Should I do something??

[Alysser]

That girl that I posted about two times before is, well, calling me names. Like gay a$$ and stuff. I don't know if I should do something. She keeps saying I have no friends when I have way more then her. What would you do? Thanks!

[CagneyDog]

Just ignore her.

[Alysser]

I can't really. She is on my bus,block,and in my hallway at school:(

[Vela]

Yes you can ignore her. It doesn't matter if she is standing right next to you, just pretend she's not talking. There really isn't anything you CAN do other than that. To call her names will only be stooping to her level, to ty to talk nicely to her really doesn't get throught to people like her, and you can't really beat her up since that isn't appropriate either. The only REAL thing you can feasibly do is ignore her and pretend she's not there. Eventually she will get bored and stop. Having more friends or not really isn't an issue, if you know you have friends it doesn't really matter what you say and there will always be people like that even when you are an adult. It's best just ot ignore them, really.

[Jessika]

I can't really. She is on my bus,block,and in my hallway at school:(

Yes, you can, you really can. Just pretend like she isn't even there. Don't look at her, don't talk to her, don't say anything about it when she taunts you, don't even acknowledge her presence!

If it REALLY becomes a problem, I suggest talking with a school counselor, because that's harassment.

[Alysser]

I'll try. Thanks for the advice.

[Alysser]

Yes you can ignore her. It doesn't matter if she is standing right next to you, just pretend she's not talking. There really isn't anything you CAN do other than that. To call her names will only be stooping to her level, to ty to talk nicely to her really doesn't get throught to people like her, and you can't really beat her up since that isn't appropriate either. The only REAL thing you can feasibly do is ignore her and pretend she's not there. Eventually she will get bored and stop. Having more friends or not really isn't an issue, if you know you have friends it doesn't really matter what you say and there will always be people like that even when you are an adult. It's best just ot ignore them, really.

I was never was going to beat her up. She said that though. But I am going to block her on AIM and ignore her. She's moving anyway. I am so glad. :eek:

[Vela]

Hehehe I didn't think you were going to beat her up=) I was just listing off your other options besides ignoring and was just saying that none of those options would really work so there only real choice is to ignore her, unless of course she tries to harm you physically, then I would tell an adult who might be able to help you, your parents or a school counselor. Otherwise pretending she's not there is really all there is. If you don't listen to her then her taunts fall on deaf ears and she just ends up looking really stupid in the end. You know your self-worth and so what she thinks really isn't important for your life. Just feel sorry for her that she dislikes herself so much and is such a miserable person she has to try to make others feel as bad as she does. Good luck!

[Pawsitive Thinking]

She must see you as a threat or be jealous of you - either way you're happy and she's not! Be strong and comfortable with who you are - you're great!

[Van10]

I think you should tell an adult about what is going on as soon as possible.

From my own personal experience, ignoring people like that did not make the situation any better, in fact the harassment only got worse.

[luvofallhorses]

I would ignore her. :) and if she doesn't stop, then tell on her.

[jackie]

I agree, just ignore her. I wouldn´t ¨tell on her¨ just yet, it would probably make it worse for you. If she is just calling you silly little names, who cares, shake it off, you are better then that.

[Miss Z]

Ack, i know how that feels, i have enough idiots at my school to have to live with. Ignoring her is good to a point, but often this can backfire, as she will probably just try to annoy you more to get you to react. She sounds like a real b****! Try to think of a way to insult her, this often works for me, but people know i'm usually placid and only snap when i'm really annoyed, so it doesn't work for everyone. Do you know why she is calling you these names, or is she just one of those spiteful types?

[Alysser]

Well, yesterday it worked! I was walking Sassy and she was outside with her friends. She came over to me and said something but I ignored her and continued walking Sassy. Sassy seemed to ignore her to. Well, obviously Sassy got tired of her and started growling. Then barking and tugging at the leash. She got scared of what she once called a "munchkin" dog. She ran off but kept looking at me.

Thank you everyone! Vela, I knew that. Ignoring her is working and I really think she does have a horrible life. She ALWAYS complains and stuff. Agian, thanks:)

[Vela]

Good job! I'm glad it worked. Hopefully over time she will just give up when she realizes she can't make you feel bad.

[Alysser]

Thanks! I am going to the mall today and she'll be there. But agian I'll just avoid her.

[Jessika]

Ack, i know how that feels, i have enough idiots at my school to have to live with. Ignoring her is good to a point, but often this can backfire, as she will probably just try to annoy you more to get you to react. She sounds like a real b****! Try to think of a way to insult her, this often works for me, but people know i'm usually placid and only snap when i'm really annoyed, so it doesn't work for everyone. Do you know why she is calling you these names, or is she just one of those spiteful types?

Insulting her to get back at her will only make the situation worse, definitely not better :o

[carole]

I don't really know the whole story here as I must have missed your earlier post, but from what you are saying this girl does have some problems and maybe does really have a horrible life, and being like this to you makes her feel better, a type of bullying really isn't it? is there anyway you could turn this around and actually be-friend her, i remember when i was around your age, many moons ago, when i started high school my girlfriend and I had these two girls who were a year younger than us, who just did not like the way we had looked at them or something stupid like that, whenever we saw each other we would glare and whisper and say things, we did it to because they did it to us, but you know in the end we became friends, not great friends, but ended up smiling at one another.

If that is not even an option just keep up with the ignoring and see if she gives up , when she does not get the attention she is seeking from you, she probably will just do that give up, here's hoping and good luck.

[MariaM]

My mom lives by the phrase "Kill them with kindness". She told me that she had a really mean coworker one time, but she was always so nice to him and he just couldn't stand it. I think it really works good, I try that with anyone that annoys me. If I were to be mean to someone, and they completley ignored it and were just plain nice to me, I would most likely not bother them anymore. So I would try that first.

[Alysser]

I never thought of that! Thanks for the good idea:)

[BC_MoM]

You know,...

Here's my two cents after being severely bullied for 3 years, and eventually being ordered by cops to move to a new school division for fear something bad would happen.

Alyssa, you're right. You CAN'T ignore them. So many people told me that when the bullying start. "Ignore them and they'll realize they're not aggravating you". NO ONE understood that you can't ignore them. They're like a parrot glued to your shoulder. Even some kids who were bullied said to ignore them, when them themselves couldn't ignore them. Some advice.

Best thing is to always be with a friend if you can. That way you're not alone, and easier to target. I don't know about you, but my friends were afraid of the bully, too, so they never stuck up for me.

I never tried this.. but when she's says something, laugh at her.. laugh really loud. Or, partionize her.

The girl: "You're a loser."
You: "You know, you're right. You know me really well. You're right. I AM a loser. I just never saw it until now!!!"

But if this gets really serious, Alyssa, and nothing is working.. throw a punch at her. *waits to be attacked from PT members for that one*

I'm not kidding. If you throw a good one at her and hit her, she'll be afraid of you for a while.

I never tried that either, though, but what I've heard from my aunt's and uncle's who were bullied because of their Irish accents when they came here, it worked for them. And the bullies never bugged them again.

I never tried a lot of stuff because the bullies destroyed my self-esteem, and self-confidence. And I still don't have it back today; 4 years later.

Just don't let it get as far as it got for me, Alyssa... I'd hate to see anyone in the same state as me. :( <33

[CagneyDog]

But if this gets really serious, Alyssa, and nothing is working.. throw a punch at her. *waits to be attacked from PT members for that one*

I'm sorry but that would be the WORST thing to ever do. Maybe she would be scared off but most likely she'll get someone else involved then. Her friends will probably all gang up on you. She coud also charge you....

[BC_MoM]

I'm sorry but that would be the WORST thing to ever do. Maybe she would be scared off but most likely she'll get someone else involved then. Her friends will probably all gang up on you. She coud also charge you....

Probably not the worst. Sorry. But that's coming from a victim's point of view.

[CagneyDog]

Probably not the worst. Sorry. But that's coming from a victim's point of view.

I realize that. I've also been a victim, and I remain to be a victim of bullying. I don't see how physically injuring someone will help anything.

[Miss Z]

I see BC Mom's point. I've not suffered from bad bullying, most teasing is just trying to annoy me and i shake it off and just tell them that they're idiots, and they usually just laugh, so it's not really on bad terms i suppose. But yes, if i was a victim of bad bullying, i definitely would hit them, after many threats of course. I wouldn't mess around ignoring the bully or telling tales to teachers, i'm a lancashire lass and i deal with things myself and don't beat around the bush. I'm surprised that the girl who's been annoying Alyssa actually stopped when she ignored her, i would have thought that she would try to annoy her more.

I also liked your response to 'you're a loser' BC MoM. Did that actually happen? Gawd, someone calling you a loser is so childish and petty, but that response is really mature and witty. I like it!

[BC_MoM]

Well, of course. Being called a loser was the first stage of bullying for me in my experience.

But it got worse. Much worse. If you want to know more, you can PM me. I'd rather not talk about it publicly.

CagneyDog, I still have to disagree that hitting would be the worst thing. I am guessing you never experienced as harsh bullying as I did, and never will. If you did, I'm sorry for you. But I can't believe a victim would disagree about throwing a punch at a bully. Setting aside that the bully may fight back if you don't hit hard enough.

[Vette]

I don't see how physically injuring someone will help anything.

Ditto....

never hurt anyone because of something as stupid as this. it could really 'land slide' on you in more ways then one. may make her hound your butt even more and get her 'buddies' in on it.

[Alysser]

Jess, I would never punch her. Don't get mad when I say this but believe me.
SHE IS A HUGE WIMP! I MEAN HUGE! She couldn't even talk to someone at the counter of a store without being nervous. Even with my parents she was shy and she knew them well. If I even threaten her(which I would never do) I would be in HUGE trouble. Some people even said someone got expelled at my school for threatening someone. If she ever touched me I probably would punch her back in self defense though. Thanks for caring so much, Jess. I am so sorry you had to go through that.

[CagneyDog]

CagneyDog, I still have to disagree that hitting would be the worst thing. I am guessing you never experienced as harsh bullying as I did, and never will. If you did, I'm sorry for you. But I can't believe a victim would disagree about throwing a punch at a bully. Setting aside that the bully may fight back if you don't hit hard enough.

Well that's a interesting assumption but I have experienced some very harsh bullying. I wasn't going to say it but I have punched people before, and I got suspended and things got a lot worse. It's coming from personal experience.

[I_luv_rusty]

:o I have a story, of what happened today with Alyssa, and I. Today at like 4:00ish, this girl's friend rang my doorbell asking for me to come out. (I hardly even know her) I'm really nt even her friend ethier. Anyways so when I got my bike out I saw the girl running with her other friend. So I was like whats the deal are you trying to piss me off, and shes like no, what are you talking about? I want to get you and Alyssa to come out. So we went down to alyssa's and Alyssa says she has to finish homework, and her mom won't let her come out unless its done. So I waited for awhile, then I start seeing this girl and her friend coming so i'm fine with it. Then they keep coming back and forth on bikes staring @ me! So I went home, and called Alyssa and said that this girl's friend rang my doorbell, I don't even know her, because I didn't want to tell alyssa whats going on in front of her. So I rode my bike back down their, alyssa was on her last few problems of math. So I was freaking out, because this girl and her friend keep riding by. Then the girl I was with, went to tell her brother something. And while she was gone, I was freaking out on my cellphone calling alyssa trying to get her to come outside. So alyssa came out, and then the girl and her friend saying "shes our friend!" (referring to the girl that rang my doorbell) So I was like no, and this girl was suppousedly mad @ them. so she started wrestling them, and then this girl (not the 1 that rang me bell, the one that this boards about) called me and Alyssa lesbians. And I was like your laying on top of a girl and your calling me that! Come on, then alyssa sister came out and made her come in. I rode off fast on my bike, and they were yelling behind me, YAY go away! Ya GO!! I felt like going back there smacking the shit out of them! :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :o

[Miss Z]

:o I have a story, of what happened today with Alyssa, and I. Today at like 4:00ish, this girl's friend rang my doorbell asking for me to come out. (I hardly even know her) I'm really nt even her friend ethier. Anyways so when I got my bike out I saw the girl running with her other friend. So I was like whats the deal are you trying to piss me off, and shes like no, what are you talking about? I want to get you and Alyssa to come out. So we went down to alyssa's and Alyssa says she has to finish homework, and her mom won't let her come out unless its done. So I waited for awhile, then I start seeing this girl and her friend coming so i'm fine with it. Then they keep coming back and forth on bikes staring @ me! So I went home, and called Alyssa and said that this girl's friend rang my doorbell, I don't even know her, because I didn't want to tell alyssa whats going on in front of her. So I rode my bike back down their, alyssa was on her last few problems of math. So I was freaking out, because this girl and her friend keep riding by. Then the girl I was with, went to tell her brother something. And while she was gone, I was freaking out on my cellphone calling alyssa trying to get her to come outside. So alyssa came out, and then the girl and her friend saying "shes our friend!" (referring to the girl that rang my doorbell) So I was like no, and this girl was suppousedly mad @ them. so she started wrestling them, and then this girl (not the 1 that rang me bell, the one that this boards about) called me and Alyssa lesbians. And I was like your laying on top of a girl and your calling me that! Come on, then alyssa sister came out and made her come in. I rode off fast on my bike, and they were yelling behind me, YAY go away! Ya GO!! I felt like going back there smacking the shit out of them! :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :o

Aaaaghhh, that would make me soooo very mad!:mad: She sounds so childish, it's amazing how stupid these people sound when you discuss them. If only she could see what an idiot she sounds like!!!!!!

[beeniesmom]

throw a punch at her. *waits to be attacked from PT members for that one* <33

I was bullied for months in the 7th grade.
I have to say that I did ignore the person for months but it got worse until one day... I did throw a good punch at her..... she never bothered me again.

I know it's not good advice but it worked for me. :o

[JenBKR]

Do you have an older sibling or friend that could help at all? My sister was terrorized by a girl down the street from us, she'd bully her at the bus stop, on the bus, and at school. She was too embarrased to tell me at first, but she finally did tell me. I'm about 2 1/2 years older than her, so I was in 10th or 11th grade at the time. I told a friend of mine to meet me at the bus stop one morning. When we got there, we talked to 'Brandy' (the girl bullying my sis). I pretty much told her that if she ever so much as looked at my sis again it would be the last thing she'd ever do (and I'm not a strong person, about 5'9 135 lbs., so not like I'm real big and scary either). She never bothered her again, in fact, she started smiling at her and being SUPER sweet to me.

[Alysser]

My parents don't want to get involved. My sister is to evil to help. But maybe, my other friend could help. I'll just have to see.

[I_luv_rusty]

Do you have an older sibling or friend that could help at all? My sister was terrorized by a girl down the street from us, she'd bully her at the bus stop, on the bus, and at school. She was too embarrased to tell me at first, but she finally did tell me. I'm about 2 1/2 years older than her, so I was in 10th or 11th grade at the time. I told a friend of mine to meet me at the bus stop one morning. When we got there, we talked to 'Brandy' (the girl bullying my sis). I pretty much told her that if she ever so much as looked at my sis again it would be the last thing she'd ever do (and I'm not a strong person, about 5'9 135 lbs., so not like I'm real big and scary either). She never bothered her again, in fact, she started smiling at her and being SUPER sweet to me.

I have a older brother who's 13 turning 14 in March. She doesn't even care what he says to her, on the bus he always listen to her fighting with me, and fights back sometimes (he sits in front of me) and she doesn't care she just calls us gay, then I say your acting gay! and she says NOO don't EVER use that word again, gay is my word!!! So I say what are you going to do kill me? (she threated to kill my friend, though she has never ammited (sp?)she did)

[I_luv_rusty]

My parents don't want to get involved. My sister is to evil to help. But maybe, my other friend could help. I'll just have to see.


My Mom doesn't want me so much as talking to her anywhere! She says to leave her alone, but i'm not going to she talks to me, I talk to her! My mom also says don't get into a cat fight, and my brother is here showing me all this punches, and kicks, and telling me to pull her hair, etc. if she is a bitch.

[JenBKR]

Has it gotten physical at all (sorry if I missed that). I personally don't think that any adults should get involved unless she gets physical or it gets really bad, chances are that would only make things worse. This is such a hard situation because so many things you could do would only give her fuel.

[Miss Z]

I have a older brother who's 13 turning 14 in March. She doesn't even care what he says to her, on the bus he always listen to her fighting with me, and fights back sometimes (he sits in front of me) and she doesn't care she just calls us gay, then I say your acting gay! and she says NOO don't EVER use that word again, gay is my word!!! So I say what are you going to do kill me? (she threated to kill my friend, though she has never ammited (sp?)she did)

She sounds so annoying, in my school she wouldn't be tolerated and would be totally friendless. Gay is her word? Tell her to treasure this little sentence, that she is the most childish person ever and to you she is an insignificant blot on the peaceful landscape of your life (my friend loved to say that, works every time!)

[Alysser]

Zara, you rock! I LOVE THAT COMEBACK! :D

[buttercup132]

Just say thanks to her lol and then if she calls you something worse just say OMG thanks I thought the other name was good but dang! that ones even better I'm glad your taking such notice to me that your making up nicknames for me!! Man I feel blessed! lol that would tick her off seeing as your agreeing Ive done it before and the people were like wth why arent you getting mad.

[Alysser]

That's a good one to! LOL! Thanks for all the witty comments:)

[I_luv_rusty]

Love those!!!!!!!! :) :p :) :) :D I'm going to say Zara's sentense, and say Thanks everytime, she says something mean to me!!! :p

[Alysser]

Has it gotten physical at all (sorry if I missed that). I personally don't think that any adults should get involved unless she gets physical or it gets really bad, chances are that would only make things worse. This is such a hard situation because so many things you could do would only give her fuel.

No, she hasn't gotten physical. But very bad. She threatened to KILL someone.

[I_luv_rusty]

I can't get over those comebacks!!! Omg there amazing! I love them!!! I seriously CAN'T wait to use them!!

[buttercup132]

No, she hasn't gotten physical. But very bad. She threatened to KILL someone.
She wont touch anyone I ASSURE you. I dont think she would be willing to give up her life living in jail just to get back on you for something you never did.....I wouldnt worry about that

[Alysser]

I know. She is a wimp. :o

[I_luv_rusty]

When I said- peaceful landscape thing
she was like u get that from a book? wth

[I_luv_rusty]

I really don't think she care, that i'm saying thanks!! I'm get her tommorow on the bus!! :p

[Miss Z]

Tell her that the insult came all the way from England, and now there is someone in another country who despises her. I really wish i could speak to her face to face, i'd make her tie herself in knots <laughs evilly> seriously, i am EVIL when i am mad, my brother can confirm that!

Oh, and also, if you even did get it from a book, then you could say 'well at least i can read'.

[Vela]

I think you are wrong to antagonizing the situation and should let it be. All it does is make you the same as her. It may sound funny and fun but it's not and you are only furhter aggravating the situation. And don't bother telling me I don't know what it's like to be bullied, I was bullied a LOT in school, and sometimes even beaten up, so I know exactly what it's like. You are in the wrong to try to make it worse and I really wish you would rethink it beacuse as time goes by it will only make things worse and really could cause serious issues someday. You don't really know all that girl has gone through in her life to make her feel so crappy about herself she has to do that to others, so you would be better off feeling sorry for her that she feels so badly about herself, than to try to make it worse. Just think long and hard about what you say and do before you do it, it can have lasting consequences. You know what she's saying is stupid and not true so it shouldn't matter to you what she says. If she physically did anything then sure you could get adults involved and defend yourself, but you are better off being the bigger person than stooping to her level just to get her back. It makes YOU the better person not to do it.

[Miss Z]

I think you are wrong to antagonizing the situation and should let it be. All it does is make you the same as her. It may sound funny and fun but it's not and you are only furhter aggravating the situation. And don't bother telling me I don't know what it's like to be bullied, I was bullied a LOT in school, and sometimes even beaten up, so I know exactly what it's like. You are in the wrong to try to make it worse and I really wish you would rethink it beacuse as time goes by it will only make things worse and really could cause serious issues someday. You don't really know all that girl has gone through in her life to make her feel so crappy about herself she has to do that to others, so you would be better off feeling sorry for her that she feels so badly about herself, than to try to make it worse. Just think long and hard about what you say and do before you do it, it can have lasting consequences. You know what she's saying is stupid and not true so it shouldn't matter to you what she says. If she physically did anything then sure you could get adults involved and defend yourself, but you are better off being the bigger person than stooping to her level just to get her back. It makes YOU the better person not to do it.

I understand what you are saying, but this comes from my point of view, 'Why should you put up with it?' This girl is obviously being hurtful to others and whether or not her life is bad doesn't give her the excuse to make other people's lives miserable. If you don't deal with it then you might as well put a target on your head, as then you're identified as a weak link. Some people prefer to bring others into the matter, and yes, that would clear things up quickly. I have always been one to sort matters by myself and by my methods. I've been following this thread closely to see exactly what is happening about this. Also, if this girl is ignored, there's nothing to stop her getting worse. This hasn't happened in my school, but i've seen people who ignore their bullies have water poured over them, spat on, had their bags tipped out and strewn across land and even in dog muck, sorry to be scary but that can happen. And once you've backed yourself into a corner then it can be very difficult to come out when things have gone too far. I've found that a defensive comment here and there usually nips it in the bud, and also after that actually become on fairly good terms with these people because they realised that i wasn't a wet lemon after all. That's just what i think, and it's always worked for me.

[Vela]

I realize every situation is different, but she even stated that ignoring her was helping, and that should always try to be the first recourse. IF that doesn't work and things escalate to causing real physical harm, and not just silly comments, I can see trying to do something about it but if ignoring this particular girl does help, it is a much better solution than the other options. There is just no reason to antagnoize it if the ignoring works. No that doesn't always work, and sometimes you need to try other things, but that should always be the first option to try, rather than inflaming the situation. No, what has happened in her life to make her behave in such a way is no excuse to do so, but it's better to try to be the better person and have pity on them that they treat others so poorly, since it will really only hurt themselves in the end. I know because you are younger you guys don't really understand that as much yet, I know it's hard to deal with, all us "old folks" were kids once too=)

Nowdays throwing a punch usually is not the best option, simply for the fact that you never know what that can bring on later on. There are way too many kids with weapons in schools nowdays or outside of schools looking to harm others and it's become much more frequent. Sometimes kids snap and do horrid things because they feel picked on or for whatever odd reason. No it doesn't happen every day, but it does happen with increasing frequency and I just think IF a peaceful solution can be found it's always the best option. But if someone puched me in the head I would probably punch them back as well. Of course these are all just my "old lady" opinions=) My kids, 13, 12, and 10 deal with much of the same types of things and at least for now ignoring it has worked better than anything else.