I can't STAND this anymore...

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

Ugh. It's my mom again. I don't want to go into details but she doesn't even spend time with us anymore or do things with us.

She doesn't even want to LOOK at me sometimes, she yells at me constantly, and she never seems happy. She bosses us around like we're slaves. My dad and I talked about moving back home. I don't know what to do anymore, but I am becoming emotionally and physically sick.

I wonder why she hates me so much, and why I can't make her happy. I heard a sad song on the radio and I just started to cry and I couldn't help it. The stress is killing me right now, and I can't wait to go to school and just get away from it all.

:( I wish I had mother's like some of the great women on this board. Active mothers, mothers who cared, mothers who do things for themselves.

Sorry for wasting space. I just need somewhere to take my anger out on, and the only people who listen are you guys. :(

[GoldenRetrLuver]

{{hugs}}

You know I'm always here if you need to talk. Always. :)

Feel better Meg.

[Kfamr]

I'm very sorry Megan. :(
My mother and I don't have the greatest relationship but she's certainly not like your's. Has your mother ever tried to seek professional help.. or even you seek professional help?

They may be able to help a great amount with your family problems and personal problems. :)

If you need to talk with someone, let me know, i'm here even if I can't find words to reply with, i'll listen. :)

{HUGS}

[ILoveMyAbbyGirl]

My mom is seeing a doctor, my dad was too at one point, a family relations type thing. We don't think she is telling the doctor the truth, because she is only getting worse. We might make someone go with her next time just to make sure.

:(

[DogLover9501]

{{{{Hugs}}}}

I don't have much advice, but I do have to echo everyone else and say that I, too, am here if you need to talk.

[BitsyNaceyDog]

Wow, it sounds very similar to my relationship with my mom when I lived at home. It's hard, I really don't know what to tell you because I didn't handle it very well.


I wish I had mother's like some of the great women on this board. Active mothers, mothers who cared, mothers who do things for themselves.

I know how you feel, I often wish that Debbie (Sirrahbed) was my mom. She is a wonderful woman and she seems to have a close family.

[Karen]

A dear friend of mine had a not-good relationship with her mother. She then decided to one day just change the way she thought about her. She told me, "It makes it a lot easier if I just think of her as my wacko aunt. I still "call" her my mother, but just pretend she's only some vague relation."

I am sorry your mom is not what you'd want in a mother figure. Try ignoring her as best you can, know in your heart it is not your fault. Even if she seems to hate you - that's not YOUR fault. It's her problem.

This is important: YOU cannot make her happy. She is the only one who can make herself happy. It's not your responsibility. Believe me!

Know that you are a seperate person from her. Know that there are people in this world who will love you and respect you. Look around in your life for other adult female mentors, and take each of their best qualities to invent yourself a "mom." Are your grandmothers alive/around/available? Any "good" aunts?

[4 Dog Mother]

I have to second Karen's comments. You can't change your mother, you can only change how you look at things. It sounds like she is pretty messed up right now. And may always be. But then again someday she may get her life together and you will have the relationship with you that you want. I know that is hard to accept now because at your age you need a mom who cares.

I will say that my girls, Cincy's mom and Dakota's mommy are close to me now (I think) but as teenagers things are not that simple. It is hard to set and keep rules that your kids think are not fair, etc. And I think kids interpret the rules and consequences as "my mom (or dad) don't love me." It is hard for all teenagers to have a really good relationship with their parents but again the problems with your mother are not just typical parent/teenager ones.

I think Karen's suggestions are good ones. Choose someone else to be your "mom" mentor. An aunt, a friend's mother, someone who can listen and give you the hugs you need! And you know there are a lot of moms on this board who wouldn't mind being there for you when we can.

[slleipnir]

Maybe she's just having problems right now?

Trust me, I know what it's like to feel ignored and stuff by mom. I honestly believe that my moms work is the #1 thing in her life. period. My parents split up when I was young, and according to this psychiatrist, it probably has/is affectioning how I am now. The part that makes me sad is my MOM left us. I don't regret living with my dad one bit, but most mothers would do anything to keep their children. It's like she had better things to do then have us around.

Keeping that in mind, I do have a great relationship with my mom. We fight, a lot. And when I don't feel badly about her, I almost think of her as a great friend.

Anyway, I know what you're going through. Only I was just a lot younger.

[micki76]

I wish you would go find a counselor or a therapist for YOU. You need someone to talk this out with, maybe even more than your parents do.

{{{{{Hugs}}}}}

[Tonya]

I am sorry that you are still going through this, Meg. Just remember that it isn't your fault. It sounds like your mom is dealing with some deep depression. I hope that she is able to get the help (and medication possibly) that she needs.

[trayi52]

Megan, if you need somebody you know where I am. I am always here for you, baby.

Willie

[dukedogsmom]

I am so sorry to hear that. I've got one that you would love to have. Feel free to borrow her any time. Pm her if you need to talk. She's dukedogsgrandma. If you are going to pm her, let me know so I can tell her. She doesn't come here a lot because she's a little busy. But, she can always find time for someone that needs help. Now, your mother sounds like she's in kind of a depression. Has she sought any help for it? She needs to find someone she can talk to and how to address it. Maybe your dad can help her find someone? I hope it gets better for you soon.

[snappy]

Originally posted by 4 Dog Mother
I will say that my girls, Cincy's mom and Dakota's mommy are close to me now (I think) but as teenagers things are not that simple. It is hard to set and keep rules that your kids think are not fair, etc. And I think kids interpret the rules and consequences as "my mom (or dad) don't love me." It is hard for all teenagers to have a really good relationship with their parents but again the problems with your mother are not just typical parent/teenager ones.

I think Karen's suggestions are good ones. Choose someone else to be your "mom" mentor. An aunt, a friend's mother, someone who can listen and give you the hugs you need! And you know there are a lot of moms on this board who wouldn't mind being there for you when we can.

I agree 100%. At 16 my mother wanted to (rightfully so as I look back on it) throw me out of the house. I treated her with no respect. Later in life, when I got married she didn't like my husband and stopped talking to me. She even moved and didn't tell my sister (who was away at college) or I. But as time went on (and I didn't speak to her for 6 years...:( ) I grew and she grew and we ended up in a much better spot. She still had issues up to her passing, but I learned to overlook them and deal with the facts and her on a one to one basis. It wasn't easy and I regret those 6 years, but they made me stronger and able to handle much more in my life.

You have received hugs and support from many on this site - know that you are loved by folks here....and we are all around to listen and help if needed.....

[emily_the_spoiled]

Megan,

First of all you are not wasting space by writing here. We are here to listen and help. I wish had someone or someplace to talk with when I was growing up. My mother and I definitely had a "stormy" relationship (including trying to push me down the stairs once). I left home at 17 (once I graduated high school) and never moved back. There was a period of about 6 years where we never even spoke.

I realized that this was effecting my adult life and I went to talk with a therapist (the best thing I could do). It made me realize that it wasn't ME, but rather my mother had her own problems and I couldn't fix them. All I could control was my reaction to her.

I think that everyone's advice about talking with a counselor or even a minister, is good.

Remember, we are here if you need to vent...

[wolfie]

I'm so sorry about your mom meg, and that this is still happening. But remember that we're all here for you, and it isn't your fault.


It made me realize that it wasn't ME, but rather my mother had her own problems and I couldn't fix them. All I could control was my reaction to her.
That is good advice, and what Karen said too about her friend, pretending her mom was just a wacko aunt. Just try not to let her bother you too much. Focus on all the other people who love you. Your family, friends, and pets all love you, and we do too.

[carole]

Megan if it helps to come to PT and talk about it, then please keep doing so, everyone here just wants to offer you support in any way they can.

I am distressed to hear you are still having such problems, although I have no real answers sweetie, I can only assume your mother is going through some deep problems herself, and unfortunately is taking it out on you.

I don't know your mother, but I am sure she loves you very much, she probably just is not capable of showing you how much right now, and deep down inside could hate herself for what she is doing, I am sure she must be a caring, loving person, as look at the daughter she has produced.:) ;)

All I can say is hang in there, and find an outlet to help you through the tough times, and pm me anytime, an ear here to listen and a shoulder to cry on whenever ok. Take care and HUGS.:)