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I have a two year old cat that appeared on my porch last year. It turns out she was pregnant and did not go full term. She had a high fever and the vet performed surgery, etc. She has never been really affectionate but lately she doesn't like to be held or even petted. All she ever wants to do is be outside. Will she ever respond to me? I just wish she could be more affectionate. What can I do to make her more a part of the family?
In time, she may be more affectionate, just approach her calmly every now and then for some petting, just in short stretches. Don't force it, she may never be a lap kitty, but she will get used to being an indoor loved kitty in time. You could try training her to walk on a leash and harness, that way she can get some outside time, but stay safe. Some cats take to it well, others become a fur-covered brick, but you never know until you try!
Some cats who were born and lived outside remain shy or distant all their life, while others can turn to very affectionate and lap kitties. They are all different. And it may take a lot of time to change.
Most kitties who are not used to humans do not like to be held. It's a lot of stress for them when they don't feel safe enough to handle it. So my advice would be pet her and talk to her instead of trying to take her in your arms. And also, try not to look right into her eyes, she will feel agressed.
Some people here have much more experience than I have and could probably give you more advice. From my little experience as a volunteer in a shelter, I know that some kitties get used to be petted and LOVE it but will never like to be hold. Again, it's not true for all cats and I am not saying yours will never be a lap kitty ;)
Through her experiences, she was trained to be distant to humans. You need to break that habit with new behavior. You need to associate nice things, pleasant experiences with you. Approach her with calm and relaxation.
Food is a good way to get through to an animal. Sit close to the bowl when she eats. Hand feed not only treats, but regular kibble.
Get a soft small brush and a comb. My cat would almost lick a dog for a good grooming. Gentle and slow. At first, short times, and increase.
Speak to your cat. Sing to your cat. I know it sounds wierd, but they like it. My cat purrs when he hears his special song.
Find a toy that she likes, play with her. If's she's an indoor cat, try taking her out on a leash to sniff stuff.
Establish trust and communication and friendship follows. Whlie she may not be a cuddly as she would have been if introduced to humans earlier, you can have a good satisfying relationship if you are willing to put in the time and be patient.
Poor cat. :( Cats are just like people. Some are very loving and sweet, and some just don't liked to be messed with! I would try using some Feliway and maybe that can help to calm them down. It's just going to take some time and a lot of work on your part to gain the cats trust. Good luck, let us know how things are progressing.
There are some cats that never like to be inside, like my neighbor's cat. All of their animals are outdoor ones and we ended up taking and taking care of one cat that running around the neighborhood.
I'm sure within time the cat will warm up to you. I think it has a lot to do with patience.
Has she seen the vet again to make sure something isn't wrong that she doesn't want to be touched and held? Sometimes not wanting contact may have something to do with an illness or injury. It's worth checking with the vet about.
I second that you try the Feliway. The plug-in diffusers would probably be best. Research them so you understand what it is and how to use it properly.
Don't push yourself on the cat but definitely try to take advantage of when she seems relaxed...try to sneak a pet or two in, then give a treat and praise in gentle voice.
You might want to try something like lying on the floor with kibble or treats all around you and let the cat investigate you at her own pace & desires, don't try to touch her, just let her check you out. Do this as often as you can and see if she warms up to you. We "tamed" a scared cat we rescued years ago with this method. In about 2 weeks time the cat was getting on our lap for lovin's.
Mostly, let her be who she is and love her as she is. She can still change as time goes by. My oldest girl, Philly, was always quite independent and aloof, frightful of strangers/visitors. She has changed immensely over the last 6-9 months or so. She is much more social than she used to be and even allows certain people who only visit occasionally to pet her. Took her 5 years, but I love these positive changes in her.
I think you have received great advice, nothing to add except GOOD LUCK!