OMG, I am so mad at Jaden!

[Tonya]

Maybe I'm just angry because I just woke up, but I've never been so disappointed in my son before. He knows darn well today is Christmas Eve and tomorrow is Christmas Day. This morning, he came into my room and said Merry Christmas. I told him that it wasn't Christmas. I reminded him which I am positive he already knows that tonight is the night that we open one gift and that we put out the milk and cookies. TOMORROW is the day that we open all the gifts.

I know he knows all of this. He is a bright kid with an excellent memory. He can tell you every gift that he's gotten over the past five years and exactly who gave it to him. He remembers. We discuss our Christmas plans all the time. He knows we are waking up, opening gifts together, taking pictures, and then going to the inlaws.

Well, he played stupid and opened all of his gifts while I was sleeping this morning. He even opened my Godson's gifts probably because he knew it was stuff that he likes.

Even if he thought it was Christmas, he knows darn well that Christmas is about giving not getting. And he knows we open gifts as a family and take pictures. He knows mommy and daddy want to watch him open his gifts.

I am really to mad right now to decide how I am going to deal with this. After explaining what he already knows, I calmly asked him to put all the new toys in a box and told him that he cannot play with them. I put the box in the closet. He asked me if I was going to take them back to the store. I was honest, I told him that I am to angry to make that decision right now. I told him that when daddy gets home from work, we'll decided together.

I am considering keeping the gifts locked up for a week or so before he can play with them. OR taking my gifts back to the store (he'll still get plenty tomorrow from Santa and a large one from us). I don't think it is my place to return the gifts that he opened that came from friends and family, so he'd keep those. I don't want to traumatize him, but on the same line, this is selfish and unacceptable.

What do you think the proper punishment is?

[flamepony12]

:eek: wow, I can understand why you would be mad! It really depends on what you think the punishement should be, not what we think~ but I would just say rewrap your godson's gifts (which you're probably already doing) and think about it for a while. Hope you settle down soon. (((HUGS)))

[caseysmom]

Sorry Tonya but I almost spit out my coffee I am laughing so hard...Jaden is one smart cookie! You have to admit it is just so hard looking at those gifts all the time...my 13 year old had a melt down the other day and starting opening one...I stopped her but she is having a hard time resisting.

As far as punishment I don't know...I guess not having as much to open tomorrow will show him.

[Jods]

I think if he is getting gifts from santa tonight and more they should be either taken back or kept away for a while (till he forgets about them) If he thought it was christmas he would have said Santa didn't come right and he knows his Dad doesn't work on Christmas doesn't he?? I think he was just pretending he thought it was Christmas as well. Just tell him you can't have gifts if you know what they are and you opened all your gifts and ones that aren't yours. (wrap back up your godsons and put them under the tree so he gets the point) The ones from family and friends maybe take away for a little while I'm sure they'd understand he was being punished or let him think he's not getting them and give him them after all the commotion tomorrow... Good luck. My brother did something like this when we were kids and my mom put all the toys in a toy box and nailed it shut. She kept it that way for a while I was impressed. Hope you and your family have a good christmas.


Yeah I know I'm going to be a strict parent

Edit: I do agree he is one smart kid brave 2!!! I would have never done that for the fear of everything being taken back. LOL
You will laugh about this when hes older!

[Corinna]

This is the reason we always kept presant hidden in our room till christmas morning. Beside how can santa come if he saw presants he would think he had already been there.

[Jods]

No santa hadn't been yet she said they were from her and family/friends

[Palomino21]

Our cats would open our gifts for us as kids. LOL....

We trained them well, my sister and I. hahahaha

[Tonya]

I'm a little calmer now. That was a crappy way to wake up. I just talked to hubby. We hadn't finished wrapping his presents, so he still has a Gameboy Advance and some games from us not to mention Santa's gifts. So, I think we can punish him without totally ruining his Christmas or traumatizing him. Everything that he opened today from us is going back to the store. Everything that he opened that came from friends and family is going to be stored for a month. His room has to stay perfectly clean at all times that month in order for him to get them back.

[Cincy'sMom]

I think it sounds like you have found a good way to handle it.

My best friend's step-son got in trouble for lying right before Christmas last year (he was 12 or 13). He had things in his room taken away...his posters, games etc. He was left with his bed and a desk. He then had to earn things back, and earn his Christmas presents. For each week he he was good, did what he was told, etc., he got a few things back. Maybe that would be a way to go too, rather then keeping everything ( I don't know how much is involved) for a month, let him earn things back slowly, so he sees his reward a little sooner...a month can be along time to a 7 year old.

And I agree...as mad as it makes you now, this will be a great story to tell his first girlfriend, the grandkids...

[catnapper]

Tonya, sounds like you made a good decision. Thats exactly what I would have done (hubby says the GameBoy would be walking back to the store too.) He needs to learn that his actions have repurcussions and something he does effects others. It affects how you and Mike enjoy Christmas, it affects your level of trust in him. The sooner her learns these lessons, the easier time you'll have with him as a teenager!

[Laura's Babies]

I think the solution you came up with is PERFECT! Stick to your guns though and don't give in!! If not handled right this year, he'll do it again, but next year put someone elses names on his gifts under the tree...

What kids don't think of these days!!!! :rolleyes:

[Karen]

The only thing I'd ad is having him pick a couple gifts that you could then give to a shelter that has children. Teaching him more about giving than getting, and maybe helping him be grateful for all he has.

Gosh, we never would have gotten away with that, but I am the third kid or four, so the older probably would have beat on me or sat on me to keep me from "ruining Christmas."

[caseysmom]

I like the shelter idea also. When my kids were that small I didn't put much out, it was just too tempting. I did a little unwrapping rewrapping as a kid...:)

My youngest is pretty practical...she says she wants to be surprised, she asked me not to put anything out that she might be able to guess what it is. She is 12 though.

[Tonya]

I was just logging on to tell you all that. We are going right now to donate ALL the gifts to the homeless shelter. If they're still up for volunteers, we're going to help with delivery today.

[carole]

Maybe Jaden thinks he is living in NZ, after all it is xmas morning here, wow I think you are being way too hard on the little guy, I know I am in the minority, yet again,but it is xmas after all and he is just a little kid, yes by all means teach him he did wrong,but go a little bit easier on him please.

Maybe it would be better to leave temptation out of the way next year, and hide the gifts.

P.S Children with ADHD donot learn from their mistakes in the same way as other children,I guess you could say they don't have a conscience to a degree, they don't always learn from the consquences of their own actions, so whether your form of punishment will actually achieve what you hope , I really have to wonder., and I am not saying he should not be punished because he has ADHD, I just think one has to look at it slighty differently is all. JMO.

[kimlovescats]

Originally posted by Tonya
I was just logging on to tell you all that. We are going right now to donate ALL the gifts to the homeless shelter. If they're still up for volunteers, we're going to help with delivery today.

EXCELLENT IDEA, TONYA!!!! ;) :)

[popcornbird]

Oh Tonya...while I do understand why you're so upset, I can't help but feel sad for Jaden. :( I know that as a parent, its important to have him 'learn his lesson', so he does remember this and learn from his mistakes, but then...he's only 7 years old. I remember being tempted by gifts at 7. We usually get gifts on Eid, and my mom used to buy them ahead of time and hide them from us. I 'knew' my mom had hidden them, and sometimes, I would go on a searching spree. :p I found them once, when I was around 7 or so. They were wrapped. I carefully took them out DAYS before I was supposed to, opened just the side of the paper, took a little peak at what it was, and taped it back how it was. My mom never found out because I never told her...knowing I would've been busted. I was just SO tempted to know what I got. Even without my mom knowing, I still learned my lesson. The gift wasn't a surprise, and I wasn't as thrilled as everyone else when I opened my presents, because I already KNEW what was inside. :p I never did that again.

Just saying that kids are like that. Its hard for anyone to resist, but for a child, its even harder. Sometimes kids don't realize what they're doing, but later realize and say, "OOPS", to themselves. I do believe giving his gifts to a charity is a good idea to 'teach him', and something he'll remember for the rest of his life, but I think giving all his presents is being too hard on him. He's a small child and was looking so forward to this day. Of course he made a big mistake and needs to learn from it, but please don't be too hard on him, and ruin his Christmas all together.

[caseysmom]

My daughter who is now 13 admitted that she has opened and rewrapped presents...and that basically it ruined it for her...I am sure she is still tempted though.

I would be more mad about him opening the god childs presents I guess he should learn to respect others property but I wouldn't be all that made about his...he ruined his morning.

[Karen]

Tonya has already said Jaden will get other gifts - "Santa" gifts and some from them - tomorrow that weren;t under the tree. So it's not like he won't get anything!

[caseysmom]

I guess all these stories have given me a soft spot for Jaden...I have girls and think I missed out some not having a boy...Jaden just sounds like he is all boy.

[Tonya]

Originally posted by Karen
Tonya has already said Jaden will get other gifts - "Santa" gifts and some from them - tomorrow that weren;t under the tree. So it's not like he won't get anything!

Yeah, he still has several gifts from Santa, a stocking, a gameboy and some gameboy games from us. So it isn't like Christmas will be destroyed. He's had Christmas for two weeks straight. He's opened up hundreds of dollars in presents from my dad's side of the family last week. A ton of toys from my mom's side the other day. My best friend spoiled him. And we still have two sets of inlaws to go to tomorrow. He gets enough toys to open a toy store every Christmas.

Carol- Hubby and I talked about this. I would have been more lenient if he was younger. I can understand a 4 year old doing this. Also, he did it so boldly. It wasn't like he impulsively opened a present or two. He sat down and opened several AFTER I told him not too. And immediatly after at that. It wasn't like I told him no a few days ago and he forgot what I had said. He went straight from my bedroom to the tree right after our converstation and started opening them up.

This was totally premeditated. He came into my room and told me to sleep in. He closed my door to keep the noise out. I thought he was being nice. He never does that, especially on Christmas. He is usually jumping on our bed telling us to get up. Not to mention he knew my husband was at work.

I understand that kids with ADHD are impulsive, but that is still no excuse. The kids with ADHD that are not disciplined are the ones that wind up being trouble in society. I can't make excuses for them. I have to teach him to be able to control himself. Not to mention his medication is working great for him right now. You'd never guess he has ADHD.

Anyways, we went to the homeless shelter and donated the toys that he opened today. When we left, he was crying. I asked him why he was crying and he said he was sad for all of the kids that don't have homes. He was worried that Santa cannot find them since they are homeless. I told him not to be sad because the gifts that Jaden gave will make the kid's Christmas and that Santa can find the children at the shelter. After that, he was very happy and proud. He felt really good about giving his gifts to them. He even said he didn't really need so many toys.

P.S. PCB- I totally remember that temptation! My quest every Christmas was to find out what my gifts were. I usually snuck a peak or two. But sitting down and opening 20 something presents is totally blatant. He probably had a whole hour of unwrapping. That's far from impulsive.

[carole]

Tonya I am glad you feel you did the right thing in his discipline, he is your child and you know him best, it just sounded a tad harsh, being xmas and all, I agree ADHD children need discipline even more so than children who donot have it, but it has to be the right kind, some things that work for other kids just donot work for ADHD children, so they learn absolutely nothing, except they are always in trouble and getting smacked or told off and punished, one cannot help but feel for these kids, as it seems that is all their life is about.

I also was not aware, he had lots of other gifts, I thought the poor wee chappie was going to get nothing, and my heart just went out to him, sorry if I questioned your decision, but you were kinda asking for advice.

Only you and you alone know what Jaden is really like and capable of , as long as you are happy with your decision, sounds like it was the right thing to do in the long run anyhow, he certainly learned about giving and seeing children so worse off than himself, that in itself is a wonderful lesson in life for him, so maybe his naughtiness was a mixed blessing in a funny kind of way, cheers.


p.s Tonya, ya know i love ya.:)

[Tonya]

Thank you, Carole. I love you too! I know that I run a rather tight ship, but I think that I use pretty good judgement too. I pick my battles. ;) I took some parenting classes on ADHD children back when he was first diagnosed. I learned alot there, and you are right, disciplining an ADHD child isn't as simple. The biggest thing that I learned is that the punishments have to be immediate and directly related to the offense. For most ADHD children, yelling or timeouts are ridiculous. They are to busy thinking about the punishment to think about what their actions were. By the time you put them in timeout, they've forgotten what they have done, so it is pointless.

Jaden's a pretty good kid though. Mike and I were shocked, this was so out of character for him. He rarely gets into trouble. His ADHD is more problems with paying attention, not so much behavior problems.

[carole]

You obviously know your stuff Tonya, and are a great parent, never doubted that for one minute, I am probably way too soft anyhow lol, keep up the good work, and I hope you xmas is still a great one Dear.. despite all.:)

[Tonya]

p.s. I am not mad any longer. ;) I feel guilty for saying that. I don't like it when I get mad at loved ones. I am glad that I sent him to his room at first instead of telling him I am mad, he's bad...or any of that other angry stuff that was going through my head at the time!

[carole]

Tonya pat yourself on the back for that, you did extremely well under the circumstances to hold back your anger, not sure I could do as well, good on you.:)

[chrangharris]

Way to go Tonya! You kept your temper when Jaden was really trying it! You came up with a swift and appropriate punishment which taught him more then one valuable lesson in the process!
At the same time, I'm sitting over here chuckling at Jaden's attempt- that was very bold and courageous of him to pull off! I'm sure in a few years, he'll laugh over it and said he deserved not to get the presents!!

[shais_mom]

While I was reading you're first post I looked like this

:eek: :eek: :eek:

My nephews who are AWFUL most of the time actually haven't done that but I wouldn't put it past them.

Not being a parent myself, I can't put myself in you're shoes. But by watching my sister and friends children who act like demon spawn, I have a feeling I would run a tight ship also. I have a short fuse for some things. :(
But I think you handled yourself wonderfully. I applaud you. You gave Jaden a lesson he won't forget - that the GIVING is what Christmas is about.

[sirrahbed]

My DIL chrangharris told me a bit about this thread yesterday when she was here, so I am just now reading the whole thing.

Tonya - I am SOOO proud of how you handled the entire situation. The punishment was so very appropriate for the "crime" as punishment should be. Hubby and I were also pretty tight disciplinarians who used little physical punishment but lots of creative punishment such as you did and the kids tend to remember these things!

I believe Jaden will always remember this year and all of it will serve to make him a better person. Good for you, Mom!:D

PS, now if we can just get you to do the casual sex talking:D :D I am trying to locate Chris's rubber ducky video for you.;)

[smokey the elder]

I don't have kids either, but I think your solution was creative and will stick in Jaden's head. Good luck with him; he sounds very intelligent and willing to stretch the boundaries!

[mina'smomma]

Tonya,

I hope I'm as good of a mom as you are. In a way you taught Jaden that he is a very lucky boy when you donated all the toys he opened to the shelter. He may start having you donate a couple of his gifts every year. That is what I did when my father took me to a shelter at 8 yrs old. Even now around Christmas time I pack up the clothes and jewlery I don't wear and don't fit and donate them to the women's shelter. It was a lesson I've never forgotten and never will. So many people don't have Christmas and it is nice to at least brighten the day for them.:)

[RICHARD]

A man put his kids Xmas presents on e-bay because they were being jerks....

An online casino paid him 5,300 dollars for the stuff with the stipulation that the 5,300 go to charity.

The man promised to buy a new heating unit and pay for renovations for their church.....:D