ILoveMyAbbyGirl
06-15-2005, 12:26 AM
It's a little past midnight and I can't sleep because I have suddenly been overcome with this huge crying spell.
I don't know what made me think of it, but I was just laying in bed and all of a sudden I though of how my dad got this letter today asking for some loan payment. He showed it to my mom because it was something she was supposed to pay, they agreed on it. She was like, " I haven't paid that since I moved out. I can't afford to pay that." My dad asked her which ones she could pay (meaning we have taken out more that one loan, a heartbreaker in itself) and she snapped back, "None of them!" and my dad just walked away.
Now I'm sitting here sobbing because I know my dad never has money to spend on himself because he has to pay for so much stuff... not only am I afraid but I'm angry because my mother has plenty of spending money and she just chooses not to help him out. She KNOWS she has more money than he does... I hate her so much.
I just wish that I was like, 8, and knew none of this was going on. I can't help but dwell on it now because it seems to be such a big problem... we have a hard enough time paying our phone bill, let alone a car bill, insurance, loans, and all the other bills i don't even know about.
I can't stop crying because I don't know what to do and I just hate my mother for being so selfish. My ears are throbbing somehow, my eyes are throbbing so much i can barely see... and I have a headache the size of north america right behind my eyes. I can't sleep, thats for sure. but there's nothing else I can do. I just hate this feeling. I hate it when my dad is too embarrassed to ask for money, i hate it that he appologizes when i have to give him some... i wish things were better... I know people have it worse than I do, but I can't help but cry and worry.
Sorry for the stupid pointless rant, I just can't sleep or stop thinking about it.
I don't know what made me think of it, but I was just laying in bed and all of a sudden I though of how my dad got this letter today asking for some loan payment. He showed it to my mom because it was something she was supposed to pay, they agreed on it. She was like, " I haven't paid that since I moved out. I can't afford to pay that." My dad asked her which ones she could pay (meaning we have taken out more that one loan, a heartbreaker in itself) and she snapped back, "None of them!" and my dad just walked away.
Now I'm sitting here sobbing because I know my dad never has money to spend on himself because he has to pay for so much stuff... not only am I afraid but I'm angry because my mother has plenty of spending money and she just chooses not to help him out. She KNOWS she has more money than he does... I hate her so much.
I just wish that I was like, 8, and knew none of this was going on. I can't help but dwell on it now because it seems to be such a big problem... we have a hard enough time paying our phone bill, let alone a car bill, insurance, loans, and all the other bills i don't even know about.
I can't stop crying because I don't know what to do and I just hate my mother for being so selfish. My ears are throbbing somehow, my eyes are throbbing so much i can barely see... and I have a headache the size of north america right behind my eyes. I can't sleep, thats for sure. but there's nothing else I can do. I just hate this feeling. I hate it when my dad is too embarrassed to ask for money, i hate it that he appologizes when i have to give him some... i wish things were better... I know people have it worse than I do, but I can't help but cry and worry.
Sorry for the stupid pointless rant, I just can't sleep or stop thinking about it.