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Today, I have finally decided to update my memorial page for my first cat, Aysche. Turned out to be some kind of confession, as I made many many mistakes when I had her, and I still feel bad about it, even though this is a long time ago.
Please read, if you have the time: Aysche
Kirsten
Kirsten,
I'm sitting hear with tears in my eyes! What a terribly sad story, but you can't blame yourself. You were young and the diseases were not as common knolwedge as they are today. I am sorry that she suffered, I know how it must hurt, but you didn't know and you had other things going on in your life. There weren't any beautiful sites like this one with so many caring people to give input to help us diagnose or at least know when a problem has presented itself. If you knew then what you do now things would certainly have been different and I am sure that Aysche understands. She is at the RB and is all healthy. Someday you will meet and she will show you that she holds nothing against you and loves you and remembers the good times that you shared. Please try not to be to hard on yourself.
Please don't beat yourself up over this. All of this was over 20 years ago. You never intentionally abused or neglected Aysche, you gave him the best you could at the time. That was a pretty lethal combination of cat disease and a lot wasn't really known then compared to now. Even though his life was cut short by a situation that couldn't be prevented, you loved him and he took comfort in that. Aysche doesn't hold it against you, he's grateful for what you gave him while he was with you. Now Kirsten, forgive yourself.
We are all, man and creature alike, put upon this earth for a purpose. While your story is very sad and tragic, it is also uplifting. Twenty or 30 years ago (and I have my terrible cross to bear with one of my soulmates who died from being blocked and me at 20 listening to a drunken vet who I called after hours who told me he could wait until morning and me believing him), we did not know as much about these illnesses, and kidney failure, diabetes, etc. and we were at the mercy of vets who either didn't know or didn't care and sadly many many babies left this earth before their time. Now at least some of our vets are more informed and more compassionate, and we have the internet to do our own research and these wonderful forums and groups where we can share information and ask questions from other caregivers like ourselves who want the best for our furbabies.
Your baby was very young and was no doubt born with both of these illnesses and sadly her time here was short. There was really nothing you could have done except for provide hospice care and love her until it was her time to cross. Your baby's purpose here the way I see it was to "open your eyes" to these illnesses, to educate yourself on them and other illnesses so that when the time was right she would be able to send you another furchild who would need your care and love as much as she did while she was upon this earth.
Like my Cicero, your baby, while giving their lives, made us better cat parents and to this day we are ever more diligent and observant of the changes in our furkids' day to day activities.
Your baby is painfree and happy and I imagine has sent more than one furchild your way to love. She holds no grudge and awaits the day that you two will be together again.
SpiritCat (mari) and the Mooseheart Mumpkees of southeastern Texas.
Thank you for being so understanding... I know things were different in the 80s, and I know I would have done more if I had known more... It's just that I feel so bad for poor Aysche when I'm thinking of her. She must have been suffering terribly!
mumpkees, I'm sorry to read about your experience! How sad! :( It's true, these are the things that make us become more suspicious, and we do not buy everything from the vets anymore.
I always do my own research on the net or talk to the people here, and my vet knows that. And she listens to me when I make suggestions. :)
Kirsten
One way to think about it is that although she suffered some toward the end she had a purpose of being here to educate you and us through you. Also she comforted your mom - maybe if you had known ahead of time she wouldn't have been there to comfort your mom. Or maybe you wouldn't have gotten her at all as it seems these diseases are there from birth. She served her purpose here and you provided a safe place for her. Don't ever feel guilty, you in no way hurt her. You did not give her those diseases. Debbie
I MADE,A LOT,OF MISTAKES,WITH POUNCER.I WAS SO PRE OCCPIED,WITH FINDING A NEW JOB,THAT I HAD NOT NOTICED,THAT POUNCER HAD LOST SO MUCH WEIGHT,AND THAT HER PAWS,WERE ICE COLD.BY THE TIME,I GOT HER,TO THE VETS,THERE WAS NOTHING,THAT THEY COULD DO.AND SHE HATED THE VET,SO MUCJH,THAT I NEVER TOOK,HER IN FOR HER FIP,AND I WAS VOLUNTEERING,AT THE SPCA,AND THE CATS,IN CAGES,HAD,TO BE PUT DOWN,BECAUSE,OF AN EPIDEMIC.IF I HAD TAKEN HER IN,SHE WOULD HAVE SURVIVED,LIKE MR SCRAPPY,DID,BUT I HATED,THE THOUGHT,OF TAKING MY YOWLING,UNHAPPY LITTLE GIRL,TO THE VETS.I AM STILL,FEELING BAD,ABOUT MY POUNCER BABY,AND HOPE,THAT WHEN I PASS ON,SHE WILL STILL,BE MY FRIEND.I THINK,THAT THE REASON,THAT I HAVE SO MANY RESCUES,IS TO COMPENSATE,FOR MY FIRST LITTLE CAT,POUNCER.
Kirsten I think a lot of us can relate to you in this matter. When we were younger or less educated in cat matters, we did what we thought was right. Our motives may have been good, but sometimes the outcome was not.
I think of Tom, a cat I had 30 years ago. He was a stray that my neighbor talked me into taking. I took care of him, but probably not as well as I should have (I was divorced with 2 young children and a very small salary).
We went away on a rare trip for a few days and came back to find that Tom had gone to the RB while we were gone.
I still feel guilty about him and hopes that he forgives me. I'd give anything to have him back again.
Do not beat yourself up about this. You did the best you could at the time.
The best thing we all can do is take care of our furry family members the best way possible and love them a lot.
Kirsten,
That was a wonderful story. You shouldn't beat yourself up over it. You did the best you could at that time in your life. Life is one big lesson. The only problem is, there are pop quizzes now and then.
My VERY first cat was named Harley. He was a neutered, adult male that I got from the Humane Society in Connecticut. I thought he would help me with my depression. He was a very loving cat who wanted to be near me all the time. He made me feel like I was being smothered. He also turned out to be nochturnal, and kept me awake at night. He wouldn't eat dry food, and as a punishment to me, would raid the garbage. Being raised with dogs all my life, and in my inexperience with cats, I tried closing him in the bathroom. All he did was howl.
After a week, I took him back to the Humane Society. I have felt SO guilty for so many years about not having the patience to work with him. But I knew absolutely NOTHING about cats back then (we're talking 14 years ago). Not a day goes by that I don't think of him, hoping he got the home he so deserved. :(:(
((((hugs)))))) honey!
cruisetime, maby you're right... she was here to be there for my Mom when she most needed someone.
Gary, I'm sure your Pouncer has long forgiven you. Maybe he knows that what he tought you saved many other cats' lives after him, and even if fostering is indeed your way to compensate what has happened, many cats benefit from that now!
orangemm and moosmom, these are sad stories. Seems we first have to learn to live with cats and understand them. Especially when we get our first cat in a difficult life situation, we're often not aware of what it really means to take care of one.
Now, after many decades with cats, it's easier, but still a learning process - every day. :)
Kirsten