It happened again... :(

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

******. I did it again.

My mom said she had like twelve dollars on her checking account, but we went to buy some eggs and bacon for breakfast. That's ALL she wanted to buy.

Well we got to the checkout and she had two sodas, yogurt, lunchables, corn, everything.

I had gotten my own stuff cuz I had my own money. Her's came to be $20.08 and her check wouldn't go through. She's like, "Oh we'll do it a different way." Then she looks at me and says. "Pay for it!"

****. And I did it. I work at that grocery store, what the **** was I supposed to do? Say no and cause a huge ruckus in front of all my friends? I'm bawling my eyes out again because I couldn't say no in front of my friends and fellow workers. She took my last twenty dollars from me and then used a dollar of her own money, and kept the change. :rolleyes: :( I'm just pissed off that I did it again. I had to put back the groceries I had... my GOD she made me feel so **** stupid in front of EVERYONE I WORK WITH! :(

She didn't even ****ing appologize.

*wishes someone who loved her would kidnap her*

*bawls with empty pockets inside out*

[CountryWolf07]

Oh sweetie, I am sorry to hear about what happened.. * hugs * I know you have it in you, it just takes a matter of time to realize you have it in you and you will be able to stand up to her. You can do it. Just go "Hey, no, I work for this money, and I earn it. I have been helping you out the entire time, but it's time, I'm tired of it, Mom, I'm done." and just walk out..

[luvofallhorses]

Oh Megan :( I am so sorry this had to happen again. :( Like CountryWolf said it's going to take time to step up to her. Try to be strong even though I know it's hard. Don't think it's your fault because it's not. (((((((many hugs)))))))

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

Ugh... I'm just so sick of the way she does this all the time and gets away with it. :(

*hides*

[beeniesmom]

Look sweety, the only way to resolve this is to:

1) When she is going out, don't go with her.

or

2) If she asks you to go, say that you don't feel well and can't.

or

3) If you do go out together.... do not take your money with you.

or

4) MOVE OUT!

I am so sorry about this situation. Your mom sounds like the child to me here. You also should talk to your dad about it. Make him give you money for shopping.

When I lived at home, I used contribute to the household, especially food stuff. I would go food shopping for the house. It was not demanded of me. Maybe your mom is trying to tell you something here.... how old are you?

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

I can't move out.

She takes me to work and back, this is usually when it happens.

I can't fake sick all of my life.

I always take my money with me, I feel unsafe leaving it anywhere else.

The only answer to this problem is that I need to get off my *** and stand up to her. I'm just too scared.

I didn't today because I was in public and at work, and my FRIEND was checking me out.

Sorry I'm such a baby about this stuff, I just hate how she takes advantage of me.

[beeniesmom]

I see. :(

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

Originally posted by beeniesmom
You also should talk to your dad about it. Make him give you money for shopping.


Not to sound rude, but why should I ask my dad for money? A.) he's not part of this problem, B.) He doesn't have enough money as it is.

I'm 16, turning 17 in October.

[beeniesmom]

Not to sound rude, but why should I ask my dad for money?

oh, you're not rude. I just thought that since your mom acts so childish and presumes that you have money, your dad may be able to do something.... talk to her or something.

[moosmom]

I always take my money with me, I feel unsafe leaving it anywhere else.

How about getting a lock box with a key that you carry around with you at all times??? When you and your Mom go out, leave YOUR money at home. This way you can honestly say you don't have it.

Just a suggestion.

[catnapper]

Don't carry any money AT ALL.... get yourself a MAC card and tell nobody the PIN number. Tell the bank you don't want one of those debit/credit card type MAC cards... just the good old fashioned one that NEEDS a PIN number to work. This way you can buy the things you want, and honestly tell your mom that you have no money.

[Tweety_Pie]

Aww Megan I'm so sorry:(

What if you brought your money with you at all times, and when she asks for money say you don't have any with you?


I really hope things get better for you! :(

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

Originally posted by catnapper
Don't carry any money AT ALL.... get yourself a MAC card and tell nobody the PIN number. Tell the bank you don't want one of those debit/credit card type MAC cards... just the good old fashioned one that NEEDS a PIN number to work. This way you can buy the things you want, and honestly tell your mom that you have no money.

That sounds like a good idea... I know that I can get my paychecks direct deposited, maybe I could get a card? I don't want a credit card. Don't debit cards just take money out of your account automatically? Nothing to "pay later"? I just want something simple... slide, swipe and go! Is there an age limit on them?

The only thing I'm worried about is if she knows that I am getting a debit card, couldn't it still happen? She could pressure me into doing it again... but I can stand up to her, right?

[NoahsMommy]

((((((HUGS))))))

I have a question...I wonder if your mom feels that because you now work, you should contribute to the house? And this is why she thinks its "OK" to do this?

I may agree with her, but she's absolutely going about it the WRONG way. She needs to ask you for a contribution, not put you on the spot.

I may be wrong, just trying to see another side. I know I grew up in a divorced home and we were always short on money (HATED the pantry the few days until mom's pay day!). I used to buy food and do things around the house to try and help out. Granted, if my mom needed money, she'd ask (and be mortified) and I'd always get it back.

I agree with the others, in your own time, you'll be able to handle the situtation.

Hugs,
Kelly :)

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

Originally posted by NoahsMommy
I know I grew up in a divorced home and we were always short on money (HATED the pantry the few days until mom's pay day!). I used to buy food and do things around the house to try and help out. Granted, if my mom needed money, she'd ask (and be mortified) and I'd always get it back.



My dad is the same way. I help him all the time, and he hates asking me for money, but I know he needs it, and I have no problem giving him money. Most of it usually goes to our outrageous cell phone bill... :eek:

[Karen]

How would you get to work if your mother couldn't take you? Can you ride your bike there? Or catch a ride with someone else? Could your Dad take you?

Unfortunately as you are under 18, you might need parental approval to get a debit card/bank card. Try to talk to your Dad about him helping you set up an account.

Do NOT use profanity on Pet Talk.

Pick a day and a time to stand up to your mom. Don't wait for it to happen again, be proactive. Write yourself a "speech" if you have to. Tell her that you are sorry that she is always short of money, suggest she make herself a budget within HER OWN means, and stick to it. Tell her, by the way, she could save a lot of money if she quit smoking, and THAT could help her money problems. (I know that bothers you, as it would any daughter who cares about a parent.)

Explain that your are trying to become a fiscally responsible person, and trying to save money for college, or for the time when you will move out. She will need to do without your money very soon anyway, as you are nearing adulthood.

Are her parents available to talk to? Maybe they could help you talk to her.

[NoahsMommy]

I think talking to her would be a good idea, but you'll have to use reverse psychology.

Do like Karen suggested and say you're planning on saving your $$ for college and ask her opinion on how she'd do it if it were her. Ask if she can help you open a bank acount like a CD where you CAN'T take the money out.

I think that if she saw your $$ was going to a savings for your future, she'd have a harder time demanding it each time she wants cigarettes.

[carole]

Megan are you still at school and only working part time, if you have left school and work full time, then you should be expected to pay board as we call it here in NZ, at least your share of the food money, just curious as I am not sure on these details.

Don't keep berating yourself for failing to stand up to her, you will find the strength and courage one day to do so, and from that day on I would hope things will take a change in the right direction.

your mother is not stupid, she makes sure she chooses a time when it is difficult for you to say NO.

If you seriously want things to change, only you can do the changing by standing up to her once and for all,until you do that, she will continue to maniuplate you, in a way you are enabling her to continue to do this to you.

I know this is Huge thing for you to undertake, but hopefully there will come a time when you will say to yourself ENOUGH is ENOUGH, I wish you well and hope the time will come sooner rather than later. HUGS.

[sandragonfly]

abby,

if you don't want to share your money, DO something!! speak back or walk away.

and if your friends are your true friends, they WILL stick with you after.

continue doing this by so will only encourage her nag you more.

sorry I'm upset about this but this gotta stop, period. I've seen your other thread about 10 dollars...you can't be scared anymore. we are all here for you, there's about over 20 of us here suggesting you the same action over your mother, now why should you be scared?

I don't think credit/debit cards will do different because she may say "swipe your card now!" ...and I wish you did say NO. and see if your mother would slap you in front of everyone.. hope this thread will finally put some confidence in you, and do it! no more craps for you. please let your father help you.

(..hope "crap" isn't a proffy? if so, sorry!)

[carole]

I must add Megan , that I agree with Gina's Ark and other's who have said to you to let your father help, if you cannot deal with this situation and it appears you cannot, please engage your father's support and help,he sounds a really good guy and I am sure when he understands how much this is hurting you, he will step in and help you put a stop to it for good, even if he does help you, I still think the initial NO has to come from you, so your mother knows you mean business, maybe you would risk getting a slapping, but i doubt whether your mother would do that in public either.

[Luvin Labs]

Originally posted by carole
I must add Megan , that I agree with Gina's Ark and other's who have said to you to let your father help, if you cannot deal with this situation and it appears you cannot, please engage your father's support and help,he sounds a really good guy and I am sure when he understands how much this is hurting you, he will step in and help you put a stop to it for good, even if he does help you, I still think the initial NO has to come from you, so your mother knows you mean business, maybe you would risk getting a slapping, but i doubt whether your mother would do that in public either.

Ditto here! Like I said in the other post, you don't even have to talk to her about leaving, just leave her a note and leave! There might be an eventual confrontation, but hopefully by that time you will be encouraged by your dad enough and encouraged by us and your other friends enough to put your foot down and tell her NO. And your true friends will be your friends no matter what, even if she yells at you in front of them. They'll see her for what she is and is doing to you and will support you as we at PT have! We are all here for you, take courage in that!

:)