Sexual harassment....

[Cookiebaker]

Ok, Can I vent??? Please PT come to my rescue. I really can't talk to anyone about this, but yet I need some help.

I work in a reeeeeally small office. We are just 6 employees, and 2 sub-contractors. I love everyone I work (some more than others ;)) and I reeeeeally don't want to cause a ruckus.

But one of my co-workers sometimes makes lewd comments, that really bother me deep down inside. Most of the time, I can laugh them off. But today, he made a comment and it really bothered me, enough that I simmered about it all day. I wanted to tell him off so bad, but right after that there were people around again, and I couldn't say anything. Maybe I should have embarrassed him in front of everybody, I dunno.

If we weren't so small, I would take it to the HR department. But we don't even have one. :p I am very hesitant to take it to my boss because this guy is on kind of rocky ground for other reasons, and I'm afraid it would be the last straw and he would lose his job. (He has a wife and 2 small kids, and it would NOT be easy for him to find work elsewhere, so I would feel so guilty if I caused him to lose his job)

I know his comments don't mean much, and I should just ignore them. I've never been in this position before, and I don't know what to say. Maybe I should write him a letter telling him that he really does offend me???

[Logan]

Anna, it might take something as simple as saying "I hate it when you say things like that" when he does it. And maybe you have to say that more than once, or say something like "I really wish you wouldn't say things like that". He may think he's being funny and not realize that anyone is offended by it. Some people's insecurities show through in the strangest ways, and this might be one of those situation where he is trying to "fit" (awkward as it is).

I hope you can work it out, whether it be face to face, or through a letter, but I think I would prefer the face to face as to handing him a letter like that.

[Desert Arabian]

I understand Anna! I work at a farm/sporting goods store- I deal with sexist customers daily. Lots of men that come in the store think that's I'm retarded and don't know what I am talking about since I work in the hunting department- they think its wrong. I put up with a lot of attitude and rude comments. I just walk away and ignore the customer- which is fine, because by law I have the right to. I don't deal with them and when I do, I tend to get a little snappy and not so pleasant. :(

[Corinna]

I would go to him first and just say "you know some times you just cross the line with your comments. " I always ask my employees to come to me if I do some thing to upset them. and as a co worker I want them to tell me if I do something to upset them. If this guy doesn't react positively, well you have no choice but to go to the boss. But girl document every incident.

[micki76]

I think you should talk to him seriously about this. Don't allow any joking or kidding around, but no anger either. I think if you don't say something, you'll never be content. If do you speak to him about it and give him fair warning that it should stop and it doesn't you can have a clear conscious about reporting it to your boss. However, if you even remotely think that he could turn this against you, in any way, just go straight to your boss. Don't mess around and get your butt in a sling, just because he's stupid.

[puppyluvs]

Well I went threw a simular situation myself and I went to my boss about it and we have a conference, all 3 of us...I told him exacally how I did not approve of his comments with my boss present...It stopped...if it had of continued then it would be considered unlawful sexual harassment,punnishable by law..you have to take the first step though by Telling him in front of witnesses and then if it continues you do have a law suit !!!! You have no reason to feel guilty...You have not done anything wrong ....HE HAS !!!!!!!!!!!!