to "vent" - if I emailed friends or family about this they would jjust pressurise us to leave, so it's hard to know where to turn to.

BTW I have just posted a thread about a local school with kiddies who need sponsorship for school fees etc. If any of you are financially able to assist, please read the thread here

[emily_the_spoiled]

Julie,

I have known a few ex-pats who have lived in Nigeria over the years and unfortunately your experiences are not all that uncommon. Even as much you would like to save everyone, it is not possible. In Lagos you must use extreme caution. You are doing the right thing by trying to work with other ex-pats to help people. If South Africa has an embassy there, they might have programs for you to help with.

I know that you can not leave yet but please be careful.

Cheryl & Connor...

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Bless you for wanting to help and for your compassion. You can't help everyone as much as you would love to be able to - donating things that you no longer need would be a wonderful start