It's been awhile....

[neko1]

Hi everyone!

It's been awhile since I've felt like really posting anything, but I just wanted to check in with everyone. I still lurk every morning though;)

Things are not so great here, but getting a little better. A couple of you know that I have been battling some major depression for awhile now. Well last night I finally quit my job, and I start my new job in 2 weeks. I should be happy, but I can't quite shake these bad feelings, like what if I'm doing the wrong thing, or what if I hate my new job, etc...So many negative thoughts are in my head, I haven't had a positive, uplifting thought in months.

I tried to do something bad to myself about a month ago (I won't go into detail here) and yes both my husband and myself go to a therapist weekly.

I am hoping that this job thing will be the strength I need to get over the hump. But what about everything else in my life? Our marriage is sucking, we don't do anything together because we have no money to go out. Our house is falling apart. We don't know how to have any fun- now I know that sounds strange, but it's true. We are both very serious people. I have no friends, no one to really talk to around here, no other girlfriends to go shopping with and hang out with. It's lonely as he11 here.

Not that anyone has wondered where I went, but I just had to let it out to the only people that may be able to give me some support:(

Here's a kitty pic to make this official:
http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid172/p9dcc6a1ea000ddc06232acb9202e6d55/f3c9870b.jpg

[lady_zana]

I, too, suffer from major depression and have been taking Zoloft and Wellbutrin for some time now. Please PM if you need someone to talk to. I may be able to help since I can relate to what you are going through.

[Logan]

Well, I, for one, am glad to see you posting, but I am concerned about you based on your post. There is so much good in life and I do hope that these sessions with the therapist are going to help you and your husband, and perhaps the new job will be a nice and exciting change for you.

I'm going to keep you in my prayers that all will work out for you. Keep your chin up! :)

Logan

[jenluckenbach]

Hi Michele,
I understand almost everything you are saying. And the condition (depression) makes all those feelings more pronounced. I too am on Zoloft. It helps a great deal. I still have many of the negative thoughts, but they don't CONTROL me like they used to. I often feel friendless and lonely. I feel useless and worthless. But I no longer feel this way ALL the time.

I hope and pray that this new job can give you a boost of self confidence......AND fun!!! :D:D

Stay in touch, we care.

[aguu]

Hi Neko;
I haven't posted in a while but your post drew me.
I am going through the same thing - profound derpression.
I remember you and your sweet kitties and I have wondered why you haven't been around. I don't really have anything esle to say other that you are not alone and we all care about you here.

you can PM if you like.
Agnes

[catmandu]

I HAVE MISSED YOU,AND YOUR KITTIES,VERY MUCH,AND I THINK,THAT YOU WILL BE PLEASANTLY,SUPRISED,BY HOW MUCH WE MISS YOUR CATS.I GUESS,THAT WHEN SOMEONE,HAS BEEM GONE,FOR A BIT,WE WILL HAVE,TO START,A THREAD,TO LET THEM,KNOW,THAT THEY HAVE BEEN MISSED.
I HAVE SCRAPPY 2,AND POUNCETTE,TWO OUTDOOR CATS,THAT I HAVE RESCUED,AND RENAMED,AFTER MY ORIGINAL FRIENDS,THE POUNCER,AND MR SCRAPPY.
AND THE CITY,IS HELPING ME,FIX UP THE HOTEL,AS I AM A LOW INCOME PERSON,ABOUT A THOUSAND,A MONTH.I WILL PAY PART,BUT THEY ARE DOING,THE MAJORITY,AND THE HOTEL,WILL SHINE.DOES THE CITY,WHERE YOU ARE,HAVE A PROGRAM,LIKE THIS,EVEN IF YOU HALF,TO PUT,IT ON YOUR TAXES,OVER FIVE YEARS,AS I AM DOING.

PLEASE DONT BE AWAY,SO LONG,WE MISS YOU,AND YOUR CATS.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v621/catmandu/BJcatbed.jpg

[Tubby & Peanut's Mom]

Michele, I'm so sorry to hear you're going through such a rough time lately. I had missed you posting, but thought it was because you were busy with work and all. I know nothing about the depression you are going through, but it does seem that there is a group of people here who are going through the same thing. I hope you can draw on their strength to help you get through this. I do know that not one of them would turn you away if you asked them for help. In my eyes, they are all wonderful, loving, caring people - as are you - so I don't understand these feelings of no self worth, but I do know that depression is a real thing and is nothing to be ignored. I'm so glad you and Brian (if I remembe right?) are seeking help. I remember seeing your wedding pics and thinking how happy you both looked to be starting out on a new life together.

I'm glad you reached out because that is usually a big first step. Keep reaching out and I know you will get past this.

{{{hugs}}}

[Edwina's Secretary]

Oh Michelle! How good to see you again. Just the other day I wondered about you.

Sorry you are having a rough time. It happens to so many of us. I really unerstand the friends thing. Having moved so far from home, family, friends....I have been very lonely at times as well.

I have decided to join some organizations to help me meet people. I, too remember how happy you looked in your wedding pictures. Maybe if you think about what made you happy then it will help.

Well....I'm just so glad to see you back here!

[Barbara]

Michelle, I missed you too.

I am so sorry. I know that depression takes the joy out of life and your life is in black and white and no longer in color.

I know that you are an intelligent and loving person and I hope medicine and therapy can get the color back into your and Brian's life.

Come here, show off your kitties.

And give some serious kisses to my special friend Tama:)

[Randi]

Michelle, I've not been posting much lately, but I have noticed you missing. I'm so sorry to hear what you're going though. :( It's a good start to go to a therapist, talking about problems always help. :) I'm not too happy either, since I lost John, but having good friends make it easier. We'll be here if you need to talk. :)

Hugs - and headbumpies from Fister.

[NoahsMommy]

Michelle,

I've missed you and your furkids so much. I posted a thread a while ago to see where you were and would have emailed you, but I've had so much drama in my life recently...but I have been thinking a lot about you.

If you ever need someone to talk to, please PM, email or call me. I'll PM you all my contact info, OK?

You are a much valued PT member. I miss you and your kitties all the time.

I hope things get better for you. Depression is a horrible thing to have to deal with and you have my utmost sympathy. I was in a medicine induced depression a few months ago and it was BY FAR the worst thing I've ever had to go through...I'm so sorry you're struggling with this daily.

Lots of hugs and love,
Kelly :)

[Killearn Kitties]

I'm so sorry to hear that you have been having such a bad time. Depression is not something that I have experienced, so I can't help with any advice, but I've always enjoyed your posts and your lovely kitties. I hope that talking about it will be another step on the road to recovery. We're here when you need us.

[catfamily]

Michelle,I think all of us get depressed because the world can be so cruel.Some worse than others.We are here for you. PM me anytime.I'm home most of the time.I hope you find some happiness down the road.I know when I was living alone and only had KiKi and BooBoo's...they were my lifeline.They made me laugh and loved me. "My friends,Even now,I find can be back stabbing,because they dislike themselves"."I always liked myself,so I think I'm fair to people". Most people are good.Just choose friends wisely.If the cats make you happy,spend time playing with them everyday and ask Brian to join you in playtime with them.I hope Medicine works for you.Life can be good.It's just hard to find what makes YOU happy.I'm here for you and everyone else here is too.There are so many nice SINCERE people in Pettalk.Your friend,Carla

[catnapper]

I too missed you! I am so sorry to hear that things are not going so well lately. Believe me, I understand. Losing my job was the best thing for me, though there are rough days, I've never been happier. People don't really appreciate how much an unhappy work environment affects the rest of our outlook on life. I hope things start lookign up for you. {{HUGS}}

[neko1]

Thank you all so very much for your kind words. I will be printing this out so that I have a reminder of Friends. I have been crying nonstop yesterday and today over quitting my job. I'm having a really hard time right now but your words of comfort are so enlightening to me.

Thank you again,
michelle

[Cookiebaker]

{{Hugs}} to you Michelle. I'm so sorry that you are having a hard time with everything right now, and hope & trust that things will start looking up from here!

[jennifert9]

Michelle, I just read this post and I have just PMed you...let's get together tomorrow, for sure!! No excuses!! We will talk and bare our souls and work this out together...(Who ever said cats and dogs don't get along?!?!?!)
Seriously though, I am 30 minutes away from you, don't be sad or ever feel alone....I am right here! I have no friends in this tiny little state and I would LOVE to make one! Looks like you are #1 on the list sweetheart!!! :D

Pet Talkers: don't worry, Michelle and I are planning on meeting tomorrow night and if everything goes as planned, we will both have a new friend!! We already do, but meeting in person can make a difference. I will give her hugs from all of you!!

Michelle, can't wait until tomorrow!! Which reminds me, I had best get to sleepin'!!! ;)

XXOO

[slick]

Michelle, I wanted to respond to this but today at work was so busy that I didn't get a chance until now.

First of all (and I've mentioned this before) you are very special to me because when I first came on board in December of 2002, you were one the first members to welcome me and you helped me with my problem with Speckles. You provided some great information and for that I will always be grateful. You probably didn't notice but there was a birthday thread for you in January.

http://67.15.70.205/talk/showthread.php?threadid=68286&highlight=happy+birthday+michelle

Now, I've never battled severe depression and God willing, I never will so I can't provide you with any advice on the subject. However I want you to know that when I'm feeling really down, I stay away from Pet Talk and friends. Like you, I might lurk a bit but just don't have the inspiration to post. At some point, I break down and email someone.

Jen, I'm sooooo glad that you will be getting together with Michelle. Please give her a big {{{hug}}} from me. Hang in there Michelle.....you are loved and missed when you stay away.

slick xo

[shais_mom]

I too wondered where you were and hoped you were well.
PM me anytime.....
Take care of yourself and God Bless.

[NoahsMommy]

That's so great you two are getting together. :)

[Karen]

Oh, yay! Welcome back, sweetie, I did wonder where you were, but am just glad you are back. Depression is so difficult a disease to battle, as it seems to suck the joy out of everything. But just look at your kitties - smug, content, loved and goofy sometimes, too. THEY love you, and if such wonderful creatures can adore you, you must be pretty darned special, right?

Right.

No arguing with me! :)

[krazyaboutkatz]

Michelle, I've missed reading your posts and seeing pictures of your goregous cats too. I'm so sorry to hear that you're going through such a bad depression.:( Please feel free to pm or e-mail me any time you want to talk. Sometimes I feel lonely but then I come to PT and this helps me a lot.:) I'm glad that Jen will be meeting with you. Now you'll have a friend that's close to home. Please take care.:) (((HUGS)))

[King Spartacus]

Hi! I haven't posted myself for different reasons than you (just haven't had the time really...), but I shall let mamma get to the keyboard and leave her to typer for a while!

Spartacus' mamma: Hi! I'm so sorry to hear you're so down, and with all sorts of things happening, and NOT happening at the same time. Just to let you know that I shall keep my fingers crossed for you, and that I hope all turns out well. Hope you have fun meeting up with your PT friend! Best wishes and hugs!