Need Advice -- Please!!

[Samantha Puppy]

Growing up, I had 3 grandmothers. My dad's step-mother and mother lived out of state, but my mom's mother was never more then 30 minutes away from us my entire life. She was known as Mom-Mom and was the quintessential grandmother - pudgy, loving, generous, funny, etc. The kind you read about in books. Because she was always nearby, she was very involved in everything my brother and I did growing up - football games, ballet recitals, band concerts, etc. She died on Christmas Day, 1997, when I was 19 years old and there isn't a day goes by that I don't think about her and miss her terribly... especially now, with her first great-grandchild about to be born.

My issue is this. Josh's mom has decided she wants to be called Mom-Mom. Try as I might, I cannot NOT be bugged by this. I almost feel like I'd be cheating on MY Mom-Mom by calling someone else that. My Mom-Mom was such a good person, my memories of her are so special... and to bestow a name that has such special connotation to me on someone else, I just can't seem to do it. I've gotten around it so far being as the baby hasn't been born yet, but we're down to less than 2 weeks now so we've got to figure something out.

What did you call your grandparents? What do your children call theirs? I think I'm willing to give in to Cindy on this one, I guess, I'm just finding it very, very difficult. I was just writing out envelopes for the birth announcements and got to hers and froze. I just couldn't bring myself to write Mom-Mom.

What do I do? Go along with it, and always have that nagging feeling in the back of my heart? Let her call herself whatever she wants when she's around the baby but call her something different when she isn't around and hope he latches on to that? I'm not trying to be bitchy or controlling here... I am just having a really difficult time with this one.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Mine were always Nanny and Grandad (shortened to Nan as I got older....) and Katie does the same (expect for MIL who insists on Granmama!! mad old bat!)

Fully understand how you feel - can you not sit down with Josh's Mum and explain the problem?

At the end of the day its not the name you use that makes you a grandparent but I do hope you get this resolved. It may be that baby decides for himself with his first attempts at talking (my Grandad was known as Nannack for years!)

[Cataholic]

Jaime, how ever do you get yourself into these conundrums? :D Repeat after me, "it is MY baby, MY wishes will be followed...." Really, just have a sit down and tell her why you feel so strongly about it. What sort of person wouldn't understand? And, if she doesn't understand, and won't bend- why would you care that you are equally un-understanding back?

I haven't ever heard of Mom-Mom for a grandmother. Frankly, it is a little too close to MOM- my title- for my liking.

My mom is Grammy (actually, Gammy....but, it will morph into Grammy), and my stepmother is Grandma.

One of the men I work for has a really cool title. He is Pops, and his wife is Mops. I love that!

You shouldn't be stressing so much this close to the event! (or, ever, really.)

[elizabethann]

Luckily, my Grandmothers were called Babcia (Polish) and YiaYia (Greek) so I didn't have a problem (though my Greek Grandmother was really a step-grandmother and I felt weird calling her that).

Anyhow, I would explain to her why you don't want to call her Mom-Mom. Perhaps you and she can come up with another special name? I'm sure she would understand.

Good luck and let us know how it goes.

P.S. Here's a website that may help. I like MiMi. It's sweet.

http://www.janbrett.com/piggybacks/grandma.htm

[poofy]

I had grandma, and grandpa, my kids have grandma and papa, and my grandkids have mema and papa..umm, my cousins have mamaking and papa king,their last name, and my sister is meme..
http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b212/lvpups/behappy.gif

[Maresche]

Mimi is only 8 months so she isn't talking yet, but when she does, we're hoping she'll call my mother Grammy, my step-father Poppy and my grandmother Great-Grammy. We're hoping she'll call my MIL Grandma, my FIL Grandpa and my GMIL Great-Grandma. But whatever she calls them is what she calls them.

[Karen]

Growing up, nearly everyone I knew had a Meme and Pepe (mem-may, pep-ay) and a Grandma and Grandpa. (One set of French Canadian grandparents, one set of not French ones!)

Maybe instead of Mom-Mom, she'd be okay with Meme? What's her ethnicity?

Other common Grandmother names:
Grammy
Gamma
Nana

Have you spoken to her at all about it? Maybe she'd be fine with something else, you never know 'til you ask!

[Queen of Poop]

Perhaps tell her that that name has already been used in your family and has great sentimental meaning to you and that you'd like her to be called something else that will end up being equally as significant to your children as Mom-Mom is to you. Good luck.

[prechrswife]

We've been going through similar issues around here--mostly my mom not knowing what she wants to be called. My husband's mom is already "Grandmama," and my grandmother is "Nanny." We have finally settled on "LaoLao" for my mom (Chinese for maternal grandmother).

On the same name issue, my husband calls my grandmother by her first name because his late grandmother was also "Nanny," and he isn't comfortable using this name for someone else.

As for my grandmothers, in addition to "Nanny" (which started out as "Granny," but that's another story for another day), my paternal grandmother was "Mamaw." (Can you tell I'm in the deep south? :) )

Edited to add: My father-in-law is "Granddaddy" and my dad will be "Papa."

[Lobodeb]

Where did she get the term Mom-Mom? Is it something that Josh's family has been using, or is it something she picked up from hearing you talk about your Mom-Mom?

I, too, have never heard that term before. My instict tells me to let her be called that (if it was already in their family) because she might be as influential to lil' Nug as your Mom-Mom was to you. If she got it from you, I'd suggest explaining to her why you aren't comfortable with calling her that.

Does that help? I swear, Libras (I'm a true Libra) can never make up our minds. :rolleyes:

[gemini9961]

I called my Mom's parents, Oma and Opa (German) and my Dad's parents were Grandma and Pappy. It looks like everyone has a unique way of identifying their grandparents. Can't MIL think of something unique for herself?

[Husky_mom]

actually we called the grandma(1), and grandpas (2) and to make a difference
it was "Tata" and "Yeyo".

i think you should only call her that IF you feel comfortable with it, if not, call her what you want, you can´t be imposed to doing it a certain way, if i were "forced" to call my MIL mom i wouldn´t no way jose!!, so i think is the same but with different people. but do as you feel better

[Samantha Puppy]

I don't know where she came up with Mom-Mom. Josh and his brothers called her mother Grandmom. They never knew their paternal grandmother (she died in 1963), so I don't know that they ever called her anything. I don't know if maybe Cindy called one of her grandmothers Mom-Mom and has fond memories of it at all. I'm really passive when it comes to confrontation, so I never asked whenever she'd mention being this baby's "Mom-Mom".

As for her ethnicity - nothing of note. I mean, her family's been over here forever and she has no Meditteranean heritage like Greek or Italian. She's just your average, jumbled-up Caucasian American woman.

Here is a picture of Cindy, me and Josh at my brother's wedding reception in October.
http://i18.photobucket.com/albums/b135/sskkm060504/RobbandShannonswedding045.jpg

I guess I haven't talked to her about it because she and I are both pretty strong, stubborn women. I feel like all we ever do is clash about big things like this. We don't clash in a nasty way (most of the time), but the fact that nothing ever seems to be easy between us bugs me. I don't want to make an issue out of this... I just cannot seem to help it. I thought I'd just swallow it and be okay, but when I was addressing the envelopes and got to hers, I just froze. It was then I realized exactly how big a deal this is... and I just don't want it to turn into WWIII. What if she loves that name for a reason and she's always seen herself as being someone's Mom-Mom? I'm not saying she wouldn't understand... I'm just saying, I really don't feel like having to have "a talk" about this. Especially when we're currently in the middle of arguing about Christmas dinner!!! :rolleyes: *sigh*

And prechrswife, I have a Mamaw too. :) She's my dad's step-mother and she rocks, but I don't get to see her often as she lives in Ohio. She's my last remaining grandmother.

[ramanth]

Gramma and Grampa or G-maw and G-paw. :)

[catnapper]

Hmmmmm.... I have not read all the other replies, but this is one thing I've alweays felt very strongly about --- and I don't have kids, but I'm already planning for when the step kids have children! ;)

I told hubby that I want THEIR kids to decide what they want to call me. If its mom-mom, then so beit. (but personally, I always hated it, much for the reasons you love it so much -- my step father's parents were mom-mom and pop-pop... and well, they were not the nicest to my brother and I but were the fdream grandparents of their biological grandchildren) My step kids call their grandfather Fav (or Favie) because thats what they heard when hubby called his dad "father" (my FIL is from the old school that feels children shold respect their parents and call them Father :rolleyes: ) ANYHOOO.... they called their grandfather Fav, their Granmom was Nan. Their step-grandmother was Mama. All the names were chosen by the oldest child (my son) and I think its more personal and sweet that way.

[jenluckenbach]

I called my Dad's parents Grandma and Grandpa.

I called my Mom's parents Grandma and Pop-Pop. This step-grandmother (who I did not meet until I was 11 years old) wanted us to call her Ba-Ba but there was no way in heck I was going to do that.

My mom's grandmother and grandfather were Nana and Pappy.

[shais_mom]

I called my both sets of Grandparents Grandma and Grandpa.
When I was little I called my dad's parent's Grandma and Grandpa Tippy b/c we had a dog that we 'shared'. In the winter Tippy went to live with Grandma and Grandpa - in the summer she lived with us.
My mom's parents I called THEM Grandma and Grandpa Ted - why? B/c my mom has a brother 16 years younger then her so when I was little he still lived at home and was there whenever I was so it was always Grandma and Grandpa AND Ted! ;)
I had younger cousins that called their grandparent's Mamaw and Papaw and they called our grandparents Grandma and PaPa. Try as I might I could not call my Grandpa - PaPa. But that stuck and all the rest of the younger cousins called him that and when he passed away that was one of the name that was on the funeral arrangement at the casket. I wish they would have put PaPa and Grandpa b/c the older group of grandkids called him Grandpa.

I got news for your mother in law - Nug may call her whatever ever he wants and that may stick. My sister's father in law was the same way. He wanted to be called Granddad b/c that is what HIS dad is called. Noone wanted him to do that b/c the originial Granddad is still very much alive and that would cause confusion. Kinda like being in Walmart and yelling MOM - everyone looks! My nephew (the oldest grandchild and at the time the ONLY) solved this problem when he started talking. One day Cliff (father in law which is also Granddad's name too so that wouldn't have solved matters either!) was outside doing something and Jake looked out and yelled "DADO" and they said "that's Granddad" and he nodded and yelled "Dado" and he is "DADO" to all 4 of his grandkids! And he doesn't complain one bit.
My nephews call my dad PaPa. I call him PaPa to Keegan and she knows exactly who I am talking about. ;)

Good Luck.

[.sarah]

My dad's parents are Nana and Pawpaw to me. My mom's parents were a little upset about it as that's what they were already called by other grandchildren. They stayed Nana and Papa (different spelling) to their other grandchildren, but to me and my brother they became Nanny and Papa C (C is the initial of their last name).

Maybe that would work in your situation -- other grandchildren (if she has or will have) can call her Mom-mom, but your kids could call her something else.

[k9krazee]

I have (dad's side) Grandma and Grandpa lastname and Grandma I (initial of last name), and Grandma and Grandpa lastname for my mom's side.

[carole]

My children call my parents Nana and Grandad, can you not have them called mom-mom but add their surname to it, the letter like mom-momB and mom-mom g as an example, it is up to you really.

[finn's mom]

I'd just ask her if she has any specific reasons for wanting to be called Mom Mom. It could be as simple as she doesn't want to be called "grandma" cuz it sounds old or something. You never will know her feelings on it if you don't ask. It could be just something she overheard and thought was cute. And, she may not realize that it's such a big deal to you. And, my only question is...is it that you don't want anyone to be Mom Mom to your son or that you don't want your mother-in-law to be Mom Mom? Meaning, a lot of times names like that get passed down...like if you called your grandmother a certain name, sometimes your child will call his/her grandmother (your mother)the same thing you called yours...what is your mother wanting him to call her? I hope it all works out for the best. I would definitely ask her, though, why she specifically wants that name.

[BitsyNaceyDog]

I'm quite pressed for time, so forgive me as I didn't read any of the other replies.

If I were you I would try to explain to your mother-in-law that the baby already has a Mom-mom. Even though your Mom-mom has passed away she still does and always will hold a very special place in your heart. You want your baby to hear stories and to know about your (and his) Mom-mom.

I simply called both of my grandmothers "grandma". I was very close to one of them and almost never saw the other. A sweet lady that I knew (she passed away just 2 months ago) was known to everyone as "Moms". Her grandchildren were the first to call her that, but as they grew up everyone else started calling her that too.

[Kfamr]

My dad's side is Memaw & Papa. My mother's side is Grandpa & Grandma Rose. Grandma Rose is my step-grandma, as my mother's mom passed away before I was born.

[Samantha Puppy]

And, my only question is...is it that you don't want anyone to be Mom Mom to your son or that you don't want your mother-in-law to be Mom Mom? Meaning, a lot of times names like that get passed down...like if you called your grandmother a certain name, sometimes your child will call his/her grandmother (your mother)the same thing you called yours...what is your mother wanting him to call her? I hope it all works out for the best. I would definitely ask her, though, why she specifically wants that name.
I know this sounds awful, but I don't want anyone to be Mom Mom. MY Mom Mom was so special, I just feel that anyone else using the name wouldn't be half the person she was. I KNOW that's not true, it's just that she is the epitome of this name and I'd be measuring up everyone else to her.

I don't know that I'd have as much of a problem if MY mom wanted to be called Mom Mom, as she is my Mom Mom's daughter and is very similar, but Cindy is just so different. She's not chubby and jolly and all that. For example - we couldn't afford furniture for the baby other than the crib. While Cindy was kind enough to offer Josh's old baby chest and changing table to us, and I really do appreciate the offer, my grandmother would've loaned us the money to buy matching pieces because she knows how long I've dreamed of having a baby and setting up a nursery. (We used to look through JCPenney catalogs together and pick out what we liked and didn't even though I was eons away from having children.) MY mom went to Cindy and asked if she'd be interested in buying the changing table for us if she (my mom) got the chest. Cindy said no, she didn't want to spoil us and we needed to use what we had instead of being handed everything. Now. I *do* agree with that frame of mind for a lot of things, but when it's something as special as having your first baby? I'm sorry, I just don't. And I don't fault Cindy for not wanting to take part in buying new furniture - that's just the way she is. And my Mom is different and that's just the way she is. But you see, my Mom did what HER mom... MY Mom Mom... would've done.

Cindy's just so different from what the word Mom Mom means to me. She's not a bad person by any means, even though we do butt heads sometimes. She's just different. And try as I might, I cannot break MY view of what a Mom Mom is to be able to call her it.

[finn's mom]

Then I would just tell your mother in law how you feel. I would be really shocked if she feels as strongly about being called Mom Mom as you feel about her not being called that. Good luck, though...

[Samantha Puppy]

Thanks, Kari - and thanks everyone else for your advice. It's not like I'm sitting here in tears over this. I'm just torn and really needed to know if I was overreacting or if my feelings were valid, etc.

I appreciate everyone who took the time to respond!! :)

[finn's mom]

Thanks, Kari - and thanks everyone else for your advice. It's not like I'm sitting here in tears over this. I'm just torn and really needed to know if I was overreacting or if my feelings were valid, etc.

I appreciate everyone who took the time to respond!! :)

No problem. And I think it's a smart thing, that you come in here to blow off some steam, and, really listen to what other's are saying...asking for advice on stuff like this. Because, chances are, if you had gone to your mother in law before all this, it may have been more confrontational and emotional than if you went to her about it now. ;) And, your feelings should never be considered invalid, even if you are overreacting. If it's how you feel, then that's as valid and real as it gets. And, I don't think you're overreacting at all, by the way.