Hubby makes me mad( good update first op )

[caseysmom]

Well to be honest maybe you should try to separate if you see no hope, do you still love him? Does he want to stay together?

[ashleycat]

He wants to stay together. I've lost my " inlove" with him long ago. I've tried to make it work. But he keeps getting worse. I keep getting madder.

[shais_mom]

For those of you who say 'get rid of the husband'...or 'husband's stink'...I must say one thing.

There are also many wives in this world who 'stink', and many husbands have wives who would be nice to get rid off too. Don't make generalizations. There is a HUGE amount of people out there in the world who have a beautiful relationship with their husbands.

I would NEVER choose an animal over my husband. NEVER. Yes I love animals, and would love to have a whole herd of cats in my house, but you know what? My husband comes first.

Marriage is a contract between two people...a contract based on love, affection, trust, don't get 'rid of' family members unless the situation is severe and incurable. Marriage is not about *he's controlling me* or *she's controlling me*.

ww pops - you stated your soap box now I'll state mine.
While I have never been married - I think that people that are in a commited equal relationship marriage is great. My parents have a fabulous marriage- my dad respects my mom and dotes on her and is just as in love with her now as he was 45 years ago. That said - that is probably why I haven't found anyone yet b/c I want someone that treats ME that way. My sister is married and quite frankly she needs to get a backbone b/c she isn't treated very well by her husband OR now her children. I will not let that happen to me. My dad jokes that he spoiled me growing up that I'll never find a man that does for me what he did and that is why I haven't found anyone. HE jokes - but the fact of the matter is - it rings with cold hard truth. I was raised to be respected in if I don't always respect myself - unfortunately my sister didn't follow their lead.

Her husband is not abusing her, or hurting her, or speaking harshly with her.

Actually in my opinion his attempt at controlling her and him leaving with the bunny is a form of abuse - mental and emotional which while they don't bear the physical signs is some of the worst kind. He has her believing she isn't worthy and in order to have his love she must get rid of the animals and that is wrong.
A lot of other people said that their significant other has stated - "it" goes or I go - but very few have had them follow thru with it. These are the ones that attempt controlling and are challenged and back down. He actually tried to follow thru with it. In your case you say that your husband comes first and that's all well and good but in Ashley's case - SHE needs to come first. B/c his behaivor can only escalate. She stated that she saw her mom live thru it and in a lot of cases young women/kids are attracted to what their parents had - in her case her mother's relationship and in my case - my parents have a great marriage - keep in mind I didn't say perfect either.

[Catty1]

Ashley - at least in the counselling - maybe there can be an agreement for a temporary separation until he demonstrates he has changed.

Sounds like you and your daughter and the pets could use a break!

I do wish you both the best, and am glad you are BOTH seeing the counsellor.

I don't mean to offend - but I saw a cartoon in New Woman magazine about 20 years ago. A woman was standing at an ironing board working away, and calling out to her tv-watching husband in the other room: "I want a divorce - but I'll stay on as housekeeper for $800 a month."

Of course, rates HAVE gone up!

hugs!

[ashleycat]

Ashley - at least in the counselling - maybe there can be an agreement for a temporary separation until he demonstrates he has changed.

Sounds like you and your daughter and the pets could use a break!

I do wish you both the best, and am glad you are BOTH seeing the counsellor.

I don't mean to offend - but I saw a cartoon in New Woman magazine about 20 years ago. A woman was standing at an ironing board working away, and calling out to her tv-watching husband in the other room: "I want a divorce - but I'll stay on as housekeeper for $800 a month."

Of course, rates HAVE gone up!

hugs!

ha ha ha ha.. That's funny.

[Cataholic]

As one of my bosses loves to say, "the truth comes out in layers". I do NOT mean that you were lying- not at all. Just that the snippet you told in the OP was FAR from how abusive things actually are.

I **knew** there was more, as most 'loving' people don't act like this to one another. You are in a mess of a situation. Uneducated, young (or, it seems), no job and a child. Your husband probably recognizes this, so, he walks all the heck over you, knowing you can't do much about the situation. Shame on him.

But, that doesn't change what you need to do- first, protect your daughter. She is entitled to a home environment free from adults kicking chairs, flinging sandals, taking pets from the home, whatever. (And, btw, why would your daughter be in daycare if you don't work outside the home???? What an expenditure). You need to go back to school. Okay, you got pregnant in your first semester. Last I checked, pregnancy takes 9 months...so, you could have had most of a year done, if not all of it. How old is your daugher? Why haven't you gone back? I do think you are in a bad situation, but, don't make it worse on yourself by playing the victim.

And, whatEVER would make you decide to go get a tatoo, with your child, when money is 'tight' (wasn't that the reason for the bunny?). Really, if I was running around town, with my toddler in tow, getting my second tatoo, maybe my husband would be a little upset, too.

[shais_mom]

[QUOTE=Cataholic] Just that the snippet you told in the OP was FAR from how abusive things actually are.

[QUOTE]
I think anytime there is an ultimatum and the person follows thru - at the expense of an innocent animal and a child involved - is abuse.
And if she allows things to escalate I see them getting ugly.

[ashleycat]

I didn't get the tattoo. How could I with my girl with me? I think he's pretty ... not thinking. He thought I got it because I was gone for a few hours. I was mad at him so I took my daugher to the park, mall, then park again. I also didn't get it because I don't want my bunny going to the pound.
He didn't say anything about money when I wanted to get the tattoo. He sais I already have one, he doesn't want me getting anymore. All I wanted were 2 SMALL closed wing butterflies next to the one I have. Nothing drastic.

She goes to daycare 3 days a week from 9-2. It's more of a learning center. For interaction with other kids and to get used to being away from me. His idea, not mine.

I wasn't always acting out physically. Few months after she was born, he started the passive agressive behaviour and controlling more. Thus I get depressed and develop short temper. I'm taking meds now, but they aren't working. For a while I thought I had post partum depression. It took counseling to see that it's.

money isn't really tight. He uses that excuse to control me. He complains when I spend money on my pets, but turns around and gives hundreds to his friends. Including supporting his brother that is taking advantage of him.

As for school.. I have a small learning disorder. So I can only take 2 classes at a time distraction free in order to pass. In highschool, I got bad grades. In college, the same algebra and english. No distractions, no work, no kids. I passed with A's. I tried to finish my 2nd semester. But ended up going into labor before it was up. My daughter isreally clingy. And I have a hard enough time cooking and cleaning w/her on my hip, so I don't think I could study.

[Samantha Puppy]

If you aren't willing to work at changing things and instead come up with excuse after excuse about why you are where you are in life, things are never going to get better for you.

Sorry, but it's true.

Good luck

[Cataholic]

I have NO education or experience in childhood development. None. But, I wonder if your child (how old is she??) is 'clingy' because of the situation at home. My child, and the ONLY one I have any experience with, is an only child, not around kids, or other people that much (yikes, I am raising a freak!), but, he is as far from clingy as can be. Maybe just personality differences?

9-2 is a super long day, not to mention it essentially encompasses all toddler nap times. So, maybe clingy is something else?

I think you are in a bad situation.

[shais_mom]

i don't think there is anything wrong with your daughter being in daycare even tho you don't work outside the home. She does need the interaction with other kids and spending time away from you. You said she's clingy. That is probably due to you being home with her a lot - so the daycare should help that a lot.

[Cataholic]

If you aren't willing to work at changing things and instead come up with excuse after excuse about why you are where you are in life, things are never going to get better for you.

Sorry, but it's true.

Good luck

SP- you said it way better than I could. I can think of several people that 'have it bad', but, are working their tails off to improve there situation. How old are you?

[Samantha Puppy]

SP- you said it way better than I could. I can think of several people that 'have it bad', but, are working their tails off to improve there situation. How old are you?

I'm one of them. I'm 28.

[Cataholic]

i don't think there is anything wrong with your daughter being in daycare even tho you don't work outside the home. She does need the interaction with other kids and spending time away from you. You said she's clingy. That is probably due to you being home with her a lot - so the daycare should help that a lot.

From a development standpoint, toddlers (and I don't know how old her child is) do not 'need others' (aka, socialization) until they are 3. They do parallel play, and do not interact, aka, socialize, until that age. Kids are clingy for many reasons. I am not sure it is from too much time with their primary caregiver. She isn't home with her mom 'alot' if she is in daycare 3 days a week, really. I am not a fan of daycare, and do realize it is a necessary evil. But, it isn't in this situation, and could be a factor of the home life.

[Cataholic]

I'm one of them. I'm 28.

Goofball! I didn't mean you, age wise...I already knew about your age. I meant the OP. She sounds young.

And, you are a tail worker offer, btw.