English native speakers: Who likes to do me a little favor?

[Kirsten]

I need the help of someone who's good in English:

I built a website for someone (an artist), and I have just finished the translation from German into English. It's not much text, but I would feel better if a native speaker would proof read the page.

The dilemma is that I didn't want to change too much of the original text, but it still has to sound good and make sense.

Please let me know what you think. The link is:

http://www.inderwiesen.de/engl/art/index.html


Thanks a lot in advance! :)

Kirsten

[jennifert9]

I only had a minute to look at it but I think the first page should say this:

Giving details in nature attention and expression is the wish of the artist, Dr. Sylvia Inderwiesen. Roses, books, horses and still lifes are fascinating to her with their natural aesthetics.

I just added the word "to" and removed the first comma.

[Cataholic]

This doesn't make sense to me, as a native speaker of English:


Giving details in nature attention and expression, is the wish of the artist, Dr. Sylvia Inderwiesen. Roses, books, horses, and still lifes are fascinating her with their natural aesthetics.

I **think** what you mean to say is this:

Dr. Sylvia Inderwiessen wishes to give the details in nature attention and expression.

You CAN say it as above, with the comma splice, by saying it like this:

Giving the details in nature attention and expression is the wish of the artist, Dr. Sylvia Inderwiessen.

The second sentence isn't worded correctly. I would say it like this: Roses, books, horses, and still lifes are fascinating TO (insert) her with their natural aesthetics. (Unless you mean she is literally being fascinated by the objects, which I do NOT think you mean, LOL).

And, I think the title should read ART, not ARTS (but, I didn't read past the first page, so, maybe you are talking about numerous arts..., like the fine arts???).

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Hope this helps

Giving details in nature attention and expression, is the wish of the artist, Dr. Sylvia Inderwiesen. Roses, books, horses, and still lifes are fascinating her with their natural aesthetics.

"The artist, Dr Sylvia Inderwiesen, wishes to give attention and expression to the details in nature. She finds the natural aesthetics of roses, books, horses and still lifes fascinating"




The paintings shown here are only a small excerpt of the artist's complete works. If you're interested to learn more about her work, please contact her.

Would change last line to "if you are interested in learning more about her work please contact her"


having said that if my German was anywhere near as good as your English I would be very happy!

[Barbara]

Won't say anything about the English- (but I knew it uses much less ,,,, than German ;)) but I love the pics, especially the "Bunch of apples" under still lifes.

[Kirsten]

Thank you very much for your help and suggestions! :) See, I still have to learn a lot! ;)

I wasn't sure if I should use "Art" or "Arts" as a title, as I'm referring to HER art... But you think ART would be the better choice, right?


About the first sentence on the start page:

I wanted the part of the details in nature at the beginning of the setence, as she meant it as a connection to the Seneca quote above. That's why I've chosen Cataholic's suggestion:

Giving the details in nature attention and expression is the wish of the artist, Dr. Sylvia Inderwiesen.



And what about the text in her vita? That was especially hard! LOL

The way [she meant "her way" here, but wrote "the way" In German] led from photography to painting and therein, inevitably to realism. Despite a strong interest in arts, the artist decided to study veterinary medicine, an occupation that she still loves and still practices in her own vet clinic. Painting is important to her. It's creating a compensation [would "balance" be better?] to job and family. To immerse herself into details, to emphasize them in their extensions, are her favoured motifs.


Any suggestions?

Thanks, Kirsten

[Pawsitive Thinking]

The way [she meant "her way" here, but wrote "the way" In German] led from photography to painting and therein, inevitably to realism.

Instead of "the way" what about using "her route/path".

Would take out "therein"


Despite a strong interest in arts, the artist decided to study veterinary medicine, an occupation that she still loves and still practices in her own vet clinic. Painting is important to her.

It's creating a compensation [would "balance" be better?] to job and family.

"creating a balance between job and family"

To immerse herself into details, to emphasize them in their extensions, are her favoured motifs

"Her favourite style is to show and magnify the details of her subjects"

Still not sure about the last one - a bit awkward. Would also use "art" instead of arts

[Kirsten]

Thanks a lot! :)

I've edited the text now! :)

Kirsten