Need advice...

[Tonya]

Sorry that I've been complaining so much.

As most of you know Jaden (my 7 year old son) has severe asthma and allergies and ADHD. Lately, his medicine hadn't been working. (So we thought.) He had been having a hard time behaving and concentrating at school.

After months of being really sick, he'd finally gotten better. I noticed over the past two weeks that he'd started coughing and wheezing again.

This morning, I caught Jaden throwing his pills away. He flat out lied to me. I asked him if he took them and he said yes. I asked him what he took them with and he said "That water bottle." I told him the water bottle was empty, so that isn't true. So then he said he chewed them up. Which I know no kid would eat their pills that way. He eventually admitted that he'd thrown them away because he doesn't like taking them.

He swears this is the first time that he's done this, but I do not believe him. His behavior and his recent cough (plus his lying) indicates that this has been going on for a while.

Mike is on this horrible shift where he probably won't be home the whole weekend. This needs to be addressed immediately.

Jaden already knows that his asthma can kill him. He's been dying to have his tubes removed from his ears, get rid of his weekly shot routine, etc... So he knows darn well why he is taking his meds and how they benefit him. He understands that his health will get better if he takes them.

We've had these talks dozens of times. (He's tried to get out of taking his meds before, but this was the first time I caught him actually lying.)

So, having a strong talking about the importance of his meds is not going to work. I am so hurt, disappointed, and frustrated. He used to be such an honest child. I hate this.

It is very likely that he's doing all of this because of what is going on with my pregnancy. I'm giving him as much attention as I can, but of course, it isn't the same.

But that still doesn't make it ok. I told him that we'd talk about it when he gets home from school. What should I do? I don't know how to address this and make him understand how important this issue is.

[Maya & Inka's mommy]

Oh my, Tonya, you don't have much luck lately, do you....:(
Isn't there anybody in his life that could get through to Jaden? Someone he really trusts and likes? I am afraid that you are right about the reason: Jaden cannot cope with all the commotion around lil Tyler:( . It is very important now to stay as calm as possible, and give him all the love and warmth possible, even after Tyler is born. Cannot you give some "important" job, so he fels very important?
Good luck? Tonya, I am crossing my fingers for you and your family!!

[Queen of Poop]

Would a talk with his doctor or a kindly nurse in the office who could maybe explain in some detail why he needs to take the meds help?? Maybe they could explain how the body works and what the benefits of the meds are. Once I explained to my step daughter the importance of her "puffer" and that she could possibly die (a man I worked with died from his asthma) without it she takes it with her everywhere now. She turns 12 in a couple of weeks.

[caseysmom]

Tonya...for now I would watch him take the pills..even make him open his mouth after....

[kimlovescats]

First of all, (((HUGS))) Tonya! Does he take medication (Ritalin, etc) for his ADHD? Alot of kids don't like having to take that medication because of comments from other kids. My daughter, Amy Beth was diagnosed with ADHD in the 4th grade ... she took Ritalin for a while, then her father took her off of it. To make a long ADHD story short, I think it was a big mistake to take her medicine away .... as she went on to fail out of high school her senior year! :(

Now, if it is "just" the asthma medication he won't take (which it sounds from your post) I can't imagine why he wouldn't want to get better. Hmmm. Maybe he is sort of "wanting" to be sick (have symptoms) to get your attention ... because of the baby and all? That would be my first guess. Maybe take the approach with him, during your talk, that you love him so much, and he is special (your FIRST baby) and that if he were to get sick and die from his asthma, how badly that would hurt mommy!!! Explain to him that you need his special help with the baby , and need him to be your strong big boy to help Mommy out when Daddy is gone so much.

Good luck sweetie!

Kim

[BitsyNaceyDog]

My sister was very similar to Jaden when she was younger. She has asthma, and allergies. When she was younger her asthma was very bad and until she was 4 she was in the hospital more than she was home. She also had to get weekly allergy shots, as did I. She also had tubes in her ears multiple times. She hated taking her medicine, her nebulizer was the worst. She had to sit and breathe in medicine for 20 minutes several times a day. The only way we could get her to do it was to make a game out of it. We made a fake nebulizer and got a monkey puppet and he took the medicine with her. She at the time was a younger and a lot less clever than Jaden, but that's what worked for us. As she got older she just took her medicine no problem.

[lynnestankard]

My heart goes out to you both with this problem Tonya.
We went through agonies when our daughter Elizabeth (now 26) was growing up with her asthma - she spent a HUGE part of her life in hospital - it was very tough for all of us.

A couple of things spring to mind:-

Is he maybe NOT taking his tablets because he feels 'different' when he has to take them? You know the 'I'm the only one having to take these - so I won't' syndrome.

Is he getting teased or bullied at school with regard to his asthma?

Does he see an Asthma Nurse - as opposed to the doctor? Elizabeth found this such a lifeline - lots of things can be talked over - sometime Mum isn't the answer - someone removed from the situation can be a great help.

Maybe he's bored with taking his tablets. A star chart can make a big difference. Every day he has to take his tablets in front of you or Daddy and when that's done - HE gets to stick a golden star sticker on a chart, calendar or whatever. It's better if this is at his height on the wall. When he gets 7 stars in a row - he gets a little present - a tiny toy car or something similar.

I hope these ideas might help you sort this problem out - good luck.

Lynne

[Tonya]

Kim- He also threw away his ADHD medicine. He technically doesn't know that he has ADHD nor do the children at school. We don't talk about it much. We see a doctor about it often and I'll say things like "You need to focus and calm down..." or I'll explain that we are doing this or that to help him focus and stay calm. So basically, he understands that he has difficulties focusing and sleeping but I haven't came out and said "You've got this disease, something is wrong with you..." I don't ever want to him to have the impression that something is wrong with him for a number of reasons so I kind of tip toe around the subject.

This morning, I explained again what each pill was though..."This one is for your allergies, if you do not take it, we will not be able to keep our pets. This one if to open your lungs so that you can breathe well. If you do not take this, you could have an asthma attack and die. This one if to help you stay calm and focused for school. If you don't take it, you are going to have a rough day at school."

I think you all are right. This is because of what is going on. He's misbehaved more in the past month then the past few years put together. I am going to take the gentle approach when he gets home. Explain to him how important he is to me. I think this is a sign that Mike and I need to focus extra on him. He's not going to adjust as well as we thought, so we need to make sure he feels loved and gets attention.

[carole]

Oh dear Tonya , you have your hands full right now don't you? I think your approach with him is the best way to go, all you can do is supervise him taking his medication and explain things the best you can, the star chart lynne suggested might be worth a try, people might say you should not reward a child for taking his medicene, but on the other hand if it works for you, then why not?

My Melissa is 12 and getting her to take responsibility for her eczema (sp) is another story, I am continuously nagging her to take care of her skin, and in the end I am the one who puts the cream on, mind you teenagers can be the worst for their could not care less attitude.

I can remember my son not liking to take his puffer in front of anyone when he was younger, like Jadens age , whereas my daughter had one recently and it was like a novelty thing with her, you can never work out what is going on in their minds can you?

Good luck with it all.:)

[moosmom]

Tonya,

How about having the doctor talk to him, one on one?? Sometimes kids will listen to another, non-biased person rather than a parent. When a parents tries, it's almost as though they're being lectured. I don't know, it's only my opinion.

[catnapper]

I'm going to sound like a bribing meanie, but tell him that you have to witness him taking his pills - do the mouth check and all every day. If you do not have thos proof, he will not have his Game Boy or whatever cherished toy until he takes the medicines daily. This can go on for a few days, few weeks, months, etc until you are comfortable he's taking the meds religiously. If he doesn;t do it, be prepared to be a big meanie and hide his toys.

He knows what the meds are for, so he is obviously doing it to get attention, so tell him that you won't tolerate this type of behavior. Because if he's starting this now before the baby you can bet its going to get wrose once the baby is born and everyone is cooing over the baby.

I feel for the poor little guy. I kow its got to be hard when mom isn't able to do everything the way she used to, and to know that soon he'll have to share her with the new baby. Even though he's excited about Tyler coming, he's stuill got to be very jealous.

Just wait til he's a teenager - BWAHAHAHAHA :D

[caseysmom]

You got that catnapper! actually my teen has been pretty good lately but then again she is a little busy with the new puppy.