I am so very sorry

[Tina]

I wanted to tell everyone that I am very sorry for all of the lies that I told here. I had no right and I am very ashamed of myself. I hope this post does not get deleted because I do want people to see it. I do not except anyone to forgive me. I do feel really badly for not telling the truth from the beginning I have felt so guilty for about it for such a long time.

I do believe that my depression has over came some of my judgement. I've felt depressed for along time but I didn't know it would get this bad. I'm not even really sure what started my depression. Growing up I didn't have the best childhood my dad drank and my mom would hit me over dumb things. No my dad never did abuse me but seeing him drink his life away is enough. He is still drinking heavily even now and it kills me. After I had each of my kids I did notice that my depression was getting a bit worse but I still deynied anything was wrong. I have kept myself locked away in our house for a long time. I didn't want to go out and do anything or enjoy anything. My lying here just made things worse on me. Because the guilt was always there. It weighed so heavily on my mind that I drank to me the pain go away. I guess I used Pet Talk as part of my therapy.

My husband has never abused me. I love him with all of my heart and I know he does me too. He just does not understand how I feel about our dogs being outside. I can not change that. I have tried to talk to him and change his ways. But he refuses to change his way that a dog should live in the house with us. Our dogs live in a dog run I let them in our yard while I am outside with them.

I know I am not going change some members minds about me. That is fine. I understand if you do not want to forgive me. How can I except you to when I don't forgive myself.

I am true what I am saying now. If you still can not believe me that is totally fine. I will be more then willing give anyone a real life apolgy if needed. Just give me a PM.

If people want me to leave then I will. But I would like to stay if I can?

[lute]

please stay:)

[luvofallhorses]

ditto to lute.

[PJ's Mom]

Originally posted by Tina
If people want me to leave then I will. But I would like to stay if I can?

I don't know you. I don't know if you lied. Nor do I really care. It just seems to me that everytime your name appears people get pissed off and I for one am tired of seeing it. I'm tired of the fighting and I'm tired of all these apologies.

Perhaps you would be happier on another board where you can start over fresh.

Unfortunately if you do stay you'll be the first member on my ignore list. :(

[Tina]

Fine I guess I deserve that.:( Though I did not mean to piss a bunch of people off here. Maybe I would be better off somewhere else.

[bckrazy]

:( I didn't want to reply to this... but, I do agree 100% with PJ's Mom. There has been way too much damage done here, for me to forgive. You've done nothing to me personally but a lot of people here have been very hurt by a lot of what has been said/done.

I do *really* want PT to just go back to normal. I can't stand all this drama. I really do see this post as another attention-getting scheme... sorry, but thats how I feel.

>__<

[PJ's Mom]

I realize Tina, that you probably want a lot of people to ask you to stay. I don't think that will happen this time. I'm really sorry. :(

[moosmom]

I think PJ's mom is right. You need to play your games on another board.

Bye!!

[Tina]

Well what I just said is the truth. I am not playing no games.

I will leave if that is what people want.

[luvofallhorses]

I do *really* want PT to just go back to normal. I can't stand all this drama ditto. Tina it's your choice to leave but please keep in contact with me somehow e-mail([email protected]) or pm me. I am really concered about your well-being:( Please take care of yourself and get yourself better by counseling whatever you need to do so you can go back to your kids and your animals(your number one priority). If I were your kid I would hate to see you like this and ask you to go to a counselor whatever helps. Please, Please get yourself some help, I hate to see you like this and you know some of the other people here do, too. (((hugs)))

[Tina]

I was not looking for anyone to ask me to stay. Actually I am glad no one did.

I am going go somewhere else and make a fresh start.

[luvofallhorses]

I was not looking for anyone to ask me to stay. Actually I am glad no one did. Lute and I did. So that means 2 people did. ;)

[PJ's Mom]

Hopefully someday you will be able to stop using your illness as a crutch.

My sister suffers from depression and blames everything she does on it. She's lied and still does, she steals and I will never forgive her for what she puts my mom through. It's very similar to what you do here, so you get little sympathy from me.

Depression doesn't make you lie and put people through what you have over the last few months. Do you realize people cried for you??? How on earth can you expect them to forgive you for the emotional roller coaster you've put them on?

[popcornbird]

Tina, after being lied to for almost three years, I'm afraid it would take at least another three years of you proving yourself trustworthy to have people forgive you for this. Had you realized your mistake sooner, and acted upon your apology the first time you came to us saying *Sorry*, things would have been different. Unfortunately, you lied again and again, even after apologizing many times. How can we know you really MEAN it this time?

Honestly, I would like to see you as a happy mother, one who looks forward to everyday in life. God has given you the two most beautiful little girls, and along with that, the responsiblity to raise them well. Do you really want to give your sweet children the example of a liar? I know a parent would hate to think of their kids lying to them, but I want you to know that when a parent lies, that's exactly what their children learn. Take care of your girls. They need a mother with a stable mind. They need a mother who will set the most wonderful example for them to follow. You have so much to be thankful for. You have happy, healthy children, you have pets, you have a loving husband who cares for you and doesn't abuse you. If you realize how great these things are, you will know that you have a great fortune...a fortune that many will never have. There are so many women out there who don't have a roof over their heads...so many who have sick children...so many that have spouses that abuse them. Aren't you much better off? There are so many that have less than you...so many that suffer many times more. I know that when I'm feeling sad, counting my blessings helps me feel so much better. We all have blessings to count, and we all have blessings that someone out there will never have. If you realize how many bounties you have in life, you will realize you have so much more to be happy and thankful about than depressed.

I want you to realize that lying is never the answer. The more one lies, the more he/she has to lie...to cover up previous lies. What's worse is that eventually, ALL those lies will come out in the open, and you'll have 100 times more lies to be ashamed of than what you started with. What's even worse than that is that children learn to lie if their parents do...and no parent ever wants their child to lie to him/her.

Maybe its best for you, and for us, that you take a break from PT right now. A long break. Go and think things over. Think of what you've done. Do what you can to make your life better. Have faith. Count your blessings. Devote your life to yourself and family. You will be much happier. Your children and husband should be gems in your life...people who surround you, and make you happy. You too, should be a gem in their lives.

We all try to understand here on PT, but truthfully Tina, you have gone too far this time. We may be able to forgive with time, but its very hard right now. If you're seriously suffering from depression, I would advise you to go and count every blessing you have. Everything. From your healthy organs, to having hands and feet, to having the ability to see, hear, and talk....to having healthy children, to having a loving husband, to having wonderful fresh air to breathe. You have so many blessings. You shouldn't have any reason to be depressed. If you truely are, then please go and get help, but don't sit at home and makes things worse for you, and for us.

This is all I can say right now. I wish you the best in life and sincerely hope you'll learn that honesty is the best policy in life. Lying will only come back to bite you in the end. We all make mistakes, but the best of us are those who learn from them, and mend the problems we have in us. I hope you will find the courage to do that one day. Learn from your mistakes Tina, before its too late...before you commit too many to sincerely be forgiven. Take a break from Pet Talk and give us a break from this emotional rollercoaster you've been causing us. You should never play with peoples' emotions.

[Desert Arabian]

Tina, you really should read that quote you have in your signature and apply it to yourself. Well, I don't know what else to say except "goodbye, good luck with your future."

:/

[jazzcat]

Best of luck to you Tina. I hope you find your inner peace.

[Desert Arabian]

Originally posted by PJ's Mom
Hopefully someday you will be able to stop using your illness as a crutch.

Amen, amen! PJ's Mom, I love you. That drives me nuts! My grandma does that, drives my family insane. Tina's is nothing compared to my grandma!

[PJ's Mom]

Originally posted by YellowLabLover
Amen, amen! PJ's Mom, I love you.

Ok. :D

My sister does it. Her favorite line is "I'm depressed. I can't help it!" This after she shoplifted a blanket with my mom in the store with her. :mad:

[Tina]

Originally posted by luvofallhorses
ditto. Tina it's your choice to leave but please keep in contact with me somehow e-mail([email protected]) or pm me. I am really concered about your well-being:( Please take care of yourself and get yourself better by counseling whatever you need to do so you can go back to your kids and your animals(your number one priority). If I were your kid I would hate to see you like this and ask you to go to a counselor whatever helps. Please, Please get yourself some help, I hate to see you like this and you know some of the other people here do, too. (((hugs)))

I know you did.:)

[Tina]

I'm not using my illness as a crutch.

Anyways I am gone, the drama is over, I am taking a very long break from here. I promise I will not be back to start anymore trouble.

Goodbye.

[carole]

Tina after reading about your last little episode on here , I told myself Tina will be back saying how sorry she is , yet again.

Despite the fact I have empathy for your illness and I really do, it is impossible to condone your childish behaviour, and that is what it is really, a lack of maturity on your part, please continue with the help you so need, you have to grow up NOW for those beautiful precious girls you have.

I understand when you are depressed, it is hard to cope with little everyday things, but depression in itself does not create the kind of things you have done on PT, like lying continually, coming back hoping for forgiveness each time, and then when it is not forthcoming, getting childish and saying well I am going, and never coming back, I mean how many times have we heard that from you.
,
It is all very well for you to say the Drama is over , I am leaving, it was you who created this so called Drama, no-one else, that is a cowardly way to go IMO.

You can continue to apologise until the sun shines you know where, but really as PCB pointed out, you have to really prove yourself here, and it will not happen overnite, if you really want to stay, then be mature and accept the responsiblity for your actions, take them on board, deal with it, and move on,and committ yourself to proving to PT members that you mean what you say.

Sometimes I ask myself why I continue to waste my precious time on replying to your threads like this, it is because I hope that maybe one of the things I say may hit hard and sink in, because I know you are a worthwhile person.

You cannot continue this destructive behaviour, it is not fair on yourself, your family or the community on PT, who have IMO been more than patient and understanding with you,you cannot keep playing with other people's emotions, it saddens me terribly.

So many people on PT have given you encouragement, advice, and really care about you, so why do you continually keep slapping us in the face, all we ever wanted to do was help you to get well again.

I for one believe your illness goes deeper than just depression,I and many other's have suffered depression in their lives, and none of us have behaved as you have here, there is more to this than meets the eye.

Tina you have been given more than the time of day here, so many people just keep having faith in you, and giving you third and fourth chances, there comes a point in time where everyone just throws their hands up in defeat and say ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

Please continue with your therapist, I hope you have told them what has been happening here on PT, as I think this is a very important issue you need to discuss with them,not something to be swept under the carpet, Tina you have to put in some hard work to get results, so keep at it, it is a pity you could not have used PT in a positive way instead of a negative.

GOOD lUCK.

[PJ's Mom]

Originally posted by Tina
Anyways I am gone, the drama is over, I am taking a very long break from here. I promise I will not be back to start anymore trouble.

I hope we can put faith in that. I have my doubts.

[MariaM]

I know I'm not with the majority here, but I'd just like to say, Tina, if you really want to stay here then do so. If you don't, then you could take a break. Of course nobody is going to forgive you off the bat, and I'm sure there are lots who never will. But if you enjoy being here, then I think you should stay, AND, IF you really mean it, you can show us that you want to start over. I understand you must feel horrible right now, and even after all of the things you've done, I'm trying to understand. I want to remember that saying...I think it's "Forgive 70 x 70 times" or something. I believe in that saying even though I don't always live up to it. I haven't spoken up in this situation because I never find the right words to say to express myself. I'm hoping I got my point across here, I'll try and explain it again incase I didn't.

I think you should stay if it makes you happy. If not, focus on the things that do make you happy. It will be a struggle, but I think that if you really wanted to, you COULD earn your trust back from many of us, in TIME. I do not forgive you right now but I am trying to work up to that. Remember, God doesn't give us anything we can't handle.

With whatever you decide, I wish you good luck.

[Kfamr]

See you in a few days. :rolleyes:

[luckies4me]

Amen PCB!!! WOW, you hit the nail on the head! :D

[dukedogsmom]

Originally posted by Tina
Anyways I am gone, the drama is over, I am taking a very long break from here. I promise I will not be back to start anymore trouble.

Originally posted by PJ's Mom
I hope we can put faith in that. I have my doubts.
Add me to the list on that.

[Cataholic]

Good Golly! How many times are we going to let her take us out to the shed? Lord....

[wolf_Q]

Tina I honestly wish you would leave and never come back. Pet Talk is NOT doing you any good...all it has become is an outlet for your lies. How anyone on here could ever trust you again is beyond me. Please, get help for yourself and please never get any more pets.

[kt_luvs_kitties]

I am going to make this as simple as possible. I do not personally know you. I have read alot of your posts in the past, and have chosen NOT to comment on most of them. I stay out of fights/drama.
I am posting to this thread, to let you know that I do think that you love animals. I do think that you love your family. I also think that you do need to really think about the pain you have caused many people on this PT forum. I think that you should take a long break from this site. NOT because of what others say to you, or for what others think of you... BUT mostly because I do not think that wasting your time on this website is a good idea, ESP. when you could be 1) spending more time with your family/pets 2) to reevaluate yourself 3) to make your life easier than it is now.
People feel as if you have promised SO many times before, that it is just another way to either get attention or get acceptance. I do not mean myself, I do not know that whole story so I can not respond on that.
I know that life is tough, people are cruel, and unforgiving(I am not saying on PT, I am talking REAL LIFE) .. BUT keep in your mind, that only YOU can make YOU feel better. Not a website, not the internet, not lying. Only you.
I wish you the best of luck, from the bottom of my heart. *HUGS* Katie

[Jods]

Tina,
I don't know what you lied to us all about, I missed that thread. I have tried before to be supportive to you and gave up. I really hope you get help for your children's sakes. Good luck with your new home in the future and I wish you all the best, but one things for sure you can't keep toying with everyones emotions. I really feel sorry for you and your family. Everything you feel and do reflects how you act in front of your children as well. Just think if you keep it up they will both be needing help in the future from counsellors for something they can't control, how their mother acted during childhood. I'm not saying that to be mean or upset you its just another thing I fear for you.