elizabethann
04-05-2005, 08:41 AM
This is funny:
EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY
8:00 a.m. Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 a.m. Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
9:40 a.m. Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
10:30 a.m. Oh boy! Getting rubbed and petted! M favorite!
11:30 a.m. Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
Noon - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
1:00 p.m. Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
4:00 p.m. Oh boy! To the park! My favorite!
5:00 p.m. Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5:30 p.m. Oh boy! Pretty flowers! My favorite!
6:00 p.m. Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6:30 p.m. Oh boy! Watching TV w/my master! My favorite!
8:30 p.m. Oh boy! Sleeping in my master's bed! My favorite!
EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY
Day 183 of my captivity: My captors continue to
taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They
dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to
eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going
is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I
get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.
Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my
attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their
feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must
try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to
disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once
again induced myself to vomit on their favorite
chair; must try this on their bed. Decapitated a
mouse and brought them the headless body in an
attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of,
and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They
only cooed and condescended about what a good little
cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.
There was some sort of gathering of their
accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement
throughout the event. However, I could hear the
noise and smell the food. More importantly, I
overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies".
Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and
may be snitches. The dog is routinely released and
seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a
half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to
be an informant. He speaks with them regularly. I
am certain he reports my every move. Due to his
current placement in the high metal room, his safety
is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.......
EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DIARY
8:00 a.m. Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 a.m. Oh boy! A car ride! My favorite!
9:40 a.m. Oh boy! A walk! My favorite!
10:30 a.m. Oh boy! Getting rubbed and petted! M favorite!
11:30 a.m. Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
Noon - Oh boy! The kids! My favorite!
1:00 p.m. Oh boy! The yard! My favorite!
4:00 p.m. Oh boy! To the park! My favorite!
5:00 p.m. Oh boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5:30 p.m. Oh boy! Pretty flowers! My favorite!
6:00 p.m. Oh boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6:30 p.m. Oh boy! Watching TV w/my master! My favorite!
8:30 p.m. Oh boy! Sleeping in my master's bed! My favorite!
EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DIARY
Day 183 of my captivity: My captors continue to
taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They
dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to
eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going
is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I
get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture.
Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my
attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their
feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must
try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to
disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once
again induced myself to vomit on their favorite
chair; must try this on their bed. Decapitated a
mouse and brought them the headless body in an
attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of,
and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They
only cooed and condescended about what a good little
cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.
There was some sort of gathering of their
accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement
throughout the event. However, I could hear the
noise and smell the food. More importantly, I
overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies".
Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and
may be snitches. The dog is routinely released and
seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a
half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to
be an informant. He speaks with them regularly. I
am certain he reports my every move. Due to his
current placement in the high metal room, his safety
is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time.......