I finally stood up to her.

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

Remember how in the first thread I said she didn't want to pick me up? Well my dad called her and told her she needed to, that I didn't have any other ride.

She starts screaming at me for being a baby and calling and telling my dad what she said. I stand up and tell her, "Well thats the ONE thing you had to do that day, pick me up from work and you CANT do it." She comes back by saying she doesn't even know where she will be. I say, "Well tell your friends, 'I'm sorry, I have to go pick up my daughter.'" and she goes, "I guess I f--cking WILL then, won't I?" And I said, "Well start being a parent and TAKE responsibility and TAKE your kids to work and to games."

She looked at me and started screaming again. "Get the f-ck upstairs. I don't want to see you. You sound JUST like your father. Go the f--k upstairs and get away from me."

I did it, I stood up to her. But now I'm sitting in my room bawling my eyes out and I'm supposed to be at work in a half hour. I don't even want to look at her let alone be around her. I'm crying so hard. Please help me. :(

[Logan]

Megan, I don't know the whole story of what brought this up, but I'm so sorry that you are having to continually deal with this with your mom. :( Makes me so sad because I try so hard to make life easy for my 14 year old daughter, putting her own schedule above mine at times.

Want to move to SC? I'll take care of you! :) Seriously, I hope that some peace can come for you soon.

Logan

[luvofallhorses]

Megan,

I am glad you stood up to her. I wonder why she does this to you :( It's not fair. (((hugs)))

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

Originally posted by Logan
Megan, I don't know the whole story of what brought this up, but I'm so sorry that you are having to continually deal with this with your mom. :( Makes me so sad because I try so hard to make life easy for my 14 year old daughter, putting her own schedule above mine at times.

Want to move to SC? I'll take care of you! :) Seriously, I hope that some peace can come for you soon.

Logan

I'd do anything just to get out of here.

[GoldenRetrLuver]

It's good you stood up to her. She needs to know that there's absolutely NO valid reason that gives her the right to speak to you that way and treat you like she's been doing.

Seriously, I'd offer you a room over here if you were any closer, like I told you. :(

{{hugs}} Stay strong, girlie.

[Queen of Poop]

Good girl. The more you stand up to her the more she will have to realize that she can no longer get away with treating you so badly. Hugs for you.

[Ally Cat's Mommy]

((((MEG)))) I am so sorry you are going through this :(

I hope that if you continue to stand up to her she will start to take more responsibility and start being more of a parent to you.

I wish I could do something to help - but just keep in mind that one day you will be able to have your own place, and look after yourself. Just try to focus on those goals for the future and make them happen.

You are such a special strong person, and you WILL have the happy and peaceful life you deserve!

[Anita Cholaine]

I really don't know what you can do right now. Like Ally Cat's Mommy said, some day you'll be free of her, so try to have a peaceful life (I now it must be hard) and think about your future... You really deserve it, and I think you're such a strong person to get throught all this...
Stay strong, Megan ((((HUGS))))

[jesse_3]

Stand your ground Megan, you can get through this. That was so brave of you to step up to her like that. I am very proud of you.

Major ((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))) to you! Just remember, God is always standing by you and helping you.

Steph and Jes

[Karen]

Stand your ground, sweetie. If SC is too hot, hmmm - I'd offer Massachusetts, but then you'd miss the rest of your family I bet.

Be strong sweetie, even if you don't feel strong, pretend. Treat it like theatre. "Act" like her tantrums are those of a toddler, give her a timeout, then go on.

You deserve better. Some day she may realize that.

Has she ever had any sort of parenting classes or counseling?

[EssTer]

Oh no...I´m really sorry to hear it :( I dont think I would have any good advice for you, cause I hadnt have situation like this...

I will be thinking of you and I really hope everything will go OK..at least a bit...


(((((HUGS))))))

[Corinna]

If you like cold winters I offer Montana(if Gina doesn't get here first) I only have one kid left hes 21 and soon to be leaving,best part I'm home winters. High school only 5 blocks away. Lots of jobs here .

[flamepony12]

Originally posted by GoldenRetrLuver
Seriously, I'd offer you a room over here if you were any closer, like I told you. :(


Ditto. :(

Meg, I'm glad you stood up to her, and I'm sorry you're going through this. :( You know how to get ahold of me, and feel free to talk whenever you need to. ((((((((HUGS)))))))

[JenBKR]

The most important thing for you to realize is that this is NOT your fault at all. This is your mother's problem, but she's projecting it onto you. Never blame yourself. You sound like a strong person, hold onto that. Remember that you have good friends here to talk to anytime you need to talk. Your mom needs counseling or some kind of help, but from listening to you I doubt that she will seek the help she needs. So, unfortunately, you are the one she seems to take things out on. Someday she will look back and regret treating you this way. If you ever need to talk pm me!

[caseysmom]

She probably wouldn't go but she really needs counseling.

[BitsyNaceyDog]

Originally posted by JenBKR
This is your mother's problem, but she's projecting it onto you.

Coming from a similar situation and going to counseling after I moved out (yea, it can really mess the kid up) I was told basically that same thing but in a slightly different way. I sought counseling with my pastor and he told me:

This is my problem. Not because of something I did but rather something that was inflicted upon me by my mother. It is a problem that I have to deal with. ~I though of it like a car accident that wasn't my fault. My car is now wrecked and that is a big problem. Although I wasn't the one to cause the accident I am the one that has the problem of being without a car.
Does that make sense?

[catland]

Here's a great definition of the word "insanity". When you keep doing the same thing and expect a different result.

Please come to terms with the fact that your Mom will not give you rides. Its too bad and it is ultimately her loss, because she is missing out on an invaluable opportunity to spend time with you. Don't dwell anymore on how she should be a better mom, because it isn't going to happen.

Once you've accepted that fact, then you, your brother and your Dad can come up with transportation plans.

Are there other friends/neighbors/relatives that can give you or your brother rides? I'm thinking of people who are going to the same event anyway, so giving you a ride wouldn't be a big deal. You could even "earn" the ride by offering to wash their car or do another chore. See? It doesn't have to be hard.


I'm so sorry - at 14 you should have other things going on in your life other than this crazy situation. But once you stop expecting things from her, she can't hurt you anymore. Look at the good things in your life - including all of your PT friends. :D

[carole]

Good Girl Megan for standing your ground and not letting your mother walk all over you, of course it is going to be hard and you are naturally upset, as it is the first time, just believe me it will get easier and easier to do eventually and you will feel a sense of peace in doing so.

Again you should not have to endure this, but I think you will be a better person in the long run for it, however one can be that without all this aggro in their young life, when you become a mother oneday , I think you will find you will be an exceptional mother because of the lack of responsibility and parenting skills your own mother has , even now I bet you vouch never to be like that.

Take heart in knowing that it will not be that long before you can move away and have your own life, choosing whether to make her part of it or not, In the meantime, it is hard to bear I know and understand that completely, but you are doing so well sweetie, keep at it, and let her know she is NOT going to treat you this way anymore.

Do try and make other arrangements if you possibly can, so that you do not need to rely on her help, easier said than done at your age, but if your Dad or friends can help, don't hesitate to ask, or is it possible to get yourself a pushbike and bike to and from work? are there any buses nearby or public transport available, or are the hours odd and none available to you at this time?

GIANT HUGS to you, and know in your heart you are doing the right thing.

I think oneday your mother is going to get a rude awakening, and realise just what a precious daughter she has missed out on, which is really sad but inevitable I think.

Take care of yourself and remember to keep coming here and talk with your friends, as they are more than happy to help, offer some advice and a kind word or two. LOVE YA.:)

[Uabassoon]

Sorry you have to deal with this. Is there any way you can live with your dad? He sounds like a nice guy.

[Laura's Babies]

I am APPALLED that someone would use that kind of language with their child.... in front of a child or where a child could even overhear it!:eek: You are her CHILD! I don't care if you are 16 or 60!! You are her CHILD! You don't talk to your children like that, not in MY world anyway....

Sweetie, just remember, someday you mother will be OLD and she will need YOU to take her to the doctors and places when she is old and sick. She will need YOU to look after HER then. Someday the roles will reverse.... I would HOP on reminding her of that and the rold model she is setting for you NOW could effect how YOU respond to HER needs when she needs YOU! That day will come, I promise!

[barncat]

as a high school teacher I have learned that there are lots of parents who never grew up. It is really hard on you, their kids. Take good care of you and keep networking for the support you need... As I bet you can tell from the responses, you are cared about (your mom may care, just not have a clue as how to show it appropriately).

I hope the rest of the day/night goes better....

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

So far so good. I hate myself though.

I can't believe I cried. We were in the basement when we fought and she told me to go upstairs and I started to cry and walked away. I gave her the satisfaction of seeing ME CRY.

Great. :(

[Karen]

Yes, but kiddo, this can be the last time she gets that satisfaction.

Because you are a better person than she, and can and will survive all this. Do NOT feel badly about crying. Sometimes you've just gotta cry. We all know that.

And if she has any heart at all, I bet she cried after you left the room.

Be strong, in a few years you'll be out of there.

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

I've gotten lots of positive feedback... thanks everyone. Things are still a little tense, and I'm up to standing up to her again if thigns get wild.

[K9karen]

Ditto. How hideous that your mother uses that language to you! You're NOT one of her "friends". That;s how she interacts with you? I hope you rise above that and don't use the same language to add fuel to the fire. That's so awful to treat you like that. Can you live with your dad? I agree, he sounds like a sweet, sweet man. If I can ask, how old ar you? I forgot. Your mom has major issues, and they're NOT yours! She's the adult. Pick a state, because it seems like we're all anxious to rescue you. The weather isn't bad here. You're more than welcomed.

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

I'm 16.

My dad is a sweet man. The sweetest person I know, and I love him more than life. I do plan on staying with him as long as I can, but I come here sometimes because my mom is the only one with internet. I need to see you guys and talk to you. :( I wouldn't be here without you guys, either. :(

[carole]

Way to go Megan, you are doing just fine, the fact you cried shows what a kind loving girl you are, and that you indeed have feelings and are able to show them, obviously you take after your Dad, like the other's have said he sounds a very nice man.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Brave girl for standing up to that selfish woman who doesn't deserve the title of Mother....... this nightmare will end for you one day - I promise. There will come a time when you will have no reason to contact her unless you want to - only then will she realise what she has missed out on. In the meantime, be as strong as you can and do not blame yourself for any of her actions xx big UK hugs

[katienoonan]

Does anyone wanna pitch in for internet at her dads?!:D

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Originally posted by katienoonan
Does anyone wanna pitch in for internet at her dads?!:D

Would be happy to help - if her Dad wouldn't mind

[ramanth]

Good for you. *HUGS*

[mina'smomma]

Sweetie I'm hear to tell you I know how you feel. I'm 26 and finally stood up to my father who has been in and out of my life. Standing up to a parent is never easy no matter how involved they are in your life. Welcome to the first step of being an adult. You should be proud that you stood up to her, and who knows maybe it will give her a wake up call. If not at least you have your pride. Now you dry those tears sweetie and don't let her get you down. When you go to work don't let her con an apology out of her. If she demands one tell her that you're not sorry for what you said because it is truely how you feel. If she can't except that then see if your Dad knows someone who can just start taking you to work that is relieable. You may have to give them a few bucks in gas money, but its worth it.

[mina'smomma]

Originally posted by katienoonan
Does anyone wanna pitch in for internet at her dads?!:D

I'm game. This young LADY deserves a life that she has come to know with PT:D

[Daisy and Delilah]

Please PM me if you need contributions for internet at Dad's. I'm seriously ready to help!

Terry

[Albea]

Dear Megan, I'm so sorry that you have to go through this bad experience.
I know at this point it won't be of any comfort to you to know that you are not the only one to have a "toxic mother." I taught at the college level for 25 years and always kept a box of tissues handy for all the students that came to cry in my office, usually about family troubles. One of my graduate students had surgery for ovarian cancer, twice within six weeks, and her mother couldn't bother to come from WV to Connecticut.:mad: I brought Lisa to my house for her recovery. Her mother called on the phone and asked to talk to her without even saying hello to me, as if I were running a boarding house. :eek:
In spite of general belief, not every woman is born to be a mother. The ones that are not, but have children, can do a lot of lasting damage.
You are 16, in another two years you'll be able to finish school and become an independent young woman. In the meantime, do not let your mother, under any circumstances, make you feel guilty for anything. That is a game that some mothers play to perfection.
I do hope you can find some adults to help.
With many hugs and best wishes for a solution to your problems.

[barncat]

Hang in there... And crying is nothing to be ashamed of. It means you can feel and know what love is supposed to be like. (Besides, I often cry when I am mad enough to smack someone but will not let myself do violence!)

You are strong and crying does not change that. In some Native American traditions, a warrior who did not cry in appropriate situations was considered mentally disturbed....Use that model of cherishing an alive heart.

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

Oh wow. I don't know what to say, I'm in tears again.

Contributions? You have all exceeded my expectations as friends... I cannot believe the love and support circulating through this thread. I love you all so much.

I'm afraid the internet is a no-go. We don't even have a home phone, my dad and I rely on cell phones. :( That's why I keep coming here. But it's okay that I come here. Bella and Charlie are both here, I couldn't bear to leave them alone here.

Thank you all... SO much. I appreciate it. I'll talk to my dad about the possibility of internet, but I doubt it.