What did I do to deserve this?

[Lexi_Lover]

*starts crying*

Today, my friend and I were going to see a movie and I was getting into the car and my mom just started yelling and screaming at me, that if I crossed the line that p!$$ed her off today, then I would get it! I had no clue what she was talking about.

Then the other day, both my mom and dad just came up to me and slapped me, saying, you better *swear word* start behaving soon, we've had enough of this *swear word*! I had no clue!

I am a good student, and I do chores at home and behave! I don't know what I could do! All I could think of, was running away! So I did! For 6 hours, I stayed outside, until the cops came to get me! I don't know whats wrong!

I know its long and pointless, but they've been hitting me, and screaming at me for no reason at all! :( What can I do now? I've run out of ideas, and if I try and satnd up for myself then I get hit, I already have 5 bruises. Like the other night when I fell and sprained my ankle, I was crying, it killed! She told me to suck it up, and then I fell on the pool deck and tore my knee apart, if I cried, I knew I would pay for it, so I held it in!

Can somebody help me, please! :( Kara, where are you? :( I need you!

[beeniesmom]

Hey,
I hope you are OK now.

I don't know what to tell you....
Is there really no reason for this abuse?
Are they the kind of parents you can talk to... ask why?
Maybe they think you are doing something... drugs, smoking, having sex?

My parents did the same thing to my sister because they thought she was taking drugs.
After talking about it, they resolved the issue.

If that doesn't work, I'd report them to the police.

Is there a relative you can go live with?

I am so sorry this is happening to you.

[flamepony12]

I'm sorry... :( Have you asked them why this is happening? Hope things brighten up soon... =[

[Lexi_Lover]

Thers no reason for what I can think of, for now, it has lightened up from what used to happen. I may not be on the computer often because they tend to yell at me if I am.

I think they've treating me different maybe because of what I wrote to my friend and thats why their disapplining me and making me seem like a child while I am fully responsible.

Thanks you guys, I really appreciate the support! :(

[King Spartacus]

Hi Lexi Lover!

I'm so sorry to hear this... you should not have to hold in your crys of pain, nor any sort of other feeling nor emotion in, in the fear that you will be punished...

I really don't know what to say... Except... try to speak to your parents about what they are doingto you. If no luck, you need to get out of the house. You really do... it's no good for you neither physically nor mentally to be staying with people who abuse you.

If things don't improve, is there someone you can speak to? Like a relative? No-one should have to feel that they are unwelcomed in their own home.

Good luck...

Best wishes, and a great big hug, Sylvie, KS' mom

[Lexi_Lover]

The thing is, I do feel safe here. :(

[Fox-Gal]

Originally posted by beeniesmom

Are they the kind of parents you can talk to... ask why?
Maybe they think you are doing something... drugs, smoking, having sex?

From what I have found parents that abuse are in most cases the type that you can't talk to about the abuse. Like I said, MOST, so before or if you decide to talk to them, approach it at the right time and carefully watch your words to them. Stay away from words like, "it's wrong" "you have no right" anything that will put them on the defense.

Also just because they might think she doing drugs, smoking, sex or anything bad, if no reason or excuse to hit their child.

You need go talk to someone, a family member that you can trust, preferable a adult. Sense school is out, If your town has a summer program for children, go there and in most cases they have someone to talk to or can guide you to someone that can help. Find some body, I don't care how, just do it, what ever way you can.

Your parents might be going through something, personal in their own life that is making them take their frustration out on you. But no matter what they need some sort of counseling, to deal with their anger. By you asking/getting help, you will also be helping them, in the long run. So don't be afraid to go to someone and tell.

Every bone in my body, whats to tell you to go to the police, but I know you can't and most likely wont out of love for your parents. Sense that can get your parents into a criminal offense.

[Anita Cholaine]

I'm so sorry.... :( I really dont know what can you do, Its a hard situation... you should try to talk to your parents, and if it doesnt work, you could talk to a relative or someone you can trust in...

You shouldnt run away again, I think you should think carefully what to do...

Hope things improve soon.....
(((HUGS)))

[Suki Wingy]

Oh, I'm really sorry. Parents are really really hard to understand. Does your library have computers you can use for free? Maybe if it does you can go there all the time and use them. Tell them where you are going and let them follow you there and so they see you are just looking at dog books or whatever. Then maybe they'll trust you if they think you are doing something you are not supposed to??

[NoahsMommy]

Originally posted by Fox-Gal
Also just because they might think she doing drugs, smoking, sex or anything bad, if no reason or excuse to hit their child.

I agree 100%!!

When the police found you, did you tell them WHY you were running away???

[Lexi_Lover]

I don't want to report them to anybody! They are really good people, but somethign lately has triggered it, I don't know if its the moving, or 2 more people in our house! I'm just really confused.

The police tried to get it out of me, but I couldn't tell them the real reason, I just, lied! :(

Again, thank you for the support.

BTW, just so you all know, I don't have sex, do drugs, or smoke, my whole family smokes, and they see how much I hate it, I won 2nd place for an anti0smoking thing in our province.

I've told my mom of the people that do drugs, and she can see how much I hate how people would do that to themselves. I just thought I'd let you know.

And I'm definetly not the one to have sex at 14!! :eek:

[carole]

Oh dear this situation sounds awful to me, I would never slap my daughter as you parents did to you, no matter what the reason, even if she was doing drugs, or anything bad., physical abuse never solved anything.

There must be some sort of reason for their strange behaviour, parents do not just acting like this for no reason, I think you need to be very honest here and think hard whether there would be any reason for them to feel upset with you, I am not doubting you as such, but have you perhaps broken their trust in you some time in the past?

I am not in their shoes, so I cannot judge either of you, and have no desire to, but they should not be slapping you around period.

If you can sit down and have an open, honest talk with them, I am sure they would appreciate it, I know I certainly would, often we just don't take the time to do so.

It is not that parents are hard to understand, it is just teenagers and parents are on different wave lengths, and think differently, usually the parent is just putting your well-being first, and it is because they care so much, that they maybe over-reacting, believe it or not they are just as frightened as you are,most parents just want what is best for their child and to protect them.

[CagneyDog]

I'm sorry this is happening :( I agree, you need to talk to someone you trust about this. They will be able to give you some advice and hopefully get the problem solved.

I don't understand though:confused: Did your parents call the police to find you? And if they did wouldnt they want to know a direct reason. It just seems weird that they would just find you and drop you off....

[catnapper]

As a mom having problems with a teenage daughter, all I want is her to TALK to me! Perhaps your parents feel as if you're pulling away and being secretive? You might think you are being communivcative, but they might not see it that way. When you go home, sit down with your parents, then say to them that you would like to honestly and openly talk to them without anyone raising their voices and taking insult to anything.

It sounds as if there's an abundance of stress in their lives right now. By all means, that is NO REASON to start hitting you, but it is a place where you can start understanding them, and start talking to them by saying "I know you and dad are frazzled with all thats going on right now. What can I do to help?" and go from there. You might be surprised... chances are your parents will say there's nothing you need to do, but they'll realize you're a good kid who is hurt and confused in all this too.

[Lexi_Lover]

The police didn't just find me and drop me off, they talked to me and my parents seperatly and I have no clue what they told him but anyways ya!

I'm sorry if its making it seem like they are hitting me repeatedly, they have hit me a couple times, but never on a daily basis. If I have to tell you guys the truth, of why I *think* might be the reason then here you go.

A couple of omnths ago, when I posted about my friend cutting, I got into a series of problems in my life, with people at school, etc, and then I attempted to commit suicide. :( I know it was wrong, but I thought it was the only thing I could do, ever since then, they have acted differently.

But, how can they not see that hitting me, is not going to want me to try again? I have a severly low self-esteem, like where I said gets to the point that I want to kill myself.

Just thought, that might help as well. :( It took a lot of my courage to tell people that I don't even know well. :(

[carole]

Thank you for opening up and being so honest with us, it is a very personal issue that you have explained to us, but it certainly puts things in a very different light.

I am extremely disturbed to hear you have such low self esteem that you would want to end your young life,I can only imagine how frightened your parents are after this happening, as a parent I would be beside myself with worry, I know when I am very worried I sometimes come over as being angry too, so please try to see this from their perspective.

They simply love you to bits sweetie, and are so scared they may loose you, they probably don't know how to be with you, they seem to be making some mistakes, but they are obviously worried and concerned about you, even if they reacted wrongly by hitting you, and i cannot condone that part of their behaviour at all whether it be once in a while or not.

Have you as a family try some counselling, because it sure sounds as though you all need some help here.

please never ever consider that option again, everybody's life is worthwhile, you are on this earth for a purpose sweetie, please make the best of what you have, life has so much to offer, you just have to reach out and grab it.:)

[Lexi_Lover]

Thank you Carole!

I know that what I did was wrong and that it can hurt everybody. I don't want to do it again, and I never will, but it seemed like the only option at the time.

I think that what you said, may be why things have changed between us! :) I just needed a solution.

I was on counselling and all my sessions are over, and I DON'T wanna go back! :( I hated it there, kinda scary too! :eek: I wake up and see Lexi's face and know that nothing can jurt me, shes the reason that I keep on living for everything I have! :) And I'm grateful! Having her gives me something to do, its the care that I put into her to make her my girl!

I go to her when I'm sad or upset, when I need a friend right there and to hold on tight! And I'm sure she respects me for that! I don't know how a thread about somethign so disturbing just turned into something so happy and perfect, but now, I realize just how much everythign in life means to me!

Thank you, to everybody, who helped me in this! I know it seems short and taht nothing ever happened, but me thinking of that, will keep me strong! And when I need help or advice, I'll come back and look at what I wrote!

[carole]

Way to go lexi-Lover, good on you, it is sometimes hard to see the brighter side of life, but i am so happy that you have such a will to carry on with what life has to offer, so much ahead of you, I envey your youth, and admire your committment and courage to take whatever life deals you.

It does explain the way things have changed, believe me your parents will be hurting too ya know, they will be blaming themselves, and hurt can come across as anger when we don't quite know how to say it.

Love and hugs to you, and keep your spirit up and love that wee pet of yours as much as you can, she is one good reason to get up everyday isn't she?:)and believe me there are a thousand more.

[Lexi_Lover]

Carole, you are amazing at advice and thigns to keep people rearing towards the way life is supposed to take you! And I envey that of you! ;)

Now, I know I told you all something that shocks you, maybe even make you worry, but I want nobody to treat me differently on here, thats the last thing I want right now! Got it? It took SO much for me to write that, and I don't really want it to be taken as a joke either, because already people have asked if its true, and what I did! :( Please, just respect what I said!

[NoahsMommy]

Honey, I agree with Kim. I think you should have a talk with your parents. If you aren't afraid of them...I would really have a heart-to-heart talk.

They are your parents and they love you. They'll just want to help you, I'm sure.

Hope things get better.

Hugs,
Kelly

[Lexi_Lover]

I can not just go up to my parents and talk, I am not the one to do that. :( I know that is what would be good, but I just want everything to settle on its own! I talked to them briefly before I went to bed, because if I said something wrong then at least they would not yell at me because everybody else was sleeping. They did not say anything about why they are, and I know that they never will say the real reason why.

Thank you though for the advice.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

You poor kid - I really feel for you and wish I could help. Is there no one you could confide in and maybe stay with for a while? You have done nothing to deserve this treatment - your parents should be ashamed of themselves

[Lexi_Lover]

Please don't say that about my parents. :( They really are good people, I love them no matter what they do. :( I know it doesn't sound right or natural but I still do, they have done so much for me, and look what I have become, a grade A student, a good owner, sensitive and striving to help others. I know that things are rough over here, but they will lighten up, and I know that. I don't want to go somewhere else, and our family ties with so many of our relatives, so even if things were to get very rough and I left, for sure they would call my parents and they would be over here before they could even yell "Paula COME HOME!"

[Pawsitive Thinking]

I am sorry if I offended you - certainly wasn't my intention. As a mum I couldn't imagine treating my daughter this way. However, it is your home and your family so I hope that you will be able to resolve this and that you will all be happy again soon - in the meantime you have another "family" here to talk to whenever you need us

[Lexi_Lover]

No, its ok.

Well, of course, me being me, went to the grocery store with my mom. She asks me what I want for supper, so, I thought, 'Hey, shes giving me the option here. so why not?' Of course, I say the first thing in front of me, "Chicken?" Then in front of the whole grocery store she yells, "Aren't you big enough? Calm down with what you *swear word* eat!" I tried to stand up, but now, shes yelling at me even more. No more slapping, but if it just so happens that I somehow tick her off even more, then I will get hurt and I know it. I'm just going to keep my distance and do what she asks for now. My dad wasn't there, but he has been leaving me alone, but totally ignoring me! :( What do I do now? Leaving is NOT an option, neither is reporting them.

I don't want to go to the same conclusion I did the last time. :( Its way too painful and it will cause more.

[luvofallhorses]

Paula,

I am sorry you're going through this :( This is not your fault okay? I know you said you don't want to go to counseling, but they'll help you and things are confidential between you and the counselor unless they feel like they have to report something(like something like this) just try to stay away from your parents when they get angry, go to your room or something, go walk Lexi or visit with Skye. (((((((many hugs))))))))) You know I am here for you.

[carole]

Oh Lexi_Lover I am so distressed to hear those words come out of your mother's mouth, she probably is concerned for you, but that is the wrong way to go about it, besides there is nothing wrong with chicken as a meal, it is how it is cooked that really matters.

I am lost for words regarding advice, I think perhaps your own parents self esteem is rather low and they also did not have praise showered upon them, they react in the only way they know how, sad but history does repeat itself, unless they can see it for themselves and make a concentrated effort to try and change.

Please always come here to talk to someone, we always have a listening ear and shoulder to cry on,remember you are not ALONE, although it may seem that way, we all care very much about you, and only want you to feel the happiness you so deserve.

HUGS sweetie .

[catnapper]

Originally posted by Lexi_Lover
I can not just go up to my parents and talk, I am not the one to do that. :(
Oh sweetie... we all do things in life that is not usual for us, or feels awkward, strange. But we do it because we HAVE to. In this instance, I think you really HAVE to talk to your parents no matter how much it feels like the odd thing. Everyting in life there was a first time. Please talk to your parents.

[Oggyflute]

Sorry to hear of this Paula. The only bit of advice I might offer is to perhaps see a church minister. Now I know this isn't for everyone, but my experience with this, stems from my brother-in-law who is a minister of the Uniting Church. He is an absolute genius to talk to, as quite often you know the answer, but he just helps you to reach the conclusion. I know that my bother-in-law has helped family's in a similar situation to yours, so it could be worth looking in to. It all boils down to finding someone you can trust totally, and who will help yopu resolve the situation with your parents. I agree with Carole, in that they do love you, but have been really scared. Unfortunately this could be the reason why the behaviour has manifested into the anger they have shown. My closest sister tried to take her life, quite a few years ago now, but it took me a long time to be able to trust her again. The self doubt that awashes you in that situation is enormous, and I admit I was very angry with my sister. But things worked out, she got on with her life, and our bond is as strong as ever.

[IRescue452]

I'm sorry because this is going to offend you. You love your parents and are willing to put up with everything they dish out even though it hurts you physically and emotionally. Your parents need professional help. It sounds as if they are lashing out irrashionally as if they are on drugs. You are trying your hardest to act as if nothing is wrong and protect your parents. I'm wondering if there is some sort of support group in your area you can go to that will help you get your parents the help they need. You don't deserve this type of treatment. Running away is notgoing to help because professionals and police will side with your parents and think you are just some bad kid. You need to go about this in a respectable way that shows them that you aren't a bad kid running away and causing trouble.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

I'm sorry because this is going to offend you

Please don't take offence at anything that is posted here - all the advice has been given in your best interests because there are a lot of people who are concerned about you and genuinely care......you are a good person and I hope you find the courage and strength to deal with the situation

[micki76]

Paula, you must know that nothing gets better by ignoring it, no matter what it is. However difficult, you must talk to your parents. If not them then another responsible adult in your life. Try not to be overly emotional when you do it. Be as calm and straightforward as you can be. (I know, easier said than done)

Not to excuse them in any way, but I'm certain they are stressed to the max. People do things that aren't normal when they're completely stressed out. Like you said, there's a lot going on and your suicide attempt must have freaked them out in ways I can't even imagine.

If you and your parents ignore it, it will only fester and get worse.

{{{{{Hugs}}}}}

[carole]

I think Micki has given you some sound advice, I certainly don't think badly of your parents, and agree with so many others, oggyflute really hit the nail on the head i think, he has experienced a similar situation with his sister and been able to open up and tell you how he felt, I am sure you parents are feeling much the same, and like Micki said when under stress and pressure people react differently and not always as we would wish them too.

It sounds like they need some help themselves in dealing with it all, and learning to trust you again, they hopefully will realise that you were in a deep dark place, that you did not want to be in, and that you saw no other option at the time, however you could help to re-assure them you no longer feel that way and would never ever contemplate such an option ever again, I think that would help them feel better too.

They are obviously mixed up and feeling an emotional pain as well, and I think in time it will get better.

You place your trust in them as well, because they sound like good people who do love you, they are just in turmoil as well.

I honestly don't think you need to get away from them at all, and I think they are being a little mis-judged by some, I still do not condone them hitting you or putting you down.

Try talking with them, leaving well alone will not change anything and it will just get worse I think if you say and do nothing at all., but only you can be the best judge of that, as you know your parents better than we do.

GOOD LUCK.:)

[anna_66]

Oh Paula, I'm sorry to hear about all of this and I understand that you love both your parents very much. Alot of kids are in your same situation (some that I know very well).
I know it's hard to live with and one day you will be able to leave that house of your own free will.
Until then, we are here to listen whenever you need us.
{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}
Anna