Essay help

[petslover]

Hey!! I have a favor to ask to anyone who wants to. I was wondering if anyone or everyone could take a look at my essay. It is my final essay in English Composition 1. The topic had to be How I would like to see my generation change?

This is my essay. I wish you all could tell me all my mistakes in the paper. I'm not the greatest person in grammer so if you see any please let me know. Please tell me what you think of the paper. If its a bad paper please let me know. I want to make the best grade possible.

Thank you.. I will post it in my next post.

[petslover]

In today’s society, there are countless number of changes in our generation that needs to be made. In my opinion, one of the most important change that needs to be made is for our generation to be less-materialistic. Our generation has seem to forgotten the true meaning of life. People are more caught up with earning money than spending their precious time with their loved ones.

Today’s society seems to be in competition with each other. Our generation tends to com pare what materials they have with the materials that another person has. People seem to be working overtime at work to earn money to buy the biggest and best materials.

What are we forgetting when we are so caught up in materialistic items? We leave out our loved ones by accident. People are only on this Earth for a short amount of time. It is a short amount of time when elderly begin to pass on, and the kids that we once knew are grown into adults. While we have been working so hard to make enough money for Christmas presents, birthday gifts, our brand new escalade, our three story mansion, changes have been around us that we are unaware of until its to late. We will not take any of these materials with us when we pass on to the next life. The question is why do we need all these unnecessary materialistic items? There is not a reason for to have all the unnecessary materialistic items.

We will have to decide that our loved ones are more important than the fancy cars or diamond rings. I think our generation needs to take a day at a time to explore new things in life. We should live each day like you were dying. Be sure to take a hike, sit around the table playing board games, explore nature. Overall, just thank God that you have one more day to spend with your loved ones.

[RICHARD]

Capitalize 'Escalade' and I think you got it!

[lynnestankard]

Quote: Our generation tends to com pare what ....

The word should be:- compare.

Apart from that - great!

Lynne

[petslover]

Thank you so much for your help. Does anyone see any sentences that doesn't belong or doesn't make sense. I am bad about doing that. :confused: Thank you so much for responding.

[Karen]

My edits and notes in parentheses)

In today’s society, there are countless number of changes in our generation that needs to be made. In my opinion, one of the most important change that needs to be made is for our generation to be less(remove the hypen here)-materialistic. Our generation has seem(should be seems to have) to forgotten the true meaning of life. People are more caught up with earning money than spending their(delete this "their" - it's not needed) precious time with their loved ones.

Today’s society seems to be in competition with each other (Society is a singular thing, do you mean "seems to place us" in competition?). Our generation tends to compare what materials they have with the materials that (delete "that, unnecessary) another person has. People seem to be working overtime at work(delete at work, where else would you be working overtime? ;) to earn money to buy the biggest and best materials.

What are we forgetting when we are so caught up in materialistic items? We leave out our loved ones by accident. People are only on this Earth for a short amount of time. It is a short amount of time when elderly begin to pass on, and the kids that we once knew are(have become instead of "are grown") grown into adults. While we have been working so hard to make enough money for Christmas presents, birthday gifts, our brand new escalade(Cap Escalade), our three(add hyphen three-story) story mansion, changes have been around us that we are unaware of until its to (need an apostrophe in it's, and another o in too) late. We will not take any of these materials with us when we pass on to the next life. The question is why do we need all these unnecessary (need and unnecessary contradict each other - could delete unnecessary in this sentence, and end the next after reason. Shoter sebtence, but stronger point.)) materialistic items? There is not a reason for to have all the unnecessary materialistic items.

We will have to decide that our loved ones are more important than the fancy cars or diamond rings. I think our generation needs to take a day at a time to explore new things in life. We should live each day like you(we is plural, you is singluar - pick one, and stick with it for the whole thought.) were dying. Be sure to take a hike, sit around the table playing board games, explore nature. Overall, just thank God that you have one more day to spend with your loved ones.

[Edwina's Secretary]

The "needs" in the first sentence should be "need"...

Karen got the rest!

[Karen]

Ooops- saw that, forgot to fix it, thanks!

[wolflady]

I added a few to Karen's updates in pink :) Overall, an interesting read, and I also agree! I hope these changes make sense.
**hugs**



Originally posted by Karen
My edits and notes in parentheses)

In today’s society, there are countless number (add a 's' here to read 'numbers') of changes in our generation that needs (remove the 's' here to read 'need') to be made. In my opinion, one of the most important change (add a 's' here to read 'changes') that needs (remove the 's' here to read 'need') to be made is for our generation to be less(remove the hypen here)-materialistic. Our generation has seem(should be seems to have)(remove the word 'to' before forgotten) to forgotten the true meaning of life. People are more caught up with earning money than spending their(delete this "their" - it's not needed) precious time with their loved ones.

Today’s society seems to be in competition with each other (Society is a singular thing, do you mean "seems to place us" in competition?)(or would it sound better as: "People today seem to be in competition with each other"?)). Our generation tends to compare what materials they have with the materials that (delete "that, unnecessary) another person has. People seem to be working overtime at work(delete at work, where else would you be working overtime? ;) to earn money to buy the biggest and best materials. (instead of saying "to earn money to buy", say: "to earn money so they may buy...")

What are we forgetting when we are so caught up in materialistic items? We leave out our loved ones by accident. People are only on this Earth for a short amount of time. It is a short amount of time when elderly begin to pass on, and the kids that we once knew are(have become instead of "are grown") grown into adults. While we have been working so hard to make enough money for Christmas presents, birthday gifts, our brand new escalade(Cap Escalade), our three(add hyphen three-story) story mansion, changes have been around us that we are unaware of until its to (need an apostrophe in it's, and another o in too) late. We will not take any of these materials with us when we pass on to the next life. The question is why do we need all these unnecessary (need and unnecessary contradict each other - could delete unnecessary in this sentence, and end the next after reason. Shoter sebtence, but stronger point.)) materialistic items? There is not a reason for to have (reword to: There is no reason to have so many unnecessary materialistic items.) all the unnecessary materialistic items.

We will have to decide (would 'realize' be a better word here?) that our loved ones are more important than the (remove 'the') fancy cars or diamond rings. I think our generation needs to take a day at a time to explore new things in life. We should live each day like you(we is plural, you is singluar - pick one, and stick with it for the whole thought.) were dying. Be sure to take a hike, sit around the table playing board games, (add 'and' here) explore nature. Overall, just thank God that you have one more day to spend with your loved ones.

[petslover]

Thank you all so much for helping me out. You all were trendemous amount of help.. I will be sure to tell you what I make on it when I get it back. Thank you so much.

[Karen]

Post your final version, so we know which suggestions you took! And if you want to know WHY any of us suggested something, just ask!

Oh, and do spell check it before you turn it in! As with most people, what I 'think' I typed is sometimes different than what appears on the page!

[petslover]

okay thank you. I will type the essay back up after I get out of school today. I'm not sure what time that will be due to working on a project. It maybe tonight before I post it. Thanks again.