I just want to crawl in a hole, and die. . .. *vent*

[Toby's my baby]

You know what I found out (a long time ago, but even more so today), it SUCKS being a teenage girl!!

Here's the story. . .. .

Ok, so obviously, girls like guys and vise versa. Well, my sister has a "boyfriend" but I dont. She talks to him at school, and every night on the phone. I dont have a "boyfriend" but, I met this guy about 3 weeks ago, but he goes to a different school, so I too, have been on the phone everynight with him. Dylan (the guy I like, whom also like me) and his friend Tyler (a friend of both of ours) came to my house today. But, they said they were coming over about 20 min. before they were going to be here. Well, I looked like CRAP, so I had to put makeup on, do my hair, and get dressed, and I didnt get a chance to ask my mom if it was ok if they came over. A while ago, she said it was fine if we had guys over, just as long as we stayed in the kitchen or living room, no going up stairs. So Dylan and Tyler come over, and they stayed here for about 2 hours. We talked, and played with the pups (the girls LOVE them :D). After a while, they went home.

My dad is VERY protective. But he has aloud us to talk on the phone everynight for a long time. But tonight was IT. We had a "family meeting". It was awful. I've been crying ever since. There is a LOT more to it, but to make the story short, we can only talk on the phone for 20 min. each night (sounds like a lot, but to a busy teenage girl, who doesnt get to talk to ppl any other way, it means a LOT), but I cant talk to Dylan every night, and my sister can't talk to her boyfriend everynight. Only once or twice a week. And NO guys can call our house, EVER. Dylan is the ONE person that I can tell things to. I have plenty of girl friends, but I go to an extremly small school, so everybody knows everything, before you even get the chance to tell them. So Dylan is the only person, since he doesn't go to my school. I'm going to miss him SO much, but hopefully, if he's the good friend that I know he is, he'll understand. I feel so bad right now, and I just needed to vent. Thanks guys!

[Lizzie]

It's so awful being a teenage girl that I can still remember how horrible it could be forty years later - and I'm not being sarcastic. My father was very protective also, made worse by the fact that I was the eldest and only girl. One night my boyfriend's car broke down and we got back home at 10:30pm instead of 10pm. My father was standing in front of the door to the house with his belt in his hands. I wasn't hit, fortunately, but I was grounded for a while. I was 16. I really, really wanted to be a boy, they had so much more freedom.

You didn't say how old you are, and that can help us with a response - though perhaps others who have been here much longer already know. Did you get the impression that if you had said anything first about the boys coming over that the reaction would not have been as bad? Did your father react as though you had gone behind his back? What you are seeing is his initial reaction, which is always a little extreme. Be reasonable and don't try to do what he told you not to. When he's calmed down, perhaps he (or more likely your mom) will listen to you as you talk about what a good friend Dylan has become. If that works, he may be able to come over for a family meal.

[luvofallhorses]

(((hugs))) It is tough, but it will get better. I promise. :) Keep your chin up.

[king2005]

Why don't you 2 bother get MSN or ICQ or AOL or YAHOO messenger?

I met Rob on ICQ & we chatted for several weeks on that, then we were on the phone for weeks more & about a months later, I met him.. However my dad wasn't over protective with me as I was 16, smart, never had a boyfriend before & was head strong, oh I was also open with my dad (he bought me alot of ladies things)...

BUT since your dad is very protective & has strict rules, a messenger is a great way to chat with people :)

But be smart, do not accept photos from him (or anyone), do not get mad at your dad, actually agree with him, it'll show maturity. Don't talk about things he doesn't like, dress mature (no mini skirts) & covered.

Remember he loves ya :)

[Toby's my baby]

Thanks everybody. I have msn, but I'm not supposed to have it. . . :rolleyes: but i do, and I am on there very often. I talk to dylan once in a while on there, but he's not on much, and its just not the same. . . .

I wouldn't say I wen behind his back, letting the boys come over, even though, that's kindof the way I put it. I knew that my dad would probably be in the livingroom watching tv, and my mom in the basement when they came over. Yes, my mom did say that if I would have told them they were coming over, they might not have been as mad. I apologized, and said i was really sorry. . . .

I dress mature, i guess. All I wear are jeans and tee shirts, I dont have any low shirts, maybe one or two. . ? No skirts (self consious, even though ppl say my legs arent fat :p)

[carole]

You know something it is also really tough being a parent of a teenage girl, I know you probably don't want to hear that right now, but as i am the mother of a teenage girl i thought i would tell you how i feel sometimes, because you want to protect those you love so much, i try not to be too tough or hard with rules on my daughter, but i then worry i am being too lenient, even so she still says we are over protective too,because her friends are allowed to do more than she. but i think back to my own teen years and i know she gets a way with blue murder in comparison.

I also learnt being too strict only makes your kids rebel and want to leave home very early in life as i did at 16, so sometimes you feel damned if you do and damned if you dont.

I understand you feel your parents are being mean and not fair, but they truely do have your best interests at heart and only worry something bad might happen to you or that you become too involved with someone too young and of course they will want you to complete your studies for a good life in the future.

Sorry i hope i dont appear to be lecturing you or un-sympathetic, just trying to help you see their side a little, maybe you should discuss it with them as to why they have put these new rules in place, it might help you understand their motives better, good luck and try not to be too sad, life gets better, and yes we were all once teenagers remember that, HUGS.

[buttercup132]

dress mature (no mini skirts) & covered.

She said shes a teenager ...most of them do wear that stuff , well not mini skirts but low shirts...lol

[king2005]

She said shes a teenager ...most of them do wear that stuff , well not mini skirts but low shirts...lol


I know, thats why I said it... Just because "most" teens do it, doesn't make it a mature thing to do. As most guys see them as open for business & parents also see it that way, so they feel the need to protect their daughtors even more.

10yrs ago my parents split up. We use to be the family everyone wanted to be, not anymore :rolleyes: .. I faught my butt off to move in with dad, I won at 14yrs old after my mom broke the law & the judge was really ticked off at her.

Well I wore jeans, t-shirts, no makeup or anything all that girly. My sister stayed with mom. Mom bought her ummm sluty clothing (mini skirts, jeans with holes in the butt & crotch, mini shirts, ect. My sister liked the attention she was getting from guys, as she was never popular with any group. My sister became open for business at around 14yrs old til about 18yrs old, drugs & booze is all mixed in there aswell. (my dad was mad, but there was nothing he could do)..

My sister is turning 21 next month & she can not go back to our home town without guys litterly trying to rape her, as they know shes open when she drunk/stoned. People harrass her on the streets & call her all day long when they know shes in town...

The above doesn't happen to "all" girls, but some parents are scared it will, so if you dress down (jeans & a normal t-shirt), there is less for parents to worry about.


edit: She no longer dresses like that. Its all jeans & shirts that cover her up.

[Toby's my baby]

Carole - Thank you so much for that. I want to let YOU know, that I LOVE getting your replies on my threads where I am venting about my parents, because it does let me see the other side of things, when I can't see it, no matter how hard I try.

I think my mom is really worried, because she got pregnant the year after she graduated. I've heard stories after stories about how her life sucked so bad, and how my two older brothers had the worst lifes.

Thanks again everybody!

[Alysser]

I know dads! My dad is so annoying with boys I can't even believe it! He says if I EVER am *allowed* to get a boyfriend he has to check him out. Okay, I get that. But then he goes "Your uncle and godfather has to check him out to!" UGH! I know he is serious. My godfather would literally KILL him if I was ever hurt and whatever. I am really mad about that. My mom is okay with having boys over as long as an adults there. But my dad can't even be told a boy was in the house.

((HUGS)) Im really sorry you can't talk to Dylan that long. He sounds like a great guy and you seem to be in a real pickle. Sorry about that! I just want you to know alot of teen girls go through this to.

[moosmom]

I used to get SUPER pissed when it came to rules and regs of the house when I was your age. I couldn't date till I was 16. I couldn't wear stockings (that's what they called them BEFORE pantyhose arrived on the scene). I couldn't wear jeans to school, only dresses and skirts, my curfew was midnight on the weekends.

I'm going to tell you what MY father always told me back if I complained about any of it. It didn't make sense then. But believe me, he was right on the money.

"You may not understand NOW, why I do the things I do when it comes to you. But I can promise you, you WILL when you have children of your own."

I never met a more wise man when it came to that statement.

[catnapper]

I'm sorry, but I'd have reacted the same way. Did you see my thread in Cat Genreal about my daughter doing basically the same thing?

Chances are the phone limit was instilled because both of you were burning up the phone time and not spending as much time on your studies and with the family. Smart dad.

As for IM.... it is VERBOTEN around here to have that on the computer. If we find that on the 'puter whoever installed it lost all computer priveledges for a long. long while. IM is a BAD program that opens a back door to the computer system for huijackers and such. Besides, teens spend entirely too much tie on IMing people, and can get themselves into trouble with it. Too much power and freedom for someone who hasn't learned much about life

[moosmom]

Listen to Kim. She speaks from experience, so do I. We may sound old (nothing personal, Kim) but we know what we're talking about. Been there, done that!!

[Toby's my baby]

Thank you Donna and Kim! I know my parents just want the best for us, but it seems like it's just pushing us away. I know that deep down inside, somewhere, I love my parents very much. We (me nad my sister) help my parents when they need it, working for my dad, or helping my mom clean the house. But they always complain about us not telling them things, like what happened in school etc. We DO tell them, but everytime I try to tell my mom something, she just ignores us, she's too interested in the show she's watching, or she just doesnt seem to care. . :o

[catnapper]

Then why try to talk to her when she's into a show? I had this SAME EXACT discussion with my girls. They complained I wasn't listening when they were talking, and I asked them why they always chose the exact moment I am least receptive. I told them that when I'm folding laundry, walking the dog, etc, that I am COMPLETELY able to talk to them. I'd love to chat while matching socks. I might fall over if one of my girls sat next to me and started sorting with me :eek: Its a matter of watching mom and seeing what she's doing.... why choose moment where she is 100% focused on something? Why not go into the kitchen as she's starting dinner and ask her if you could help. As you are hopping onions, start talking about your day. You are responsible for choosing the times you try to talk to your parents. Imagine your dad walking in on your 20 minute phone time and wanting to talk. You'd probably turn a deaf ear to him just as he turns a deaf ear to you while he's winding down watching the tv show he's waited all week to see. Same thing.

The only one pushing away is YOU. Believe me, your parents are not trying to push you away - in fact they are trying to find a way to pull you back in. They miss the sweet little girl who came running ot them when she had a boo-boo on her knee. Now that liuttle girl is a teenager and seems to always solve her own problems and seems to shy away from coming to them for anything other than money or a car ride.

[caseysmom]

Well said Kim those were really good points.

[IRescue452]

Things would be so much easier if parents learned to control their boys. In my area there are gangs of teenage boys vandalizing the town at all hours of the night. Never once are there groups of girls walking around. I just want to make a public service anouncement- parents, do you know where your boys are. Boys getting arrested doesn't even seem to send a clue to parents, whereas they are restricting their teenage girls too much. The only way you are going to get through this is to quietly agree for now. If anything you'll just rebel when you're older because they are setting you up for it.

[Toby's my baby]

They miss the sweet little girl who came running ot them when she had a boo-boo on her knee. Now that liuttle girl is a teenager and seems to always solve her own problems and seems to shy away from coming to them for anything other than money or a car ride.

Thanks again Kim (thats my moms name ;) ) You moms have such a good way of putting things :o

Another thing thats hard to do when I want to talk to my parents is, I play basketball, so I'm usually not home untill about 7 pm every night. By then, we are all exhausted, my mom and dad have already eatten supper, and my mom is doing her school work (she's a teacher at the college here) so when I get home, I dont see her sometimes. I spend about 98% of my time that I'm home up in my room, with the door shut. The only time I usually am down stairs is to go to the bathroom or get something from the kitchen. I VERY RARELY go to the basement (where my mom's office is). Hopefully things will get a little better when basketball gets over, hopefully, it wont get worse. . . .

[catnapper]

Well, the logical thing is to ask her if she minds company and you both do homework together. My hubby is a middle school teacher and its not unheard of for my girls to ask hubby if they can help grade -- maybe ask her if there's anything you can help her with, like maybe verifying a few easy-to-verify sources for her students papers? You are already acknowledging that you hide out in your room... I swear the weather isn't so different in the basement! :D ;) You might just find that the company is nice and you might learn moms aren't such bad creatures.

All you teens who swear your parents are so strict... if you just trusted your parents a little and opened up to us, you'd be amazed at how much more fun you'd have with your parents. Let us in on what is going on in your life. My youngest got caught sneaking out of the hosue last (I am a heavy sleeper but hear every creak on the steps :rolleyes: ) We called her on her cell phone and said "uh, where are you???" She went to see her friend who's grandmom is dying in the hospital. He's really not taking it well and he needed someone to talk to. She asked if she had to come home, and we said no once we found out where she was. Why? Because she always keeps us up to date on whats going on in her life and her friends lives. We know this boy and think of him like family... and we trust him because he talks to us. They both respect us, and we in turn respect that they will come to us with anything we would need to know.

We parents not out to attack you and punish you for everything..... but if my daughter never told us he's going through this problem.... if we didn't know this boy well, the story might be different. But since she is always honest with us (or at least for the most part honest ;) ) we simply told her that next time she wants to help a friend that she needs to tell us instead of just sneaking out. No screaming matches ensued (like it did with her older sister) because we KNOW whats going on with her.... unlike her sister who kept everything inside and thought we were the enemy.

With her older sister, we told her that SHE was the one who decided how good or bad her senior year of highschool would be. She could have fun and enjoy her senior year of she could be miserable -- all based on how much she opened up to us and let us know whats going on with her. Of course they have secrets. Parents realize a certain amount of privacy and secrets go on in the world of teenagers, but we don't worry about the secrets they keep when we know about a good percetnage of their lives. The more we trust you, the more freedom and priveldeges you'll get. The more we feel you are pushing us away and hiding something the more we'll pull you in and tighten the rules.

Glad I could help so far! :)

[Toby's my baby]

*sigh* thanks again!! :D Want to come live with me! ?? ;) just kidding, but you seem like such a great mom. . .. . i hope my mom and dad are like you. . ..

[dab_20]

*sigh* sucks being our age sometimes, huh? I'm sorry your parents are giving you a tough time. I am NOT allowed to talk on instant messeging at all. My parent's put me on a limited account so I can't download anything and check every once in awhile to see if I went on MSN.

My mom and dad also tell me I won't understand why they do this to me until I have kids of my own. Some of you on here who are parents really do sound like great ones. I guess right now we've got lots of stress in our lives and when we have even more rules it seems like it makes it even more harder... but really it's prolly making it easier.

Hope you feel better.

[carole]

We as parents know that being a teenager is a hard time in life, remember we were there once ourselves and believe me my teenage years were strict in comparison to teenagers today, they have much more priviliges i think and usually parents are more tolerant than the generation before them, but having said that it is not always the case, just keep in mind if you are having it tough your parents are having it tougher,and as wise words say just wait until you have your own children,then everything that was ever said to you will all come back and you will understand competely,just hang on in there and before you know it those difficult years will have passed and you will hopefully beable to look back at them and smile and say Geez I made it, and my parents are both reasonably sane still. :)

[Toby's my baby]

Lol, Thanks Carole! :)

[carole]

Your most welcome sweetie. :)

[MariaM]

Lol I know how you feel...my mom and I were fighting about an hour ago.

She NEVER likes to leave the house, EVER. I'm taking Drivers Ed. and I always have to get a ride home with one of my dad's friends. We live 25 minutes away from anything and everything...church, school, friends, shopping etc..

It is SO annoying. I've asked her a few different times in the last 3 months if I could get my hair cut somewhere, and she keeps saying fine, but she will NEVER go in unless for church when my dad gets us to go. If he's not home, she won't go. So, tonight I was talking to my friend and she was wanting to get her hair cut, so her mom was going to make an appointment so we planned that we could get it done at the same time...of course my mom didn't like that idea, I don't honestly know why, I guess she doesn't want my friends mom to think she won't drive me in or something..

It's annoying. We fought, and as teenagers always do, I believe I was right. Blsjles :o

[BC_MoM]

Hmm.. those rules seem pretty harsh.

You know.. I've never once in my life had problems as a teenager. Probably because I don't have high demands for a social life. I don't party, I don't hang out every night.. I have a few good friends and that's about it.

My parents sometimes give me beef and tell me to get out more.. but I don't want to.. I'm fine. My dogs are my life. Friends come last.

... Okay, call me a loner now.. :\

[MariaM]

Ha...parents encourage you to get out? My mom hardly lets me leave and I haven't done ANYTHING to discourage her from trusting me...

[dab_20]

Hmm.. those rules seem pretty harsh.

You know.. I've never once in my life had problems as a teenager. Probably because I don't have high demands for a social life. I don't party, I don't hang out every night.. I have a few good friends and that's about it.

My parents sometimes give me beef and tell me to get out more.. but I don't want to.. I'm fine. My dogs are my life. Friends come last.

... Okay, call me a loner now.. :\

Like me sometimes. :) I'd rather go to my dad's and visit him and the animals then go out and party with my friends. Although sometimes I fight with my mom.

[Toby's my baby]

I NEVER party, and rarley go to a friends house. I live out in the country too, and my two best friends live 20 miles away and 45 miles away! My friends that don't go to my school live a little closer, but its about 5 miles at least. :o

[Alysser]

I hang out with my friends ALOT! Like just about everyday. My parents aren't *to* protective. Except my dad and boys.( :rolleyes: )But my mom lets me go anywhere I want if she is home. Sometimes, I go out while she's not home. I guess you could call them care free. They can trust me enough.

[carole]

Believe me when i say this, teenager PTers, it is NOT YOU your mother does not trust , it is the other's out there. :)