Prayers Please

[sirrahbed]

I would very much appreciate prayers for hubby Dennis (Sirrahned). He left last night for Texas, after we got the phone call that his father was in the process of "actively dying" and on 24 hour hospice care. It is not a surprise as we knew his cancer was advanced. We are not sure how long he will need to be there. Dennis is the calm and stable sibling out of five.

One daughter has given up her job and given most of her time to care for her dad and it is Dennis's desire to turn over the executorship to her - but it may not go over well with the other family members.

I spoke with the hospice nurse yesterday afternoon and his dad is certainly in the active phase of his death - kidneys have shut down, mottled hands and feet, comatose with no response to deep pain, Cheyne-Stokes breathing, etc.

To those who pray - thank you very much!!

[DJFyrewolf36]

I'll be praying for him and his family!

[kimlovescats]

Oh Debbie, how very sad. :( I will certainly pray for Dennis, his father and family at this very difficult time.

(((HUGS)))
Kim

[trayi52]

Oh, Debbie, I'll certainly be praying for Dennis and his family. So sorry.

Willie:(

[catnapper]

Prayers to Dennis and the family!

This is such a trying time for everyone. May they have peace while they prapare for the funeral and afterwards.

[Tonya]

I will be praying for him and your family during this difficult time.

[sirrahbed]

I do appreciate the prayers. Since being with my own mom at her death three years ago - my own perspective has changed so very much and I appreciate the approach that hospice takes. I can certainly say that my mother's death was very peaceful and beautiful - welcome. I was alone with her - head on her pillow and talking into her ear, telling her that we would all miss her, but that I was there to help her die and would stay with her.

The family of my FIL is very divided and not at all calm. This is where the prayer will be needed. The daughter who is closest needs peace and calm in order to help her dad die. I talked quite awhile with her yesterday. Hospice will also help I know. This same hospice and staff was also present when Dennis's mother died - about the same time as my own mom. They know the family. Death needs to be dignified and calm - not to be feared. It is such a natural process and can be so very peaceful and wonderful when a person is old and sick - ready to leave - as is Dennis's father.

Thank you all very much!

[KYS]

Sending prayres for you, hubby and the family.
(((hugs)))

[rosethecopycat]

Prayers for this man to have the peaceful passing he deserves.

I went through the same thing with my father in our house for 6 months and Hospice was at my side.
My father was 'actively dying' for 11 days. Tough guy.

It is a hard thing to witness, but they need your strength.

In my prayers...


Rose

[Laura's Babies]

Many, many, many prayers for Dennis and his family. Tell Dennis we are all thinking about him and sending prayers. (((Dennis))))

[Logan]

Debbie, I will pray for a peaceful passing for your Father In Law (Love), and for Dennis and his sister as they get through this. I'm so sorry that this is happening, but Hospice is a great service, and I'm glad they are involved.

Logan

[lizzielou742]

I will keep you guys in my thoughts. My grandfather also passed peacefully through hospice care. It really is a wonderful service hospice provides. Hope your FIL's family will get through this OK. :(

[teenster3]

Debbie,
You will be in my thoughts as I'm not very good at the whole prayer thing.
The words "actively dying" as you & Rose have mentioned sounds so VERY sad! I don't know how you 2 dealt with this in your life, but I don't know how I could possibly do that if my own father was going through it!
Best wishes to you in this sad time!!!!!
Tina

[robinh]

I am glad that Hospice is involved. It is a wonderful organization. They helped when my mom and my two brother-in-laws died. I won't say it was easier, but they helped ease some of our fears and concerns.

Prayers for you, your husband and his family.

[jazzcat]

Debbie, I'm so sorry to hear this. I'm not familiar with how hopsice care works and I've never heard the term "actively dying" but I agree that peace and calm are needed. I'll keep you, Dennis and the family in my thoughts and prayers.

(((HUGS)))

[aguu]

I'm so sorry. Your family is un my thoughts and prayers...

[sirrahbed]

Originally posted by rosethecopycat
My father was 'actively dying' for 11 days. Tough guy.


Rose
Oh Rose!! I pm'd you about this! I am going to need calm prayers if this is the case. I had no idea the active phase could last this long.

For the rest of you "active" means the body is naturally shutting down - begins with kidneys and bowels - they stop working. Extremities mottle - or turn purplish - become cold and without circulation -from fingertips/toes and then upwards towards the body. The body dies from the farthest points from the heart inward. There is usually no pulse, even with a doplar, except at the carotid. The brain is the very last so the person may appear comatose with no pain response but they still can hear and process everything that happens and is said around them. They do not eat or drink. They must be turned often. Finally, the breaths stop for longer amounts of time (Cheyne-Stokes breathing) then start again - often with a gasp. Eventually, the heart simply stops beating.

[catlover4ever]

Debbie, you and Dennis will certainly be in my prayers. I know just what your family is going through, I watched my grandmother "actively die" for a week...and was holding her hand when the good Lord finally came to take her to Heaven.

[luckies4me]

Prayers sent! :(

[molucass]

It will be 1 yr. ago tomorrow that I sat at the end of my grandmas bed and watched this very thing happen that you just described. I was with her all day, as was my mom, and aunt and I watched her pass on peacefully. That was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do.

Dennis and the entire family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

[catfamily]

I'm so sorry for this sad time in you and you're family's life.Prayers are for you you're family and for Dennis's dad.

[snappy]

Sirrahbed - you and your extended family are all in my prayers. I know that Hospice will help with the passing for your FIL as well as the family left behind. Those who work in Hospice are a very special breed. They were there for my father - and really helped my Stepmother get through everything. I hope it all goes quickly and quietly for all.

[Katiesmom]

Sending prayers your way:(

[QueenScoopalot]

Sending prayers for a peaceful, and calm passing for Dennis' dad. My MIL (a world traveler) who lived in the jungle in Mexico until a stroke fell her 11 years ago, passed away last year. She had advanced cancer as well, though because of her stroke (which didn't dull her fluent Spanish, or quick wit with dirty jokes) she refused to have her cancer treated. Hubby( Dave) and I, as well as the rest of his siblings took turns visiting her at the nursing home during her last days with us. Annie hung on until I whispered in Dave's ear (tell her it's OK to go). I know it was very hard for him to say those words, but she passed away very peacefully later that same evening. Her ashes were flown to Mexico and interred into a special place in her casita. She's happy there. :) (((HUGS))) to Dennis and the rest of the family during this tough time.

[anna_66]

Deb, your family will be in my thoughts and prayers.

[gini]

Debbie, you, Dennis and his family will be kept in my prayers.

I pray that Dennis' father has a calm and peaceful passing.

Give yourself a big hug as you hold down the fort with the kitties.
Dennis will be drained when he returns home.

[AbbyMom]

Prayers on the way.

[krazyaboutkatz]

Debbie, prayers are on the way. Please take care.

[sirrahbed]

I am talking to Dennis every night and he is overwhelmed when I tell him how PT folks have responded with care and prayer. Thank you SOOO much! His dad is still about the same as yesterday - periods of no breathing are lengthening and his blood pressure is dropping. There is no response to pain. The hospice nurse feels something is making him hold on and Dennis feels it may be the youngest daughter who is very upset, crying, sobbing, etc. We have both tried talking with her, me on the phone and she understands she must let him go - but is not able to verbalize this. He is in her home:(
Thank you again!

[AmberLee]

Prayers continuing.

[kimlovescats]

Oh Debbie, how very sad that his youngest daughter is having such a tough time with her goodbyes. I pray for peace in her heart, and the ability to allow her father to pass on to be with our Heavenly Father!

God Bless you all, and comfort you, and please send Dennis my love and support!

(((HUGS))
Kim

[Karen]

Our prayers are with you, and we hope that calm will prevail, and that peace may come.

[catmandu]

Found Cat,and I are praying,for your family,and that Poor Gentleman,and may the Good Lord,give him,the peace,that he deserves.

[cloverfdx]

Prayers on the way for your entire family, how sad :(.

[Killearn Kitties]

I'm so sorry, Debbie, to hear what a hard time you are all having just now. Not many situations come close to this one in terms of stress. My thoughts will be with Dennis and his family.

[sirrahbed]

Dennis has been able to log on here and read all of the wonderful replies and prayers and says they were so encouraging and uplifting. Today was very hard as he was forced to play "confronter and mediator" in a most difficult family relationship - but praise GOD! A very stony cold heart was melted and an estranged hurting granddaughter was allowed a visit with her dying grandfather!! We did not think this would be possible but it happened today!!

My own phone has been ringing off the wall as I also mediate between the various family members. I am thankful to be just distanced enough to be as fair as possible.

Now, Dennis needs to turn his energy to himself and his own grief. He is the strong one in the family and so, the others lean on him and he tends to overlook his own needs.
Thanks you so much!!

[rg_girlca]

Debbie and Dennis, you both and your family will be in my prayers.

I'm glad that the grand-daughter put her past behind to visit her grandfather.

Dennis, try and get your sister to tell your father that it is ok to go and join mom.
It is time to let him go peacefully.