Should it be this HARD to make friends?!?!

[CalliesMom]

I started work two and a half weeks ago and have yet to make a friend. Everyone is really nice, but I feel like I'm pulling teeth here trying to get to know these people. They'll go out to lunch and not invite me so on Monday I asked about lunch. I went with two guys from work and they didn't ask me the rest of the week. I don't know what to do...I've never struggled this much to meet people. My last lab was so nice I loved it the first day.

I NEED HELP MAKING FRIENDS. :(

[krazyaboutkatz]

I'm sorry to hear this.:( I'm sure it'll get better. How about you asking another co-worker if they'd like to go to lunch with you. Then maybe you'll be able to get to know them better. At my work there are many people that have to go to lunch with someone. I've always prefered to just go by myself. Good luck.:)

[Karen]

Be patient, and freindly, and people will come around. They may still be getting used to having you there, or maybe they liked the person who had the job before you and are missing that person through no fault of your own, or theirs. I know over the last two years in my office, we had - let's see, 8 or 9 people in and out for one positon. And after a while, we sort of all stopped trying to make friends with new folks, as we ever knew if they'd last 2 1/2 days, 2 weeks, 2 months or what! Thankfully the person who is there now appears to want to stay.

[JenBKR]

*Hugs* sorry you are having a rough time! I hate starting a new job. Hopefully things will get better with a little time. Maybe the people you work with are shy? Good luck!

[rizzy]

I hope things start looking up really soon. Dont let it bother you though, it should come in time. {{{hugs}}}

[petslover]

I hope things work out for you. You seem like a really nice person so just keep being and nice. Those people maybe shy to new people. You will find your place soon.

[catnapper]

Boy do I know what you mean! Its hard to start a new job and try to get to know everyone. You just moved to a new area, right? Maybe things are different here. When I lived in my old town (a whole 60 miles away) people were VERY different than here. It was extremely hard to make friends. People are much more stand-offish, and if you aren't from here, they treat you like a transplant. My neighbor was the first friend I made here.... where is she from? She grew up down the street from my sister in law... so she herself is a transplant too! LOL

My point is to just sit back and watch how the others interact. Are they chummy or distant? Are they easy going with each other or does it feel phoney? Who's the "leader" do they HAVE a "leader"? All this stuff is important info that will help you make friends!

Good luck!

[AbbyMom]

Try putting out a candy dish on your desk:D When people stop by, starting chatting them up. I've seen it work! Good luck.

[jackie]

I know this problem too well, I work in a really competitive job, and when I came back to Spain, some people were flat out hostile and mean.

The best thing is just to keep a smile on your face and wait it out. Before long, it will be like you were always there! BTW I like the candy dish idea, LOL.

[lizbud]

Two or three weeks is not a lot of time to get to know folks
at work. Please give it more time & like someone said, be friendly
and patient. Give yourself time to check out who you really chose
to buddy around with.:)

[bluekat]

I think I know how you feel. Sorry to hear that though :( I hope things will get better soon..

Its can seem hard to make friends sometimes when you're at a new place, since everyone there have known each other for longer and are already friends. But just try to talk to them more and maybe ask them out for lunch one at a time. But be patient and take it slowly, and I'm sure you'll be fine ;)

[poofy]

Hope it gets better soon. Im sorry to that is so hard on you.
I know how you feel.
http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b212/lvpups/hangintherekitty.jpg

[CalliesMom]

Thanks guys. It just has never taken me this long to make friends..so it gets kind of depressing.

[Rachel]

Put some pictures of your kitties on your desk. That should attract the type of people who would make the best friends. Who needs the other ones anyway!

[Giselle]

Originally posted by Rachel
Put some pictures of your kitties on your desk. That should attract the type of people who would make the best friends. Who needs the other ones anyway!

I agree :) But don't come off as an animal freak...yet, LOL. Personal obsessions can come later, after people get a good grasp of your personality. Actually, here's an idea. Buy a PT calender and put it on the wall. That'll be a greyt conversation starter!

[slick]

Oh boy, what can I say! Been there, done that! You've gotten some great advice with the candy dish and the pictures of your kitties.

I have been told that I'm hard to "get to know" and to some degree it's true. When new people come aboard, I do welcome them, but don't go out of my way at first to really get to know them. I usually let them adjust to the job for a couple of months before engaging in "social" conversations. Hearing what you have said, maybe that's the wrong thing to do and I thank you for your perspective.

It's a good thing (sorry, not trying to be Martha Stewart...:eek: :D ) that you took the initiative about lunch. That shows others that you would like to spend time with them outside of the work environment. Don't feel bad that they didn't invite you back. Heck, I've got some great coworkers and we lunch together maybe every 3 or 4 months.

Hang in there and give it time. :)

[sandragonfly]

it is. always. beginning of anything always is suckest part.

well, you see here.. it took me TWO years to make a pet talk friend! time...patience...blah blah but in a month, I have a bunch! :D

candies always work... lol! guess they're too kiddy to see you, not through your eyes. :p

hang in there, my frrriend.

[mruffruff]

In time, you will learn which (if any) of the people will make friends. I have worked at the same place for 16 years and can't say any one of my co-workers are really 'friends'. I know them pretty well, but they aren't what I'd choose for friends. Most of them aren't interested in animals. They also tend to be backstabbers.

It can take quite a while for employees to accept new people, especially if the person being replaced was there a long time. All you can do is to be friendly yourself, never talk about anyone else in a negative way and wait. If you are doing your job well, it helps.

Maybe volunteer at a shelter or join a club where you find people with similar interests.

And candy never hurts!:D

[K9karen]

I'm very outgoing and friendly, but had the same problem at my last job because I was the newcomber and the cliques were already made. Luckily though, I worked in an animal loving office so I commented on peoples' pictures then put mine up. Rachel's right, a bowl of candy doesn't hurt either. Comment on someone's outfit or hair. Good Luck.

[G535]

Maybe you're trying too hard and it shows? Be friendly, do your job well and everything else should fall into place in time.

[CalliesMom]

Originally posted by G535
Maybe you're trying too hard and it shows? Be friendly, do your job well and everything else should fall into place in time.

I was afraid something like that may be true. I think I also need to do something outside of work and will be joining our Student Government so hopefully I'll meet people there.

[moosmom]

Calliesmom,

Give it some time. You've only been there two weeks and I'm sure they feel as awkward as you do. It's difficult having to learn a new job on top of making friends with the people you work with.

I'll tell ya a secret. As I'm sure you ALL know, I have a very dry sense of humor and it can sometimes be taken the wrong way. Well, the owner of the funeral home told my supervisor that I disrespected him one time when he called in. When she she told me, I was shocked and told her it was highly to the contrary. I totally respected and admired him. She later explained to him that everyone's personality is different and that it was probably just my personality that he took the wrong way. We've been fine ever since.

[DJFyrewolf36]

*hugs!* Trust me I've been there too. I've worked at places where I've known I'll never be chummy with my co-workers...just because I'm so different from them and have NOTHING in common. I always make an atempt to be friendly, and I'm the type that will just start yapping at someone I don't know just to start a conversation :o (I used to be really shy and standoffish but not anymore!!) . That really bugs some people though :(

Find common ground. The fact that you work in the same place is sometimes a good start (Unless you work with people who hate their jobs)

Good luck :) Just remember, work is only your life for a small portion of the day! :D

[CalliesMom]

See...everyone talks to me but they will go out to lunch without inviting me and then discuss it when they get back. I know it isn't done intentionally (the talking about lunch) but I think the thing is is that I "just don't fit in." I am dreadfully SHY until you get to know my strange sense of humor and I think all they see is this little good girl?!?! I just can't joke with someone until I feel truly comfortable with that peson--I've always had problems with caring what others think of me and until I'm comfortable with you, I have to gauge that person to figure out where their boundaries are.

I work in an office of three other males; two of them are really chummy with some of the other females in the lab but they don't joke around with me like they do them. I just sort of figured today that I need to get out and make friends outside of the work place because I doubt I'll ever be best friends with any of these people...oh well.

[DJFyrewolf36]

Originally posted by CalliesMom
See...everyone talks to me but they will go out to lunch without inviting me and then discuss it when they get back. I know it isn't done intentionally (the talking about lunch) but I think the thing is is that I "just don't fit in." I am dreadfully SHY until you get to know my strange sense of humor and I think all they see is this little good girl?!?! I just can't joke with someone until I feel truly comfortable with that peson--I've always had problems with caring what others think of me and until I'm comfortable with you, I have to gauge that person to figure out where their boundaries are.

I work in an office of three other males; two of them are really chummy with some of the other females in the lab but they don't joke around with me like they do them. I just sort of figured today that I need to get out and make friends outside of the work place because I doubt I'll ever be best friends with any of these people...oh well.

It sounds like the guys just don't know where your boundries are. Most guys don't get "chummy" with me at first, because they think I'm the innocent type (ha ha ha). It takes time for most people to "get" me too! What about the third guy? Is he quieter than the other two?

[CalliesMom]

The third guy is nice, but he kinda keeps to himself a bit more.

[DJFyrewolf36]

I'd start chatting with the quiet guy ;). Chances are, he's been kind of overshadowed by the two louder guys. Then again, I'm a bit of a pain and single out quiet people to chat with :D.