I could just puke...

[Kristl]

OK, is this a good enough reason to get mad? Nick thinks I am being stupid...I don't.

Ok this stupid girl keeps text messaging my boyfriend, and going to his dads when he's there, and calling him and just basically hanging around him EVERY chance she gets. She even was telling people that they were "intimate". OK HELLO? He has a girlfriend you little, um, nevermind. I am at my wits end. I have cried and cried and cried over this. He seems to think that I am just overreacting and that because he has known her since they were kids that it's no big deal. To tell you the truth...it embarrasses me to death. Makes me feel really bad. So I don't know what to do to make him understand that he is literally destroying me. I have been thinking about leaviing him, because I don't need this crap. And yes, I could just start hanging out with other guys constantly...but I am not that immature. I think I am going to freak out. THEN he says "if you're so unhappy, go find someone who will make you happy." I think I will...

[luvofallhorses]

oh kristl,

I don't think you're over-reacting. It isn't right she calls him left and right and has you think something of it. Do tell him that it is destroying your relationship and if he doesn't take it well tell her off. She has no right to call him here and there maybe once a day would be enough and if he goes out with her make sure he has your permission. He's your boyfriend right? or husband? I don't know if my advice has helped any but hang in there(((hugs))).

Krista

[Kristl]

Oh, he is not allowed to be alone with her EVER or go anywhere with her...he knows that. But what's good for the goose is good for the gander, right?

[luvofallhorses]

well maybe the 3 of you could do something together? or you just cannot stand her?

[Kristl]

Can't stand her...

[Tubby & Peanut's Mom]

Originally posted by Kristl
THEN he says "if you're so unhappy, go find someone who will make you happy."

If that's his attitude, dump him! You say "I have been thinking about leaviing him, because I don't need this crap." And that is so true! It took me a long time and a lot of heartache before I realized there are many many guys out there that don't give you "crap" and if you don't need it, don't take it!

Good luck!

[Kristl]

Originally posted by Tubby & Peanut's Mom
If that's his attitude, dump him! You say "I have been thinking about leaviing him, because I don't need this crap." And that is so true! It took me a long time and a lot of heartache before I realized there are many many guys out there that don't give you "crap" and if you don't need it, don't take it!

Good luck!

Oh, SO true! Thanks all, sorry I just really needed to vent!

[kt_luvs_kitties]

I agree with above statement. If you were to stand outside of the situation, like I am, it would be so clear. You dont need that. Noone does. I know you probably really care about him, but its pretty obvious that he doesnt care about you as much... Or he would understand your worries, and tell her to back off. I know that sounds a bit harsh, but I just cant stand seeing a woman get tore down over a little boy that just doesnt get it. Pack your stuff and say GOODBYE. Once you do you will find someone who will be compassionate about your feelings, and make you truly happy. If a guy makes you cry, it just IS NOT worth it. Trust me.

*HUGS* I hope you find the strength to leave now, before it is 2 years down the road, and then you realize, you just wasted a whole lot of time that you can never get back;)

[luvofallhorses]

kt_luvs_kitties


advice is great do what you feel is right *hugs*

[Kfamr]

He doesn't sound like he deserves you.

I'd dump him without having to think about it. You don't deserve someone to be a jerk to you like that!

If he's incapable of understanding, or atleast be considerate about your feelings, then he isn't capable of being in a relationship with you.

[Tina]

Wow! I'm not really sure what to tell you. It sounds like she wants to be more then friends with him. I don't think it is right that she calls him when she feels like it.

It sounds like you might be better off without him. If he is telling you "if you're so unhappy, go find someone who will make you happy."

[NoahsMommy]

First, that is highly inappropriate behavior on her part...but I must say, unless she has no pride, she wouldn't act like that without a receptive audience.

Second, if he is unwilling to get this girl out of his life, he is not worth it!

I looked at your profile, you just turned 23. So I assume you've thought of this guy in a long term way. Be warned, actions are MUCH louder than words and this will be in your life for as long as he is.

Dr. Laura (radio psychologist, author, etc.) says that the way you know if a man deserves you is to ask yourself, "Is he WILLING to swim through shark infested waters to bring me a lemonade?" It sounds silly, but who would want a man that wasn't willing to do ANYTHING for you? Who has the time?

I'm sorry your boyfriend doesn't understand the situation. :( I hope it works out. You deserve better.

Take care.

[CalliesMom]

I would have to say that the girl flirting with him is a nice ego trip. You need to tell him exactly how you feel and if he doesn't like it, boot him to the curb.

[carole]

I think Nick is enjoying all the extra attention he is getting, if you love Nick I would not dump him straight away, it could be just small hiccup in your relationship, but you need to tell him straight, this kind of stuff won't wear with you, and HE needs to put a stop to it, no-one else, if he loves you and cares for you and realises his relationship with you is on the line, he will do the right thing.

If he is not prepared to , then yes sweetie I would give him his marching orders, plenty more fish in the sea and you are a very pretty young lady, who will have no problem finding another boyfriend.

I think it all depends how serious you two are about each other, as to whether it is worth working this out or not, whatever you decide , good luck dear.

As for the other girl, she is a waste of space, she knows he has a girlfriend and she should behave herself, but I guess she is after him, it sure sounds like it.

[Kristl]

Thanks everyone for all the advice. We've been together for 3 years...I would hate to see that time amount to notheng. Now that I have calmed down, I am a lot more rational. I don't want to throw this all away...I love him very much! He just told me that there are certain things about me that he can't stand and that if I will just make an attempt to try change some things, then he will be more respectful of my feelings. Stupid, yes. BUT I am not perfect. I have had my fair share of "ooops". We are going to eat at Pizza Hut for dinner and talk and I will give an update on the situation. Everyone is 100% right in their replies, and I will kick his rear if he doesn't fix it!!!;)

[Karen]

If he said "if you're so unhappy, go find someone who will make you happy" it sounds like he doesn't care much about you or the relationship you have. Time to find someone who will respect you!

[K9soul]

Originally posted by Kristl
He just told me that there are certain things about me that he can't stand and that if I will just make an attempt to try change some things, then he will be more respectful of my feelings.

I'm sorry, I don't mean to be a downer but this statement makes me very sad. I don't think you should have to "change" in order to earn his respect. He should be giving you respect freely, even if you drive him nuts sometimes, we all drive each other nuts sometimes. I dated a guy that started treating me that way too towards the end of the relationship. He actually didn't seem too worried at the prospect of losing me and kept getting more and more hurtful and disrespectful. I cared for him and let things go but all it did in the end was make him lose complete respect for me and at the end, he was mocking me for my persistence in trying to make things work.

My husband now, when I first started seeing him, I worried so much how he'd react when my own little quirks and problems started coming to the surface, if he'd react the same way, push me away. But over and over again, when I would express to him that I was afraid he'd change his mind about me once he experienced my problems with anxiety and mood swings (which were much worse at that time), that he would want to get away. He told me time and again that he loved me just the way I was, and would not change anything about me. He still tells me that today, almost 10 years later, when I worry about making him unhappy. I feel the same way about him. There are little quirks and things he does that sometimes drive me nuts, but I wouldn't change anything about him. That's the way it should be I think.

It just really sounds like he is not appreciating and respecting you the way you deserve. I do not think he should give you conditions in order to get his respect. I know you care for him, and I hope you can have a nice talk with him and iron out some things, but if he is unwilling to give you respect or only will give it under certain conditions, I think you should let him know that is not acceptable.. and perhaps rethink the relationship. It is not easy.. I knew with my first boyfriend that he was not treating me right, but it was so hard to let go.

{{hugs}} to you.

[Kristl]

It's just really hard right now...all my friends are "our" friends, his mom calls me her daughter in law, my parents LOVE him. I am glad I can post this here and get some outside opinions. When I talk to my friends about this, they say, "oh, well, screw him. Let's go out drinking." Yeah, like that's gonna help the problem! You guys are right, and I need to stand up for myself. If I don't I'll end up a raving lunatic!;)

[K9soul]

I feel for you very much, it is a hard and difficult situation for you. Sometimes people say do this or do that but it is never that easy and no matter what you do, there is a huge amount of emotions involved in it. Just do your best to make the choices that you know are best for you in the long run. I hate to think of you being hurt so much.

[carole]

Whatever you do Kristl DON'T let him turn this situation around and put the blame on you, which by the statement he made, sounds exactly what he is trying to do, people are great at doing this, changing a situation that they are at fault, and turning it around to make you look like the one with the problem.

By all means address the concerns he has, but DON'T let him make you feel , you are the only one who needs to make changes, and make sure he does some soul searching too, and deal with this girl , if it causes you to be upset and rightly so, he should be MAN enough to say NO MORE, I love Kristl and her feelings are important to me, and I have to respect that and do the right thing and tell this girl to LEAVE ME ALONE.

You have invested three long years together, so do try and work things out by all means, just make sure he puts his full 100 per cent into the relationship as well, good luck dear.:)

[christa]

Originally posted by Kristl
He just told me that there are certain things about me that he can't stand and that if I will just make an attempt to try change some things, then he will be more respectful of my feelings.

Don't EVER change for a man! If this one doesn't like you for you, there's someone out there that will! TRUST ME! I've been through my share of idoit bf's!

I dated a guy once for probably 6 months longer than we should have been together . . . then we ended our 2 year relationship and it was wonderful! I was free of that guy!!! We were miserable together but we both felt that we just couldn't throw all that time away . . .

I'm here to tell you that you're NOT throwing that time away! You have learned a great deal from this relationship and you'll take that with you. I remember my relationship with "that guy" and there were some good times . . . more bad, but I did learn a great deal!

BTW, 2 weeks after I dumped the above mentioned guy, I met a new guy, my future husband! We dated for 5 YEARS and have been married now for almost 2 years! He is WONDERFUL and he has always treated me like a queen!!!

Please, don't settle for anything less than you deserve . . . and if you need to talk more, PM me! I hate to see you "change" anything about yourself for this guy . . . you seem really cool! :)

[Kristl]

Today I had to get off the phone with him because I was about to cry. I said we needed to have a talk tonight and he was like "what now?". I have always said to him when I am mad "you don't care about me". He gets really mad when I say that and he says that if he didn't care about me he wouldn't be trying so hard to help me. I know he does care, but I think he thinks that he can do whatever and I cant. I'm starting to feel like he can do whatever he wants and I am supposed to stay at home and clean or something. Well, I am not going to be the barefoot, pregnant wife that he probably wants...NO WAY! We do have a lof of fun together, and he is truly a good person, I just don't know whats gotten in to him lately. I'm starting to think that he's trying to push me away...make me get rid of him so he doesn't have to be the one to do it. Maybe I am just over analyzing the situation...I don't know. He knew how I was when he met me, so what's different now? And Christa, you're right...no woman should settle for less than being treated like a queen...not just good, but great! I more or less kiss his a**. Don't I deserve something in return? I think so!

[Jods]

I'm guessing your night at Pizza Hut didn't go well then huh?? Do you guys live together?? Maybe if you take a break from each other you will both realize how much you mean to each other or not. It will be a good test for the relationship and that way you both won;t be hurting so much. It also gives you a chance to see that you CAN live without him. If after the break he isn't on his knees begging you to come back then you'll know what to do...
hope this helps. I know you love him tons, but you'll regret it if you don't try to figure it out now. When you say you wanna take the break don't be in an upset state of mind you'll say things you'll regret and so will he. It won't work that way. If he doesn't do well with the "we need to talk" bit don't use that it will put him on the defense right away. Hope you two work it out its obvious you love each other and if not its not ment to be and don't dwel over it.
jods
PM me anytime you need anything. :)

[NoahsMommy]

Irregardless of how many "oops" you've had, there is NO EXCUSE whatsoever for anyone to not respect the one's they "love".

I'm sorry, but what he said is a huge red flag and sounds a heck of a lot like he cares more for himself and what he wants. :(

You deserve someone that values your feelings above their own.

It is a very hard situation and I wish you well. I hope he can get a new perspective soon and see how great you are.

Take care. :)

[micki76]

Originally posted by Kristl
I'm starting to think that he's trying to push me away...make me get rid of him so he doesn't have to be the one to do it.

It kinda sounds that way. Some men do that, so they're not the "bad guy". :rolleyes:

I agree with christa, you're not throwing time away. Now if you stay in a bad relationship when you know it's bad, then you are just wasting your time. I know, I stayed married for nearly 4 years, because "I had time invested". I just ended up wishing I'd gotten out sooner. :(

Make it better or make a change, and if he doesn't want to help make it better, then you're better off without him.

Good luck!

[Kristl]

He just called to say he's on his way over. He said he'll get bitched at for a half hour and then go home. I told him he was not going to get bitched at...I have about 15 minutes to figure out my speech...

[Karen]

Good luck, and remember - you deserve respect. And attention. And you don't necessarily need him, or his "help" that isn't really helping. Equal footing, equal partnership .... you are not clay to be molded, but a real human being in your own right!


He said he'll get bitched at for a half hour and then go home.

That sounds to me like a relationship ender! Why bother?

[Kristl]

Karen, I know what you mean...why DO I even bother? Maybe because I got too comfortable and am scared to be on my own? His own mom is PO'd at him...he's starting to act like his dad, she says...which is a very BAD thing! She's told me that she loved his dad so much...married him twice before she figured it out. Now she's married to a great guy and is happier that she's ever been. She says I remind her of herself when she was my age! But it's true, Nick acts more like his dad every day, which is a bunch of bad words jerk! I'll let ya know how it goes...

[Karen]

Waiting ...

(I hope it went well, and if it didn't, that you'll move on to a happier place in your life!)

[Aspen and Misty]

Just found this thread.....


What happened tonight?

Ash

[sirrahved]

Dump him and don't look back!

[Kristl]

OK, had the talk and...I bitched:o! But we woked things out. He told the little follower/stalker girl that he did not want anything with her...that he wants us to work out. We are going to both take a step back and look at the problems that we both need to work on...I told him that this crap has got to end. And if it doesn't, I'm out. I think everything went well...of course I had a MAJOR brain fart and couldn't remember anything anyone told me to say, but I got the point across and I do feel better. I think I get really jealous over things...not this issue, but other ones. And I probably need to calm down a bit. Like he said we both know who we're going home with, that is true. But we came to an agreement that we are both going to fix the problems in the relationship and if it still sucks, then screw it. I am so glad we decided that, I love him a lot. I just want to thank everyone for the great advice and support on this! It restores my faith in people!:D So, "in conclusion", I feel much better, and I have faith in us!:)

[K9soul]

There's no easy solution and either way you go is going to be hard, but it seems at this point it might be best if the relationship is at least put on hold. Perhaps even if you and him don't end up working out, you could still stay friends with his mom since you seem to get along so nicely with her. I know this has to be a painful and stressful situation. I wish you the best, just try your best to stay true to yourself :)

[carole]

Kristl there is nothing wrong with trying to work a relationship out, keep at it, it may well be worth it in the long run, and you may look back on this as positive rather than a negative.

Remember don't let Nick get away with too much, he should have done what he is doing now with regard to the girl, much earlier on and saved all this aggro and upsetting you, but at least he has done that now, and that is all good.

I find his comments he will get bitched at rather derogatory, I would tell him to choose his words in future, and if he see's talking about things will only ever end in you bitching at him to quote him, then that is NOT a good start, however sounds like you have come to a better understanding with each other, and can work from there, good luck, relationships are always hard work, both take a good look at yourself's, make some changes, and take it from there, just don't go flogging a dead horse, as the saying goes, and know when to give up, but for now I wish you much happiness , and hope your heart is happy again, maybe you can do something awesome on Valentines Day.:)