parenting question

[caseysmom]

Tonight at 11 o'clock a guy friend of my
daughters showed up at our door and said his dad kicked him out. This boy looks at me like his mom. He has had some troubles, he is ADD and has tried pot and gets bad grades.

His parents are split up and he said his mom is out of town. I told him I can't have a boy staying here, I don't worry about him and my daughter I KNOW she has never looked at him that way but it just wouldn't seem right to have a guy stay here.

My question though is how could a dad do that? I have met his dad a few times in fact he was my service advisor at Toyota for years. I think maybe he had been drinking, I asked my daugthers friend if he was drunk and he ho hummed a probably. He is a sweet boy and I feel really bad for him. I know he needs to get his act together but is that anyway to help him out? Some parents really screw up there kids.

[moosmom]

What I try to do is get both sides of the story first. Now, please don't take this the wrong way, because it's not itended to make anyone mad.

But, are you sure this kid isn't telling you PART of the story?? I mean, maybe the father told him if he didn't shape up, he can't live there anymore, then finally followed-thru with the actual promise ( I don't like to use the word threat).

I'm also not saying the father was right either. But you need to get all the facts from EVERYONE first.

Good luck! I certainly wouldn't want to be in that type of situation.

[caseysmom]

Well my daughter told me his grades are worse than what he told me. I guess I can't see throwing a 14 year old boy out on the street, I think that would be considered child endangerment or something.

[Karen]

There's no excuse to throw a 14-year-old out on the street, no matter what. My parent's house was often a way-point for kids like that - you never knew who would be sleeping on our livingroom sofabed. Does the kid have any other relatives he could stay with?

It sounds, on the surface, like something was said in anger, maybe by now someone could sit down with the dad and kid and talk to them - if not you, a counselor, pastor, or someone else they'd trust ...

[catnapper]

I agree with Donna - get both sides first. Once my husband and son had a TERIBLE fight. He ran out of the house --- we had NO clue where he went. We called EVERYONE, except the one person who he went to. He told them that dad tossed him out! NO WE DID NOT! My son wanted pity and wanted someone to pat him on the back and tell him everything would be all right. Thats the exact last thing he needed, and he learned that the hard way because that fight was over maintaining grades, and now my son is heading to college TOMORROW because he is only accepted as a provisional student and needs to do summer session.

Anyhoo... my son went teary eyed and told the person how miserably he was treated (oh dear god, we expected him to do homework and proofread his term paper!! Shocking!) and totally forgot to mention all the stuff that made HIM look bad in the story. Oh yes, my son painted himself as a saint.

My son is an awesome kid, and everyone in town knows it. We'd NEVER kick him out. I would hope everyone in town would know we'd never kick him out (The people he ran to were suspicious of the tale my son told).

I know no parent that WOULD kick their kid out, unless it was a form of tough love. And even then, the kicking out part would be told ahead of time - as in "If you don't pull yourself together, then we'll have to toss you out. You have three weeks." I do know my SIL did that withher son. He pulled himself together before the deadline because he knew they were serious.

[caseysmom]

He called me at 9 this morning and told me he called his dad to let him know he was safe. I told him he must do this. His Dad told him they would talk when he got off work. That seemed kind of strange to me but its a step in the right direction I guess.

If his dad won't let him back in tonight I don't know whats going to happen. I think his Mother needs to be called.

[moosmom]

Either his mother or Child Protective Services. He's still a minor and his parents are responsible for him.