Blonde Joke mood

[Flatcoatluver]

I earlyier told roxyluvesme I wanted to hear some blonde jokes and i'm in the mood for blonde jokes! anybody got some good ones???;)

[Roxyluvsme13]

SOOO MANY!! Let Me Find Some.....This is My Specialty :D

[Roxyluvsme13]

this is so cute and funny

Three blonds on death row
Three women are about to be executed for crimes. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde.

Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!" Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.

The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The redhead then screams, "tornado!!" Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.

By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests. She also says no, and the executioner shouts, Ready . . . Aim . . ."

The blonde shouts, "fire!!"

[Roxyluvsme13]

and this one hehe

There once was a blonde who was very tired of blonde jokes and insults directed at her intelligence.

So, she cut and dyed her hair, got a make-over, got in her car, and began driving around in the country.

Suddenly, she came to a herd of sheep in the road. She stopped her car and went over to the shepherd who was tending to them.

"If I can guess the exact number of sheep here, will you let me have one?" she asked.

The shepherd, thinking this was a pretty safe bet, agreed.

"You have 171 sheep," said the blonde in triumph.

Surprised, the shepherd told her to pick out a sheep of her choice.

She looked around for a while and finally found one that she really liked.

She picked it up and was petting it when the shepherd walked over to her and asked, "if I can guess your real hair color, will you give me my sheep back?"

The blonde thought it was only fair to let him try. "You're a blonde! Now give me back my dog."

[Flatcoatluver]

Originally posted by Roxyluvsme13
and this one hehe

There once was a blonde who was very tired of blonde jokes and insults directed at her intelligence.

So, she cut and dyed her hair, got a make-over, got in her car, and began driving around in the country.

Suddenly, she came to a herd of sheep in the road. She stopped her car and went over to the shepherd who was tending to them.

"If I can guess the exact number of sheep here, will you let me have one?" she asked.

The shepherd, thinking this was a pretty safe bet, agreed.

"You have 171 sheep," said the blonde in triumph.

Surprised, the shepherd told her to pick out a sheep of her choice.

She looked around for a while and finally found one that she really liked.

She picked it up and was petting it when the shepherd walked over to her and asked, "if I can guess your real hair color, will you give me my sheep back?"

The blonde thought it was only fair to let him try. "You're a blonde! Now give me back my dog."
:D I get this one!!!:D

[Roxyluvsme13]

and finally this one

A blonde, out of money and down on her luck after buying air at a real bargain, needed money desperately. To raise cash, she decided to kidnap a child and hold him for ransom.

She went to the local playground, grabbed a kid randomly, took her behind a building, and told her, "I've kidnapped you."

She then wrote a big note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and leave it under the apple tree next to the slides on the south side of the playground. Signed, A blonde."

The blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents. The next morning the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the apple tree. The blonde looked in the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"

[katienoonan]

LOL I love them all!

[animal_rescue]

I love the last one!

[Flatcoatluver]

it took me a second to ge the last one but i think all the bleach went to my brain!:)

[finn's mom]

All I remember are the cheesy one liners...like...

Why does a blonde always fail her driver's test?

[Flatcoatluver]

One day, a blonde and a brunette were driving to a party and they were speeding because they were late.

"Watch out for cops," the brunette said.

They drove on for about five minutes when suddenly the blonde said nervously, "I think that's a cop behind us."

"Is it after us?" the brunette questioned.

"Er, um..." answered the blonde.

"Well, is it?" asked the brunette with a growing temper.

"I don't know..."

"Well are it's lights on?" insisted the brunette.

Replied the blonde, "Yes... no... yes... no... yes... no... yes... no..."

[finn's mom]

Originally posted by finn's mom
All I remember are the cheesy one liners...like...

Why does a blonde always fail her driver's test?

Because every time the car stops, she jumps in the back seat.

[Flatcoatluver]

How to keep a dumb blonde occupied:
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[Flatcoatluver]

Originally posted by finn's mom
Because every time the car stops, she jumps in the back seat.
i never heard of that one before


A blonde and a redhead are walking down the street when the redhead says awww look at that dog with one eye so the blonde cover her left eye and looks.

[finn's mom]

Originally posted by Flatcoatluver
A blonde and a redhead are walking down the street when the redhead says awww look at that dog with one eye so the blonde cover her left eye and looks.

Funny...

how about...what do a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?

they're both empty from the neck up...


what do a blonde and a turtle have in common?

when they're on their back, they're screwed...

[Flatcoatluver]

I haven't heard those either omg there are so many blonde jokes!!!!!! weird how i never meant a smart blonde before!

[buckner]

Originally posted by Flatcoatluver
I haven't heard those either omg there are so many blonde jokes!!!!!! weird how i never meant a smart blonde before! That's strange, because I know plenty of intelligent blondes. People consider me blonde and I'm not dumb. Same as my mom, both uncles, and many of my friends.

That kind of comment makes blonde jokes not so fun anymore.

[Almita]

Q:Who gets taken out more a cheerleader or the garbage????






A:The garbage becuase you have to take it out mostly everyday.

[Karen]

I had one friend who was blonde, and a lifeguard, and very smart who could - and sometimes did - beat up anyone who made a "dumb blonde" joke.
Not all blondes are dumb - but not all brunettes lack a sense of humor and not all redheads have a temper.

I WAS blonde for the first 4 1/2 years of my life, am now brunette, my intelligence was not affected by my hair changing color ...

Recommence with the blonde jokes knowing that they are, indeed, just jokes.

Just don't repeat them if you see Jodi Kosinski around!

[Anita Cholaine]

They are all really funny jokes!:)
But... they are only jokes... I know lots of smart blondes!

[beeniesmom]

A young blonde was on vacation and driving through the Everglades.

She wanted to take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle on prices" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Well then, maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes for free!"

The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, "Little lady, just go and give it a try!"
The blonde headed out toward the swamps, determined to catch an alligator.

Later in the day, as the shopkeeper is driving home, he pulls over to the side of the levee where he spots the same young woman standing waist deep in the murky bayou water, shotgun in hand.

Just then, he spots a huge 9-foot gator swimming rapidly toward her. With lightning speed, she takes aim, kills the creature and hauls it onto the slimy bank of the swamp. Lying nearby were 7 more of the dead creatures, all lying on their backs.

The shopkeeper stood on the bank, watching in silent amazement. The blonde struggled and flipped the gator onto its back. Rolling her eyes heavenward and screaming in great frustration, she
shouts out .

"****, THIS ONE'S BAREFOOT, TOO!"

[beeniesmom]

A blonde called her boyfriend and said, "Please come over
here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I
can't figure out how to get it started."
Her boyfriend asked, "What is it supposed to be when it's
finished?" The blonde said, "According to the picture on
the box, it's a tiger."
Her boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle.
She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle
spread all over the table. He studied the pieces for a
moment, then looked at the box, then turned to her and
said, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going
to be able to assemble these pieces into anything
resembling a tiger."
He took her hand and said, "Second, I want you to relax.
Let's have a nice cup of hot chocolate and then," he
sighed, "let's put all these frosted flakes back in the
box."

[beeniesmom]

Here is a blond GUY joke:

The Blonde GUY
They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage!
If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to
jump off this building. The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed,
"Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off,
too."
The blond opened his lunch and said, Bologna again! If I get a bologna
sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too."
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and
cabbage, and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a
burrito, and jumped, too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the
bologna and jumped to his death as well.
At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd
known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would
have given it to him again!"
The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or
enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much."
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said,
"Don't look at me. He packs his own lunch."

[beeniesmom]

Blondes and brunets on a double decker bus

Two bowling teams, one of all Blondes and one of all Brunettes, charter a double-decker bus for a weekend bowling tournament in Atlantic City.

The Brunette team rides in the bottom of the bus. The Blonde team rides on the top level.

The Brunette team down below is whooping it up having a great time, when one of them realizes she doesn't hear anything from the Blondes upstairs. She decides to go up and investigate.

When the Brunette reaches the top, she finds all the Blondes frozen in fear, staring straight-ahead at the road, and clutching the seats in Front of them with white knuckles.

She says, "What the heck's going' on up here? We're having' a grand time downstairs!"

One of the Blondes from the second team looks up and says, "Yeah, but you've got a driver!"

[beeniesmom]

last one....

A blonde lady motorist was two hours from San Diego, when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down.

The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"

"Sure," answered the blonde, "do you need a lift?"

"Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be delivered to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already, so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me? I'll give you fifty dollars for your trouble."

"I'd be happy to," said the blonde.

So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts. Off they went.

Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when suddenly he was horrified! There was the blonde walking down the street, holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of the crowd.

With a screech of his brakes the truck driver pulled his truck off the road, got out, and ran over to the blonde.

"What the heck are you doing here?" he demanded, "I gave you fifty dollars to take these chimpanzees to the zoo."

"Yes, I know you did," said the blonde, but we had money left over....

so we went to the movies!!!

[Roxyluvsme13]

THOSE ARE SO FUNNY!!!!

now i will share like my all time fave blonde joke :D

What did the blonde say when the doctor told her she was pregnant???

[JenBKR]

Originally posted by Flatcoatluver
weird how i never meant a smart blonde before!

Hey now! I am blonde, and I just got into grad school, so I must not be too dumb :(

LOL the jokes are funny though, I can certainly appreciate a good blonde joke :D

[Roxyluvsme13]

The Blonde Said.....
Is it Mine? :D :rolleyes:

[Flatcoatluver]

Originally posted by beeniesmom
A blonde called her boyfriend and said, "Please come over
here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I
can't figure out how to get it started."
Her boyfriend asked, "What is it supposed to be when it's
finished?" The blonde said, "According to the picture on
the box, it's a tiger."
Her boyfriend decided to go over and help with the puzzle.
She let him in and showed him where she had the puzzle
spread all over the table. He studied the pieces for a
moment, then looked at the box, then turned to her and
said, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going
to be able to assemble these pieces into anything
resembling a tiger."
He took her hand and said, "Second, I want you to relax.
Let's have a nice cup of hot chocolate and then," he
sighed, "let's put all these frosted flakes back in the
box."
thats one blonde joke I do know

[Flatcoatluver]

Originally posted by JenBKR
Hey now! I am blonde, and I just got into grad school, so I must not be too dumb :(

LOL the jokes are funny though, I can certainly appreciate a good blonde joke :D
hey all the blonde's no including me try and act dumb that i know so and i don't know that much bolondes anyway!

[vinjashira]

I don't get the double decker one :rolleyes:

[Roxyluvsme13]

Originally posted by vinjashira
I don't get the double decker one :rolleyes:
The brunettes were on the bottom....and the blondes were on the top....being blonde they all thought they were on a separate bus and had no driver:D

[vinjashira]

ah I see - thanks :D

[Roxyluvsme13]

You're Welcome!!
:D:):D:):D:):D:):D:)

[buckner]

Originally posted by Flatcoatluver
hey all the blonde's no including me try and act dumb that i know so and i don't know that much bolondes anyway! English, please?

"Hey, all the blondes no(t?) including me try and act dumb that i know so i don't know that much bolondes anyways?"

Are you saying that you are a blonde yourself, and you think all of the blondes you know try and act dumb, except for yourself?

Okay, I'm a blonde, and I don't try and act dumb.

There, you know someone who proves your statement wrong.

[sammy101]

lol the jokes are great!:D
I'm also blonde,and i dont think im dumb.I do have my moments though/:o

[Roxyluvsme13]

Someone once told me that only the people who dye their hair blonde are dumb all the naturals arent....Which with all the natural blondes are smart. Brunettes have the same things as blondes, except we call them brunette moments :D I have lots of brunette moments....:rolleyes:

[Flatcoatluver]

Originally posted by buckner
English, please?

"Hey, all the blondes no(t?) including me try and act dumb that i know so i don't know that much bolondes anyways?"

Are you saying that you are a blonde yourself, and you think all of the blondes you know try and act dumb, except for yourself?

Okay, I'm a blonde, and I don't try and act dumb.

There, you know someone who proves your statement wrong.
no sorry i was typing fast and i didn't look at it after i posted sorry basically i mean that everybody i know think that if there really dumb its funnny, i dunno why but yeah

[Flatcoatluver]

Originally posted by Roxyluvsme13
Someone once told me that only the people who dye their hair blonde are dumb all the naturals arent....Which with all the natural blondes are smart. Brunettes have the same things as blondes, except we call them brunette moments :D I have lots of brunette moments....:rolleyes:
hey great so i'm naturaly blonde so i'm not blonde. I like to call my blonde momments, i'm just not thinking

[rizzy]

Personally I LOVE blonde jokes, and am one. Hair color has nothing to do with your IQ, although I can be kind of ditzy once and awhile, but cant we all? lol:D I'll share some jokes once I find them, I have tons because I love them!:D

[Vette]

These are great. LOL :D

i only know the consentrated milk joke.
where the blonde keeps stareing at the milk jug because it says 'constrate' on it...LOL



im half blonde.. sotra..
i have starwberry blonde hair.

[JenBKR]

Actually I enjoy being blonde - when I say or do something stupid I can just point to my hair :D

Hey, we all have our ditzy moments, right? ;)

[beeniesmom]

I really hope noone took offense by the jokes in this thread.
It's just some silly fun.
I personally don't think hair color and IQ are connected.
I really wonder why there are so many blond jokes though.... probably the brunettes are jelous and had to make up something... I'm a brunette and always wanted to be blond! :)

[Roxyluvsme13]

yeah i must admit i used to want to be blonde, too...and hair color doesnt really change your IQ, alot of blondes i know are really smart

[JenBKR]

Heard this one this morning, close to one already posted here though:

Two blondes are walking down the street with duffel bags. Blonde #1 asks blonde #2 what she has in her bag. #2 answers "chickens." #1 says, "If I guess correctly how many chickens you have, can I have one?" #2 answers, "If you guess correctly, you can have them both!" #1 says, "Three."

[beeniesmom]

hahahahahahaaaa
that one is good!

[Roxyluvsme13]

I've never heard that one Thats a good one :D

[beeniesmom]

I can't help myself. My father in law just sent me this...
Enjoy...

License plate of the year:

http://i7.photobucket.com/albums/y291/beeniesmom/random/blond.jpg

[Roxyluvsme13]

ROFL LMAO!!!

[JenBKR]

LOL great license plate!!

[k9krazee]

I have blonde hair, in one of my classes at school we have "Joke day Friday" and blonde jokes are always a big hit. It makes me so fricken upset when the teacher asks all us blondes if we will be offended by them...I know I'm not stupid and I don't ever *try* to be so they have no effect from me exept pure enjoyment.

If blondes are so dumb why does everyone try to color their hair blond :confused: makes no sense to me but I do love having blond hair....okay..stop rambling now....

Anyway...loved the jokes, I have never heard of a few of them so I will have to remember them for Friday :p

[Flatcoatluver]

omg yes i love that license plate!!! I need it

[chrissycat21]

I love blonde jokes! (I'm blonde, BTW) I find most of them really funny.

I think everyone (even non-blondes) have their "dumb blonde moments" once in a while!:D :o

[katienoonan]

Originally posted by chrissycat21
I love blonde jokes! (I'm blonde, BTW) I find most of them really funny.

I think everyone (even non-blondes) have their "dumb blonde moments" once in a while!:D :o

Yup, I have dark brown hair and I definately have my moments and my husband too(he's got dark hair too).

[beeniesmom]

: ANOTHER BLOND JOKE

Two blond students are in the cafeteria and see a newspaper
with this headline: "12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed."

One student shakes her head at the sad news, turns to her
friend and asks, "How many is a brazilian?"

[JenBKR]

Originally posted by beeniesmom
: ANOTHER BLOND JOKE

Two blond students are in the cafeteria and see a newspaper
with this headline: "12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed."

One student shakes her head at the sad news, turns to her
friend and asks, "How many is a brazilian?"


ROFLMAO That was a good one!!!

[Roxyluvsme13]

Originally posted by beeniesmom
: ANOTHER BLOND JOKE

Two blond students are in the cafeteria and see a newspaper
with this headline: "12 Brazilian Soldiers Killed."

One student shakes her head at the sad news, turns to her
friend and asks, "How many is a brazilian?"
LOL! Cute!!

[finn's mom]

Finally, I found this joke. I read Maxim magazine, and, I remembered there being a blonde joke one time that I just loved! So, I went online and found it in their archives. I think it's great...

A blonde who’s having financial troubles decides to kidnap a child for ransom. She writes on a piece of paper: “I’ve kidnapped your son. Leave $10,000 behind the oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7 A.M. The Blonde.” She walks over to the park, grabs a little boy, pins the note to his jacket, and tells him to run home.

The next morning, the blonde goes back to the park, where she sees the boy standing behind the oak tree.

“I’m supposed to give you this,” he says, handing her a brown bag. As she counts the money, she notices a new note pinned to his jacket: “For the record, I can’t believe that one blonde would do this to another.”

[finn's mom]

Here's another I just found on www.maximonline.com...

Tired of relentlessly being called dumb, a blonde decided to color her hair.

After leaving the salon a brunette, she jumped into her convertible and went for a drive through the countryside.

While driving, she saw a shepard with a flock of sheep. She pulled over and bet the shepard that she could guess how many sheep he had in his flock. If she guessed correct, she could keep one. Knowing there was no way she could guess, the shepard agreed.

“Two hundred eighty-seven,” the blonde guessed.

“I’ll be damned! That’s exactly how many sheep I have in my flock,” replied the shepard. “A bet’s a bet, so pick out your sheep.”

After much deliberation, the blonde found the most energetic and happy sheep, picked him up and put him in her car.

Just then, the shepard said, “Now wait a minute. You got your bet, now it’s my turn. If I guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?”

[Roxyluvsme13]

I love both of those:) i read those 2 on http://ahajokes.com :D

[JenBKR]

LOL good ones!! :D

[smokey the elder]

(I'm not sure if I'm remembering this one accurately; it's a SMART blonde joke!)

A blonde walks into a bank in midtown Manhattan, and asks to see the loan officer. "I'd like to take out a $100,000 loan."

Officer: "What do you have for collateral?"

Blonde: "I have a 2005 Mercedes S class. I'll leave it here."

The loan officer agrees. A week later, the blonde comes back and cuts a check for $100,000, and about $5 in interest. Puzzled, the officer asked why she needed $100,000 for a week.


...and she said...
>
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>>
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..."Is there any other way you know where I could park in Midtown for a week for $5?"

[JenBKR]

LOLOL that was good!