A plea to PTers

[K9soul]

Off and on here, including a couple times that I know of recently, someone joins the board and perhaps asks questions or explains something they are doing with their pets that upsets, alarms, and angers many of us because we view it as improper or irresponsible pet care. Inevitably, these threads often turn into many of us on one "side" and the thread starter desperately defending themselves or simply getting nasty back to those responding.

Most of us here have VERY strong feelings for animals and emotions are quickly ignited when we see things that we perceive as harmful or irresponsible to an animal. The simple fact is, we cannot make everyone who might come here feel the same way we do about our pets. BUT, we do have a MUCH better chance of helping these animals out if we stay calm and polite, and do our best to educate without getting emotional or angry or sarcastic. I don't know of many people willing to listen to what someone else has to say if they feel attacked and on the defensive. I certainly know I would not be.

Now, there are times when some of us, even myself, suspect someone of simply "trolling" here, that is saying things to deliberately anger and upset us here. In this case, I think it is just as important to not fall into the trap of reacting the way the "troll" wishes. Someone with just this purpose in mind is going to leave that much quicker if they do not get the responses they are looking for. Also, unless there is irrefutable proof that this is the case, I would prefer to give what advice I could in case there really are animals involved that could benefit. If there are not and they "take me in," that's fine. I doubt a true troll would get much satisfaction out of calm advice given.

My plea is this: For the animal's sakes please try to keep these things in mind, please try to not react with anger that will simply close the owner's mind, make them leave, or simply turn the threads into a nasty fight. Please put the animals whose lives are at stake here as a priority. You may not like the person, may be disgusted or saddened by what they are doing, but ultimately the most we can do in these situations is offer our knowledge and advice in a way that might make someone consider our words. If they choose not to, or get nasty despite our being polite, I'd suggest to drop it and move on, and not feed into the negative behavior.

To anyone who reads this and takes my words into consideration, I thank you from the bottom of my heart. This is intended 100% to be for the animals involved in these situations.

[robinh]

Very nicely put! I'll agree 100%.

[Jadapit]

You really have a way with words! I agree with you on this. Thank you so much for taking the time to write it. :)

[Cataholic]

You are right. Hard to follow sometimes (not your post, but, to remain calm when replying to some of these things), but, you are right.

[moosmom]

K9Soul,

I also agree with you 100%. I, having been guilty many times of losing my cool under certain circumstance, :rolleyes: promise to take a few minutes to reflect on what is said in the thread, and only post when I feel I truly can contribute advice that may help the animal and the poster.

And for all those for whom I have offended with my "rantings", please accept my sincere apologies.

[ramanth]

Great post Jess. :)

[Randi]

Jessica, you're SO right about this, I agree a 100%!! The animals welfare is the most important!! It's just that sometimes you can hardly restrain yourself, but I'll certainly do my best! :) We all have to think before we speak!

[K9soul]

Thank you so very much for your support. I've commented a few times before in threads that were already heated, but I think the message was lost because people's emotions were already so heightened over the heated exchanges.

Several times I've started to write an emotional response too to something that upset me, but when I'm feeling that way I try to make myself wait a few hours or a day and then come back when I'm calmer and more rational. I've developed this skill, and believe me I'm not always successful with it, due to unpleasant consequences in the past of reacting immediately while my emotions were still in a volatile state.

I think sometimes people simply don't want to let someone else's actions "off the hook" so to speak, but as I've tried to say here, we'll do the most we can for those animals in undesirable situations if we can keep cool about it as much as possible.

Thank you again, to anyone and everyone who reads and gives these thoughts some consideration. :)

[popcornbird]

Very well said Jessica. I agree with you 100%. It is hard to keep quiet sometimes, when emotions are raging, but you're right...sometimes, its the best thing to do.

[Karen]

Thank you.

[Fox-Gal]

Agree 100%. Very well said. My hopes are that everyone reads this and follows your words.

Educated not attack.
Explain not preach.

Understand that not everyone, knows or see things your way and all we can do is try to show them. We can not control it, if they don't see.

[luvofallhorses]

Thank you for posting this I agree even if they are "trolling" around we kill them with kindness and educate them as best as we can :)

[jenluckenbach]

AMEN

[Corinna]

ditto

[Vette]

Agreed!!

i havent been here long,, and havent really seen anything nasty *knock on wood* :D and would like to keep it that way. :)

[Daisy and Delilah]

Very well said and I thank you too. I wish I would have seen this earlier but I'm glad I found it now. :)

Terry

[Soapets]

Good idea---I agree 100%.:)

[catnapper]

Beautifully put. Words to live by.

[flamepony12]

Originally posted by catnapper
Beautifully put. Words to live by.

ditto!

Thanks Jessica, I agree 100%. :) most of the time, I just try and steer clear of those situations.

[NoahsMommy]

VERY nicely put. I agree 150%!

I'll head your advice and continue with my behavior. Like you, I try to make people feel comfortable and understand before making any judgements.

:) Great thread! :)

[Oggyflute]

Nicely put Jessica. :) You are most wise.:)

[sandragonfly]

I have to thank you. :) you had a nerve to start this, I didn't because of that reason given by you..
KUDOS.

[finn's mom]

Jessica, I agree 100%. I don't know I missed this thread before. But, it needs to be pushed back up.

[lv4dogs]

What an EXCELLENT post Jessica! Very well said!
Maybe we can make this a sticky (at least for a short time) so it is fresh in everyones mind when they most need it.

[anna_66]

I've never seen this post before, thank you so much for bringing it to my attention Jess.
Truer words have never been spoken:)

[dukedogsmom]

It's much easier to not even waste any energy to reply at all. That way it doesn't fuel the fire or irritate you. As soon as I saw the title to that thread, I knew to stay out of it.

[Flatcoatluver]

I agree 100%

[Lobodeb]

Very well said.

[CathyBogart]

I agree, and I admit I have been guilty of lashing out at something I percieved as cruel rather than trying to educate the poster about it. :( I try to back off and give it some time before I post, I'll have to make that more of a habit.

[lizbud]

Maybe we can make this a sticky (at least for a short time) so it is fresh in everyones mind when they most need it.

I agree. :)

What really surprises me every time is that these threads are allowed to
go on and on for 8-9 pages and a moderator doesn't step in to say something
sensible & get people to stop adding to the problem. Very large view totals
and responses in a rather mundane thread should be some kind of clue, that
something is going on. :confused:

[dukedogsmom]

I agree. :)

What really surprises me every time is that these threads are allowed to
go on and on for 8-9 pages and a moderator doesn't step in to say something
sensible & get people to stop adding to the problem. Very large view totals
and responses in a rather mundane thread should be some kind of clue, that
something is going on. :confused:
I totally agree. And if the thread is locked before too many can reply, that would be great.

[Karen]

I am sorry that I had a terribly busy day today at work, installing a new drive and software on the one machine that effects everyone there, and no one from Pet Talk sent me an alert about that thread until 4:30 this afternoontoday. I cannot look at every thread every minute, but if a thread even BEGINS to concern you, do send me a PM - those I read instantly, as soon as I log into Pet Talk, which I do periodically even on busy days.

[sammy101]

agreed 100%

[CagneyDog]

But Karen this has not been the first time one of these threads has gotten out of hand and nothing has been done about it.

[Jessika]

What an EXCELLENT post Jessica! Very well said!
Maybe we can make this a sticky (at least for a short time) so it is fresh in everyones mind when they most need it.

DEFINITELY make this a sticky, for sure. :)

And Karen I understand you and Paul have very busy lives outside the board, but from my understanding this isn't the first time this has happened. I don't know what the situation is as far as moderators go, but I think its time to recruit a few more members who are responsible and mature and are on often enough to be able to moderate while you and Paul can't be around! :)

[K9soul]

I appreciate that people are reading and getting something out of this thread again, however I'd request please to not turn THIS thread into an argument or finger-pointing thread. This thread is about taking personal responsibility for how each of us individually reacts. We can't always point fingers somewhere else, we must each take responsibility for how we react and how we post. That is where a good board atmosphere starts. If we can all work towards this goal, there will be less need for moderation intervention anyway ;).

[finn's mom]

This thread shouldn't be sullied by arguments or finger pointing. I do know that Karen and Paul do their best by us. I also think that there are a lot of threads that go too far, but, just as in the thread in Dog General now, there are several people that don't think the thread needs to be locked. Just because even the majority of folks think a thread should be locked, doesn't necessarily mean that it will be. And, it's not necessarily because Karen isn't "doing her job" and locking the thread...it could be because she might not agree that it needs to be locked. I'm only speculating here, but, again...check out the thread in Dog General, there are several that don't think it should be locked at all. Maybe Karen feels the same way about it. I think Karen and Paul are excellent moderators and feel that they do a superb job in keeping this place pleasant.

[finn's mom]

I appreciate that people are reading and getting something out of this thread again, however I'd request please to not turn THIS thread into an argument or finger-pointing thread.


It's no wonder we get along so well. ;)

[wolf_Q]

If you feel like my post is "finger pointing" I'm sorry I don't want to disturb this thread so I will delete my comment, though I still stand behind what I said.

[K9soul]

I PM'd you Amy :).

[CagneyDog]

If you feel like my post is "finger pointing" I'm sorry I don't want to disturb this thread so I will delete my comment, though I still stand behind what I said.


Nope I'm pretty sure that was directed to me.

But anyways, I agree with what is being said and the next time we have one of these threads I'm staying out of it.

[finn's mom]

I PM'd you Amy :).

Are we the same person? So did I! :D

[gini]

Beautifully expressed - and 100% correct. Thank you!

[cyber-sibes]

Wise words! I feel the same way.

[Oggyflute]

I appreciate that people are reading and getting something out of this thread again, however I'd request please to not turn THIS thread into an argument or finger-pointing thread. This thread is about taking personal responsibility for how each of us individually reacts. We can't always point fingers somewhere else, we must each take responsibility for how we react and how we post. That is where a good board atmosphere starts. If we can all work towards this goal, there will be less need for moderation intervention anyway ;).
Well said, mate I feel you are as wise as the man you quote in your sig. :)

[Pawsitive Thinking]

You talk a lot of sense - well done!

[finn's mom]

I just thought this should be bumped up as a reminder. And, remember, don't turn this thread into a place for name calling and ugliness. Go with Thumper...if you can't say somethin' nice, don't say nothin' at all. :)

[Anita Cholaine]

I had never seen this thread before, but I just wanted to say that I agree 100% with you...

[Laura's Babies]

AMEN! Well put! I come here to be cheeried up, not get caught in up the middle of something.

[poofy]

You are so right..I like that, if you cant say something nice , dont say any thing. Great POst.. :D

[finn's mom]

I feel like this needs to be brought up again....

[finn's mom]

I feel like this needs to be brought back to the surface again. There are just so many things that are said to people in here that if the people were face to face, they would never be so brazen or hateful. It saddens me to see usually nice people say such mean things. That's why there are private messages, and, I really wish people would use them more. And, if someone disagrees with me posting this and pulling this thread up again, please use the private message function to tell me all about it, because I don't want to see this thread turn into something other than what it's meant to be - a reminder to be kind.

[beeniesmom]

I agree and am sorry to anyone who I may have been nasty to.

[dab_20]

I totally agree. I'm also sorry if I've ever lost my cool in any situation... I know it doesn't help to get angry.

[Chilli]

Wonderful message, I don't see how I've missed this thread!
If I've ever affended anyone, I appologize.
I usually try to stay out of heated discussions if I am tempted to say something that would make someone upset.

[jesse_3]

K9Soul, thanks for posting this thread! It is great, and it really made me think of what I have said in the past, and now to remind me to watch what I say in the future.
I am sorry to anyone I have ever yelled at or gotten mad at, and I hope that you can forgive me.

Stephanie

[anna_66]

I feel like this needs to be brought back to the surface again. There are just so many things that are said to people in here that if the people were face to face, they would never be so brazen or hateful.
Kari thanks for bumping this up. I've been noticing that people have been getting pretty nasty again here lately and it really saddens me:(
Pet Talk has always been a place I can go to get away from the world of rude, nasty and mean people...but not here as of late, guess that's why I haven't been around much.
I hope this reminds everyone how much PT and the members here mean to each other.

[Roxyluvsme13]

I'm sorry to anyone I've ever been nasty to.

[Pawsitive Thinking]

Very good thread - things can get a bit out of hand sometimes....

[finn's mom]

There's a thread starting in Pet Talk that made me think of this thread. I love Jessica for starting this when she did, and, I will forever and ever bring it back up as a reminder. :)

I just don't understand why people don't just use the pm function. It's so much easier, so much kinder and SO much more appropriate and mature.

[cyber-sibes]

Nicely said!

[BC_MoM]

Great post, Jess. I know I am guilty of this lately - but only because I will not let myself be put down in front of others.

[CountryWolf07]

Wow, why have I not seen & read this post? Great, great post, Jess! :) Thank you for posting this.

[GreyhoundGirl]

Thanks for posting, that was very well said. :)

[finn's mom]

I don't post much in Pet Talk anymore, but I do remember this thread, and thought it was a good time to bring it up again. :)

[Kfamr]

I don't post much in Pet Talk anymore, but I do remember this thread, and thought it was a good time to bring it up again. :)



Thank you for bumping this - it certainly is much needed around here lately.

[Hellow]

Yes it does need reading again. I remember a long time ago that thread about reggie being sick but i could not afford to take her to the vet. It turned into one of the biggest flame wars that i have ever seen. Then it carried on into my other threads. Made me take a break from here for a while.

[Lori Jordan]

I agree 100% with this post.

Me being at both ends,I have had a finger pointing at me also.But i know that some were trying to help,and others i felt were just being rude.

I have said and done some ignorant things myself,I have gotten heated at some posts also,so i am not playing an innocent role by all means.

But in the end i just hope that i come across as a good pet owner,all should know i do anything possible to keep my animals safe.I feel it is a learning game,it don't matter how long you have owned your pets there is something to be learned daily.When i see a fight breaking out i simply just ignore it even though i might peak in to see what is still being said.But reality is this forum is a hobby,and why make your hobby stressful?It ain't worth it i come too see pictures,read posts and even learn a thing or two.

There is always going to be that one person that wants to create problems,Some people cant live there life without drama,But they are figured out within there first couple posts and can be ignored.There is no sense of having the place we love being in shambles because of trouble makers right?

[Hellow]

There is always going to be that one person that wants to create problems,Some people cant live there life without drama,But they are figured out within there first couple posts and can be ignored.There is no sense of having the place we love being in shambles because of trouble makers right?

I agree. I never cause trouble, everyone else makes my posts into flame wars.

[sammy101]

Thank you for bumping this! This is probably the biggest reason I don't post as often anymore. The rudeness and fighting seems to be all over the boards. :(

[Catlady711]

It's not just this board, I've seen fighting on two other messageboards (not pet related) recently that normally don't have much conflict.

And before anyone says it (no malice intended), no I did not post in any of the threads the other boards are fighting in. lol

[Jessika]

Especially since I'm schooling to become a vet tech, I have to teach myself restraint and to exert professionalism at all times. This is a great place to practice.

I admit sometimes I've played into threads just for the drama, because let's face it, I'm a pretty forward person with my opinions.

But I think what also helps is to put yourself in their shoes; if that were you, what responses would you react the best to? Accusations and harsh words only turn people away; but polite and soft spoken advice people generally tend to listen to and lean toward. Nobody wants to be told they are wrong! Instead of pointing fingers and making accusations, educate! Suggest a different method; suggest educational sites so they can learn on their own to make their own decision on a topic rather than just telling them what's "right" and what's "wrong".

Education is key. :)