AmberLee
03-09-2005, 06:49 PM
An extended quote from Christopher Moore's "The Stupidest Angel: A Heartwarming Tale of Christmas Terror" ...
Sorry, E'sS, when I read this I thought of you and laughed aloud! Hope it brings you a chuckle, too. (Perhaps it needs to be in context? Pine Cove is a small community a bit south of Monterey, CA. It is about to be blessed with a Christmas miracle. Sadly, it will be granted by the stupidest angel from heaven. So the citizens bolted in the town hall fighting off the resultant zombies are less than thrilled with their personal miracle of life.... Enough background!)
...
Winter denial -- Theo did it, most Californians did it -- they assumed that because the weather was nice most of the time, it would be nice all of the time, and so, in the midst of a rainstorm, you'd find people outdoors without an umbrella, or when nights dipped into the thirties, you'd still see someone dip-pumping his gas in surfer shorts and a tank top. So even as the National Weather Service was telling the Central Coast to batten down the hatches, as they were about to get the storm of the decade, and even though winds were gusting to fifty knots a full day before the storm made landfall, the people of Pine Cove carried on with their holiday routine like nothing out of the ordinary could happen to them.
Winter denial: therein lay the key to California Schadenfreude -- the secret joy that the rest of the country feels at the misfortune of California. The country said: "Look at them, with their fitness and their tans, their beaches and their movie stars, their Silicon Valley and silicone breasts, their orange bridge and their palm trees. God, I hate those smug, sunshiny bastards!" Beacause if you're up to your navel in a snowdrift in Ohio, nothing warms your heart like the sight of California on fire. If you're shoveling silt out of your basement in the Fargo flood, nothing brightens your day like watching a Malibu mansion tumbling down a cliff into the sea. And if a tornado just peppered the land around your Oklahoma town with random trailer trash and redneck nuggets, then you can find a quantum of solace in the fact that the earth actually opened up in the San Fernando Valley and swallowed a whole caravan of commuting SUVs. ...
Other titles by C. Moore are:
The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove
Island of the Sequined Love Nun
Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal
Bloodsucking Fiends
Coyote Blue
Practical Demonkeeping
and
Fluke: Or, I Know Why the Winged Whale Sings
Sorry, E'sS, when I read this I thought of you and laughed aloud! Hope it brings you a chuckle, too. (Perhaps it needs to be in context? Pine Cove is a small community a bit south of Monterey, CA. It is about to be blessed with a Christmas miracle. Sadly, it will be granted by the stupidest angel from heaven. So the citizens bolted in the town hall fighting off the resultant zombies are less than thrilled with their personal miracle of life.... Enough background!)
...
Winter denial -- Theo did it, most Californians did it -- they assumed that because the weather was nice most of the time, it would be nice all of the time, and so, in the midst of a rainstorm, you'd find people outdoors without an umbrella, or when nights dipped into the thirties, you'd still see someone dip-pumping his gas in surfer shorts and a tank top. So even as the National Weather Service was telling the Central Coast to batten down the hatches, as they were about to get the storm of the decade, and even though winds were gusting to fifty knots a full day before the storm made landfall, the people of Pine Cove carried on with their holiday routine like nothing out of the ordinary could happen to them.
Winter denial: therein lay the key to California Schadenfreude -- the secret joy that the rest of the country feels at the misfortune of California. The country said: "Look at them, with their fitness and their tans, their beaches and their movie stars, their Silicon Valley and silicone breasts, their orange bridge and their palm trees. God, I hate those smug, sunshiny bastards!" Beacause if you're up to your navel in a snowdrift in Ohio, nothing warms your heart like the sight of California on fire. If you're shoveling silt out of your basement in the Fargo flood, nothing brightens your day like watching a Malibu mansion tumbling down a cliff into the sea. And if a tornado just peppered the land around your Oklahoma town with random trailer trash and redneck nuggets, then you can find a quantum of solace in the fact that the earth actually opened up in the San Fernando Valley and swallowed a whole caravan of commuting SUVs. ...
Other titles by C. Moore are:
The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove
Island of the Sequined Love Nun
Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal
Bloodsucking Fiends
Coyote Blue
Practical Demonkeeping
and
Fluke: Or, I Know Why the Winged Whale Sings