How did you feel when you 'moved out'?

[popcornbird]

I've been sitting here today, thinking and wondering how I will feel about moving out in the next few months. I find myself having mixed feelings.

A part of me is SO excited to be moving in with my dear husband, having a place of our own, starting a brand new life with him. I really can't wait to start life with him, BUT...

...another part of me wonders how I feel about leaving my family...the home I was born and raised in. My husband is finishing his MS this May and is already applying for jobs...mostly here, but in other states too, 'just-in-case'. I would LOVE it if he's able to get a job here, and he wants to move here too and is trying his hardest, but I wonder how things will be if we end up having to move to some new place. I love him so much and know I'll be happy with him wherever we are, but then, I also love my parents and brother, and think it would be so hard to leave them if we have to move somewhere else. If he gets a job here, which we're hoping for, I won't have to move out of the area and will still be close to my family. That would be so wonderful, because we'll have our own place and independence, but still be close enough to come home anytime, visit, bring the tiels home to see my parents, etc.

BUT, even if we end up staying here (hopefully), WHAT does it feel like to suddenly leave your parents' home and have your own place? :p I'm so happy about my marriage and everything, but when I sit with my mom in the evening to have a lovely 'mommy/daughter chat', I end up imagining her sitting all alone, while I will be in another home. For some reason, that thought makes me so sad. :( I think the main cause of my sadness regarding this is that my mom told me it will be hard for her to be living without me under the same roof for the first time in over two decades. The thought of my family being sad without me saddens me. I hope I will be living close enough to them to be able to come home all the time.

Did anyone else here feel very happy about starting a new life/getting married/going off to college, yet sad about leaving the family at the same time? I expressed my feelings to my husband, and he keeps assuring me that I'm not LEAVING my family...we will always be close...maybe even closer. Being away from the ones you love sometimes is supposed to make the hearts grow fonder. I know my family will be visiting me all the time, always if we're still in town, and at least several times a year even if we're in another state.Thank God my husband loves my family so much, and they love him. I know we'll be visiting all the time, and they too will come stay with us. Its just this transition that SOMETIMES makes me a 'little' anxious, and I find myself pondering over the future. Can't wait to be with my husband, but at the same time, I find the thought of moving away from my parents a little sad. Its an exciting phase...getting married and all, but I can't stand the thought of my mom being sad. She is VERY happy for me, but of course it is hard for a parent when the kids start leaving the nest. 'sigh' Has anyone else ever felt this way, or am I just weird? :p What did moving out feel like for you?

[Crazy-Cat-Lover]

I felt the same way! It was very hard leaving my family behind, harder than I anticipated. It took me quite a while to adjust to living without them, but I really enjoy being "the boss" now. I can do anything I want, have any pet I want, without needing any sort of approval, except for DH. There were times when I wished I didnt move out, times I wished I was at home with my family - but I have a family of my own now. I have a daughter and of course DH, that I can spend every day with. I think I would feel differently if I lived alone, I couldn't stand being lonely.

You are not weird for feeling that way, that is a HUGE step to take when you leave your family. I wish you all the best!

:)

[Maya & Inka's mommy]

I felt the same way too! I was the last one getting married, so there were no more kids left! The worst part is that my mom is paralysed and in a wheelchair (MS), and I used to do most of the houes-work.... ! She cried very hard when we said goodbye on the parking lot of the place where our party took place :( :( . I still miss my birth-house, and I cannot ever go back, because my parents sold it a few years after my wedding.It had to many stairs in it, not handy for a disabled person... :(

[gemini9961]

It wasn't hard for me at all. I was still about an hour away from my parents but I was glad to be out. Now I live about 20 minutes away and see them more often. It wasn't a big deal for me really, I tend to be a pretty independant person and I was ready to be out.

[Sara luvs her Tinky]

I didn't think it was scary... but I didn't have to worry about leaving town or anything. We moved about 10 minutes away from my mom's house.

Don't think about it as you are ending a chapter but beginning a new one. Think about how much fun it is going to be when you visit your mom and family on the holidays... and how much more exciting your chats will be when you are telling her about your experiences being married and taking care of yourself. You will miss her though... and probably make late night calls.... but those will be special to her.

She will be so proud of you...


Just try and look at all the positive things ahead and don't look at the negative.....

[Samantha Puppy]

It's weird. Not good, not bad, just different. And almost 2 years later, I still sometimes slip and refer to my parents' house as "home" (especially when I'm mad at Josh). ;) I agree, don't look at is as closing a chapter but rather, just entering a new one.

[Cataholic]

I think for alot of us, it is different than it is for you. Many of us on here probably went more transitionally. I mean, I went to college first, and left for stretches of time- semesters. Then, in the summer, I returned home. So, it wasn't like, "I live here one day, I don't the next". So, by the time I left 'for good', I was 23, and it was 2600 miles away. It was shocking, for a bit, but, then, it was nice. But, again, for alot of us, we had been 'out and about' for sometime.

Then, I moved back home! At 29, for law school. And, when I moved back out, into my first home, it was nice. Now? I live ten minutes from my mom, and see her most everyday, talk alot to her, etc.

I see it as a step in the maturation process, I suppose.

[JenBKR]

It was bittersweet for me. I remember laying in bed the night before me wedding, thinking about how it was the last night there, and feeling so sad about that. But I was also so excited to start my new life with my husband. It was easier for me too because I only moved 15 minutes away. I loved living at my parents house, and we;ve always been very close. I even commuted to college because I just wasn't ready to leave.

[Tubby & Peanut's Mom]

Feeling sad when you think about your mom missing you is only natural, and trust me, you will miss those talks to. But even if you move far away, there is still the internet, and a little more old fashioned - the telephone, and from prehistoric times - writing letters, notes and cards. I've been away from home for over 20 years now and I still miss my mom, but we talk regularly and visit as often as possible. Parents also learn to live without their children. They start persuing lives of their own - until the grandkids come. ;)

But really, it will be hard, it will be a period of transition, you will get home sick, but you wil survive, and so will your parents.

The hardest part for me is not being there for my parents when they need me. For example, when they had their heart attacks and their accident. It was SO hard for me to be here in Chicago - 3 hours away. All I could think about was what they were going through and event though there really wasn't much I could have done had I been there, at least I would have felt better just being there. I worry as they get older about who will be there to take them to the doctor when they can't drive anymore and stuff like that. But hopefully your parents are still young enough that you don't have to worry about any of this for a long time yet.

It's natural to be scared and think about all this, and it will be hard the day you actually leave, but you have to stay focused on your new life and what you're gaining in life, not losing, because you're really not losing your family, you're just moving out of their house.

Trust me, Pops, you'll do just fine. :)

[catnapper]

I couldn't wait to start my own life. I did miss my mom and all the little things we did.... it wasn't until I was an hour away in my own home that I realized just how much fun we had together and I missed all our little trips to Walmart and such. But we talk every day and she comes up to visit me as often as she can.

You'll find out that being married is the greatest adventure and your family will always be just a phone call away no matter if you're a block away or a 1,000 miles away.

[slick]

I met this guy at the age of 22 and we dated for two years then decided to live together. Here I was, a 24 yr old and her BF sitting on the couch talking to my Mom and Dad about "living in sin." I was/still am Daddy's baby and no man would ever be good enough. My Dad took it hard but my Mom was very honest about it. My Dad made me phone him everyday for the first month. :o

As for me?? I was scared to death. Al and I were really in love and I was very excited about starting a new life with him. My situation was different though. Both of our families lived within a 30 min. drive so we could see both sides often. That really helped alot and they could all see that Al and I were very happy together. Sadly, we only lasted 12 yrs and fell apart in 1987.

Embrace your new life Pops. Wherever your new home is, it will be surrounded with the love from your parents that you carry with you. Since you've never lived on your own previously, this will definitely be a learning experience for you and yes, you will flounder now and then...but just remember.....if you put eggs on to boil, watch them carefully otherwise they might explode. :rolleyes: :p

Oh yes one other thing....make sure you sign up for a cheap long distance plan. ;)

Good luck!

[Logan]

That question made me think, a lot. I think I was ready to be on my own, PCB. I left for college, but I definitely had my moments of being homesick for my mom and dad. I had no car and had to rely on friends to get me home for visits with my parents. I think that by the time I graduated from college and went out on my own, I was ready.

But, your situation is a little different, like Johanna said. And remember, at 30 years old, I moved back in with my parents and my brother (who was a senior in high school), with my 2 year old daughter, for a short time. They became my "husband" for many years, and I still think that my mom is resentful of my new life, further away from her, and so full of activity that it keeps me from being with them more often.

You're going to be fine. Just keep those lines of communication open. The telephone is not the total answer, but it helps.

Logan

[momoffuzzyfaces]

Since my step mother threw me out, I was glad to go. I did miss my dad though we visited back and forth a lot. It was exciting having my own place and getting to do what I want. :D

Your family is just a phone call away!

[pnance]

I was the first to leave so I didn't have the feeling of guilt of leaving my mom alone. On top of that I only moved about 20 minutes away so it wasn't bad. I'd just finished college and was ready to leave. It was another year before I moved about 2 hours away so she was used to not seeing me every day so I guess you could say I eased into leaving. :rolleyes: Best advice I can give you, cell phone family plans, it saves a lot in phone bills. ;)

[zippy-kat]

I was 19 (closer to 20) when I made the move... technically it was a 5.5hr drive (but I always made it in 4 :o ); I'm not sure what that translates to in miles. Now, that might not sound like THAT long of a drive but you're talking about someone who even hated to spend the night at other people's houses! :rolleyes:

At first I LOATHED it. I was absolutely 100% completely miserable (called mom/dad more than once begging them to help me pack/haul my stuff back). Dad stood firm and told me to give it two weeks; if at the end of that time frame I was still miserable, he'd come get me.

Well, classes started and I was still pretty upset. But then, at the end of that first week, one of my professors "gave" me a horse to gentle, halter break, etc. From that point on, my PARENTS were doing the calling... I was too busy with the horse. lol

After 3 yrs, I moved back in with my parents (for many reasons, including grad school). I just completed my degree and am readily looking to get out on my own again. :)

[lv4dogs]

Well my upbriniging seems different than yours. I moved out for the first time at age 13. Loved every minute of it. Don't get me wrong I LOVE my parents but gosh I could not imagine still living with them.
I have so much freedom living on my own but what makes it really special is those moments that I do spend with my family are so much more meaningful & special because it's not an every day thing anymore.

I am sorry if I am prying into personal territory here but I don't know if I understand your living conditions properly. You are already married but have always lived at your parents house?

[K9karen]

This may sound odd to most of you, but although I had plenty of chances, I never moved out of my parents' house. My dad wanted me to save money. Plus I had a wonderful job, and travelled constantly, all over the world. i had a terrific relationship with my mom too. My parents were rather liberal in certain aspects. They trusted their kids. They loved all my friends and our home was an open door to every race, creed, sexual orientation, everyone. In fact, my friends practically lived at my house. My brother and I never had curfews, as long as we kept in touch, I was never grounded. We always had an open, honest relationship and I loved being there. I had my own space and they rarely bothered me. That's one of the main reasons I home cared both parents during their illnesses until I no longer could do it. I owed them the respect they gave me.
PCB, it sounds like your realtionship with your mom is similar to mine. I'm going to say honestly, that it isn't going to be easy. Now that my mom, my best friend, is gone, the lonliness is sometimes unbearable, just to be able to talk. But even if you do have to move farther away than you want, your life is now with your husband and you have a beautiful future to look forward to. I'm sure you'll be talking to her on the phone everyday. And I'll bet, she'll miss you terribly too, but wants you to be happy and realizes that you're starting a new life.

[gini]

PCB I just had this thought. More than likely your Mom had the same experience. She had to leave her home and parents too - when she married your father. You might think about talking to her and ask her to share her feelings and that could lead to an understanding and ease the pain for both of you.

You will be just fine - and will enjoy every minute of being a new wife - and partner to your husband.

[Glacier]

I was 17. I moved 3 hours away to go to school. My Mom says she cried all the way back to her home after dropping me off. I clearly remember my Dad coming into my room that morning in tears. It was the first time I'd ever seen my Dad cry. I remember being upset when Mom left, but it didn't last long. I love my parents and we have a good relationship, but I had been planning this move since I was 10 at least. I've never been back for longer than 10 days to visit. Now it would take me thee days to drive back there!

I have three siblings, all of whom work for my Dad's company, my parents can look into my sister's house from theirs, my brothers live 10 minutes away. I am the only one of their kids who they don't see or talk to every day. At the most they see me twice a year. I try to call twice a week. I've only recently realized how hard that is for them, but they are very understanding. Both of them say they have always known that I would be the one to leave. I enjoy my visits with my family, but it also reminds me every time that I could never live there again! I don't in any way regret where my life has taken me.

[lizbud]

PCB I just had this thought. More than likely your Mom had the same experience. She had to leave her home and parents too - when she married your father. You might think about talking to her and ask her to share her feelings and that could lead to an understanding and ease the pain for both of you.

You will be just fine - and will enjoy every minute of being a new wife - and partner to your husband.


I think this is a wonderful idea. :) Now that your relationship will be
changing in some ways, you can still feel close to you Mother in a different
& closer way. :)