Opinions sought...teenagers especially and mothers....

[carole]

Ok I thought I would just put this by my PT advisors and see what you think, my daughter Melissa has been bugging me for ages to have her Belly Button pierced, I have so far up until now said NO when you are older , she is 13, well her best friend has had it done, and said it hurt a lot and had a few problems initally, bleeding profusely at the time, so then Melissa was like no way am I going through that, however time has passed since and she is now bugging me again, and keeps asking why when I am older, and I really cannot come up with a very good reason, so I have decided to offer her an incentive, or ultimatium if you like, she has problems with exzema on her inner arms and behind her legs, and she is very nawtee and does not try to look after it and it gets really bad, so I said until she can prove to me to be responsible to start using the creams to clear it up and continue with the moisturizing I would not even consider the belly button Piercing, she is happy with that and so far is making the effort.

Now it seems I have made a decision and I have I guess, but I wondered whether you think I have done the right thing here, and if you are a teenager what do you think?

P.S I personally don't like the idea of her having to go through the pain, even though she has two ear piercings, for some reason the belly just seems :eek: scarey to me, I doubt whether i could take her myself, someone else would have to go with her, as the thought of it freaks me out.

[katienoonan]

I got my bellybutton pierced when I was 16 (I am now 22). I had done a lot of research on the subject before I did it and before bugging my mom, I had found a shop that would pierce me with her consent AND used only brand new needles for each piercing. The piercer was also in the profession for over 20 years. I had to prove to my mother I knew what I was getting myself into. The piercing also has to be taken care of afterward. It's not like it's pierced and you are done. It takes time to heal, you HAVE TO follow the aftercare instructions the piercer gives you. If you think she is responsible enough then let her.

Personally, my bullybutton piercing didn't at all, the clamps pinched a little. I didn't feel the needle go in. :eek: I did get it caught on my pants once and it hurt a little.

[buttercup132]

i would say make her do the cream for a month bacause havin belly button periced you HAVE to look after it or else it will get severly infected and its not good and she will have to end up taking it out i got mine done when i was just turning 14 so if she is like just turned 13e then thats a little young but ya make sure she staus on top of her cream or shes not gonnna look after her ring, and who did her freinds belly button no peircings done properly bleed only the ones that are done by a unexperienced person like a freind, i would see if the other girls mom knows she got her belly button peirced

[catnapper]

How long is this deal for? One month is not long enough. She needs to show she is mature enough for a lot longer than that.

As a mom, wow, you are far more liberal than I! We say no piercings until they live on their own and pay all their bills. If they can do that, then they can determine what they want to do with their body. Until then, their body is ours ;)

Our oldest tried piericing her own ear once, it infected BADLY. Then she tried the nose ring herself. Hubby told her that she must have decided to start paying room and board. Man, that nose ring was out faster than you could blink -- she KNEW he was serious, and she also lost the right to drive for another 6 months. We say if you aren't matue and responsible enough to follow the rules of the house and respect your parent's wishes, then you are definately not mature enough to put a permanent hole in your body.

[carole]

Thank you both for your valued opinions, Yes Melissa will have to prove to me for at least up until xmas time whether she will look after her exzema(sp), of course I am thinking once she has what she wants, then she will forget about it, which really she cannot afford to as it gets way out of hand and really bad, I have no fears she will look after the piercing well, she is at the moment taking care of her ears, she just had the 2nd hole done two weeks ago and has been very diligent in taking care of them.

Her friends piercing was done by a professional, I am not sure on all the details, but something went a bit wrong, yes I will be making certain that she checks out a really good place before I consent you can bet on that.

She has assured me she just wants this done and one more in her ear, she is not into any other piercings, like her tongue,eyebrow or chin.,I would rather she wait but then I cannot find a really good reason as to why she should wait, if she is responsible enough to take care of it, and find out the info regarding it really I can see no harm, it is purely decorative after all, and I guess they do look rather nice IMO., I suppose that is why I have relented some as to my firmer NO absolutely NOT decision six months ago.

Kim i missed your post reply when I first posted this, in response back,yes the deal will be about 3 mths all together, and I guess I am more liberal, I personally donot have a real objection to it, I am just more frightened incase something goes wrong, does that mean none of your girls are allowed pierced ears either? Honestly I don't really see it as a maturity issue, more a reponsibility issue, I feel Melissa will not let me down in that department, so far looking after her ears she has been fantastic, she just has to prove herself with her skin problems or no BB piercing. Thanks Kim I do value you honest opinion.

[Roxyluvsme13]

I have 3 holes in each ear, plus the cartilage in the left ear. I think I may get a 4th hole and the other cartilage pierced, but never anything besides ears for me!

[catnapper]

Carole, they do have their ears pierced. The oldest has two holes at the bottom and one at the top of her ear. We have no problem with ear piercings. It is the others that hubby objects to, mainly because he's a teacher and knows that teachers, employers, and so on judge a kid based on what they have pierced, tatooed, etc. It might not be right, but thats the way it is. He feels that if they truly want it, then they can think of what they want and how it will reflect who they are... some day when they DO get it, thy will be old enough to know that it is what they really want and it is who they are. By then, they can then proove themselves and carry themselves in a way that they speak for themselves, not their appearance speaking for them (as is often the case in youger people).

Think about it: you are out and see 2 people with a tongue piercing. One is 15, the other in their late 20's. What do you think of the young one? Follower? Trying to be cool? What do you think about the older one? An individual? Confident? Trendy? What do you think of these people? Most often, your impression of the two people with the same piericing will be different when they are worn by two people in different age groups.... mainly because you expect the older persomn to have made the decision on what to pierce based upon a mature decision that represents who they are. Most of the time, we expect a "kid" to have done it because they saw it on their friends, on tv, in the magazines, etc and they think it'll make them a part of somethng they want ot be a part of.

Did that make sense?

[Logan]

I am beginning to think that I will NOT be getting my belly button piered, whether I lose 48 pounds or not! :o Earlobes are a lot easier, apparently!

Carole, Helen is 14 (will turn 15 in January). If we both hit our weight loss goal (hers is only 10-15 pounds) and keep it off, it was our agreement that we would both have our bellybuttons pierced, provided her dad agrees. She would be 15, and I'm not sure it is the right thing, but I figured if we did it together, like we have done this dieting, that would be best. And I do agree that the tradeoff is the right thing. She needs to achieve something in order to have her wish.

Logan

[areias]

I am 18, I got my tongue done when I was 15. My mom allowed me too, and went with me. I think you're right in letting her get it done. Make sure she knows that it DOES hurt, it is annoying for the first week or two, and it does get infected very easily. Plus, you can use it for leverage...if she dosen't continue with her exzema treatment, it's coming out even if you have to pry it out of her mouth. You should also make her pay for it, don't give her the money.

Allowing her to get it done ensures that she won't go and do it with a friend, and that when she gets old enough she dosen't end up with like 15 piercings on her face just to prove she was right.
And at least it's only her belly button...it could be something FAR worse. :p

[Toby's my baby]

I think having an insentive was a good idea, I think that if she follows through with her end you should let her get it peirced. But do the research and have HER do research too, somehow reading stuff yourself goes through you more than having it come from you mother, no offence to anyone! A lot of my friends got theirs peirce when they were around 13 so i say let her ;) :)

[finn's mom]

I think you're doing the right thing. I've never seen the big deal with piercings, especially one like that where it isn't on the face, and, there for everyone in the world to see. Even those don't bother me, but, for a 13-year-old, I would think those would be a little too "grown-up." I think she's old enough to get a belly button piercing, though, they're cute. And, again, it's not like anyone will see it, unless she decides to show it, so, it shouldn't be too negative an impression on people that might judge her based on her choice of jewelry (like if she got it done in a more visible place).

And, just so you know, my belly button piercing didn't hurt at all. It hurts worse when I get my eyebrows waxed. And, I'm a total sissy with needles and pain. I know some experience anywhere from slight to excruciating pain when they have gotten anything pierced. But, my niece didn't have any problems with her belly button, and, neither did I. Your daughter will have to do what they tell her to do, as far as the maintenace goes. If she takes it seriously and follows the instructions, she should be fine. The only time mine was annoying at all, was when I'd catch my jeans on it or something, and, even then, it only briefly hurt.

I think your arrangement sounds great. Because if she can't take care of her eczema, she won't take care of the piercing correctly, either. Good move on your part! ;) And, good luck!

[MariaM]

:p I REALLY want my belly button pierced. I also want my tongue pierced. I wouldn't ever ask for either one though...I know it would be a no. My mom said no when I even brought up the cartilage one, and the second on each ear. I'm not allowed to get any piercings other than the one in the lobe on each year. For 2 years I have wanted 2 on the lobe on each year, plus a cartilage, and a belly button. The tongue one I started wanting a bit more recent. I guess we'll see which ones I still want when I'm 18. Even if I get them done then - I know it will make my parents mad. The only reason I was allowed to get my ears pierced was because my aunt convinced her.

Hell - it took a lot of effort to convince my mom to let me get my hair cut at a hair place. She made a HUGE deal about it, that was in June, and I won't even ask again until after Christmas.

I'm not even allowed to dye/streak/highlight my hair. :(

[carole]

Thank you everyone, all your input has been appreciated, Kim I think I don't have a problem with the belly button so much as it cannot be seen unless she chooses to show it, she would not be allowed to do that at school either, we are thinking of xmas time as she has six weeks holiday to look after it, she has already shown me she can look after her ears well, so I really don't see a problem with her not looking after the belly button, so no-one can judge her by her appearance as such as it is hidden, I suppose it is like people find ears ok to pierce but that is their limit, well the belly button is mine, anything else she would not be allowed to get until she was older, and she has no wish to do that anyway.

Melissa is a pretty responsible girl for her age most of the time, and I trust she will not let me down here either, but like all teenagers she has her moments, hopefully if she gets it done she will continue looking after her skin problem too. here's hoping.

[Uabassoon]

I really don't see it as a big deal at all. It's just a piercing, it can always be removed later and it will be in a place that is covered and not visible to everyone.

Make sure you take her to a good piercer. Make sure they have an autoclave, if they do not have one go someplace else! An autoclave is what is used to steralize equipment, hospitals also use them. Make sure the place looks clean. The place I go to for piercings looks like a hospital.

[carole]

oh don't worry I will do that , I will do a real check up on these places, thanks for the advice re- the autoclave, yes I do know what they are, but I was not aware that they used them , but I will now Know to ask about that, thanks heaps.

[Corinna]

I'm one more mom that under my roof under 18 you do what I say. NO to tats and peircing except ears 1 hole . Daughter only son NONE

[slleipnir]

Melissa is a pretty responsible girl for her age most of the time, and I trust she will not let me down here either, but like all teenagers she has her moments, hopefully if she gets it done she will continue looking after her skin problem too. here's hoping.

Part of the deal should be if she stops looking after her skin (after piercing) she needs to take it out and has to wait till she's older. That way she would still look after her skin problem??

My dad never wanted me to get any piercing's when I was younger. Mom wanted me to though...but as I got older, I just didn't want ANY. I don't even have my ears pierced at this point and I'm almost 21...lol

[Ally Cat's Mommy]

I would say that, providing she can prove that she will be responsible in the care of the piercing, then you should let her get it done. Melissa seems like she is prepared to make the effort and work to earn your trust, and then get the piercing.

I agree with Uabassoon - it is in an area which can be easily hidden and can esaily be taken out.

My daughters are 16 and 14 and they have both had theirs done for TWO YEARS already - I think it looks stunning. :D

It's also great that she trusts you enough to discuss and negotiate with you - too many teens do DIY piercings or go to cheap places and have terrible infections etc. When my son had his helix done I had no problem with it - but I made sure he saved up the extra $ to have it done professionally instead of at the mall with a gun!!!

[carole]

That is my way of thinking, to beable to talk about it with her, let her know I am somewhat negotiable with conditions, I know myself I was raised by fairly strict parents, I just went behind their backs and did things, not that I did anything bad, but my parents never acknowledged that as a teenager I might even be remotely interested in boys forbidding me to date until I was 16, but yes I did meet boys and guess who left home at 16 to get away from overbearing rules, some of which were not fair and I still say that today, I honestly was scared of them rather than respectful,however I feel my parents still did a good job of raising me just the same and installed some values into me,but I do not intend to bring my children up exactly how i was, I intend to be more understanding if I can be, approachable and not so strict and to hopefully give them more self esteem than I ever had, one I have had to work on extremely hard..

I admire those parents who make rules and stick with them,and believe me I have certain rules too that I will not bend on in any shape or form, I believe in being fair and for me I don't see this as a big issue, infact my only reason I am a little hesitant is incase something goes wrong and that I don't like the thought of it, it seems painful compared to ears, but some of you have assured me it is not.

Audrey your suggestion was a good one, I will indeed tell her that if she does get lazy with the cream treatment, then she will have to have it taken out and let it close up, now that she would not like one little bit.

It has been really good to read all the replies and I have welcomed them, each having different points of views, and tips for me to think on, thanks heaps everyone.

Corrina my 24 old son has no piercings or tattoos either, he is conservative in that respect,the only thing he ever did when he was like 16 was grow his hair and have it braided, he laughs about it now, and we have pics , he does shave his head now and then but that is mainly for playing sport, as it is cooler.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

If it helps, I let Katie get her nose pierced a couple of summers ago safe in the knowledge that she would get fed up with it and take it out after a month or so......

[buttercup132]

my parents dont care if i get pericings or tattoos ive got my nose done,bellybutton labret (getting tounge) and have a tattoo and im 15 and im not a follower im kind of a setter

[carole]

I don't think Melissa is interested in any other piercings other than the top of her ear, a fairly common one, I actually have found only two places in my city that do body piercing, plenty do ears like at the pharmacy etc, but not belly buttons, one say's sterile conditions , the other say's nothing so I will be checking both out throughly before we do anything, if they don't meet my standard it won't be done.

I have something in mind for her 21st (i know its along way off , but I am a planner) I have my old engagement ring from my first marriage, and my eternity ring from this marriage,(it does not go with my current new rings I have, long story) so i am thinking getting them made into a belly bar in a heart shape or tear drop shape would be neat, it would be worth a lot too, and something she can have as a keepsake, anyway's we shall see. ;)