I'm irked.

[Tonya]

As usual. :rolleyes: Sorry this is a pointless rant, but I am so irritated right now. After Jaden, I decided that I would never breast feed again. It was horribly painful for me and it didn't help with my post partum depression at all. Breastfeeding was the most painful experience ever in my life.

I am not an idiot, I fully understand the pluses and minuses that come with breastfeeding. I have had a whole 7 years to think out this decision. I told my doctor from the start that I'm not breastfeeding this baby and she fully understands.

So many people are butting their noses in my business! Why should I have to stand there and talk about my breasts to people? Why does everyone including strangers think it's their duty to convert me?!

Mike's best friend's wife just recently had their first child. She's breastfeeding and not having a problem, which is wonderful. I am happy for her. Well, his friend will not let it go! Steve keeps telling Mike all about how he has to make me breastfeed because otherwise my kid is going to be sickly, we won't bond, blah blah blah. He's a freaking man! If he thinks it's so important, maybe he should breast feed my child.

How dare people who have never even breast fed before tell me that I am horrible for not breastfeeding. I am so sick of getting backed into corners and having to explain myself. Why should I have to explain my prior breastfeeding experience to everyone?! I am an adult that is fully capable of making decisions. They talk to me like I've never heard of breastfeeding before. :mad:

[Glacier]

I'm always amazed at the things people will say to pregnant women! They'd never say anything similar under other circumstances.

I'm sure you know what will work best for you and your baby. As for the not bonding crap... I think we are close to the same age--when I was born, women were encouraged not to breast feed. I wasn't a breastfed baby and my mom and I bonded just fine! 30 odd years later we still have a great relationship!

[Tonya]

Originally posted by Glacier
I'm always amazed at the things people will say to pregnant women! They'd never say anything similar under other circumstances.

I'm sure you know what will work best for you and your baby. As for the not bonding crap... I think we are close to the same age--when I was born, women were encouraged not to breast feed. I wasn't a breastfed baby and my mom and I bonded just fine! 30 odd years later we still have a great relationship!

Yeah, I told my husband that if my child doesn't bond with me, then we have some major issues aside from breastfeeding!

People also often ask me "Was it planned?" I am tempted to say "No, it was a total mistake. In fact, we're not even sure who the father is."

[Samantha Puppy]

Use hormones as an excuse and go postal on people when they bring it up.

I'm not pregnant, but I've already decided that when I am and have my baby, I will not breastfeed. I wasn't breastfed and I turned out just fine. So don't feel bad - it doesn't make us bad people. Stand your ground and don't feel that you need to explain yourself to anyone.

[carole]

Tonya I was not a breast feed child either, and my son I was only able to feed for about 2mths, the plunket nurse here advised me to introduce supplements and then fully put him on the bottle,as he was one hungry baby.

However Ten years later I successfully breastfeed my daughter for 16 mths, I never imagined I would beable to do it for so long.

It sure as heck can be very painful, in the beginning as mine was with both, but it came right and then it was fine.

It is wonderful if you are able to Breastfeed, but not everyone can, and no-one has the right to tell you what to do, I think I came through pretty ok as did many other babies not breastfeed.

You do what you are comfortable with,and don't listen to those people who think they know best.

P.S They say it helps with protection against Breast Cancer, I am hoping that is true, and I know you have it in your family as well, so that is one plus I guess.

[Katiesmom]

I didn't breastfeed my child and he doesn't get sick(knock on wood) he only goes to the doctor for check ups and hes 3 and far as the bonding part goes well we bonded just fine, no problem there...:D I know how ya feel tho some people think they just know it all and for a man to say something like that well how does he think the child and the father bond since the man doesn't breastfeed? but try not to let it bother you. You are the only one that knows whats best for you and your child:)

[GraciesMommy]

I can't believe people even stick their noses into your business like that! I didn't breast feed..my son is now 24...I wasn't breastfed...I know it is good if you are able to, and cheap! I just didn't want to.. But its your decision, and your breasts and everyone needs to keep their opinions to themselves! I don't blame ya one bit for getting irked!

[carole]

people seem to make such a big deal about Breast-feeding, IMO if you can do it great, if not, so what, baby will grow up healthy all the same.

And its no-one else's business except your's.:)

[robinh]

I am also amazed by what people will ask a pregnant woman. I agree with everyone here. You do what you are comfortable with. It doesn't matter what anyone else wants - it's you with the baby when they go home.

I didn't breastfeed my son (he's 29) and he's the healthiest person I know. Doctors were amazed he healed so quickly from all the cuts and scrapes he got as a child.

[christa]

I've always heard that it's different for different people. Some people just can't do it, end of discussion!

I haven't had a baby, yet, so I have no opinion as to "how it is" but I do know that MY MOM DID NOT breast feed me and we were super close all throughout my childhood and even more so today! I'm 23 and I know some of you will think I'm a dork for saying this, but I consider her my best friend (not counting my husband of course).

Don't worry about it . . . some people just assume themselves into our lives without any reason. It's really no one's business and I really don't think that it will affect your child that much.

I turned out OK. ;)

[lovemyshiba]

I have to echo what someone said upthread--people will ask a pregnant woman anything!!!! It's unreal.

2 girls I work with just had babies--one September 27, and one this past Sunday--neither of them are breastfeeding, and it never even crossed my mind to even ask them why, or try to convince them to.

I guess people will always continue to be nosy, and rude, and you just have to do what you can.

[Twisterdog]

Tonya,

I can so sympathise with you. I felt completely pressured into breastfeeding when my son was born ... maybe "brainwashed" would be a better word for it then "pressured". The doctors and nurses stopped just a little short of telling me I would basically be dooming my child for life and would be the most horrible mother in the world if I did not breastfeed. I was twenty-three, single and pregnant with my first child ... what did I know?

So I tried it ... for a month. It was sheer hell. He was basically starving, and neither one of us ever got any sleep. Finally, after four weeks I could NOT take it any more, and gave him a bottle. He drank the whole thing, and slept through the night. I was almost hysterical with relief, rage and resentment.

Not a single person ever told me that it was ok to stop breastfeeding if it isn't working. Everyone pretty much blamed me, implying I was stupid or doing something wrong, and everyone just kept smiling indulgently and told me to "keep trying." Had I just refused in the first place, or quit after a few days, the first month of my son's life would have been SO MUCH better ... for both of us.

[Tonya]

Originally posted by Twisterdog
Tonya,

I can so sympathise with you. I felt completely pressured into breastfeeding when my son was born ... maybe "brainwashed" would be a better word for it then "pressured". The doctors and nurses stopped just a little short of telling me I would basically be dooming my child for life and would be the most horrible mother in the world if I did not breastfeed. I was twenty-three, single and pregnant with my first child ... what did I know?

So I tried it ... for a month. It was sheer hell. He was basically starving, and neither one of us ever got any sleep. Finally, after four weeks I could NOT take it any more, and gave him a bottle. He drank the whole thing, and slept through the night. I was almost hysterical with relief, rage and resentment.

Not a single person ever told me that it was ok to stop breastfeeding if it isn't working. Everyone pretty much blamed me, implying I was stupid or doing something wrong, and everyone just kept smiling indulgently and told me to "keep trying." Had I just refused in the first place, or quit after a few days, the first month of my son's life would have been SO MUCH better ... for both of us.

Exactly. Your experience sounds like my first one. Jaden was 10 1/2 lbs when he was born, so he was a BIG eater. We were both miserable. I hurt so much. I resented him because I felt so lousy. He slept all night as soon as I gave him a bottle.

Luckily, my current doctor isn't pressuring me at all.

[Kiia]

Jaden was 10 1/2 lbs when he was born

One word: OUCH! http://instagiber.net/smiliesdotcom/otn/shocked/Wow1.gif

[catnapper]

I have always wondered about what compelled people to intrude their opinions on a new mom... I had a coworker that had the same problem. She was in major pain. And yet she STILL forced herself to try because so many people told her she HAD to. She sat in her office crying every day from pain. She finally stopped when both her breasts were horribly infected from the sores. I'm sorry, but you can't force something on yourself or your child that isn't working.

Years ago, before the inven of formula, there were wet nurses because many women were like you and my coworker - just unable to do it. Don't let them intimidate you. You know what is best for you.

Chruista, I was also a formula baby. My mom said that in the 70's most people were told formula was better than breast! Go figure! :D And I also consider my mom to be my best friend (also outside my husband of course ;) )

[catfancier]

Funny how people think it is their right to butt into your life - especially when it's such a personal issue! Maybe just tell them that you don't feel comfortable discussing it with them and you would rather talk about something else. If they can't respect that, then walk away.
I was a breastfed baby, my older brother was raised on the bottle, and we both have good relationships with our mum. (Shane's was quite rocky for a long time, but he may be closer to her than I am now!)
I hope all works out and you get the support you need and deserve no matter what decision you make.

[AmberLee]

{{{Tonya}}}

Some people should just mind their own business. Hang in there.

[Laura's Babies]

A great response would be " I am so tired of people beating that dead horse to death!" and turn and walk away. Don't let their rudeness get you down or make you feel bad, they do not LIVE in your body so who are they to decide things for you?

[K9soul]

I'm also amazed at how nosy and intrusive people can be on such personal issues. I've never had a child and am not planning on having children, but even if I did, I cannot even imagine telling someone else how they need to raise their child. If I had a child and if they ASKED me advice/opinions, that is different. I can understand why you feel so aggravated.

[trayi52]

Tonya, that is your decision to make. I have had three children, the first one I tried to breast feed, but I just couldn't. I raised him and his sister on a bottle. They both done just fine! They grew up to be fine adults, now with children of their own! All without breast feeding. Now, I did breast feed my daughter Lindsey, she was my last, I was in my thirtys, and just wanted the experience of breastfeeding. She is now almost 19, LOL, she is a fine young lady too.

The point being, I bonded with all my children, I love all of them, and bonded with all of them. Of course, Lindsey is my baby, big baby, huh?

Just do what you want to do, you have already experienced what its like to breast feed, so don't worry about what other people say! Do what you feel like doing, bottle feeding gives dad a chance to bond with the baby too!

Willie:)

[DJFyrewolf36]

Sheesh, how RUDE!!

Ugh I hate how everyone loves to be a backseat parent, especially when they don't have kids! I wasn't breastfed because I was alergic to breast milk. The doctor told my mom that if I was breast fed, I'd die! My brother was the same way. We both turned out quite alright, and have a great relationship with our mom so I don't think she was too terrible ;)

My nephew was a big eater. My SIL lasted about two weeks trying to breast feed him. It just wasn't working for her. Every child is different. Everyone has unique experences with thier kids, I think thats why it's such a special thing for most people. If kids were predictable, life would be really boring!

[Logan]

I am appalled that people (especially a man) would feel it necessary to intrude on your personal decision like that! It's none of their business, and if it makes it easier, just say "yes", and they wouldn't know the difference anyway!

I loved breast feeding my one and only child, but it was always awkward for me. I was not one who could lie in the bed like many moms and feed my child, nor was I ever comfortable in a public setting. And I went back to work after 5 weeks, and ended up sitting in a chair in the bathroom at work, pumping away. It was embarassing for me in the long run to have to do that! But I did it, and enjoyed those quiet times with Helen when I was with her. But I would have been just as comfortable snuggling with her and a bottle, I'm sure! At 4 months old, she became bored and wanted to look around and see the world and completely lost interest in "bonding" with her mom! So, we quit, and it was sad for me.

I have to tell you this funny story, though. While I was still out on maturnity leave, I went to a La Leche (sp?) League meeting with my next door neighbor, who had a baby a short while before I did. OMG!!!! :eek: There were so many women there, with all these kids running here and there. And I about DIED when I saw a 3 years old go pull up his mother's shirt and start "feeding", right in the middle of meeting! :eek: I am such a prude. I thought it was horrible, and I never went to another meeting!!! :o

[Tonya]

Originally posted by Logan
I am appalled that people (especially a man) would feel it necessary to intrude on your personal decision like that! It's none of their business, and if it makes it easier, just say "yes", and they wouldn't know the difference anyway!

I loved breast feeding my one and only child, but it was always awkward for me. I was not one who could lie in the bed like many moms and feed my child, nor was I ever comfortable in a public setting. And I went back to work after 5 weeks, and ended up sitting in a chair in the bathroom at work, pumping away. It was embarassing for me in the long run to have to do that! But I did it, and enjoyed those quiet times with Helen when I was with her. But I would have been just as comfortable snuggling with her and a bottle, I'm sure! At 4 months old, she became bored and wanted to look around and see the world and completely lost interest in "bonding" with her mom! So, we quit, and it was sad for me.

I have to tell you this funny story, though. While I was still out on maturnity leave, I went to a La Leche (sp?) League meeting with my next door neighbor, who had a baby a short while before I did. OMG!!!! :eek: There were so many women there, with all these kids running here and there. And I about DIED when I saw a 3 years old go pull up his mother's shirt and start "feeding", right in the middle of meeting! :eek: I am such a prude. I thought it was horrible, and I never went to another meeting!!! :o

Haha, I had a cousin who breastfed her kid until he was 4 or 5 (at least it felt like it was that long, I could be wrong.) Call me a prude, but I think that's disgusting. When the child is old enough to verbally ask his mom for a boob, it's time to quit.

[carole]

Guess I am a prude too , logan and Tonya, My SIL feed her child till he was about 3 or 4, and I wasn't too keen on it, but maybe we are just being as bad as those who judge us on breast-feeding, just a thought.

Everyone tells you , it helps get your body back in shape, for me it was the opposite, I was so darn hungry the whole time I gained at least a stone, so that was the downside of Breast-feeding for me, and also I was not at all comfortable doing it in public, so I hardly went out with my daughter for those 16mths, and I would always go upstairs if visitors other than my mother or sister arrived..

I think its great Tonya that you have so much support here on this one, just goes to show we are not such a judgemental lot after all, lol.:)

Regardless I am happy that I managed to feed her myself, and I guess society has made me feel less so and a failure for not for my son,that's what pressure does, we should be proud either way, if they are healthy and well taken care of , and loved that is all that counts.

[popcornbird]

First of all, I think its none of anyone's business to tell you what to do when it comes to feeding your child. You already know the pros and cons of breastfeeding, and you know what you went through last time. Its your decision...none of anyone else's business. You will do what's best for your child and yourself. I'm surprised someone would even think of talking to your husband about this......especially a MAN!!! That is so wrong!

Second....wow...I never knew your body would even continue to produce milk for 3-4 years after having a child. :o Personally, I think its really weird to breastfeed a child past the age of 2. Once they can eat everything, they just don't need that milk anymore. I don't think breastfeeding a child with all his/her teeth would be a very pleasant experience for the mother either. :o

[Tina]

I bottle fed both of my girls. Both of them have a really close bond with me.:) Neither of them have been sick very much. Kaitlynn is almost 5 years old and has been sick maybe 4 or 5 times. I know of a mother that breast feeds and her son had a lot of ear infections. Maegan is almost a year old and has been sick 1 or 2 times.

I really wouldn't care what over people think.:rolleyes:

[moosmom]

Tell everyone to mind their own business!!! Do what you feel is right for you and your baby.

[catland]

I once saw a really sad episode of Law and Order where a young mother had starved her child to death because she wasn't able to properly breastfeed but whenever she went for help she was told to not use a bottle but that "breast is best". Knowing that these shows are often based on true stories, I found it to be probably one of the saddest episodes that they ever had.

There is definately a fanatical fringe that has a zero tolerance for bottle feeding. You just need to come up with a snappy comeback that will leave them so shocked that they'll stop bothering you.

I don't know, maybe something like, "breast feeding will infect my nipple ring"

;)

[Cataholic]

I feel somewhat compelled to answer. Tonya- this isn't directed towards you, rather, towards anyone that might be reading this thread, and has become discouraged by it. I respect your decision not to breastfeed. I will also tell you I would do nearly anything I could to support you, should you change your mind.

Jonah is 8 weeks old, this Tuesday. I am still breastfeeding. I have a pump, loaned to me by my girlfriend, and intend to breastfeed as long as I can. I hope this means to Jonah's first birthday. I have a supportive work place, an office with a door, and a fridge/sink- not in a bathroom. So, really, I have it 'easy' that way.

Now, let me tell you where I have been. I have been to 3 lactation consultants. 3. I have been to a lactation MD (yes, there is such a thing), I have been on antibiotics, anti-fungals, probiotics, used cremes, lotions, pads, Jonah has had a minor procedure (he was tongue tied, slightly), he has been on medication, too. I have spent many, many hours on the phone with 6 or so very close people, crying, talking, trying to figure out what is wrong. I have cried while Jonah nursed. I have pumped for 2 weeks straight, then bottle fed him the milk. Talk about time consuming....it was nearly ALL that I did.

I would make 'deals' with my mom and my friends.."if it isn't better by 5 weeks, I will quit".."if this doctor doesn't bring relief, I will quit"....if 6 weeks...you get it.

I have read 100s of pages, done research (yeah, in all my spare time, right?), cut out little sayings, prayed about it, you name it.

Guess what? After the 6th week- it turned. It didn't get any worse. That was the BEST I could say. Now, nearly 8 weeks out, I can say on a scale of 1/10...I am at a 1. Thank God. It was just as everyone told me- "it just gets better, and then you are home free". I am so glad I didn't quit. I have read and heard that most women quit because of the pain. I know. I have been right there.

For me, and Jonah, it is the right choice. I nearly cry sometimes when I look down at him nursing. For me, it is priceless. For me, it is the 'right' thing to do. Fortunately, I don't have a private or shy bone in my body. Breastfeeding in public will be no big deal. I am still not yet at that point....I still need to make sure we are positioned 'just so'. I have limited my sessions to my house, my parent's houses, and in the car. But, I will get up to speed soon.
All I want to do is encourage anyone that wants to do it, in any way that I can. That is what I had happen for me. I want to return the favor somehow.

[Tonya]

Originally posted by Cataholic
I feel somewhat compelled to answer. Tonya- this isn't directed towards you, rather, towards anyone that might be reading this thread, and has become discouraged by it. I respect your decision not to breastfeed. I will also tell you I would do nearly anything I could to support you, should you change your mind.

Jonah is 8 weeks old, this Tuesday. I am still breastfeeding. I have a pump, loaned to me by my girlfriend, and intend to breastfeed as long as I can. I hope this means to Jonah's first birthday. I have a supportive work place, an office with a door, and a fridge/sink- not in a bathroom. So, really, I have it 'easy' that way.

Now, let me tell you where I have been. I have been to 3 lactation consultants. 3. I have been to a lactation MD (yes, there is such a thing), I have been on antibiotics, anti-fungals, probiotics, used cremes, lotions, pads, Jonah has had a minor procedure (he was tongue tied, slightly), he has been on medication, too. I have spent many, many hours on the phone with 6 or so very close people, crying, talking, trying to figure out what is wrong. I have cried while Jonah nursed. I have pumped for 2 weeks straight, then bottle fed him the milk. Talk about time consuming....it was nearly ALL that I did.

I would make 'deals' with my mom and my friends.."if it isn't better by 5 weeks, I will quit".."if this doctor doesn't bring relief, I will quit"....if 6 weeks...you get it.

I have read 100s of pages, done research (yeah, in all my spare time, right?), cut out little sayings, prayed about it, you name it.

Guess what? After the 6th week- it turned. It didn't get any worse. That was the BEST I could say. Now, nearly 8 weeks out, I can say on a scale of 1/10...I am at a 1. Thank God. It was just as everyone told me- "it just gets better, and then you are home free". I am so glad I didn't quit. I have read and heard that most women quit because of the pain. I know. I have been right there.

For me, and Jonah, it is the right choice. I nearly cry sometimes when I look down at him nursing. For me, it is priceless. For me, it is the 'right' thing to do. Fortunately, I don't have a private or shy bone in my body. Breastfeeding in public will be no big deal. I am still not yet at that point....I still need to make sure we are positioned 'just so'. I have limited my sessions to my house, my parent's houses, and in the car. But, I will get up to speed soon.
All I want to do is encourage anyone that wants to do it, in any way that I can. That is what I had happen for me. I want to return the favor somehow.

That is wonderful that you stuck it out and it is working for you. I hope that my thread doesn't discourage others from breastfeeding...I do know plenty of people who did it and were very successful. I know breastfeeding isn't a negative experience for everyone. You have my upmost respect for being able to do it.