pipersmom
01-26-2005, 04:35 PM
The four types of dog vomit and their definitions:
Yellow urka-gurkas:
Dog runs around the house and hides under furniture while making a prolonged "uurka-guurka, uurka-guurka" noise (the only noise guaranteed to wake up a dog lover who is hung over from a 3:30 am post-dog-show celebration). After a mad scramble to capture the dog and drag him outside, the episode ends with an indelible line of slimy yellow froth from the living room rug to the back door.
Blap disease:
Dog exercises hard and a) eats large mouthfuls of snow (winter blap disease) or b) drinks a bucket of water (summer blap disease). Within two minutes of returning inside, the dog spews out large amounts of clear, slimy liquid, making a distinctive "blap" sound and sharppercussive noise as it hits the linoleum.
Garks:
Dog suddenly clears his throat with loud and dramatic "gggark, gggark" noises, followed by a prolonged "iiksss" and then loud, satisfied smacking noises. There is nothing on the rug. Don't investigate; you don't want to know.
Ralfs:
The dog strolls into the dining room and waits 'til the innocent dinner guests are all watching him. Then, with a single deep gut-wrenching "raaaallff", disgorges the entire week's contents of his stomach on the rug. Variation: he eats it.
In all of the above events, the dog is entirely healthy and indeed, deeply pleased with himself.
PS: There is also the grassy greenies: Dog eats handfuls of grass then starts to retch and vomits out grass with froth, after a final chewing motion to get that last blade of grass out of the mouth, dog looks up with a 'how did that happen' expression.
Yellow urka-gurkas:
Dog runs around the house and hides under furniture while making a prolonged "uurka-guurka, uurka-guurka" noise (the only noise guaranteed to wake up a dog lover who is hung over from a 3:30 am post-dog-show celebration). After a mad scramble to capture the dog and drag him outside, the episode ends with an indelible line of slimy yellow froth from the living room rug to the back door.
Blap disease:
Dog exercises hard and a) eats large mouthfuls of snow (winter blap disease) or b) drinks a bucket of water (summer blap disease). Within two minutes of returning inside, the dog spews out large amounts of clear, slimy liquid, making a distinctive "blap" sound and sharppercussive noise as it hits the linoleum.
Garks:
Dog suddenly clears his throat with loud and dramatic "gggark, gggark" noises, followed by a prolonged "iiksss" and then loud, satisfied smacking noises. There is nothing on the rug. Don't investigate; you don't want to know.
Ralfs:
The dog strolls into the dining room and waits 'til the innocent dinner guests are all watching him. Then, with a single deep gut-wrenching "raaaallff", disgorges the entire week's contents of his stomach on the rug. Variation: he eats it.
In all of the above events, the dog is entirely healthy and indeed, deeply pleased with himself.
PS: There is also the grassy greenies: Dog eats handfuls of grass then starts to retch and vomits out grass with froth, after a final chewing motion to get that last blade of grass out of the mouth, dog looks up with a 'how did that happen' expression.