I should have learned the first time... *RANT*

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

What do you think THIS rant is going to be about?

If you know anything about me, you'd know its my mom.




She spent the rest of my money on cigarettes for herself. I had ten dollars for the week and she spent 5 on her cigarettes. I had spent five on my dinner because I worked all night.

She constantly tells me that she won't buy me anything because I have my own money. The fact is, if I would have said no to her tonight, she would have f***ing slapped me. I'm not even kidding. Here was our convo.

Mom: You're going to have to give me some money so I can buy cigarettes.

Me: WHY?!? What happened to the ten bucks YOU had?

Mom: Jake and I got Taco Bell for supper.

Me: Mom, all I have is 5 bucks after this. Don't buy any freaking cigarettes if you don't have money.

Then she gave me the most evil, deadly looking glare I have ever seen. If she didn't have both hands on the steering wheel and was driving she would have slapped me.

Mom: KNOCK IT OFF. We BOTH get paid on Friday, chill the f*** out.

I was crying in the car, she just couldn't see me. I can't understand why she finds the need to take MY money all the time... AND smoke all the time.

Sorry for the pointless rant... I just feel like all I'm here for is to give my mom money for tobacco and piss her off.. nothing else. :(

[finn's mom]

It's not a pointless rant. That sucks. Maybe you should just stop carrying your money with you. Put it in savings, and, don't tell your mom. Does your dad know she's spending all of your money? I would just simply not carry it anymore.

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

The thing is, she knows I have money most of the time, it rarely happens that I never have a dollar to my name. If I didn't have any with me, she would take me home to get it, its just that urgent to her. :(

[Karen]

I agree - put your money in a bank account, just keep a couple bucks in your sneaker or somewhere she won't know about. Tell your mom that you will not give her cigarette money ever again. If she gets mad, tell her you care about her, and that smoking is so bad for her, and all those around her, that you feel it's your moral obligation not to support that habit. Tell her she should be proud that she has raised a daughter with strong morals and the fortitude to not back down. Then stick your fingers in your ears while she hollers. (If you lived near me I'd offer you my couch to sleep on as refuge 'til she calms back down, be that ten minutes or ten years.)

[finn's mom]

What does your dad say about this? There's no way she can make you get money that you don't have. Just simply don't keep it anywhere that she can get it. Crap, put it in an envelope and mail it to a friend or something, if that's what you have to do. Partly joking on that one. Are you really afraid she's going to physically harm you? Is there any way that you could make sure you're never alone with her? If it's gotten to the point where you're afraid she's going to hit you in the face for not giving her money for cigarettes, than, it's gotten to the point where you need to take it to another level.

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

I came so close to standing my ground and saying no... I was so close... but the way she looked at me...

[finn's mom]

Originally posted by ILoveMyAbbyGirl
I came so close to standing my ground and saying no... I was so close... but the way she looked at me...

Is it too personal to ask the questions I've asked? You can tell me if it is, I won't ask again, or probe any further. But, this is p***ing me off for some reason, and, I want to see if we can help you figure out something.

[NoahsMommy]

((((hugs))))

It doesn't sound like your mom is open to discussing this, so I'd just lay low until you can get the heck out of there.

I wish I could help you....it has to be a horrible feeling and you truly don't deserve this.

Hugs sweetie,
Kelly

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

Originally posted by finn's mom
What does your dad say about this? There's no way she can make you get money that you don't have. Just simply don't keep it anywhere that she can get it. Crap, put it in an envelope and mail it to a friend or something, if that's what you have to do. Partly joking on that one. Are you really afraid she's going to physically harm you? Is there any way that you could make sure you're never alone with her? If it's gotten to the point where you're afraid she's going to hit you in the face for not giving her money for cigarettes, than, it's gotten to the point where you need to take it to another level.

(Sorry, I missed this post!)

I don't know if she would hurt me... she certainly could if she wanted. I remember when I was 6 or so, she dragged my sister up the stairs by her hair... I was so scared, I ran to my sister and she held me and we both cried.

Like I said, she knows I usually have a couple dollars, and thats all she needs. If it's at home, we'll run home and get it. My dad HATES it when she does this to me, same as I do. And its not like my mom would hit me for no reason, so being alone with her isn't really a problem.

All I know is that you guys have both given me the strength to stand up to her next time.. my dad says the same thing, to just stand my ground.


Don't be afraid to ask questions either.

[Queen of Poop]

I completely agree with Karen, excellent comments. Prayers for you that you have the strength to stand up to her. Tell her you can no longer watch her kill herself with cigarettes. I am sad for you. Please take care.

[finn's mom]

Ok, that's cool. I was just going by what you said when you said she would have slapped you, that's what I meant by hit. I hope you can stand up to her. You have a lot more strength than you're giving yourself credit for. A lot more than your mother does, if she's going to be begging for money for a weak habit like smoking. That's disgusting. I had to finally tell my brother that I wouldn't drive him or give him money for cigarettes. It has to come to that with some people.

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

I'm crying just thinking about it... all the nice comments and such, thank you guys, keep them coming.

I keep saying that I'm going to say no, but I'm AFRAID to say no. That's why I didn't this time. I'm AFRAID. :(

[finn's mom]

Originally posted by ILoveMyAbbyGirl
I'm AFRAID. :(

Ok, this is what has me worried. What are you afraid of exactly? You can tell me it's none of my business, or pm me if you want.

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

I'm afraid of what she would DO if I said no. She hasn't hit me before, but sometimes she gets so angry, she looks like she would. I just don't want to risk that chance. :(

Where's the Kleenex when you need em?? :( :o

[NoahsMommy]

Originally posted by ILoveMyAbbyGirl
I keep saying that I'm going to say no, but I'm AFRAID to say no. That's why I didn't this time. I'm AFRAID. :(
Honey, you know your mom better than we do. If you are afraid, just try and avoid her.

Reading about her...and what she thinks is OK to do to her daugher...shows what type of person she is. If you tried to say no and she treated you so harshly, I don't know if standing up is the best idea.

Gosh, I wish I could come kidnap you!! :(

[finn's mom]

Originally posted by ILoveMyAbbyGirl
I'm afraid of what she would DO if I said no. She hasn't hit me before, but sometimes she gets so angry, she looks like she would. I just don't want to risk that chance. :(

Where's the Kleenex when you need em?? :( :o

Ok, I guess this is why I'm so confused. If you are that afraid, why are ever alone with her? I mean, unless you feel like you're being silly or exaggerating things. If you really are afraid that she might do something to you if you say no, I don't understand why you go anywhere with her. :( i'm sorry if I'm being pushy, I won't push any more after this.

[NoahsMommy]

Do you live with both your parents??

Could you go to your dad with this??

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

Today, it was on the way home from work. I had no choice to be with her. I avoid her at all costs, but sometimes she needs to take me places.

:( Thanks for the support everyone. :(

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

Originally posted by NoahsMommy
Do you live with both your parents??

Could you go to your dad with this??

Yes and yes. My dad will definately hear this one. He gets the same thing sometimes, she asks him to buy her soda and cigarettes too. He says no most of the time. I just have to find the same strength he has.

[finn's mom]

Originally posted by ILoveMyAbbyGirl
Today, it was on the way home from work. I had no choice to be with her. I avoid her at all costs, but sometimes she needs to take me places.

:( Thanks for the support everyone. :(

Maybe just ask your dad to buy a pack of cigarettes for her before you go anywhere with her, so, if it comes up, you can just give them to her, and, say, I knew you'd ask, so, here. And, if you have the bus available, take it. I'd rather walk 1000 miles than be stuck in a car with someone I didn't feel safe around, but, hopefully, it's not as bad as that. I hope everything works out, and, that you keep yourself safe.

[NoahsMommy]

Originally posted by ILoveMyAbbyGirl
Yes and yes. My dad will definately hear this one. He gets the same thing sometimes, she asks him to buy her soda and cigarettes too. He says no most of the time. I just have to find the same strength he has.
Honey, here's the thing. Its OK for her to ask your dad to get her cigarettes...whatever. But to ask her DAUGHTER for money for cigarettes is HIGHLY UNAPPROPRIATE. That's the deal. This is not right.... :( I think that's why Finn's Mom is so mad...as am I...for you.

Talk to your dad. He needs to talk to her for her. Demand she knock this off.

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

That's another thing... the guilt she puts us through.


I don't have to be here right now. I could call my dad this second and tell him that I want him to come and get me. But I feel this overwhelming guilt that I have to be here... but my dad tells me that I don't ever have to be at one or the other if I don't want to. I just feel so guilty and like a horrible person if I tell my mother I don't want to stay with her.

If my dad did say something to her about it, she wouldn't listen. She never has.

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

Originally posted by NoahsMommy
Honey, here's the thing. Its OK for her to ask your dad to get her cigarettes...whatever. But to ask her DAUGHTER for money for cigarettes is HIGHLY UNAPPROPRIATE.

Lol... just to point out a little humor in this whole thing...

shouldn't I be asking her for money for cigs? Lol... it's what all the kids are doing... :rolleyes: Riiight. :p Sorry, couldn't resist.

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

I'm just going to have to tell her I'm not going to fund her killing herself. She'd love it. :rolleyes:

[finn's mom]

Originally posted by ILoveMyAbbyGirl
I just feel so guilty and like a horrible person if I tell my mother I don't want to stay with her.

Well, I hope you can get over that, because she does not deserve you right now. She needs to learn a lesson. You know, parents resort to tough love all the time, maybe it's your turn to turn the tables around. Good luck.

[flamepony12]

Oh my gosh Meg, I'm sorry I didn't see this before... You know I'm always here for you, though... :( Through the good times and the bad. I am so sorry you've had to go throught this for so long... I really wish there was something more I could do. :( You know we love you Meg, so we're here whenever you need us. You can always PM me, and if you want, I can PM you my cell too. ((((((HUGS))))))

[GoldenRetrLuver]

I'm sorry you have to go through all of this, Meg. You know I'm always here for you. I'd listen to everyone else's advice.. if you can get out of the house and go live with your dad, like I told you, then by all means, go. Do not feel guilty over anything. There's no reason for you to feel that way. Your health and well-being is the most important thing.

{{hugs}} :)

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

Thanks everyone... :) *hugs*

[king2005]

I know what its like to have a not so nice mother. I felt bad leaving her, but it was best for me. I was under terrible stresses when I was living with her.

After I moved out I stopped seeing/talking/etc with her. Its been about 1.5 years now & I feel great!

Sometimes u have to start thinking whats best for u & the heck what others think/feel.

My b/f took me in so I have a place to live. I also have a nice job. I'm finally happy, less stressed & much healthier.

The easiest way to leave, is when ur mother isn't home. Pack all ur things up & get ur dad to pick u & ur things up ASAP & don't look back (as in feeling guilty).

If u want advoid her for a while. Let things cool down with ur move. & when ur ready, so see her. BUT only if u want to.

I choose not to & I highly doutb I'll ever see her again. & I do not care. My health is more important then anything.

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

Thanks everyone.

[luvofallhorses]

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. :( You don't deserve to. Nobody does. ((((((many hugs)))))))

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

I know... but I am standing up to her next time. Thanks for the encouragement everyone. :)

[carole]

Dearest Megan I just want to kidnap you as well, and throw my arms around you and give you the biggest hug ever.

Your mother is behaving very erractic and irresponsible, the way she talks to you is appalling, she is mean't to be a role model for you and set good examples.

Take pride in knowing Megan despite your mother's seemingly lack of maturity in this field , you are turning out to be one great girl, sometimes adversity and situations such as you are being put through, have a positive side, still there is no reason why you should have endure this behaviour from your mother.

Be strong and brave sweetheart and stand up to her, it will only probably take the one time and then she will know she can no longer maniupulate you like she is.

I understand what an incredible difficult situation you are being put in, you are torn between your love for you mother and what is the best thing to do.

I cannot say it enough Megan , you are a wonderful loving girl, with a lot to offer this world, and it is very sad to me that your mother cannot or will not see that for herself, she is so caught up in her little sad world,and being totally selfish IMO.

I don't mean to diss your mother in any way, as I know you care for and love her, but honestly she does need to start acting more like a mother.

Good luck and huge hugs to you.:)

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

Thanks everyone, she's definately not getting any of my money anymore unless I know its going towards a good cause (i.e. groceries, etc.)

I don't know why she does this to me. I try so hard to make her happy. I get straight-A's most of the time, with the occasional B, I drive, I have a well paying job, I never ask her for money, I am responsible and I take care of children well, I'm honest, trustworthy, have never drank or smoked anything unlike 80% of the kids my age... I DO NOT want to drink, smoke, do drugs or any of that... I have no desire to do stupid crap like that. But I still can't make her happy. :(

[finn's mom]

Originally posted by ILoveMyAbbyGirl
But I still can't make her happy. :(

Stop trying. She's not a happy person, and, no one in this world can truly make a person happy when they can't be happy with themselves. That's a hard lesson I've had to learn. You have to work on yourself, and, that, in turn, will make the people around you very happy. ;)

[Luvin Labs]

I agree with finnsmom and most everyone here!!!


I could call my dad this second and tell him that I want him to come and get me. But I feel this overwhelming guilt that I have to be here... but my dad tells me that I don't ever have to be at one or the other if I don't want to. I just feel so guilty and like a horrible person if I tell my mother I don't want to stay with her

This quote confuses me. You said you live with BOTH of them, but you say "my dad tells me that I don't ever have to be at one or the other if I don't want to" translates to me that you could live with your mom OR your dad, indicating they don't live together... so I'm confused :confused:

Now, I don't mean to be/sound mean but...

She is cruel to you. She is worthless as a mother if she keeps treating you like this. I wouldn't call her 'mom' with what I've read here. I wish I could see her and frankly I'll give her my two cents (after hearing her side that is)...

These posts from you (don't feel bad) piss me off (i.e. your mother pisses me off, and your dad too!!!) since it doesn't seem like anything is improving for you...

YOU are AFRAID of her.

Let me repeat that...

YOU ARE AFRAID OF HER.

STOP feeling like you are a horrible person for how she treats you. She treats you like shit and she IS NOT A GOOD MOTHER, mainly for how she treats you from what I've read in these posts she is mentally abusive of you and seems like she's getting to be physically abusive as well, or close to it...

Have you talked to your dad about this? How afraid you are? How you cry? He needs to have a serious sit down with your mom or he is just enabling her abusive (whether it be mental or physical) behavior towards you.

Your mom needs a serious action taken against her from what I've read. A talk with your dad MIGHT help. Hopefully it will. He's seeing how she treats you right?????

But you also need to start stepping up and standing your own ground against her. You caving in empowers her more over you every time she does this shit. Stand your ground, speak up, and let her know you will take NONE of her shit anymore and then back that up with actions (i.e. NOT getting the money, NOT telling her where it is-if you do.! Don't give her your money. Hide it somewhere she won't find it. Don't give in to her!


I'm not saying this to make you feel crappy or whatnot, I'm saying all this because I care and HATE to see you in this position. I'd love to take a drive over there and see things for myself and give you a big hug, as you see you have a LOT of PT support!

Take care, BE STRONG, and don't let her get you down!

[carole]

I Agree Megan live your life as you see fit for yourself, and stop trying to please your mother, just continue to do it for your own-well being sweetie.

She is obviously a very unhappy person and she is dysfunctional because of it, it seems nothing you do will ever please her, it is a pity your mother does not realise just how lucky she is to have a daughter like you, I do hope in time your mother will get through her" whatever you wish to call it in her life ",and you will get the closeness, and bond that you so desire with her, I think you need it now more than ever at your age, and your mother just doesn't seem to get that, she is too caught up in her own little world I think to see beyond anything else.

Megan can I adopt you?:D

[finn's mom]

Originally posted by Luvin Labs
You said you live with BOTH of them, but you say "my dad tells me that I don't ever have to be at one or the other if I don't want to" translates to me that you could live with your mom OR your dad, indicating they don't live together... so I'm confused :confused:

From what I understand, she lives with both of them. Meaning sometimes with her dad, sometimes with her mom. I'm pretty sure that's what's up. Less confused? :)

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

Originally posted by Luvin Labs
But you also need to start stepping up and standing your own ground against her. You caving in empowers her more over you every time she does this shit. Stand your ground, speak up, and let her know you will take NONE of her shit anymore and then back that up with actions (i.e. NOT getting the money, NOT telling her where it is-if you do.! Don't give her your money. Hide it somewhere she won't find it. Don't give in to her!



I guess you missed the part where I said I was AFRAID TO STAND UP TO HER.

I'm weak, whatever. I know I am. But if you have lived with my mother and seen her random rages, then YOU stand up to her. K? As for caving in... Do I want to make a huge scene in public? You need to think of my self-esteem and my freaking REPUTATION before you judge my actions. Please.

[Luvin Labs]

Originally posted by finn's mom
From what I understand, she lives with both of them. Meaning sometimes with her dad, sometimes with her mom. I'm pretty sure that's what's up. Less confused? :)

Ah, thanky finns. Now I'm not so confused :)

Then she needs to tell your dad/thecourts/whoever that you want to live with your dad, since you are afraid of her and what she might do. Audiotape her demeaning you for proof.

Speaking from a similar experience, staying there in that situation after so many people have said to get out of it is just showing how much power she has over you. Think of us here at PT giving you prayers and good thoughts and think of other good things to help you~!

Pack your things, call your dad, and get the hell out. It may not sound simple with you being IN the situation, but it IS that simple. Wait till she is not there, pack up the necessary things and call your dad. I've seen that advice here a LOT. Getting yourself OUT of that situation will be the best thing for you.

I may not know all the facts to judge, but I see what I see in your posts and am just stating my opinions based on that. I see a girl who is NOT WEAK, but so afraid that she can't even stand up to this person (again, not even going to call her a mother) because of how she treats you. I see your dad stating that all you have to do is call and he'll be there. CALL YOUR DAD to come get you and take you to the (imwo) place you can call home. Who the hell cares about that person's feelings when she obviously does not care about yours? You don't even have to TELL her that you don't want to live with her, write a quick note (with the help of PTers or your dad or whoever)... The sooner you get out of there the sooner you will be happier than you have ever been.

Now start packing!

**hugs**

[carole]

Luvin Labs with all due respect, I think it is easier said than done, that is why so many people stay in abusive situations, until you are in that particular situation, you don't really know how you will react.

I understand where Megan is coming from here, and she is indeed caught in the middle, hopefully she will get the courage to stand up to her mother, but it is not going to happen overnight, none of us have been where she is right now, her situation maybe similar to what some of us have experienced, but it is never exactly the same.

I could be wrong here, but i think Megan still wants to retain some kind of relationship with her mother, regardless of how she has been treated by her, I am sure she still loves her mother, she may feel anger, confusion, even hatred for her at times, but deep down I think Megan just wants a bond with her like every other child.,Megan you can put me right if I am way off base.

I think coming down harsh on Megan is not going to help her deal with the problems she has, she needs, love and support from us here, not criticism,or a rap over the knuckles, I think you mean well, but Megan has a difficult life at the best of times due to this ongoing problem.

Megan my advice is to do what you think is best, if you have the strength to stand up to your mother, then do it sweetie, but do it when someone is there to support you, she will feel less powerful then, and it is a power control technique she is using over you.

Good luck and all the best.:)

[Luvin Labs]

Carole and ilovemyabbygirl

I don't mean to sound harsh, or rude! :) I just see what she is going through and it pisses me off... :mad: I'm sorry if I'm seeming cruel, and I have no idea EXACTLY what she is going through (even though I was in a similar situation)... I just hope she/abbygirl sees that a bunch of people are giving her the same exact advice and a whole helluva lot of support! and one day she takes it... She needs a LONG break from her 'mother' and her control, after she's been away from her for a while she could tentatively try to mend the relationship her 'mother' is ruining. I've seen others go through abusive situations and finally get out of it, I just hope her 'mom' doesn't go so far as to escalate what already is a (IMO) dangerous living situation for abbygirl to realize she needs to take action, and not wishes she could take action...

Anyone want to organize a 'prison break' for her? :(

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

Carole, you said everything about me perfectly-- to a T. I do want to have a normal relationship with my mother. Some days I do, thats something I left out. Some days we laugh like best friends (although that happens less and less) and other days I storm in crying and she screaming. I just want to make her happy and have a normal relationship. :(

*hugs to you both*

[Luvin Labs]

*hugs*

I pm'd ya abbygirl :)

I had problems with my mom for a while too, it only calmed down more after I moved out (the whole long distance relationship brings people closer together deal) and wrote her a LONG letter about how she treated me.

Glad to hear you two laugh sometimes!! Hopefully you can retain that after a break from each other...