How do you know when you're ready to have a baby?

[JenBKR]

I've been thinking about this for a while, and I think I might be ready to have a baby (my husband has been ready for a while, just waiting on me ;) ). I went to a baby shower on Saturday, and I felt the desire for a baby more than ever before. My husband and I talked about it, and I am planning to go off of my birth control in about 6 months. I am really excited, but also really scared. My main fear is money. I would like to work part time. Cutting my work hours and needing more money for a baby scares me. Is this normal? Should I wait until I feel more financially secure (my mom always says that if you wait until you can afford something, you'll never do it :) ). I'm 26 by the way. Thanks guys!

[Lobodeb]

For me, I noticed the cuteness meter going way up. Baby showers, baby clothes, babies in general. I used to always joke that if someone came up to me with a puppy/kitten in one hand, a baby in the other, that I would go for the puppy/kitten everytime. It's probably still true :o , but at least now, I'll think about going to the baby now. lol

But seriously, I just found myself ready. I think the fact that you're thinking about it more and more is a sure sign. I don't know how else to explain it, besides just feeling ready.

As far as finances go, I don't know if one can ever be ready unless your last name is Winfrey or Gates. I figure that we'll have to cut back on stuff, but you find ways to make it work, just like when one of our fur babies gets sick.

Good luck!

[Samantha Puppy]

If you wait until you're financially ready, you'll never have a baby. Unless you've got as much money as Oprah or Bill Gates, I don't know of anyone who ever feels completely and totally 100% financially ready. I actually used to say the same thing - Josh and I had discussed me going off the pill this January and starting to "try" shortly thereafter... but Someone had other plans and I actually got pregnant while still ON the pill. When people ask me how thrilled I am, I tell them I am but that we are a little nervous about the money situation because we *just* got married and bought a house last year - we're nowhere near where we wanted to be, financially speaking. To that, everyone replies, "Oh honey, if you wait until you think you're financially ready, no one would ever have children!"

I do know some friends of friends who waited until they felt they were better off financially and they didn't have their first child until they were in their mid-upper 30s. Once she had her first baby, her desire to have more was very strong but because of her age she had difficulty conceiving again and once she did, she was considered "high risk". Now she has two beautiful children, but she's 44 years old and not as able to keep up (or "rebound" as necessary) from tireless children so she wishes she had started her family when she was younger.

I thought I was ready for a baby, but once I actually got pregnant I realized that I wasn't as ready for it as I thought I was. Babies change EVERYTHING. These are little beings who will always be in your life in some capacity. Not only will they change your relationship with your spouse, but they will also change your family forever. It'll never just be you and your husband again... it'll always be you, your spouse, and... There will always be that "and". You just don't realize exactly how big that one 3-letter word is until you find out it's inevitable. I'm not saying I wish I weren't having this little boy... I just wish I had had a much better understanding of everything becoming a parent entails before it happened.

But that's a Catch 22. I don't think anyone realizes exactly how massive a change it is until it happens to you. People say they realize it all the time, but until it happens, they really don't.

So anyway... while you should take finances into consideration, don't let it dictate when you and your husband start your family.

[Samantha Puppy]

As far as finances go, I don't know if one can ever be ready unless your last name is Winfrey or Gates.


Holy crap! I mentioned the same two people, but didn't read your response as I was typing mine when you posted yours! :eek: Weird.

[Lobodeb]

Holy crap! I mentioned the same two people, but didn't read your response as I was typing mine when you posted yours! :eek: Weird.

Great pregnant minds think alike, huh?

But I would have to ditto everything you said about how you realize your life will change. It's pretty scary, but friends who have kids now wouldn't have it any other way, so I'm banking on the fact that I'll feel that way too.

[Husky_mom]

i must agree, when you feel ready, you are ready, but as for financial stuff you´ll never be. but it´s worth it.

i tought i was ready, had my baby, than i was like OMG now what do i do, how do i do this, how do i do that, how am i supposed to teach him, and what to teach, it never ends. and for money i did had to get off of work for 8 months, but then i got back part time (i didn´t wanted to leave him so small with someone else to care for him, than my mom cared for him, now hes at kinder garden)i still do only part time, and sometimes you think now i need diapers, milk, food, and the list goes on but you´ll both manage through it, maybe you´ll cut your movies, dine outs and things like that but you´ll be fine. and what´s more, you´ll love your kid since day one (my hubby still makes fun of my face when i knew i was pregnant :D shhh i must say he wasn´t as ready as i was back then)

[Logan]

I had my first and only child at 28. There are many times that I wish I had even been younger when she was born, but you know, it all works out. I did not have the financial luxury of staying at home with her. In fact, I went back to work, full time, when she was 5 weeks old and when she was six weeks old, she was in day care. :( But she is a lovely 14 1/2 year old girl now and I could not be more proud.

You just "know" and it sounds like you do know!!! I wish you all the best!!!! :)

Logan

[carole]

I say GO FOR IT, if you both feel ready then that is the right time for you to have your baby you are at a good age too, don't leave it too long, i know mother's are choosing to have babies later in life these days, but I have done both and personally I think having my first child at 24 was a better choice, I now feel less tolerant and tired and so much older than all the other mother's out there,everyone is right in saying if you wait until you are financially secure, you might be waiting along time.

Yes babies do change your lives forever, but for me I did not find it such an upheavel, it was what I wanted so much, that any sacrafices I made were well worth it, and life just went on.,it really was no big deal to me.,because I was indeed mature enough and ready for it all I think. :)

[Jessika]

Well you can be ready mentally but not financially. Theres no "guide" to say whether or not you're ready for a baby, you just know. :)

Personally I feel I am responsible and mature enough to have a child of my own right now if I wanted, but I won't because I'm not financially stable, don't have a stable or large enough place to stay, and I just don't WANT that "obligation" right now in my life. But once all those factors are set straight, you can bet I'll be considering it!!

Good luck with whatever you choose!! :)

[catnapper]

I guess its the same as when you know you DON'T want a baby.... I look at a baby and see a screaming alien ready to suck up your time, money, energy. If you look at a baby and melt inside -- you are ready to have one ;)

Good luck! Having a ababy is a wonderful thing, and I'm sure you'd make a great mom.

[Corinna]

Every one has covered when ready .I however want to warn you about the transistion from birth control to none . Use a back up (condom or spermiside for a month or two. You could become pregnant with a lot of the hormone in your system not a good thing . Talk to your doctor I became pregnate while on the pill I think some of my son's challages are a result.
Catnapper I thought I was the only one who saw that vision . Glad to know I'm not.

[jackie]

Every one has covered when ready .I however want to warn you about the transistion from birth control to none . Use a back up (condom or spermiside for a month or two. You could become pregnant with a lot of the hormone in your system not a good thing .

^ I agree. :)

For me, ready is being married, owning my own home, with little debt. I was raised by a single mother with little cash, and I saw how hard it was for her. I would never want to go through that.

[JenBKR]

Thank you so much guys! I feel better after reading that I'm not the only one who worries. I think that part of my problem is that my husband doesn't worry about money, so I have to worry for the both of us ;) Anyway, after going off of birth control, we are planning to use back up for about three months (that's what the doctor said to do, just in case). I'm a little nervous, but really excited :) Thank you!!

[Twisterdog]

Beats me. ;) I had a baby at 22. I certainly wasn't planning on doing such, and certainly wasn't ready. It turned out great, of course, you get ready in a hurry!

Best of luck with whatever your choice may be.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Financially, you will never be ready but some things are more important than money!

We had very little when our Katie was born but we've managed and she is the best!

[new mom to a veiled]

I was 23 when I had my first son. My husband and I had NOTHING. We rented a condo and were making car payments.....we had nothing!!!! We worked to pay the bills. I was on the pill when I became pregnant (my son is fine) so it wasn't planned. I wouldn't change any of it for the world. That little boy made me grow up and be a responsible person. I found a better job, I decided I wasnt going to settle for uhhhh anymore. After 4 years we bought a house. My husband and I both have fantastic jobs now and have had a second child. We had another boy who is now almost 11 months. As so many other people have said..........If you wait for all to be right with the world before you have a baby, you'll never have one!!!! Best of luck with whatever path you choose :)

[Cataholic]

Hmmm....I would like to weigh in on the 'older' mother! I was 38 when I had Jones, and can't really say I was more tired than I would have been at 24 (sleep deprivation is a form of torture...I don't think anyone really fares better despite their age! :D ). I can say that I was financially stable, had a house, a car, my education completed, and all my 'partying' (ugh, I hate that word) done. So, while having Jones had a huge impact on my life, I never felt, "oh, if only I had done this, or that, first".

What I do find easier is having the luxury of knowing my own mind, and not being so concerned with what anyone else thinks about raising my child.

(I might add, since she might read it!!! that Lillycat has a HUGE amount of sayso in raising this little monkey man! :D )

[Jods]

No ones ever "ready" for a baby. If you think your ready everything will work out and everything will fall into place. My Aunt really wants another baby and shes been waiting for the right moment for years now. She is now 35, after 35 they have to do a bunch of testing now because down syndrome is greater risk for older couples. Shes been waiting forever because she wants to be prepared but I keep saying nothing is ever going to be perfect when the baby is here you will be ready for it.

Good luck with whatever you choose!! ;)

[Cataholic]

I want to add- in the USA, when you are older than 35, you are considered AMA (advanced maternal age). While it is true that there are some risks that increase, the increase is not really that significant. You are OFFERED tests, you are not REQUIRED to undergo any 'extra' tests. Age, alone, is not a complicating factor.