Some thoughts and apologies

[chrangharris]

Since I'm the one who started all of this and started all of the hurt feelings, I felt the need too share some thoughts and apologize for some things. I started this a few days ago and have gone back and forth on whether or not to post it- I guess I was worried it would fuel the flame and give people some more ammo to throw at me. I do need to apologize for a few things though so I decided to go on and post it.

I started the orginal thread with the intent of gaining some insight and some wisdom on a subject that I could face as a parent. I was hoping it would be a "I think will do this because I believe this" thread and that it would not turn into a fight. The thread started out like that and people gave some wonderful answers that made me stop and think some more about my view point. I stated on my very first post that if people got mean or insulting, it would be deleted. I was naive to think that such a heated topic would not turn ugly. If I offended anyone by starting that post, I'm truly sorry.

During that thread I was called many things- narrowminded, self righteous, a bad parent, and a hyprocrite- to name a few.

If believing there is a right and wrong in this world is narrowminded, I guess I'm guilty. Yes, I believe in the Bible and I do my best to follow it and to be Christ-like. Do I do it perfectly? Do I know everything about the Bible? No, I don't nor will I ever get there but I try my best on a daily basis to do it. I'm just a sinner trying to do my best each day.

I know I'm not the best parent and I know I will make mistakes as I'm raising Misha. Every parent will, but was it really necessary to call me a bad parent and unloving? I know I'm going to do the best job I can to teach Misha right from wrong- it is up to her to decide what to do with those teachings and up to me to love her regardless. I'm sorry if others don't agree with my values- that is your opinion and you have your right to think that way.

The names self-righteous, and hyprocrite got me thinking...am I really that? I don't think I am but several people accused me of it. Did I come across that way in my posts? I tried not to. I'm now doing some self reflecting to see if maybe I am self-righteous or a hypocrite and if it is something I need to work on in my life. Thank you to those who accused me of that- thank you for humbling me and making me look deeper into myself.

About deleting the thread...several people mentioned they were hurt that their answers and opinions were so carelessly tossed aside. They thought it was disrepectful to them and their opinions. I did not think it was disrespectful at first but after reading those posts I realized I was wrong in that area and it was disrespectful for me to do so. Please accept my apologies for showing you that disrespect.

Please know that I did not delete the thread lightly- if it had turned mean and insulting towards people who believed differently then I did, I still would have deleted the thread. I told everyone at the beginning what I would do if it got mean and I stood by that so I don't know why people expressed surprised that I did what I said I would do.

So again, I'm sorry to those I offended and I'm sorry to those I disrespected my deleting their thought out answers.

[Edwina's Secretary]

Very gracious of you, Chris. Thank you and nicely done.

[RICHARD]

People forget that in order to BE disrespected they have to earn YOUR respect.

Rule 74.2- The Book of Life.
;)

[Karen]

Thank you, Chris, that was nicely said.

[GraciesMommy]

Very well written...and I do believe from the heart..hugs

[CalliesMom]

I've always thought you were a very nice person who comes from a very nice family. I think things can get construed here because we are reading what others say and take them as we will. I think it is unfortunate that the thread turned ugly but people feel very strongly on both sides. I hope no damage was done and no one's feelings were hurt.

[Corinna]

I too was surprized by some of the replies. I thought your threads were to help expanid our thoughts . It sure made me see how some are so closed. I thought about some of the replies and could see the reasoning (may not have agreed with ) .I'm just sorry you feel you have to apolisie for tring to see more sides of an issue.

[NoahsMommy]

While I stayed the heck out of the Dog House these past few days and did not read any of the threads, I heard about them.

I think it takes a very big person to come back to the table with not only a heartfelt apology for hurt feelings, but to also tell others what has happened in your heart and mind as a result.

I hope those that were involved in the name calling will forgive and appreciate that you've taken their words to heart.

Take care,
Kelly :)

[carole]

Chris, even though this thread may have turned out different to how you perceived, I think you have found the positive in it, and now you are taking an inner look at yourself, that IMO is good for anyone.

Sadly feelings were hurt on both sides, but hopefully with you starting this thread they can be put aside and we can all learn something from it all.

I understand your beliefs, and I also admire you for sticking with them,but sometimes it can make us a little closed off to others, and without meaning to hurt people we do, I include myself in this, we all do it from time to time.

Your mother expressed her feelings, on how upset she was, and understandibly so, but then that is how Gay people must have felt when the thread continued on as it did.,in other words the shoe was on the other foot as the saying goes, sometimes we have to experience that , to fully understand and appreciate the hurt someone else feels.

Thank you so much for coming back and saying what you did, one can only admire you for doing so.:)

[Fox-Gal]

Originally posted by Edwina's Secretary
Very gracious of you, Chris. Thank you and nicely done.

Agree very nicely said.

I have always said if you look hard enough you can alway find a positive side to almost anything. For you maybe if was looking deeper into your self, as you said.

For PT in general, maybe we all learned something in this.
We need to learn to respect others points of view, even when we don't agree.
To choose our words carefully.
And maybe next time a thread comes up that challenges us, but still has some redeeming qualites, instead of deleting it we can just go to Karen and ask her to lock it. If for no other reason then for those that contributed to it with great thought and feelings.

I mean who's going to argue with Karen........She is PT law. :D lol

[kimlovescats]

Spoken like the true Christian lady I've always believed you are!

(((HUGS)))
Kim;)

[PayItForward]

Originally posted by Fox-Gal
And maybe next time a thread comes up that challenges us, but still has some redeeming qualites, instead of deleting it we can just go to Karen and ask her to lock it. If for no other reason then for those that contributed to it with great thought and feelings.

I mean who's going to argue with Karen........She is PT law. :D lol
This is a great idea, locking threads not deleting them makes sense.

[catcrazylady]

Very well said Chris.
Blessed are the peacemakers for they shall inherit the earth.

You are a Christian that I would be proud to know. God Bless.

[persianmom]

Christine

I did not see the post that was posted. I must say you are truely a wonderful young woman. I'm very proud of you. You are right will make mistake when raising my grandchild, but remember if you look to God for help you will do a wonderful job. What I would like to know has anyone who called you names told you they were sorry? Did they soul seach also? Remember Bryan and you always can come to me or Deb and Den for help when it comes to raising Misha. I've watch Bryan and you and Misha is truely a blessed child to have two wonderful parents to love and guide her in this life. I Love you all. Keep up the good job.
Love you all Lots
Mom

[smokey the elder]

The problem with online debating or opinionated communication in general is made worse by the problem that communication is one-dimensional. There are no vocal tones, body language cues, etc. to warn that one may be "stepping on toes." It takes courage to voice one's opinion on a controversial subject, especially if it's not the "party line", whatever that may be. I wimped out and sat on the sidelines.

There is a term called "ad hominem" attacks, which attack the person, not the opinion. The internet would be a much more peaceful place if these were avoided.

OK I'll get off my soapbox now.

[Cataholic]

Have you seen/thought about one of these for Misha? I just found out about them on Monday, and Jonah's arrives today! Since you are in the 'midwest'....it could be useful, and sure beats snowsuits, blankets, etc., stuffed into the carseat!


http://stores.kiwi-kid.com/catalog/Bundle%20Me%20Infant%20Dusty%20Blue%20T.jpg

[chrangharris]

I use something alot like that expect it doesn't have the face flap. I just toss a blanket over her face and then I also have a blanket to cover us up if I need to nurse. I love it because it does a wonderful job of keeping her warm!

[popcornbird]

Chris, I personally thought your thread was very respectful. I was shocked when I saw people accusing you of being an unloving parent, and it hurt ME when I read the words people used against you, because I felt it was so unjust and so unfair. Had someone used the same words for the 'other side' I would've felt the same way. Honestly, although I personally didn't get in a 'fight' with anyone, these threads have been hurting me so deeply for the past two days, to the point that I was shedding tears over it. I feel much better today, thankfully. I thought I was about to lose my mind. I just wish we wouldn't have such discussions on PT at all. I sometimes wish we didn't have a Dog House. I sometimes wish PT was JUST a pet board, because everything on PT is always wonderful until we get to these touchy subjects...subjects that both sides feel very, VERY strongly about, and it does end up in hurt feelings.

I think it was very honorable of you to say what you believe in respectfully. I do respect the views of others too, but there are some that could have said things nicely...some, that I felt, should've been ashamed of themselves for the things they said to you. Never be ashamed of what you believe in no matter what people said. Never be ashamed of your values. You are much better than many people on this planet. I personally feel you have nothing to apologize for, as you were not the one to start the hurt feelings...only the one to start the thread, but I feel its very honorable of you to post this, despite the fact that you were not the one to call anyone names. Thank you for doing your best to keep the peace at Pet Talk.

[micki76]

Originally posted by popcornbird
Never be ashamed of what you believe in no matter what people said. Never be ashamed of your values.

ITA PCB. No one should ever be made to feel that their opinions don't count, whether you agree with them or not.

I think we all get a little to heated here in DH way too often. :( I hope nothing I sad was taken as a personal attack. I'm trying so hard to be a kinder, gentler person. I still have the immediate reaction to blast someone when I want to make my voice heard, but I know that only makes me look immature and foolish. It's a learning process for me day to day.

I admire your post Chris. I admire anyone who's open to listen and can offer a sincere apology, whether it's necessary or not.

[jonza]

Thanks for your nice reply. That was extremely well said. Respect!

I hope that my harsh comments haven't been considered personal attacks. I certainly don't intend to be mean or spiteful, that is definitely not my aim, but, like many others, I have very strong views on these subjects!
In actual fact, you have nothing whatsoever to apologize for, and I am really sorry if you have been hurt by any of my comments. We should all have taken more notice of your original post, where you made it quite clear that you would delete it if things got nasty.

I agree with smokey the elder, a lot of these problems arise due to the format that we communicate in. I was already unsure with emails - are they a letter or a memo? How polite/precise should I be? And "sms'ing" is a format I'll never learn to communicate in!
In this case we are discussing serious topics with people we think we know and understand, but we may in actual fact be worlds apart. The sad thing is that I'm sure such problems wouldn't appear if we were talking face to face, it usually only takes a wink or a smile and the problem is solved.

I am used to discussions or debates where no holds are barred, and don't usually have any problems with people being hurt or feeling themselves attacked or taking offense. That some people will have differing opinions than my own is just something I have learnt to accept as the norm. But they are usually discussions with people who know what I stand for already, or come from a similar background, so hostility and animosity are very rare.

Anyway, as I said, I hope that you can accept that these were in no way personal attacks, and I'm sorry if they distressed you.


john