QueenScoopalot
02-06-2005, 11:18 AM
TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
>
>An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car
>has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to
>the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake
>pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay
>calm. An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios
>in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."
>_______________________________________
>FAMILY
>
>Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96
>year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the
>other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94 year old yells
>back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and
>pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?" The 92 year old is sitting at
>the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head
>and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood." She then
>yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the
>door."
>_______________________________________
>"I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"
>
>Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March
>day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" "No," the second man
>replied, "it's Thursday." And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have
>a beer." >_______________________________________
>OLD FRIENDS
>
>Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they
>had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities
>had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they
>were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get
>mad at me .. I know we've been friends for a long time ..but I just can't
>think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it.
>Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least
>three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How
>soon do you need to know?"
>_______________________________________
>SENIOR DRIVING
>
>As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
>Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just
>heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77.
>Please be careful!" "Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's
>hundreds of them!"
>_______________________________________
>DRIVING
>
>Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see
>over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an
>intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The
>woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I
>could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more
>minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again.
>Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost
>sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was
>losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough,
>the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other
>woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red
>lights in a row? You could have killed us both!" Mildred turned to her and
>said, "Oh! Am I driving?"
>
>
>TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
:eek: :D :rolleyes: :p :eek:
>
>An elderly Floridian called 911 on her cell phone to report that her car
>has been broken into. She is hysterical as she explains her situation to
>the dispatcher: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake
>pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried. The dispatcher said, "Stay
>calm. An officer is on the way." A few minutes later, the officer radios
>in. "Disregard." He says. "She got in the back-seat by mistake."
>_______________________________________
>FAMILY
>
>Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together. One night the 96
>year old draws a bath. She puts her foot in and pauses. She yells to the
>other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?" The 94 year old yells
>back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see." She starts up the stairs and
>pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?" The 92 year old is sitting at
>the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters. She shakes her head
>and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful, knock on wood." She then
>yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the
>door."
>_______________________________________
>"I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"
>
>Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March
>day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" "No," the second man
>replied, "it's Thursday." And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have
>a beer." >_______________________________________
>OLD FRIENDS
>
>Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they
>had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities
>had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they
>were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get
>mad at me .. I know we've been friends for a long time ..but I just can't
>think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it.
>Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least
>three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How
>soon do you need to know?"
>_______________________________________
>SENIOR DRIVING
>
>As a senior citizen was driving down the freeway, his car phone rang.
>Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just
>heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on Interstate 77.
>Please be careful!" "Hell," said Herman, "It's not just one car. It's
>hundreds of them!"
>_______________________________________
>DRIVING
>
>Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see
>over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to an
>intersection. The stoplight was red, but they just went on through. The
>woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I
>could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more
>minutes, they came to another intersection and the light was red again.
>Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost
>sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was
>losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next intersection, sure enough,
>the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other
>woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red
>lights in a row? You could have killed us both!" Mildred turned to her and
>said, "Oh! Am I driving?"
>
>
>TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO US !!!!
:eek: :D :rolleyes: :p :eek: