How should I handle this...?

[Buddy Blaze Lover]

Well, I hate to be bothering you guys right now, but I know I can talk to you all...

Ok, I have this friend that I've had for almost 3 years now, and we used to be the best of buddies. We met online through another friend of mine, and were instantly like the best of friends. I mean, we e-mailed every day, called every week and wrote often too. (she lives in California) I finally got to meet her early last year, and saw her again last September and that was so awesome I can't describe it! Well, ever since mid last year, she's changed. Kat acts like she doesn't really care anymore, never calls, and rarely writes or e-mails. When she does write, she says she cares, but I don't know...she writes out of habit it seems like and just to please me. *sigh* I don't know what to do...should I say something? I don't want to hurt her feelings, but she's just brushing me aside. Maybe she is busy, but I want to be part of her life too! It's so hard, and I've been struggling with it for months! Ok, I should stop...I'm sorry, I know it's something stupid, but I just miss the old Kat so much! Ever had one of those relationships? I know I usually don't start threads like this, but I think it was time to talk to someone...I haven't talked to anyone about it much...my mom doesn't have any good suggestions either. I don't know, this might be stupid, but.....well, I'm confused. Thanks for listening, I really appreciate it!!:);)

[Samantha Puppy]

Yes, only it happened to me in person. I was in 6th grade and my best friend decided she didn't want to be friends anymore. It sucked, but I found other friends who didn't hurt me. As a matter of fact, one of them has been my real best friend for 17 years now and was Maid of Honor in my wedding last year.

[catnapper]

Happened to me in person too. I'd say leave her alone - if she wants to come to you, she will. If you ask her if she wants to be friends, etc, she might take that as you being needy and clingy and then write even less because she doesn't want to lead you on. And then she'll feel awkward talking and writing to you because she'll think you're reading into everything she says.

It could be that she's just super busy right now. I'd give her the benefit of the doubt, and a lot of space. Let time tell you how she feels about you. In the meantime, look for another friend to chat with! :)

[KYS]

This has happened to me too when I was
in 6th grade and than again in my late teens.
Friends come and go and
somtimes you have a friendship that will last
a life time.
I guess people just move on, and true friends will
be their forever.
(that is why my family is my best friend)
All of my sisters are best friends with eachother.
We are stuck with each-other for better or for worse. ;)

[moosmom]

Does she have a boyfriend??? Usually that's why it happens. They get busy, getting all goo-goo over a guy and the friends get put on the back burner.

It happened to me years ago when I was getting divorced. My best friend from elementary school and her husband would hang out with me and mine. When I was going through my divorce, her husband told her he forbid her from associating with me cuz I was a bad influence! :mad: 13 years later, I called her up out of the blue and found out the real story. Turns out my ex-husband went over to their house and aired OUR dirty laundry to them and that's why Susie's husband told her she couldn't see me anymore. I was furious!! :mad: I mean, Susie and I had been the BEST of buds since we were kids! It's all water under the bridge now. We are like sisters since we reunited 15 years ago.

Men, can't live with 'em, can't shoot 'em!!:rolleyes: :rolleyes:

[jesse_3]

This isn't stupid! A lot of people go through this. I did in 7th grade. All of my friends changed and all pushed me aside in school. I now have two best friends Rachel (rizzy) and a girl named Kyrie'! I would suggest let her come to you.
I hope everything works out!

[chrissycat21]

Something like that happened to me last year. My best friends for three years decided that they didn't want to be friends any more. Their reason? They forgot it. :rolleyes:

Katie, I know I haven't talked to you much on here, but you seem like a great person. I'm sure you'll have no trouble finding a friend who won't leave you hanging. :)

[carole]

I can also relate to this, I had a best friend for years as well, she shifted , and we kept in contact , seeing each other once a year maybe and writing letters, but each time I saw her I felt we had less in common, and the visits were becoming difficult for me,however I kept up the connection although really I knew it was doomed, I sent her a xmas card and never heard back, I am sad we have parted for many years now, and felt she could have at least written a letter saying how she felt, and I would have understood, as I was glad to end the friendship too really.

I often think of her to this day and wonder if she is ok,but I am still miffed that she ended it so cowardly.

Take the other's advice and play it cool, if she really wants to continue her friendship with you, she will make the effort, if not I am afraid you might just have to let it go.,sad as that maybe.

[luvofallhorses]

Oh Katie I know exactly what you're going through:( My best friend, Lauren, her parents got divorced so she moved approx. 2-3 hours away. I always IM her on msn and she never IMs me I asked her for her new phone # and she didn't even give me it since she moved out in the country. I met her in 4-h at a fundraiser. I know how you feel if you ever need to talk feel free to pm me anytime :) (((((((((BIG HUG))))))))

[Lexi_Lover]

Originally posted by Samantha Puppy
Yes, only it happened to me in person. I was in 6th grade and my best friend decided she didn't want to be friends anymore. It sucked, but I found other friends who didn't hurt me. As a matter of fact, one of them has been my real best friend for 17 years now and was Maid of Honor in my wedding last year.

Would that be the one in your pictures Jamie? Oh yes, you can tell you are VERY good friends! :p;)

As for this Katie, its happened to me as well. I know you don't want to lose this friendship, but thats what I had to do. Especially when they started talking behind my back. But, it doesn't seem that she is bad-mouthing you, so try and convince her that your friendship with her means a lot to you, and that you want to talk it through. I iwsh I had better advice, sorry! :( Remember I am always there for you if you wanna talk, and ALWAYS remember that when you think you don't have friends at any moment, I am!

Your friends,
Paula & The Crew

[Samantha Puppy]

Originally posted by Lexi_Lover
Would that be the one in your pictures Jamie? Oh yes, you can tell you are VERY good friends! :p;) Actually, no. That's Erika. She and I met in late 2002 through her husband whom I've known since 6th grade. They were just engaged then, and we hit it off. So much so that she asked me to be a bridesmaid in her wedding that was only a few months after we met! She is one of my newest friends, and a very pleasant surprise. :)

Here is a picture of Christine (my long time best friend), Samantha, and Erika (my new best friend, but not replacing Christine).
http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid162/pe92dd531fe2bf447c890e17ea9a7f962/f4a9ec88.jpg

And here's a great picture of Christine on my wedding day (and a crappy one of me - my boobs look all pointy!).
http://www.imagestation.com/picture/sraid162/pc354a5684d2c752fabeba624626ff5dd/f4a9ec8b.jpg

Basically, you gotta look at it like this - crap happens. The people you think will always be in your life may surprise you and not be... but you will make connections with other people. It hurts, yeah. But I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.

[GraciesMommy]

I had a best friend from 5th grade on...we were at each other's house every weekend. She was my maid of honor in my first marriage...we were even pregnant at the same time...well fast forward..our kids are 14 at the time and they decide they like each other and are going steady..my son breaks up with HER daughter..and bam...WE are no longer friends..now how childish is that?? All those years...and it hurt! I don't know what she expected...they were kids...they "dated" a couple months and it was over...just like any 14 year olds...but that ended our relationship too..very sad..

No advise..cuz I couldn't even advise myself!

[janelle]

Just be glad it's a friend and not family. That is what I am going through right now.

My brother and wife have been slowly easing away from our family circle for years now. With their kids and grandkids that is all they want. They have friends but no time for family.

Everytime I invite them over to see my new house or do something with them they always have something or someplace to be. That would be ok but they come to see my mother in the carehome and sometimes we run into them. They act like they can't get away quick enough.

I finally emailed them and asked if something was wrong. Their daughter said hurtful thiings were said and opinions were made so I appologized if I had hurt them in anyway and said I just wanted to be family and have a relationship.

Well you would have thought I slammed them and am a terrible person for saying this. Go figure. But it has been coming for years now. They say I am demanding when I invite them over. That I expect too much of them. One invite in a year isn't pushy as far as I can see but if they want to hold a grudge I can't do anything about it. Some people are just that way.

I would say email her but with the reaction I got I'm not an email fan now. It's hard to say what you feel in an email. You mean it to be concern but it is read as interference.

I guess you just have to accept it and go on and try to make new friends. Sometimes anything we try will just blow up in our face. I think some people are just determined to be insulted if they act hurt and won;t let you appologize. Then other times with friends they go on with other friends or boyfriends and don't know how to include just exclude. It sucks but we have to accept things we don't like in life. Make new friends and try not to worry too much about it.

[flamepony12]

I agree with Donna-- Does she have a boyfriend? That could be the problem. Also, is she having a hard time with life? are her parents divorced? From the way you're describing it, it sounds like she does still care about you, but hardly ever feels up to writing. When you do talk to her, does she sound and act like she doesn't want to talk anymore, or does she still talk like the old Kat?

Sorry about my little questions, but my mom's a therapist and I can't help it :D

(((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))),
Devon

[Buddy Blaze Lover]

Thanks for the advice and stories everyone!

KYS-I agree, family should be your best friends, because ultimately, they will always be there for you. It's taken me a long time to figure that out, but I can see it now.:)

Chrissy-you sound really nice too!! I'd love to get to know you better!

Krista and Paula--thanks for your help! I know I can turn to you guys and I will keep that in mind!

Janelle--your situation sounds so sad. I'm so sorry!:(



Originally posted by flamepony12
I agree with Donna-- Does she have a boyfriend? That could be the problem. Also, is she having a hard time with life? are her parents divorced? From the way you're describing it, it sounds like she does still care about you, but hardly ever feels up to writing. When you do talk to her, does she sound and act like she doesn't want to talk anymore, or does she still talk like the old Kat?

Sorry about my little questions, but my mom's a therapist and I can't help it :D

(((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))),
Devon

Thanks Devon! Answers to your questions--no, actually Kat doesn't have a boyfriend right now, (she's more into horses, lol). And yes, she's been having a really hard time in school and family situations right now I will say. Well, I guess it seems like she's pretty depressed most of the time. Funny you should mention it, but her mom died of cancer when she was 6, which could be a lot of it, and her only sister--and mom in a way--is gone as a nurse in the army, and it's been tough dealing with that. I think Kat does still care about me in a way, yet she doesn't know how to show it, or something of the sort. Sometimes I just feel like a burden, but I can't do anything to get her out of this depression state! It gets me pretty discouraged, since I did go through that, but I made it through and am a pretty positive person now.

I think the hardest part is that we live SO far apart, and I rarely ever see her. *sigh* I do still have two of the bestest friends in the world--Lindz and Di, yet they still live far away too...(California and Kansas) It's just hard to deal with these things, when I miss them all SO much!:( It's not hard for me to make friends, and I have lots, but very few are as close as Kat, Lindz, and Di...and I'd give anything to keep them forever! I guess there is a time when you have to let go though, and I know I've tried. *sigh* I'm going to keep trying to be buddies with Kat, but if she walks away, what can I do? I guess the only thing I can do is let her go, which will be tough, and pray that she comes back. It sure makes me want to cry though...:(:(:( It makes me feel somewhat better though to know you all have been through the same thing too, and that I'm going to make it through this...thanks again!:(

[janelle]

Thanks Hon. Not sure how old you are but you can use this as a learning experience.

Your friend may be doing this for lots of reasons. If she ever wants to open up then you will find out what is going on but you can't make her open up and pushing won't help. I was just at the end of my rope when I am in the same vicinity with my brother and wife and they are blantant about running away even when they think they are not.

It may be best to concentrate on making new friends. Who knows your life time friend may be in your neighborhood but you are spending too much time worring about this friend not to see them. But learn how it feels to be ignored and try not to do it to others. I think it's better to tell people you are just too busy or whatever to have the same relationship then you did have and you 're sorry when they try to contact you and you can't be with them.

I also try to be there when it comes to my SIL cause I am learning my hubby has a family and I can't dominate him so he feels like he can't see them. I try to not take things too seriously so I let go of things that are said so it doesn't escalate. It's up to us how we feel not others.

[GoldenRetrLuver]

Originally posted by Samantha Puppy
Basically, you gotta look at it like this - crap happens. The people you think will always be in your life may surprise you and not be... but you will make connections with other people. It hurts, yeah. But I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.

I agree. I've had it happen to me in the past and it does hurt, but you just have to move on. You'll find out who your true friends are soon enough.

It seems to me like your friend may be going through a difficult time now, so I'd just give her time and space, and hopefully you two can and will remain friends. If it still seems like she doesn't want to be friends, then in my opinion, she's just not worth dealing with, as sad as that may sound.

I hope things turn out okay.

[Buddy Blaze Lover]

Thanks again guys! I feel better about this now.:(;)