Idiots exist ---not quite a joke
HIGHER INTELLIGENCE.
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked intellectual leadership." He received a $26 million severance package.
Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence.
WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS!
Police in Oakland, California spent 2 hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting "Please come out and give yourself up".
WHAT WAS PLAN B???
An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts.
THE GETAWAY!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Stop, and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small, so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
DID I SAY THAT???
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot," the man shouted, "that's not what I said!"
ARE WE COMMUNICATING??
A man spoke frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor asked. "No!" the man shouted, "This is her husband!"
Not the Sharpest knife in the drawer!
In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun, but unfortunately,he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.
THE GRAND FINALE
This is a true story!
Last summer, down on Lake Isabella, located in the high desert, an hour east of Bakersfield, California,some folks, new to boating, were having a problem. No matter how hard they tried, they couldn't get their brand new 22-ft. Bayliner to perform. It wouldn't get on a plane at all, and it was very sluggish in almost every maneuver, no matter how much power was applied. After about an hour of trying to make it go, they putted over to a nearby marina, thinking someone there could tell them what was wrong. A thorough topside check revealed everything in perfect working order. The engine ran fine, the outdrive went up and down, the prop was the correct size and pitch. So, one of the marina guys jumped in the water to check underneath. He came up choking on water, he was laughing so hard.
REMEMBER, THIS IS TRUE.....
Under the boat, still strapped securely in place, was the trailer.
Actual statements found on insurance claim forms
Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have.
The other car collided with mine without giving me warning of its intention.
I thought my window was down, but I found it was up when I put my head through it.
I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
A pedestrian hit me and went under my car.
The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve several times before I hit him.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother in law and headed over the embankment.
In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
I had been shopping for a plant all day and was on my way home. As I reached an inter-section a hedge sprang up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.
I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident and damage my big end.
As I approached the intersection a sign appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident.
To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front I stuck a pedestrian.
My car was legally parked as it backed into another vehicle.
An invisible car came out of nowhere, stuck my car and vanished.
I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat I found that I had a fractured skull.
I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.
The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run. So I ran over him.
I saw a slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car.
The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
I was thrown from my car as it left the road. I was later found in a ditch by some stray cows.
The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out the way when I struck the front end.
The accident was caused by me waving to the man I hit last week.
I knocked over a man, he admitted it was his fault as he'd been knocked over before.