What would you do??

[mina'smomma]

The driver that hit me last Saturday causing me to lose our Amylynn had his lawyer contact Lee and I. He wants to meet us, and his lawyer wants to settle it out of court for reckless driving. I'm so ticked off !!!!!:mad: :mad: :mad: How could even think to even approach us on this! We just buried our daughter this past Saturday. EXACTLY A WEEK AFTER HIS STUPIDITY! I'm sorry I don't mean to yell at you guys, but I'm just sooo upset it isn't funny. I contact my lawyer with the jerk's request and he said he would take care of everything else and that if I WANT to see the idiot (lawyer's term) then he will arrange the meeting, and that if his attorney contacts me again to tell him to speak to my lawyer and to leave me alone.

Lee is going to meet the guy, but I don't think I can. Its not because I would show weakness its more that I don't think I can reframe from bashing his head into the cement floor of the jail.

What do you guys think I should do?

[Tonya]

Let him rot. You've had enough emotional trauma. You'll see him in court.

[emily_the_spoiled]

First of all I would strongly suggest discussing this with your counsellor (which I know you will do).

Otherwise, I would only go and see him if you need closure for yourself. You do not need to see him if all it will bring is more pain for you. Maybe the time will come when yhou want to see him, but I somehow think this is WAY to early for that. Besides Tonya is right, you will see him in court (if you chose to go that route).

[kimlovescats]

Oh honey, I don't know what I would do. I would be so full of rage, and heartache, I just don't know! Why does he want to see you? I guess he wants to "apologize"? Or does he want to beg for mercy that you won't make him rot in jail? :mad: Does this guy have previous DUI's or is this a young person with a 1st offense? I guess I would ask myself these things, and weigh the facts to see whether or not I could find any ounce of compassion at all for this person. I know we all make bad choices and suffer the consequences of our actions, but drunk-driving has always been a really bad issue for me!!!:mad: :mad: :mad:

I know that you will never forget and find it nearly impossible to forgive this person, for taking your child from you .... but I'm not sure if meeting him will help you or not. I do know one thing though ... if this man has any amount of remorse, or sensitivity, this is something that will haunt him for the rest of his life!!!!

God be with you, Renae ... and your husband and family as you struggle through these extremely difficult days. Please know that you can e-mail me at anytime that you need a friend, or a shoulder, or a sounding board!!! :( ;)

((((HUGS))))
Kim

[Tubby & Peanut's Mom]

I think you should go with your gut feeling. If you really aren't up to seeing him right now - then don't. I say let the lawyers fight it out. Hopefully your lawyer knows where you stand and what your wishes are, so I agree with his advice that you tell the other guy's lawyer to contact your lawyer and keep you out of it. Sounds like this would be the least traumatic for you right now. There is really no reason to see the guy. My parents never once saw the guy who hit them and my mom to this day says the least he could have done is come to them and apologize, which is the least this idiot could do - then leave you alone.

You are paying your lawyer to handle just this type of contact - so let him do it and you just deal with getting better.

[NoahsMommy]

While it may make you feel better to see his (hopefully) horrified reaction when he finds out what happened, it may be more traumatizing to you.

He's not worth making yourself more upset over. What if he's just a huge loser and doesn't care?

You've been through way too much to have to deal with this idiot.

(((hugs)))

[mina'smomma]

Does this guy have previous DUI's or is this a young person with a 1st offense? Kim [/B][/QUOTE]

No Kim he has priors to this. I'm going to ask my couselor what he thinks I should do, and see what the jerk has to say to Lee. I just don't think I could control my anger.

[kimlovescats]

Originally posted by mina'smomma
Does this guy have previous DUI's or is this a young person with a 1st offense? Kim

No Kim he has priors to this. I'm going to ask my couselor what he thinks I should do, and see what the jerk has to say to Lee. I just don't think I could control my anger. [/B][/QUOTE]

If this sorry so-and-so has priors, then he just wants to beg you for mercy! NO WAY!!!!! :mad: :mad: :mad: He didn't learn his lesson the first time, now he needs to pay dearly and rot in jail!!!!
I don't know that I would see him, asking your counsellor is the best advice .... but I would certainly make him PAY!!!;)

[Samantha Puppy]

It's hard for any of us to say what we'd do because the situation is so horrible, we may say one thing and if we ever go through a similar situation, handle it completely differently than we'd thought.

However, I am mean. So I think I'd go. Why? So he could see me, see me in pain and hurt, and I could tell him exactly what his stupidity did. I would want him to feel the absolute worst he possibly could... after losing Amylynn, you and Lee are feeling awfully darn low, so it's only fair. Seeing Lee won't bring it home - seeing YOU would.

I'm all for the "an eye-for-an-eye" mentality. If something this horrible happened to me, I would want whoever was responsible to be as unhappy as possible. I would feel that by NOT going to see him, he would be getting off too easy because it wouldn't feel real. Bad example, but like when a loved one passes away. The viewing/funeral is for those of us left here on earth. It provides closure. My one grandmother whom I wasn't close to died in 1999. We had no viewing or funeral for her, so I didn't see her, so to me it's not like she's really gone. Does that make sense?

I would completely understand if you couldn't bring yourself to go, I'm just telling you that if it were me, I'd do everything in my power to make him feel as horrible as possible and I don't think that can happen without seeing you there, without hearing from you what his stupidity did. Without hearing Amylynn's name.

Whatever you decide, we're here 100% for you.

[Maya & Inka's mommy]

I would let my counselor fight this thing out. And, NO mercy to that jerk, he is only trying to make his punishment lighter. No way!

{{{hugs!!}}}

[Craftlady]

I agree with everyone else and let the lawyers work things out and he will get his when the time comes in court.

[Grace]

I agree with those who say let the lawyers work it out. BUT - show this piece of slime no mercy whatsoever.

He's done it before, and he will do it again. He needs to be put away for awhile. Someplace unpleasant, so he can think about what he has done.

[rg_girlca]

I agree also to let the lawyers work this out.

You have been through enough, you do not need to go through this right now.

This slimeball is just looking for pity and he is definitely looking in the wrong place.:mad:

Drunk drivers should be put away for life as obviously they do not learn anything from their first offense. Or their second or third for that matter.:mad:

[Catsnclay]

This advise is from experience:

Do NOT see or talk or have any correspondence with this person. All correspondence should go through your attorney.

If you do have any contact with him, this could jeperdize his court hearings!!!!

Trust me on this. Since he has priors, he also knows this and is trying for a mis-trial!! He is very smart.

Do not have any kind of contact with this person!! This goes for your husband too!

BTW- if he was truly sorry, this would have never happened in the first place.

[mina'smomma]

Originally posted by Catsnclay
Do not have any kind of contact with this person!! This goes for your husband too!

BTW- if he was truly sorry, this would have never happened in the first place.

I will let Lee know this. We don't want anything to jeapordize the trial. We're not going to settle out of court, and the lawyer is drawing up new papers to include manslaughter in this. There is a good case since the doctor is willing to testify that it was the force of his car hitting my body that caused the tear in the placenta and therefore causing my darling daughter's death.

Thank you Catsnclay for this information.

Thank you everyone for your advice. Its good to know that I friends who support me.

[Tonya]

Originally posted by Samantha Puppy
It's hard for any of us to say what we'd do because the situation is so horrible, we may say one thing and if we ever go through a similar situation, handle it completely differently than we'd thought.

However, I am mean. So I think I'd go. Why? So he could see me, see me in pain and hurt, and I could tell him exactly what his stupidity did. I would want him to feel the absolute worst he possibly could... after losing Amylynn, you and Lee are feeling awfully darn low, so it's only fair. Seeing Lee won't bring it home - seeing YOU would.


No matter how much pain and remorse the man showed, I would still think it wasn't enough. In my mind, I would be even more hurt and angry after seeing him because he didn't give me the reaction that I wanted.

[sirrahbed]

:( This man has killed someone and legally, I do not think you or your husband are supposed to be talking to him at all. Like someone mentioned earlier - the perpetrator probably already knows this.

[jazzcat]

Originally posted by sirrahbed
:( This man has killed someone and legally, I do not think you or your husband are supposed to be talking to him at all. Like someone mentioned earlier - the perpetrator probably already knows this.
I totally agree with Debbie. I think you should let the D.A.s office know that he is trying to contact you and I personally would use the term 'harass' you. That probably won't make him look any better in court. Let the prosecutors handle him.

[mina'smomma]

Lee and I discussed this with each other, the counselor, and my lawyer (who incidentily went we us to our first therapy session) and we are not going to go and see the drunk. The lawyer thinks that he just wants to buy us off because he comes from a real wealthy family, and has been able to get away with almost anything. Well not this time. We figure that he can rot in jail, but my lawyer took the ultrasound picture and is going to inform the drunk that this time he killed an innocent baby. He also isn't going for manslaughter. He is going to try and get him for 1st degree murder. He feels that since he has soooo many prior DUIs that he knew when he got behind the wheel that he could kill someone and just didn't care.

Lee and I are still going strong. I actually went and looked at the blanket I was making for Amylynn. I have avoided my craft room for that reason. I know I have a long road ahead of me, but with our famiy and friends (not to mention the power of my PT friends) we'll make it through no problem.

[ramanth]

*HUGS*

[persianmom]

I'm sorry to hear about your lost, but I'm with Debbie don't go see him until you know for sure it will not screw up the hearing. He needs to pay for what he has done. Espeically if this isn't the first time. :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad: :mad:

You are in may prays.
Carol

[Tubby & Peanut's Mom]

Sounds like you have wise council - in your counselor and in your lawyer. I think with their help you will get through this.

{{{hugs}}}

[chrangharris]

Renae, I'm so very sorry you are going through all of this turmoil. Listen to lawyer- it sounds like he knows what to do and is going to throw the book at this guy. Only go see this guy if you and Lee feel emotionally up to it. You don't not owe him anything and you need to do what is best for you. If you feel seeing him will help you with the healing process, then see him. If you feel it will make it worse, then don't. We are here for you! If you need a shoulder to cry or to vent, please PM me. I'm praying for you and Lee during this situation- for healing, peace, comfort and wisdom to the right thing!

Christine

[Scooby4]

I am soo sorry to hear about your lost. I think it is WAAAY too soon for this guy to ask for a face to face meeting. I can understand his side to a point. He is admitting his guilt and trying to take some weight off himself. I say let him live with HIS burden for awhile!!!
I do believe your going to come to a point where you will want to talk to him. I do NOT think you are there yet at all. There are 5 stages of grieve and you are STILL in the 2nd to 3rd step of this process. I will advice you NOT to speak until you have gotten past some of the anger which is COMPLETELY NORMAL!!!!
Your going to say things now that I am sure looking back will be regretful. So you had better let the lawyer deal with it or a third party. I don't want you to cause yourself more pain by pushing people away by your anger.
Please keep going to your counselor. It does help a great deal. I had to go to one when my mother passed away. I was much younger but it helped me understand that I was NORMAL and it was okay for me to have these extreme feelings. They are part of the healing process.
Your wounds are just too open right now to deal with this ignoramous. His tears aren't your tears. They are tears of regret your tears are of pain and loss. He will NEVER know what he took away. All the yelling and tears won't ever convey that. What will make him pay is KNOWING your family has to live with the pain that HE caused. Give him a picture of your daughter and let him see it EVERYDAY he is in jail!!! Never let him forget!!!! You won't !!!
Now you have an Angel looking over you from Heaven! Good luck and God Bless you!!!