Kelly died.

[Varga]

I just wanted to tell you that I lost my dog Kelly Saturday morning at 3 am.

She had been struggling with pyometra for the last couple of weeks. The vet gave her several treatments with medicine but at the end there was no other solution but to remove the uterus or to have her put down. She was about 13 years old, diabetic and underweight.. and the vet warned me several times that she might not survive the surgery. But I still wanted to give it a go, and at about ten o’clock, Friday morning she was spayed. She did however survive the surgery and I firmly believed that now everything was going to be all right. But at 12 am she went into shock. She couldn’t stand on her legs and her mouth was dry and extremely cold.

I rushed her to the first vet I can get a hold of, and he tries to get some fluid into her body. But nothing works and she just gets worse and worse. At 3 am, right before I finally realise that there is nothing more we can do for her, she takes one last deep breath and then goes silent. The vet said it might have been her diabetes which caused her to go into shock, or it could have been some internal bleeding.

I can’t explain the pain and tremendous guilt I’ve felt these last days. I really hate myself for making her last day so traumatic and painful. First with the surgery. A huge scar on her fragile body. Then for letting her lying there for hours in shock, whilst I was holding on to a ego centred, microscopic hope that she would miraculously pull through. I could tell she was petrified while she laid there. I don’t know if she knew I was there.. or if she even cared. Sometimes while I was trying to comfort her, I could see her eyes where half open. Just like she used to do when she was being scratched somewhere she really enjoyed. I hope she was trying to tell me she still loved me. I really need to believe that she didn’t blame me for making her go through this.

I just don’t know anymore.. I miss her so much. I keep hearing her claws click on the floor and last night I thought I heard her name tag rattle against her collar. I find it difficult to sleep because I can’t hear her snoring anymore right beside me.
Tomorrow I am going to London with my classmates.. But I simply can't look forward to it. I had planned to visit every pet shop I could find.. but now there will be too many bad memories attached..

But I guess I’ve learnt something from all of this. Spay your dogs while they are young or while their health is good. Kelly wasn’t officially my dog until she was about 9. I asked the vet about spaying her back then but even then the risk of dying while in surgery was too high for me to handle. I don’t think I will ever be able to forgive myself for being so stupid. I should have known this would eventually happen. I should have paid more attention and thought further out into the future. Instead I sweep it under the carpet and now I have been forced to face the consequences.

.. I guess that was all I had to say. Sorry it got so long.. I know I’m still very new to these boards.. But I just felt if I was going to post more regularly I had to tell you about this first.

Thank you for your time..


-Varga

[GoldenRetrLuver]

I'm so sorry, Varga. :(:(

There's no need to feel guilty. We know you loved Kelly, and only wanted what was for the best.. which, unfortunately, had to be this.

RIP sweet Kelly. Have fun at The Rainbow Bridge..

{{hugs}}

[shutterbug0303]

Oh Varga...how traumatic! I'm soo terribly sorry! I've been so fortunate to have never lost a pet like that, and know that I would be the same way about still hearing them. It is so difficult to be in charge of someone's life when they are unable to "tell" you exactly what they need and where it hurts. Gut instinct must guide your decisions...and in the end, there are always questions, those "what ifs" that haunt you. Know that Kelly is in a better place now, free from pain and suffering. And of course she doesn't blame you. The one things about dogs...they love unconditionally. You did what you felt was right, and you must stick by that decision. Although I can't directly relate this situation to an animal, in a strange way, I can relate it to my dad, who passed away almost 7 months ago from Pancreatic Cancer. We only had 2 months with him after the diagnosis, and it is as though he had turned into a baby, unable to say what he wanted/needed/felt. We had to make the decisions and trust that they were for the best. With the help of your vet, you did what you could for Kelly. Now, she is comfortable, happy, and watching over you. Try to have a good time in London!!! God Bless you!! <><

[sammy101]

im so sorry:( she was such a pretty dog,and im sorry that she was so sick.:(

RIP sweet Kelly

[The_Duck]

I'm so sorry Varga. I wish there was something we could do to help ease your pain. I know what the loss of a beloved pet feels like. *hugs*

RIP sweet Kelly

Play hard sweetie at the RB and know how much your mommy loved you.

[chocolatepuppy]

I'm so sorry about Varga. Please don't feel guilty,you did what you thought was right. If I got a dog at 9 that was not fixed I too would probably not get her fixed.How could you know this would happen? RIP sweet Varga.

[slick]

Oh Varga, this is such a sad story and I know that nothing we can say will ease the pain. Please please don't beat yourself up over this.
I'm sure Kelly knew you were there to see her off to the RB and I hope you can take comfort in knowing that her health is restored and she's romping and playing with all the other dog angels. RIP Kelly.

[pitc9]

Varga, please don't blame yourself.
Kelly had a long life!

She is now running and playing at the bridge, where she will be watching over you!

[LorraineO]

there are no words for when we lose the ones we love and its compounded when we feel guilt ... you have no reason to feel guilt.. both you and the vet agreed it might help her and prolong her life... but it wasnt in the cards,, there are things in life we have no control over and this was one. You gave her the best life and she looks so happy in the pic you sent us... she knew you were there and I am positive she felt nothing but love and took comfort in knowing you were by her side....
Please feel better soon...

Rest easy and play hard at the Bridge!

[lovemyshiba]

I'm so sorry to hear of sweet Kelly's passing:(

Please know that it was not your fault, and she most certainly does not blame you. You were there for her, and she knows that, and she knows all the love she was given for all those years.

Run free at the Rainbow Bridge, dear Kelly.

[Tina]

I'm so sorry.:( RIP Kelly.:(

[tatsxxx11]

My most heartfelt sympathies and condolences to you Varga. We all know the great pain of your loss and we cry along with you. What a beautiful pup your Kelly was. Please don't blame yourself. Decisions such as the one you had to make are so very difficult. And at 9 years old, the factors that you had to consider are much different than those of a younger dog. Honestly, were it my dog, I think I would have made the same decision as you. You only wanted the best for her and I'm sure she knew that. Your only hope was to make her well again and live to enjoy life on this earth with you for a few more years. Had it been a human, I have no doubts any of us would have made the same decision as you did. You were with her, there for her, throughout, comforting her and I think she knew, until her last breath, how very much you loved her. She would be very upset I think, if she knew you blamed herself. You gave her such a wonderful life and she was blessed to have found her way to you.

I want to thank you for bringing the issue of pyometra to our attention. I too had a pup that contracted pyometra. She was my first dog and I knew little of the merits of spay and neuter, aside from the reproductive aspects. Luckily, my Jingles was only 2 years old when she became seriously ill and almost died. I adopted her from rescue, unspayed, and waited almost 6 months before having her spayed. I did not know that female dogs, who are not bred and unspayed, are highly suseptible to this sometimes fatal condition. She survived her surgery because she was otherwise young and healthy, but it was a close call. I strongly urge anyone who has an unaltered male or female dog whom they do not intend to breed, to have this procedure done ASAP!!! Males are prone to testicular cancer and females to pyometra, a severe infection of the uterus.

Run happy, healthy and whole at the Rainbow Bridge Kelly and send your love down to your Mommy. Her heart is aching so for you. Wait for her there patiently, until you and she are reunited in love.

I'm thinking of you Varga. I know how heartbroken you are:( Love, Sandra

[K9soul]

I am so very sorry for your loss of beloved Kelly. I do think you are being too hard on yourself, you loved her dearly and I am sure I would have had the same hopes that she would pull through and the same fears about spaying her at her advanced age. I know it is hard not to blame yourself, but please try not to. I wish there were something more to say to ease your heartache. You will meet her again, happy and healthy at the Bridge. Rest in peace sweet Kelly

[Sudilar]

Varga, Kelly was a beautiful dog! I am so sorry for your great loss. You did what was best for Kelly, but it didn't turn out the way it should have. You could not have known that. You are not to blame. Kelly is now running healthy and free at Rainbow Bridge, watching over you til you meet again. Hugs.

[delidog]

Godspeed to The Rainbow Bridge...Sweet Kelly.....You're a Beautiful Girl...and obviously lived a life full of the Love of your Human....
There are Plenty of Friends for you to play with at The Bridge...
Scrubber Will Help guide you & Introduce you to everyone....

Varga....If you need more comfort...try visiting
rainbowbridge.com or
petloss.com....
These sights are for grieving pet owners...

I wish I knew the right words....
But Please know that You & Your Beautiful Kelly are in our Thoughts & Prayers....

God Bless You Dear Kelly

[KYS]

RIP up in the rainbow bridge Kelly, playing and watching over your loved ones.

(((HUGS)))

Karen

[Mkitty]

oh Varga, don't blame yourself. You did what you thought was best, and you know and we know that Kelly still loved you. I know how you feel in a way. Last year, late in the school year, our cat Coco died. She was killed almost on our driveway by a husky named Wako. Aftert that, i had a scary dream that i saw Coco running, and i ran after her, to see if it was her ghost. it was eerie, and it still scares me. You aren't alone, Varga! I'll be praying for you, and Have a nice time at the RB Kelly! maybe you will meet Coco, Sammy, Rutger, Ranger, and Fluffy there!

[doggylovr6]

Varga, it isnt your fault. I mean, would you rather have Varga suffering but still have her or have all of her pain gone. Kelly is better now

RIP Kelly

[ramanth]

I'm so sorry for your loss. :( RIP Kelly.

[sabies]

Varga, this was not your fault. Please concentrate on all the good memories you have. Kelly lived a long, happy life. I remember when I was young and my dog Midnight passed away - that night I know I heard her tags on her collar. I woke up and could still hear it and I strained to see her in the dark. It comforted me then and now to think she had come to visit, say everything was ok, and good-bye until we meet again.

I know how you feel. It happened with two of my rabbits. But no need to blame yourself. Sometimes their just arn't reasons for why these things happen. Its very sad and unfortunate, but don't blame yourself. Kelly will be waiting for you at the Rainbow Bridge, so don't worry. There are lots of people that loved Kelly and feel the same way you do. Belive me I know, It's hard to go through.



RIP Kelly.


To Kelly: There were lots of people, and maybe even animals that cared about you. There was no reason you had to die, It was just bad luck. I've never met you, but I'm praying for you. Varga will meet you at the rainbow bridge.

[Varga]

Sorry for this late reply.. Thanks everyone for the nice words of comfort.

I still miss her a lot.. I think because of the fact that I didn’t take her body home with me, after she was gone, it made everything a lot harder.. But a friend and I had a pseudo burial for Kelly instead. We buried the old veterinary bills, the diet food and other objects which I related to her illness and bad times. I also copied two songs and played them on my soundbox after we buried the objects. Blink 182 – Stay together for the kids.. for no reason other than it was very popular song at the time when I first got Kelly and therefor I always linked it to that time.
And Enya - On My Way Home.. simply because it was very appropriate.

A bit of a silly thing to do perhaps.. The neighbours sure had a concerned look on their face :rolleyes: ... But it really helped me to literally bury the bad memories and treasure the good ones.

Perhaps this could also be a good idea for anyone else out there who wasn’t able to say that one last goodbye..

-Varga