I hate ADHD

[Tonya]

I couldn't even sleep last night. I am so tired of this. From the age of 2 to about 4 my son wore me ragged. We had so much trouble at the preschools, but I refused to believe in ADHD. I thought it was just a discipline issue. Well, after some classes and some fighting, I've come to realize that ADHD is a true thing.

For two years now, we've been changing medications around. Something will work for a few months, and then it'll quit working. Once again, his medication has stopped working.

I don't tell Jaden that he has ADHD. I am afraid that if he's bad, he'll use it as an excuse. I don't know what to do anymore. He's misbehaving again. Not horribly, but not paying attention in class, not following directions, etc... At home, I have to tell him to do things over and over again and I have to walk him through the steps. He can't seem to retain any information because his mind is going so fast.

It's so frustrating because he really is such a brilliant child. He's only 7 years old and he can tell you about every war in history and every detail about it. He can tell you what weapons were used, what vehicles, who was fighting, why they were fighting, where they were fighting, etc... He can tell you the history on all the different religions of the world and all about the presidents. But it takes us 2 hours to do 15 minutes worth of homework.

The hardest part for me is that I never know how to deal with it appropriately. On one hand, when he misbehaves, there should be no excuse. I shouldn't let it slide. So I discipline him. I took his tv and computer away yesterday because he had a really bad day at school. But on the other hand, I feel guilty because I'm not sure that he can control what he did.

How in the hell am I supposed to know why he does what he does? Is it the ADHD...the meds aren't working? Or is it a bad night's sleep? Or is it not enough discipline...just flat out defiance? Or is it some bully at school upsetting him? Or is it the teacher not making herself clear? Is it the transistion from moving? Am I not giving him enough attention?

In preschool, he went to an upperclass private school. All the parents decided that their children couldn't play with him because he was in to many timeouts. I'd go to pick him up and he'd be walking around alone in the corner of the playyard.

He then went to a middle class public school last year and seemed to have alot of friends. Well, now we've moved and he's in what I think is a snobby stuck up upper classs public school. He told me this morning "It's happening again, just like preschool." I asked him what he is talking about and he said that Conner's mom said he can't play with him anymore because he pulls his blue card to much. Conner is the most popular kid, so now none of the kids are playing with him. So I asked him what he does during recess and he said he plays alone.

Now honestly, I'm not being a protective mom...my son has never gotten into trouble for saying or doing anything violent or distasteful. He does get into trouble alot, but it's for things like talking out of turn in class and not following directions. He NEVER gets in trouble on the playground except for things like occasionally going up the slide the wrong way or something petty that all kids do. He's probably only had 2 playground warnings this year. How can parents be so cruel?

I just don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to shelter him or be to protective. But this is breaking my heart. To top it all off, he's been sick for months. I get so angry and upset everytime I hear him cough. I am so tired of this all.

I just want my son to be healthy and well. I can't take this much longer.

*edit* On the way to school today, he said the kids can't play with him because he has "diseases". I asked him what he meant and he said all the kids run from him and laugh at him because he coughs all the time.

[caseysmom]

Tonya...first of all a big hug. You don't need the stress right now so try to relax. I would never tell my kid they can't play with a 7 year old boy because of pulling a card...that is totally stupid. Its probably just a combination of things maybe you can get some help from the school...I know kids can be really cruel my daughter use to get really mad when they would do that stuff to other kids and I told her getting mad isn't enough you need to say something.

Your son and you will pull through just try to get him in something outside of school where he can have some buddies.

[catnapper]

OMG... it sounds EXACTLY like my son! Tony can tell you anything about history & geography. He's not ADHD... thats for sure. He sometimes is soooo mellow that I wonder if he's not in la-la land. but he always had problem in school, even though he tested at near genius level. Getting him to do his homework has always been a major fight. As he got older, he'd come home claiming the teacher didn't give homework that night. We'd meet with teachers, and they'd all say the same thing: Tony is a great kid with a lot of potential but they can't reach him - and that Tony needs to study and do homework!

Then we had him tested and it turns out that even though he's near genius smart, he's VERY dyslexic and has severe learning problems. You can talk to him, have him listen or watch movies and documentaries and he'll get it. He can orally give you the information back. Ask him to read test question and write the answers? forget it! Ask him to write an essay or term paper... dear Lord, its scary! Watching him type a paper is almost painful because he can't get the words out. but if I sit at the computer and have him "dictate" what is in his mind, he comes up with brilliant stuff! Once he had a paper, and his title sentence was "He went to school in England to go to school." He didn't see what was wrong with that... as a Junior!

The only problem is that he has used his learning disability as a crutch his whole life. He just slid by with C's. This is now his senior year, and colleges that were interested in him for sports had to turn him away because of his GPA and SAT score. His senior year is the first year where he actually has applied himself and worked with tutors and the learning center in school. And you know what? He is carrying a 3.7 GPA!!! He says that he wishes he figured this out sooner... but he was always worried what teachers and students thought about him leaving the class to take a test in the resource room... or leaving study hall to have it in the resource room. He now knows that there is no shame in asking for help in that manner.

anyhooo... have you had Jaden tested for dyslexia and such? Just because he tested high on mental ability doesn't mean he doesn't have a learning disability. I'm sure that if the tests were around when I was a kid that my school days would have been different. To this day I am petrified of working with numbers... they swarm in front of me and I am forever transposing numbers. Those tests are a godsend for students like my son and your son.

[Corinna]

I have a hyper son 2 of his church buddies were too. They said qall three were adhd . 2 of us fought against meds the other used a medatation thrapy hes still a bit hyper but studing well. The kid on meds is always struggling. My son I home schooled and kept him active no tv only an hour computer. Lots of very physical activity, he could only calm down in the car so he learned a lot of his lessions in the car. Each kid is different its not an across the board problem. I think telling him would help him understand that he is unique and not like all the others (thank goodness) . When we sat the terrible threesome (as they were called):mad: not by the parents we called them the 3 amegos. ) down and explained that they were different and had to worjk harder to be more socally acceptable behavior. It made them not feel as weird and like out casts they had a reson for it and could then move on to deal with it.
We are now 15 years later and as I said Med kid still struggling, meditation kid fairly normal, and my son(21 AND THE OLDEST OF THE 3) Is fairly normal some days too normal, but other days he has so much energy he drives me nits and I remind him to go jogging. We used a diet program also becouse he had food allergys that we weren't quite sure they didn't perhaps play a part in his hyper activity.

[carole]

Tonya my nephew was diagnosed with ADD at the age of 14, a little too late really.

Oh I do believe in it 100 per cent, I had never know a child like him before, he had social problems with other children as well, never got invites to parties etc, a lonely world at times, none of us knew he had this, and thought it was a lack of discipline and he was just so naughty.

I wish we all had learned sooner, and then we would have had a better understanding of how to deal with him.

Believe me he ran everyone of us ragged in one visit, unfortunately we did not look forward to his visits when he was young, as he was such a handful.

I used to feel sorry for him, he was always getting trouble at home, and getting punished.

ADD and ADHD children have no conscience it seems, they will continue to repeat their behaviours over and over again,it appears they never learn, my nephew was put on Ritalin for a short time, his learning abilitys improved, and his behaviour somewhat.

Most children with ADD and ADHD are very clever children.

I want to re-assure you here, my nephew is now 25 years old, he holds a computing degree, and is a very conscientious young man, very likeable, loving and a law abiding young man, so don't give up hope.

Get some support Tonya, and stop not believing, if they say Jaden has ADHD , then he has, join a support group if need be,denial of the condition will not help you or your son.

Read lots of books, and learn ways to deal with him, I have heard these children need firmer ground rules than others and you have to stick with them, but you need to learn ways to deal with his behaviour, and also to realise what works for other kids , probably will not work for a child with ADHD.

I know there is a fine line between what people see as just a bad behaved child with a lack of discipline and ADD and ADHD, but after experiencing my nephew's childhood, I know and can firmly say there is definetly such a thing.

Life was very hard on my sister and her hubby and especially his younger sister, they went through hell at times, and I am suprised their marriage survived it at all, but it did.

I hope in some way Tonya this helps you a little, to know you are not alone, and people do understand.

P.S children with ADD and ADHD do have a learning disibility really, as their concerntration span is very short, my sister got my nephew private tutoring as he got older, and I believe this is what helped him to become the high achiever he is today.
Even thought my Nephew was not supposed to be ADHD, he was always hyper active, so I do wonder about that.

[Tonya]

Thank you, everyone. I think you're right, Carole. I need to join a support group. I think I'm finally cracking. It's so heartbreaking to go through this. My husband is pretty supportive, but I still feel alone. He works rotating shifts, so it is me that always deals with teachers and doctors.

Kim, I am going to go to the school today and request that they test him. His psychologist told me by law that they have to. I requested last year, but they suggested I wait until he is older. He's now in the middle of his first grade year, so it's time.

I just get so scared. I know that if I don't make the right decisions now, it could be his future. It can be so easy for a brilliant child with no self esteem and lack of focus to take the wrong path.

I was alot like him. I was always in the gifted classes and I was a smart child. BUT, I also never attended school and got heavily into drugs. I was bored and had no self esteem. With as bad as I was I still managed to graduate with a 3.8 GPA. I can't imagine how successful I could have been if my parents had recognized that I was different when I was young and had dealt with it. I don't know if I have ADHD or if I'm just different, but I do know that my behavior was the same as my son. Unlike my parents, I want to make the right moves so that he goes the right directions in life. I don't want him to learn the hard way like I did.