Sad and don't know why, really.

[Fox-Gal]

Do you ever for a second think, you nuts? You know your not, but then again the thought crosses your mind.

Today we were watching old videos. There was one with Tuffy and Cannilla playing in the back yard, like they use to all the time. It brought a smile to my face to see Cannilla again. Then as we are watching, you can see B.J. walking by the playing couple. Tears came to my eyes as soon as I saw her. Luckily B.J. walked out of shot and it was back to the two playing. So I was OK again.

Then comes Brock and Lita playing in the kitchen. Big Smiles again to see Brock. My big old baby, getting attacked by a cat. It was so cute. But again as Brock and Lita are "playing" , all of a sudden there's B.J. again, laying on the living room floor. You know what happened next........the tears came. Then on to another part of the tape and I got it together.

Sense then, I have been really down and I don't know why. Seeing B.J. should not bother me, I have pictures of her all around the house. I looking at one of her now as I type, no tears, just a smile. Seeing Brock and Cannilla didn't make me sad and they too, are at RB. Doesn't make sense why one would bother me and not the others. Is there somthing inside of me, that feels more for her, I would have never thought that of me.

Well to add to my insanity, we where to go out to eat tonight, I decided not to go, but I sent my husband off. I wanted to be alone and couldn't wait for him to leave. I have never been like that before. So I made myself dinner, watched Everwood and still felt odd, restless. So that brought me here, with no real reason to be here. Some embarrassment, to even post my tears here, but then again, It's not like I'll ever see any of you face to face, except maybe a couple.

The thing is, I believed that if you write your feeling down, somewhere, sometimes it helps.

I have to be honest, I know very few care and thats OK, in a way and in a way it's not OK, but theres nothing I can do about that. But where else would I even go with a story about tears of one lost pet and smiles of another and the loneness that comes with it.

As of today, I decided no more new pets, no more PT, no more caring about what people think of me, I'm not up to the disappointment any more. Who knows what tomorrow may bring, it all might change, or something might happen that changes it all for me. But Today, I'm done. Thanks for listening to a silly old lady, thats going nuts in a very small way.

[finn's mom]

I think it's good that you posted your feelings and thoughts in here. I don't think the way you're feeling is odd in any way, really. I think it's just part of being a woman and being an animal lover. I care, even if I don't know you and will probably never meet you. I think it's brave that you can so eloquently describe how you're feeling. I've thought I was going nuts before, too. I hope you don't stay feeling down for too long.

[Corinna]

I understand completely ! I was trying to get some photos together for my mom, of Merlin< shes going to do a portrait of him to match the one she did of my Patsy ( 16 yr old cocker I had as a kid. ) I was having a very had time in the file was the pictures I had sent her to do the Patsy portrait I really lost it then. I'm sending you a big hug I know what your going through.

[Kfamr]

I'm sorry you're feely down today, Libby. I haven't been too great today, either, or yesterday. I've never lost one of my own but I do know how hard it is.

I hope you know i'm one of those that care and if you ever need to talk just let me know.
I'm a little bit out of it myself, like I said, but does that last part mean you don't plan to come back here? I sure hope that isn't true because i'd miss seeing your posts.

Please let me know if there's anything I can do for you.

[Karen]

Now, now, no thinking that no one cares. Everyone needs some "alone time" now and then. It is nice that you have the videos, you'll treasure them in the years to come.

We'll be here tomorrow, and tomorrow and tomorrow, and hope you're feeling better then, okay?

[PJ's Mom]

Libby, please don't give up. All of us who have lost a pet know exactly what you're going through. I have the same kind of reaction when I see the only video of my RB Rottie, Brut. In fact, I only watch it once or twice a year because it hurts so much. :(

I hope you'll come back when you find the strength. Please know that we are here for you. :)

[jazzcat]

Lots of ((((HUGS)))) Libby. There are many of us who care and understand, just remember that.

[popcornbird]

Awwwwwww! I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so down, but you know what? You're not nuts. I can totally relate to your feelings. Sometimes, I feel so down out of nowhere, and start crying, and just don't understand why I'm crying. Sometimes, there's no reason, and sometimes, its just me being extra sensitive over something I feel I shouldn't cry about. I think its part of being a woman. God 'made' us with soft, sensitive hearts, and well...women are just like that sometimes. Hormones can cause moods swings...sometimes something else causes them...but everyone feels down at times.

Hope you feel better soon. We do care, and I'm glad you posted your feelings here. Typing it out does help in getting the weight off your shoulders sometimes. Hope your smile will be back on your face after a good night's sleep! :)

[kimlovescats]

Libby, I am the same way about my RB Tucker. I know I always will be .... there are just those once in a lifetime type pets that will touch us like none other. Nothing crazy about that!

((((BIG HUGS)))) If you need a PT break, take one ... I do that often myself ... and before I know it, I'm right back again!!;)

[gini]

Libby, (I didn't know your name before, but I do now.) I sure would not say you were nuts.

Nuts about your pets, maybe, but not nuts nuts......

I have had a dog I dearly loved and lost her when she was only one. She was my first and only dog. Since then I have had three cats that are at the Rainbow Bridge and currently have three cats.

I can honestly tell you that the love I had for especially two of the cats was beyond - well - regular interaction with my pets.
They were my best friends, they were my buddies, and they understood me way beyond human understanding. And they gave me so much love and care that I still cannot look at certain pictures without getting back those old feelings - and then I can break out into tears.

It is just part of being a woman - and please, do take time out for yourself....................I don't think you could come to a better place and put your thoughts in writing and have more people immediately understand. That is just the way Pet Talk is.

Writing - whether on the computer or by hand in a journal is a very cleansing thing to do.............you can pour your heart out and no one is going to make fun of you.

Karen is right - we are here today - and tomorrow and the tomorrow after that...........sounds like you belong here anyway!

I send you the biggest hug that can come through your monitor!

[captain]

Libby ............. please don't go away forever ............ we would miss you and will always be here ............... tomorrow, and tomorrow ............... just like Karen said.

{{{{hugs}}}} to you, yours and those around you ..

[Ally Cat's Mommy]

Please don't leave PT. There are such wonderful supportive people here, and also the only people who REALLY understand what the loss of a furkid does to us.

I also have times when I just want to be alone, and just feel like crying. Sometimes I will watch a sad movie, or think about something really sad, to MAKE myself start crying - just to get it all out of my system - sometimes you just need to "let go" and have a good cry;)

(((HUGS)))

[Barbara]

I don't think we have ever enough time to mourn the loss of people and pets. Much too early we are asked back to normal life and try to push ourselves into it.

And then it comes back some years later- because there is still that loss in your heart.

For me it's very important to have some time alone from time to time ( and I don't have enough) because it really helps me deal with feelings like that.

No you aren't nuts;) Sounds perfectly healthy to me:)

[dukedogsmom]

I'm really sorry you're feeling so down. I think we all will have a special pet that affects us more than our others. Duke is mine, as you and probably everyone, knows. I think what you are feeling is bittersweet. Happy to see them again but sad because they are no longer with you. I know how hard it is to lose a pet but not THE special one. Contact me if you want to get together sometime. I'm off Tuesday and Wednesday and then off the weekend. We need to go to the mall again or something. Want to see a movie? Hope you're feeling better after some sleep. Let me come down there and we can scrapbook or something.

[robinh]

I've been struggling with the same kind of thing myself. Dick and I talked over the weekend about our Peach. We both still miss her so. Then yesterday the president of our association was killed in a car accident. He was only 55 - such a waste. Since I heard about the accident, it seems even harder to cheer up. I keep coming here to stay grounded. I don't want to get too depressed and checking in here helps.

Libby, please don't go away. I, for one, would definitely miss you terribly.

[Ginger's Mom]

Hi Libby, are you still with us? Obviously a lot of people here understand how you are feeling. Maybe not exactly, because it is unique to everyone, but we have been there. Having PT and people that understand those feelings is something wonderful. Sometimes a lot of things build up that we aren't even aware of, until something happens (seeing B.J.) that lets all of that stress and/or unrest and/or depression come out. B.J. is just the trigger, not the cause. Letting it out is a good thing. Please feel free to let yourself do that, it is healing and clensing.

(P.S.-I don't know who B.J. is, and was unable to do a search with just the initials)

[Tubby & Peanut's Mom]

I know what you mean. I can look at pictures of Tubby with no problem, but videos I just can't do....yet....and I don't know if I ever will be able to. I think it's because pictures are sort of an inert kind of thing. They don't move - they're just pictures - whereas videos make the dearly departed seem so real again and you remember all the little quirks like how they walked, how they lay to one side all the time, how they moved their head, etc. It just makes them all too real again.

You're not going nuts, you're just feeling down and missing your furry friends. Take whatever time you need to deal and we'll still be here for you when you're ready to come back.

{{{hugs}}}

[Fox-Gal]

I don't know what to say but thanks to everyone who posted. I'm still a little down, but I think I understand why a little better now and why I was more upset to see B.J. then the others. Both Cannilla and Brock passed on their own, Brock from heart failure and Cannilla from her cancer. B.J. I had to put down. Between that and now questioning Mooch's time left with me, (she going to be 19 soon), lose of friends, devoting so much to my zoo, that I have forgotten about me, I'm just burned out, I guess. I need some time, for what, I don't know, but I'll figure it out.



(P.S.-I don't know who B.J. is, and was unable to do a search with just the initials)
This was B.J. It under B.J. 1989-2003
http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid77/pd7470602c120082d0892c8870f79bd7e/fb356d95.jpg

[ramanth]

Lots of Hugs and Love Libby.

[finn's mom]

I'm glad you posted, Fox-Gal, I know lots were worrying. That makes sense, when you have to put them down, it can just add a whole other level of sadness. :( There was a thread in General before about taking care of yourself, too. You can still be a great person to everyone else in your life, and treat yourself well, too. I hope you get to feeling even better.

[Kfamr]

You know Libby, I was thinking of that and wondering if it had something to do with how they passed.


You probably don't want to hang out with a 17 year old :p but if there's anytime you want to do something this summer let me know. I've been doing close to nothing!

I've been really wanting to go to Cypress Gardens. Have you been there? I haven't... which is sad because i've lived here my whole life and haven't! It's around $35 to get in.

[carole]

Libby I can understand where you are coming from too, as I get older I have become an emotional sponge, tears flow easily these days, but again that is not always a bad thing.

I am sorry you are feeling so low, and if coming to PT and sharing how you feel in any way makes you feel even a little better then that is great, I alway's find sharing things here helps me a lot.

I think our darn hormones have a lot to answer for, I can also relate to how you feel 100 per cent.

Please feel free to PM me anytime, I always have an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on, and that goes for anyone here.

Libby I find your posts so interesting, I would miss you terribly if you were not around, your a wonderful person, with so much to offer us , this world, so please don't stop coming to PT, you are much needed and wanted ok.:)

[Fox-Gal]

I came in today, to tell those that posted, that I'm better now, but will be taking a small break, Then I saw the Willie thread.

After reading what just happened to Willie, I don't want anyone to take any more time out to worry about me. I'll be OK. The whole Willie issuse, brought things into a little better perspective for me.
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And to Val and Kay, movie or something sounds great, and as to hanging out with a 17 year old, don't be silly, I don't even think that way. Age is nothing, remember I'm the woman that married a man 18 years younger.....I don't see age, I see whats in a person. Cypress Gardens sounds like fun, it's been maybe 18 years sense I have been there, would like to go again. Maybe the 3 of us can do that, this summer.

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To everyone else that posted, Thank you again, for showing concern and for your kind world. You all were so kind and that meant a lot.

[carole]

Libby I am so glad you are feeling a little better now, yes seeing Willie's tragedy does help put things into perspective, still your feelings are real and whether they don't seem as important because of Willie does not really come into it, we are still here for you just the same and empathise with how you are feeling and hoping those feelings will pass soon, Take care, we all love ya.:)

[K9soul]

Libby, I'm sorry I missed your thread when you were down. I feel nearly moved to tears at how so many wonderful people and friends have rushed to express their caring for you. Feeling down and alone is no small thing, and yes, even though others have tragedies going on, your feelings are still legitimate and real, and you are just as deserving of comfort. I am very glad to see that you are feeling better, and that you aren't staying away from PT and those who love you :). Big hugs to you Libby.