Do you get along with the In-laws?

[kt_luvs_kitties]

I know this is pointless, but I am curious, do you get along with your In-laws? Or does your spouse get along with your parents?

Me and my In-laws get along ok... Nothing special though. They talk about me behind my back, and when I say behind my back, I mean literally anytime they dont think I can hear them:rolleyes:
But they are always extremely nice to my face. We have only gotten into one face to face argument in 2 years. But then again, we have only seen each other like 5 times(they live in Maryland, me in North Carolina).
They also do hurtful things, like this last Christmas they sent my husband a Christmas card with $100 dollars in it, and it read "this is for you, tell Katie that her present will be there soon, as soon as I can ship it out" BUT the present never came...Not that it matters but it hurt my feelings. The year before that they came down on Thanksgiving and bought my husband a expensive leather jacket, and gave it to him in front of me, as a early Christmas present. They never even sent me a card. I knew after Christmas the purpose of them giving him his present early, was so that they did not have to give me one. *shrugs* It just was inconsiderate. So it confuses me as to if they really like me, or are trying to be mean, without being mean.. (does that make any sense)?
My husband and my parents get along GREAT. They have never argued, and my parents treat him like family, probably better than me at times:p
So how about you? Do you get along with them? Please explain :D

[Maya & Inka's mommy]

My husband's parents died long time ago. He lost his dad when he was only 2, and his mom after we got married for only 3 weeks...:( . So, I am VERY sorry I never really got to know them! My mom-in-law was a real sweetheart, but by the tiùme I met her, she was so sick already.
My parents still live. My husband gets along with them, but not completely, especially not with my dad. He has a bit the same attitude as your in-laws: when my dad gives us some money or something else, he always gives it to me! He is almost 82 now, so it's to late to change :D

[GraciesMommy]

My husbands father died 2 months before we met, so I never got to meet him. My MIL is a great woman, she and I email several times a day and she says I am the daughter she never had. She doesnt get along AT ALL with the other daughter in law..

Now she can be a little manipulative at times, with Brad, to get her way..but can't we all? lol...

[Samantha Puppy]

We get along well but my husband and I 1) are young enough; and 2) newlywed enough, that his mother still tries to boss us around and doesn't like it when I resist. Other than that, I consider myself pretty lucky.

[micki76]

Oh, man. I think we must be sharing in-laws. :p I have some interesting in laws. Actually I love my FIL, it's mostly the rest of them that grate on my last nerve. My SIL's are ok.

My MIL is a manipulative... witch. She thinks the world revolves around her and that we should all bow down to her. She's very immature, and good at putting an enormous guilt trip on her son. I am just about fed up with her. Hubby and I have had many talks about her & her manipulating everyone. I think if anything could tear apart our marriage, it's her. :(

She "wants" me at her house at Xmas. Why? So that she has control over everyone. (She doesn't actually like me) She told me this Xmas that she wanted me there. I told her I was spending Xmas day with my family, but that we would spend Xmas eve AND the evening before Xmas eve with Michael's family. She actually told me that my family (young niece & nephew) would just have to do without me, that she wanted me there! :mad: :mad: :mad: I very nearly hung up on her.

Unfortunately for me they live about 3 miles from me. :( I want to move so badly.

I've put up with 9 years of this so far.

[Samantha Puppy]

Damn, micki76... I don't know if I could deal with that. Luckily, I vented to my husband about his mother's bossiness this weekend and he said "After 26 years you learn how to tune it out" so at least he's not defending her.

For holidays this year, we spend morning/early afternoon Thanksgiving with my family and late afternoon/night with his. For Christmas, we went to church with my husband's family and then went over his uncle's afterwards until about midnight. The next day, we opened presents together at our house and went down my parents around 10:30am to open gifts with them and have dinner with them. Around 6:30pm, we left to go over my husband's parents house for presents, drinks and dessert. His mom kept complaining how much she hated not having him around when they opened presents and that next year, she wants us there... which means we'd spend Christmas Eve AND Christmas Day with them.

I. don't. think. so.

(By the way, his parents live 10 minutes away, mine live 20.)

[catnapper]

Hmmmm... this is terrible to say, but my in-laws think I walk on water (I'm sooo perfect!) but I HATE HATE HATE to spend any time with them. StepMIL is a big blow hard, phony fake and FIL loves to talk about the past (I guess a retired history teacher never retires) and goes off on tangents about things that happened in 1952. When he's 100% in the present, he's terrible because he's a know-it-all. No matter the subject, he knows all about it. At Christmas we got into a family debate about a show on the History channel. Everyone but him saw the show yet he had to kow more about that documentary than anyone else. :rolleyes:

As for hubby and my mom? He adores my mom, and my mom loves him right back. At first they were wary of wach other - she especially didn't like him. Once she realized that under his gruff (grumpy) exterior he was a big pussycat she saw what I see in him - a big teddy bear with a heart of gold.

[NoahsMommy]

My in-laws are nice people, but I'd make sure I was always polite, regardless. ;)

We are WAY different in almost every way and I'll be honest and say I can take them in small doses. There's just something annoying about someone living in their own tiny closed-minded world that gets boring. :o

But, like I said. I always am polite am always respectful of them. :)

[kt_luvs_kitties]

To all that have lost this MIL-FIL I am sorry:( I dont know how that would feel...I hope I dont have to any time soon.

To all that dont have the best relationships with IN-Laws, I am also sorry, it is so hard to deal with sometimes, isnt it?

My MIL and my Step FIL were who I was referring to earlier.

My husbands real father and his wife, we get along great. We are respectful and I believe love each other alot. I adore them, because when they call for my husband, they make it a point to talk to me. When they do something for him, it gets done for me too. They make me feel as though I AM a part of their FAMILY. It feels nice to be included.

His real mother and her husband, I NEVER EVER have felt that way. Me and my husband have dated for almost 8 years now. *Imagine, I am only 21, hubby is 22* and we got married when I was 19 and he was 20. So we were young, BUT we did date longer than many older people have. I feel justified in saying that we love each other, completely faithful to each other, and we respect each other to no end... WHY must they not want to see it that way. I am always nice, and I try to just keep my mouth shut at disagreements, I have told my husband 40952874906 times that I do not like to feel left out. He tells them that I am his wife, and I should be respected. They agree but then it just never seems like they really care.
I think it is due to the fact that, he is his mommas baby, not mine. BUT then again, she threw him out at the age of 14, and sent him to live 9 hours away.. to his fathers house *thats how me met*. NOW do you see what I mean by the contridictory attitude?
ok, enough of my bitching... Anyone else want to get in on this conversation? lol

[Sara luvs her Tinky]

I really like my inlaws... i feel really blessed to have them.

My MIL is a very good spiritual mentor... she always helps me pray and helps me get through my problems...

my FIL... is a very "to himself" type person... he never bothers us ... but is always there when we need him..

My BIL is really funny and a lot of fun to hang out with ... you would never guess he is as old as he is because he acts so goofy.. and his wife is really nice too...

ERIC looooooooves my family!!!!!!! ;) ;) No i'm just kidding... I'm sure he does love them .. but he is not as close to them as I am to his family.

[ramanth]

I voted 'other' because Andy's parents are my future inlaws and so far we do okay together. (no fights)

However,

My parents and Andy's parents are like night and day. My parents are goofy and just well.... fun! *laughs*

Andy's parents are very nice people, but they seem more conservative. They are nice to me and I to them, but I always feel like I have to put on an act when I'm around them. Like I can't be myself. :\ :(

I fear one of these days the real me will break out in front of them and they'll forbid Andy to marry me. :rolleyes: :D

But in the meantime, Andy's mom and I email each other and Andy says she's happy to finally have a daughter. :)

[RICHARD]

I get along better with my Out-laws...:confused:

[kt_luvs_kitties]

lol @ Richard... I bet you do:p

[micki76]

Originally posted by ramanth
Andy's parents are very nice people, but they seem more conservative. They are nice to me and I to them, but I always feel like I have to put on an act when I'm around them. Like I can't be myself. :\ :(

I fear one of these days the real me will break out in front of them and they'll forbid Andy to marry me. :rolleyes: :D

I used to feel that way, but I've finally let the real me out. They don't like her. I'm not a prejudiced jew/black/gay/mexican/muslim/etc. hater. They think I'm some liberal nut.

I take that as a compliment. :D

At least wait until you're married to spring the real Kimmy on them! ;)

[Glacier]

I get along alright with my father-in-law. It's not a very warm relationship. I don't think he particularly likes me, but it's not a mean thing. We just don't click. We are polite. We both love his son so we deal with each other as nicely as we can. He recently moved up here to be closer to his boy, which annoys me to no end, but it's kinda handy. When it was -45C, I called him and asked him to stoke our wood stove and let my dogs in the house. He's nice to the animals and always willing to help us out. He never bugs us about human grandchildren either, which I appreciate!

Hubby's parents are divorced. My mother-in-law doesn't know I exsist. My husband hasn't spoken to her in over 15 years. From what I've heard, that's a good thing and hopefully will stay that way!

My parents like my husband and they get along very well. Initially they didn't like him much. They were never mean to him, but they really, really, liked the boyfriend before him! Hubs has since proved himself to them and now they accept him as part of the family. We don't see them very often as they live 3000 miles away, maybe that helps!! Course we have the most stable, functional marriage of all my siblings, so my husband looks like a real prize to them! :D

[catland]

Originally posted by ramanth
Andy's parents are very nice people, but they seem more conservative. They are nice to me and I to them, but I always feel like I have to put on an act when I'm around them. Like I can't be myself. :\ :(


The first time my husband met my parents, it was important to me that he not feel as you do. Only when I told him it didn't come out just right. I said

"Honey, you don't have to be nice, you can be yourself":eek: :eek:

Actually, we're both ok on the in-law front. My mom thinks my husband walks on water. If I do anything nice for them, he gets all the credit.:rolleyes:

kt_luvs - I'm sorry that you are subjected to such absolutely rude behavior. At least your husband gets along well with your family and you get along with half his family.

This is the time to count your blessings. You have a wonderful husband and many, many wonderful relatives that think you are adorable. Don't let this one rotton apple spoil the proverbial barrel. You can't change her so don't even bother to talk about her anymore. There's no point. Let her go. Why anyway would you want to seek the approval of such a person? She has serious problems and you should just be polite on the few occasions that you have to interact with her.

[kt_luvs_kitties]

Thank you all for your input and opinions. It really does help to have people that can understand the pressure of all of this.

Catland- Thank you so much for the words of wisdom. I am going to take your advice, and just let it go. Brush it off, and try to be a better person because of all of this. I mean, I do right by her son, and I dont really need her approval, he says he is happy, so why shouldnt I be? I am not a rude person, I try to be nice to everyone. As long as I keep it that way, I guess in a sense I win this battle..if their is a battle to be won:rolleyes: Anyways, thank you *hugs*

Your poor husband must have been embarrassed! LOL I am sure that he and your family knew what you meant;)

[Amber]

oh kinda with one member. She was my grandpas "girlfriend" but when he passed away, she still came and visited like always. She's so snotty to me. and I just ignore her. oh well..

[Karen]

I get along fine with my Mum-in-Law, she is a nice person and knows that her son and I love each other. It's funny, because just after Christmas I was using buying mittens at the store where she works (different department, and she wasn't working that day) and in chatting with the saleswoman who "rang me up" I mentioned that my Mum-in-law worked there, and she said "Ooooh, I like that. That just sounds so much nicer than mother-in-law for some reason."

[CalliesMom]

My in-laws and I get along quite well, but that doesn't mean that they don't annoy the #^$$#@&*^$@ out of me. My MIL was a drug addict when my husband was growing up and feels she has to make up for her mistakes now. She freaks out because we don't live in CA but when we do visit we hardly see her :rolleyes:
It's one of those "as long as he is here, it's okay and we don't have to spend time together but if he's gone, OH MY LITTLE BOY needs to come home." You sort of feel stifled by her love but she has always been very nice to me and I do enjoy spending time with her.

When I was interviewing for schools for my PhD, I interviewed at a school in NC and in CA. We can't tell her that we're moving to NC because our lives will be a bit more difficult--my husband promised her we would move back after we were done with school in AL :rolleyes: :eek: :rolleyes: SOOO..that discussion is being put off for as long as possible.

My FIL hardly calls my husband to see how everything is going. If Jason didn't call him, they probably wouldn't talk but more than once every 2-3 months. They also don't have a very emotional relationship; I guess Jason is always trying to make his father proud and cannot be honest with him about things. He is very nice to me, however, so I guess I don't have any real complaints about my relationship with him.

Jason gets along with my mother. She's a strange lady LOL so he tends to "put up" with her more than I do. She loves him, so it works well for me.

[sirrahved]

Have you MET my in-laws? *snickers*


Yes, most of you HAVE met my in-laws... and they are some of the best people in the world! Everyone should be so lucky!

[Tonya]

I get along with the Inlaws, but I CANNOT stand them. It takes all I can to keep the peace.

Just one example of the most recent thing...both MIL's (been blessed with two :rolleyes: ) were insisting on helping with my baby shower. One totally insisted and said she'd bring ALL of the drinks and muffins for 40 people to my baby shower. She insisted that she'd come the night before and help out. Well, not only did she not show up the night before, she was an hour and a half late AND she brought 1 gallon of OJ for 40 people. So the whole baby shower was delayed for an hour and a half waiting for her. The food was all cold by the time she got there. Her excuse was "Sorry I am late, you know me..."

She'd also done that to us at our reception. She volunteered to have a wedding reception for us and I was all for it. Lots of people pitched in. She was responsible for several dishes and she was in charge of the whole deal, so obviously she was supposed to be there waaaaay early. She showed up 3 hours late and everyone (about 100 people) were waiting that whole time to eat.

[Queen of Poop]

My in-laws and their daughters HATE me. As the second wife, I am a horrible person, don't deserve the time of day. Regardless of the fact that my step kids adore me. That I get along exceedingly well with the ex. As it stands I am driving her to work tomorrow as her truck is in the shop. We have not had contact with my husbands parents for over 2 years now. We have explained this to his kids and they understand there is a "problem". I tried for 2 years to be nice to all of them but they finally showed their true colors - hypocrites. I feel bad for my husband having lost contact with his family, but I am so glad that he stands behind his second wife.

[moosmom]

Sure, now that I'm divorced and they're both dead!! :D:D:D

[micki76]

Originally posted by moosmom
Sure, now that I'm divorced and they're both dead!! :D:D:D

ROTFLMAO!!! Good one! :D

[Tina]

I get along pretty well with my in-laws. I do like my mom in law she is a kind person. We do talk as much as we can.:) As for my father in law I really do not care for him to much. But I try to get along with him. He is always wanting Rob to help him with something. Don't get me wrong I don't mind Rob helping them but some things he could do on his own. My SIL is ok we don't really talk that much.

Rob's family is just alot different then mine. My family is just so much more layed back then his.

Rob he gets along great with my family!

[Maresche]

I get along okay with my in-laws. I learned early on that there are some subjects you do NOT bring up with my FIL and when he brings them up, you change them fast.

My MIL is a very giving person; she can't say no to anyone regardless of the request, which sounds great until she's promised to do too much and comes to you asking for help at the last minute, especially financial help.

For example, she offered to pay for her daughter's, SIL's, Las Vegas wedding and pay for the plane tickets for some less better off family members. Very generous of her. Well the time came for the final down payment to be made and MIL didn't have the money because she purchased the extra plane tickets. So she came to us asking to borrow $1000 and she needed it that day because if it wasn't sent immediately, SIL would lose her wedding entirely. Since we didn't want SIL to lose her wedding, we agreed on two conditions: 1) we would send the money to Vegas ourselves because MIL is known for asking for money for A reason and actually using it for B reason and 2) we needed it back in full before the wedding 3-4 weeks later because that was the money we were planning to use to cover expenses to get to Vegas and back for the wedding. MIL agreed and we sent the certified check to Vegas that day and they got it in plenty of time. The waiting began to get our money back. We were leaving on a Thursday and as of the Wednesday before we still didn't have it. We told MIL that we'd still go (couldn't get our money back for the plane tickets at that point anyway) but we were seriously unhappy about the arrangement. Well we get to Vegas the next day and MIL gives hubby an evelope with $1000 in it in $20's. At least we got our money back but it was very akward walking around Vegas with that much cash as we are more plastic (debit card) people.

Luckily such incidents with MIL are pretty few and far between, rarely more than two a year and we've learned to say No early and often.

[Tonya]

Originally posted by moosmom
Sure, now that I'm divorced and they're both dead!! :D:D:D

Is it wrong to be envious? :o

[CalliesMom]

Having two sets of in-laws makes life so much easier. :rolleyes: My husband's father and mother HATE each other and we get to hear about it all the time. My MIL was jealous that my FIL took us to Vegas for four days over the Christmas holidays. She called everyday, several times a day; which I think is rude considering no one interrupted our time with her. But when we are with her, she disappears, she didn't take the time off she needed, she's sleeping, whatever. It makes dealing with them so much better from the other side of the country and now you know why I moved from the west coast to the east coat--FOR MY SANITY. LOL

I asked my husband last night about what he thinks of his in-laws. Basically my mother causes him to do this :rolleyes: as there is always something wrong with her. She's either 1) fighting with someone or 2) too sick to do anything so she sleeps all day. We've been dealing with 2 the last few months so we can't seem to hold a conversation for more than five minutes until she has to go back to sleep.

He can't stand my brother and his wife sometimes because they can be rather bossy and disrespectful of our stuff. We, stupid on our part, left our car AGAIN this Christmas at their house when we flew out of Atlanta. We should have known not to as the previous year my brother drove it around and left a ton of sunflower seeds on the floor. This year, we come home to our driver side window is busted and he again drove the car even though we were promised it would remain sitting in their driveway. $120 later to fix the car and I hope I finally learned my lesson. THIS explains why I'm moving five/six hours away from them in August...families can be rather difficult to say the least.

[catland]

Originally posted by Tonya
So the whole baby shower was delayed for an hour and a half waiting for her. The food was all cold by the time she got there. Her excuse was "Sorry I am late, you know me..."

... She showed up 3 hours late and everyone (about 100 people) were waiting that whole time to eat.

Here's the good news. Now you do know her. Now you know to never ever trust her ever again! No matter how much she begs or says she's changed. If she insists on bringing something - you assign her something that isn't important and that the meal doesn't hinge on.

Then you start events on time. Don't ever wait for her ever again. It took me along time to figure this out - please don't take as long as me and begin today to promise yourself that you will never ever permit her to use you and everyone else again.

[pitc9]

Yes!!

I am 29, my hubby, Rick is 28. His mom is 44 and his dad is 46 (she was 16 when she had him)
So hang out with them a lot. We go to bars, play cards they are more like friends than in-laws!
Rick has an Uncle that is 36 and his wife is in her early 40's so we go out with them too!

[ramanth]

Originally posted by micki76
I used to feel that way, but I've finally let the real me out. They don't like her. I'm not a prejudiced jew/black/gay/mexican/muslim/etc. hater. They think I'm some liberal nut.

I take that as a compliment. :D

At least wait until you're married to spring the real Kimmy on them! ;)
Micki, you're scaring me. ;) http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0304/lachen/laughing-smiley-004.gif

To compare:

I'm a democratic, liberal, not a huge fan of organized religion, kind of gal.

They're republican, conservative, devout Lutherans. Very kind though and to be honest, I've never heard them say a bad word about anyone, but then again, topics have never come up. All she ever asks me is "How are you? How's work? How's Kia? How's your family?" Then she's on the computer while Andy's dad watches basketball or football games.

Thankfully they never asked where I stood around election time. http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0304/lachen/laughing-smiley-004.gif


Originally posted by Glacier
My parents like my husband and they get along very well. Initially they didn't like him much. They were never mean to him, but they really, really, liked the boyfriend before him!
I had the exact same problem! When my ex-bf broke up with me, he called my dad and blamed it on Andy and said a lot of untrue stuff about him. My parents treated my ex-bf like he walked on water and blamed Andy for our breakup. I laid low for awhile and didn't tell my parents I decided I wanted to date Andy till months later. It didn't help that Andy was shy around them. Thankfully they are very open with each other now. :)


Originally posted by catland
The first time my husband met my parents, it was important to me that he not feel as you do. Only when I told him it didn't come out just right. I said

"Honey, you don't have to be nice, you can be yourself" :eek: :eek:
http://www.click-smilies.de/sammlung0304/lachen/laughing-smiley-004.gif I was sorta the same way with Andy. He wouldn't talk around my parents and they kept wanting to know what was wrong with him. :rolleyes: :D

Andy wasn't helpful at all with his parents. He's just like..."They're nice." Which is true, but I've had to feel them out so to speak on my own. Knowing what to say and what not to say, what's acceptable. Most the time I just sit there smiling. Maybe I should start rocking back and forth... ;)