Hurting feelings...

[anna_66]

ok, this is not about my dogs (who I love very much!), but I just had an experience with a co-worker today. Ok, one of the girls cut her hair, almost all of it! I think it looks great, and so do alot of people, but a couple of people don't, which is fine, I don't have a problem with that. But there is one girl (well, woman, she's 41) who can't let it go, she just keeps on & on about it. Today she actually told me she HATED the other girls hair, now she looks like a dyke! I couldn't believe my ears! How dare she say something like that, how would she like it if someone told her that, but of course, it wouldn't bother her, she'd never cut her hair like that. I think it is so racist, we have a few gay people working with us and I've heard her say other things. It just really bothers me.
"If you can't say something nice, don't say nothing at all" didn't we learn that from Thumpers Mom in the movie Bambi (hey, I made it a little about animals). I don't know, maby I'm taking this too serious, but I have worked with her for almost 7 years and get so tired of the way she talks about people. I told her I would never say something like that (she said alot more than what I told you), I have more consideration for people than that. Then she gets upset and says "This is a free country, people have the right to say whatever they want", but at the price of hurting someones feelings? Sorry this is so long, but tell me if I'm over-reacting.

[lbaker]

I'm sure there are all kinds of "comebacks" that you can or could have said but best to just consider the source and not justify her tacky, meanspirited remarks with a remark of your own. It's just liable to start a (excuse the expression) pissing contest and could only lead to more hurt. Never lose your dignity, that's my advise. Laurie

[momoffuzzyfaces]

Believe me, I know where you are coming from! I worked for 20 years in a job I hated. I loved the job, but the people made it a nightmare. We had several like the lady you mentioned. Always causing trouble or mouthing off.
We also had the two-year olds. The ones who ran to the boss to get others in trouble. I finally got to the point where I would just ignore them when they would make a comment like the one you told about. If they kept it up, I'd just say, 'Well, you're intitled to YOUR opinion.' and leave it at that. They are just trying to get attention. It takes two to fight and if they can't upset anyone, they'll hush up or have to sit there and talk to themselves. I'll take the pain of being disabled by arthritis over the mental pain of that insurance company ANY DAY!

[gini]

There is a spot right between the brain and the mouth. It is there for a purpose to "strain" things or "clean" things before they fall out of your mouth. Most people use this area quite successfully and as a result they are well liked and appreciated.

But there are others who, even though they know about that spot, chose to ignore it and let anything fall out of the mouth.

It is usually because they think that their opinion is so wonderful and valid - and will be the last word and sway everyone over to their side. For instance, the entire office should stand up and agree with her and shout at the woman YOU LOOK LIKE A DIKE!

Happily most of us have more common sense AND we are considerate enough of the other person's feelings that we either use that spot and "edit" or we say nothing.

This woman's opinion, even though irritating, is worth nothing.
Keeping that in mind, ignoring her would be the best approach.

If the girl who cut her hair likes it - that is all that matters.

[Randi]

Originally posted by gini
This woman's opinion, even though irritating, is worth nothing.
Keeping that in mind, ignoring her would be the best approach.

If the girl who cut her hair likes it - that is all that matters.

          I couldn't agree more!!!

[sasvermont]

Some folks just don't have any consideration for other's feelings. I work with a couple of people with that same attitude. I just keep my mouth shut when it comes to getting involved in mean-spirited conversations. Outside the work environment I do not hesitate to voice my opinions, but the work place is a diffcult place and position to be in and not get sued for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time! I would just tuck the event away, and, as one good friend of mine says "Set it free"......

There are lots of good people out there too! Most of them post here!

Have a good weekend.

[Logan]

The best thing about my work situation is that I have the absolute BEST co-workers around me all day!!! Nothing like the awful woman you described (what a meany) . My co-workers are the friendliest, most well behaved, loving wonderful, male and female, co-workers any where. Their names are: Honey, Lilly, Mimi, Butter, Olivia, Roger and Milly. And although the noise level gets a little high on occasion due to all the office activity, they are the perfect officemates. I couldn't ask for better!!!

[Freckles]

What does it say about harassment and diversity?

I totally agree with the suggestions to just stay cool and not respond to her comments, but it doesn't hurt to be aware of company responsibilities.

[AmberLee]

Originally posted by Logan
... I have the absolute BEST co-workers around me all day!!! ... My co-workers are the friendliest, most well behaved, loving wonderful, male ... co-workers any where. ...names ... Butter...

Pardon my disbelief, but this tribute to Butter is boggling my mind. May I print it out and refer to it frequently, liberally, and quote it back to you at an annoying level of frequency? [Sorry, it's been a NASTY week at work and I'm taking it out in teasing you. NAWTY AMBER!] Hope we all have a healing weekend that so surrounds us with love that tattered nerve endings knit bee-yew-tifully for us all.

[RachelJ]

When I run into these type of people I am often so taken aback, I don't know what to say. I think that the people here have given you an excellent take on the situation. Silence is not only golden it is sometimes the best response.

[shais_mom]

Yea sure rub it in Logan!!!
I love that I work 2nd shift b.c I don't have to put up with the day shift where I work. One of the girls has had it in for me since I started. Wasn't bad a first b/c she only worked occasionally, now she is full time. And she is my boss' best friend. She is constantly bad mouthing me and talking about me. From big things to small things.(like when I have fuzz or cat or dog hair on my dark colored scrubs even tho I use the lint lifters like crazy.) I have learned to ignore her and hopefully I can get my time in and then move onto something better. I have decided she 'ain't' gonna like me at all anyway so why bother to try. The next thing is I will be too fat, or my hair will be too short. I can't beat her and I sure as heck ain't joining her.

Anna, in Jan I cut my hair short, everyone that sees me loves it. One of our doctors that loves to give everyone a hard time told me I looked like a Lesbian Kickboxer!!!!!
I just told him he was jealous!!!!

[Logan]

LOL!!! Amber, even as many bad things as I tell you folks about Butter, you know I love him with all my heart!! And he is better, truly. He's coming around, little by little and he has enchanted both Helen and me!! It is like having a kitten in a HUGE body!!

Sorry, Staci......I'm just lucky. It is a sad day when humans choose animals over other humans, but I am truly at that point.
Chin up, girl! We know you more on the inside than outside, but I know you're a beautiful person and the other girl obviously has some huge insecurities!!!

[anna_66]

Thanks to everyone! You all made me feel better! Logan, you are soooo lucky!

[Ann]

Ok, sorry for my stupidity here (as usual), but what is a "dyke"?

In any case, that lady was really mean and I agree with what everyone else have said.

I got teased a lot in school for having long hair (wasn't modern), I guess some people enjoy hurting others, maybe it makes them feel better about themselves. Who knows...

[lynnestankard]

Ann - a dyke is a lesbian.

This woman sound horrendous Anna_66 - I'd just igore her - she must be so ignorant and narrow minded. I worked with a woman just like that some years ago - I wouldn't argue with her when she started 'mouthing' off but simply walked away. She eventually got the message and stopped doing it when I was about.

Lynne