Can I kill myself NOW?

[MariaM]

Why was I put in this family?

[sammy101]

dont kill yourself:(

i dont even know whats wrong,but you dont have to tell me if its too private..:(

[MariaM]

I won't. I wouldn't do that. But I seem to be thinking about it more and more lately. I don't know whats wrong with me, and I don't know why I was put into this family.

I absolutely hate my mother, and my sister is almost as bad.

[Mil0Luv3r]

Don't kill yourself! Even though sometimes I thing the same... My friend's brother will through nails and videos at her! One time the phone was rining and she picked it up and she said "hello" like 10 times no one answered so she hung the phone up then her brother got mad and through a video at her had! Then she said her head started to bleed! She has cut herself! And then my other friends friend had tried to kill herself but before she died someone found her!

[KYS]

You have a dog named Major who
loves and needs you.
I am sure you are much loved.
Life can be harsh and is full of ups and downs.
But the ups make everything worth while.
Maybe you can talk to someone like a
school counsler.

[sammy101]

I get mad at my parents alot.Liek theyre always asking me "why dont i spend more time with my friends" LIKE EVERYDAY! and im really starting to get peed off.Sometimes i think that im depressed,well sometimes i get minor depression.but not very often,but i get mad and bored very easily,so its hard for me to cope living my parents constantly asking me questions. but i have Kodie,and Bear with me that i can be with,so when im mad i just take Kodie for a long walk.but i still love my parents but they just get on my nerves sometimes.

[MariaM]

I hate them so much. My mom is the worst. I don't even know how to describe it. Even my friends know how bad she is. Except they don't see how horrible I feel...its like at school...whatever, at a friend's house, whatever, as soon as I get home though, my mom start's *****ing at me. Today my friend was over for about 30 minutes after school. When her mom comes to get her, my mom starts complaining and complaining and COMPLAINING about Major. She does it to EVERYONE. I get so mad, I can't stand it, and I don't know how to relieve me bottled up anger.

This is besides the point, but she just said "Why don't we just take him off the cable and see if he comes back?" and I'm crying so hard right now, it hurts. She told me she's going to move the cable so that he only has 5 feet of room. She is not listening to me at all. Everything I say, she tells me this horrible excuse. I can't handle this anymore.

[MariaM]

Omg you don't understand how horrible she is. She is honestly, truely, the worst mother alive. I could honestly go on forever about how I would have been so much better off in my friend's family. Her mom understands her. I'm always told I shouldn't compare, but when I do, I just can't stand it. I don't understand.

[MariaM]

I NEED TO SCREAM! I said to her "would you leave any of your family outside?" and you know what she said! she sais "I would if I could" I feel like she hates me. She said I was just as bad as my brother, and she complains about him all the time.

[sammy101]

is there a couselour or someplace you can go too??Without her knowing...like at your school or something.she sounds like she's really...umm ya.is there a place you can call do you know of???

if my mom was like that i would call someone right away.ecpecially if she's threatening to let Major loose to see if he comes back,which is really horrible:(

[rizzy]

I am sorry that your mother is like that. That would drive me crazy, especialy about Major. I agree with sammy101 about talking to somebody. My prayers are with you, I hope that everything will get better.

[MariaM]

No, I don't believe there is anywhere I could go. We live in an extremely small town, with nothing, so I came here.

We do have a fence. But he can get out if I don't watch him constantly. I would never in **** let him have free reign in the yard IF I thought there was any chance he could get out. I don't know why she is how she is, or why I was put here. Me, the animal lover, placed in a family with somebody who does NOT understand animals. So was I put here to help her understand? SHE WILL NOT EVEN TRY. I was I put here to MAKE her try? Well, when she YELLS in my face that she's gonna slap me, and scares the **** out of me, I don't know. Threatening that if the dog comes in, she moves out? And I am supposed to handle this, how?

[MariaM]

Ohhh how this offer is looking more tempting each minute. Listen to THIS.

When I first got Major, my mom said Major could come inside the basement. She said I could housetrain him and everything. But when we got him, well, he can't come in for a few days, because he had flees. Once the medication stuff kicks in, he can come. Ok, that makes enough sense. Well...what do you know? I HATE THIS! STUPID PEOPLE. "The vet said he could be an outside dog" "BUT YOU SAID HE COULD COME IN!" "I changed my mind!" "YOU CAN'T CHANGE YOUR MIND! YOU SAID HE COULD COME IN!" "That was before I found out he could be an outside dog!" "SURE, HE CAN SURVIVE OUT THERE, BUT HE IS PART OF THE FAMILY!" "I don't like family in this house as it is! You know he was our trial dog!" And this got me SO ANGRY! I said "MOM! DOGS ARE *NOT* **** TRIALS!" and she goes "APPARENTLY THEY ARE" (bad situation that happened to somebody) "NO THEY AREN'T!" "YOU OBVIOUSLY NEVER GOT MUCH SLEEP LAST NIGHT!" "THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THAT AND YES I DID!"

She.
Is.
IN.
SANE.

[Karen]

Keep a journal, it helps to have someplace to vent. Talk to your dad or some other adult when your mom is not around. Maybe she is struggling with her own depression or others issues that she doesn't realize is making everyone around her so miserable.

Love Major, take him for a walk whenever she gets you angry.

In a moment when she's not in a bad mood, explain to your mom that when you are logged on to Pet Talk, you ARE hanging out with friends, they just happen to live all over the world, that's all.

In just a few years, you'll be an adult, and out on your own. Hang in there!

Have you decided what you want to do after high school?

[MariaM]

Thanks everyone...

I do have a journal. I usually write in it before I go to sleep.

I don't know if my mom is struggling from anything...it sure as heck sounds like it, but I think that just may be her.

I think I want to be a vet. I'm not exactly sure. I want to be an actress or a chef as well, but I can't see that happening. So I'm just thinking about a vet and going with that...it's one of the only places I see myself being happy.

[sammy101]

have you talked about it to any of your friends parents??and if they are animal lovers,i would take Major over there and keep him there,i would be WAY to scared that she would let him go free when your not home.:(
Please do something about it,even mabye the police can help?? It could be considered emotional abuse,if she's yellling at you constantly,and threatening to let the dog loose.:(

[anna_66]

I'm so sorry that you are having these terrible feelings. I too have felt that way before when I was younger. But please know that we are here for you to vent to any time you feel like it.

[carole]

I was distressed to read your thread, and I want you to know anytime you feel like PM me, please do, I am always here to listen and with a virtual shoulder to cry on.

It is real tough being a teen, and its tough being a mother of a teen,(I am one of those), we sometimes go through horrible stages with each other, and feel hatred towards each other, I am not sure if this is just a phase in your life that will pass or their is something more going on here.

Is your mother approachable, catch her in a good mood and maybe try and tell her how you are feeling, sometimes we are so busy with our lives and our own problems, we don't see what is staring us in the face.

Life brings us challenges, ups and downs, and sometimes we feel so much despair that we feel we are better out of it all, but Please Maria believe me that is not the answer, I think we all have had that feeling one time in our life, not always just when we were young, but life is good and you have so much ahead of you, maybe travel, buying a house oneday, getting married , having children, or being totally into your career, and besides there are some precious furbabies in your future who are going to need you.,not forgetting your present furbaby Major.

I can understand your fustration and I do think its mean to say one thing , then turn around and back down on it, but Major will survive, he has your love and if its not too cold where you live, He will be fine, not very re-assuring I know, but unless you can gently persuade your mother otherwise, its a situation here to stay unfortunately.

Here is a BIG HUG to you and Major and please try to cheer up, we are all here to help and lend an ear, if you need to vent then thats good, at least you are not bottling it up, Good luck and I really hope and wish that things pick up in the near future for you, and that you will be happy.:)

[binka_nugget]

The teen years are tough. I used to have suicidal thoughts constantly. Luckily, I had friends to talk to and a wonderful dog to cheer me up. When you're feeling angry, maybe try taking a walk with Major. I do this with Kai when I'm stressed and it helps a lot. It's nice to just have time to think and be alone.

Who knows why some parents act like that. When my mom gets cranky, I ignore her. I'll purposely let her yell and vent all she wants while I continue on with whatever I was doing. If I absolutely must talk to her, I say as little as possible and in a calm voice. I do it in hopes of having her realize how stupid she looks yelling on her own. I do it to my sister too :p. I don't know if that's a smart thing to do.. but it works with my mom and sister. ;)

Here's a number you could try calling. It's a kids help line in Canada. They're basically there for whatever problems you might have.. emotional abuse, physical abuse, just anything you need to talk about. 1-800-668-6868

[smileyiloveyou]

Hopefully things will get better for you. If you ever need to talk, just pm me!

[sammy101]

Originally posted by smileyiloveyou
Hopefully things will get better for you. If you ever need to talk, just pm me!

ya same! but i wont be on for about a week,so just e-mail me if you need some help with anything!:)

[slick]

Maria, I too am disturbed by this topic. Everyone has good days and bad days and being a teen is especially hard. I've been there, done that.

I truly hope that you have friends you can turn to and really talk things out with. For starters, it's good that you are writing it down both here and in a journal. Sometimes getting the words out on paper can serve as a release, in a way.

Could it be that your Mother is going through Menopause? Believe me, it does very strange things with the body and the mind. You can be very cranky and irrational one day and totally UP the next. I'm not making excuses for your Mother's behaviour, it's just a thought. Do you have a Dad you can talk to?

Like others have said, think also of Major. He loves you and needs you to be around and would be very sad if something were to happen to you, and so would we.

Hang in there girl. I promise, it will get better. Don't feel bad about venting here on Pet Talk. We will always be here for you 24/7.

{{{HUGS}}}

[dukedogsmom]

I just now saw this and am so saddened by it. I really don't know what to tell you. I agree that Major should be at a friend's house where he's safe. I would be afraid to leave him by himself with her. Also, her violent temper needs to be addressed. Would she go to counseling with you? It sounds like she needs at least that, and maybe some medication. Also, if she's around my age(40) that menopause stuff is very rough. It sometimes turns you into someone you don't like. However, I just get really stressed and grouchy, never violent. She and you need some help. Where is your dad in the picture? Does he support you? If you could, it might be a good idea for all of you to get involved in counseling. Please don't give up. There's always hope. At least call that number in Canada and see what they say. Pm me if you ever need to talk. I'm on every day.

[lovemyshiba]

I'm sorry that you are feeling this way. It makes me sad to read this. I know how hard it is to be your age, and it is so much harder if you have a parent who is unbearable.
I'm not going to get into it here, but my mother and I do not have a good relationship either--I had a very hard time at your age as well.

I hope you have someone you can talk to, at least call that number that was provided--it is so much better to get things out in the open.

As far as Major goes, it makes me sad to read what your mother says about him:( I hope maybe she'll reconsider.

[caseysmom]

Maria...your mom apparantly doesn't know how lucky she's got it....you could have friends over constantly and care nothing for your pet. Try explaining to your mom how teens who are compassionate toward pets grow up to be nicer people. Maybe she did not have a pet growing up. See how much better you will be if you grow up and have kids someday, I am sure they will grow up with pets in the house.

I have a teen and my complaint is all the friends! You could call your pediatrician for some advice also, you can do it confidentially.

[bluekat]

I feel so sorry for you...:( {{{hugs}}} I know that its really hard being a teen, sometimes I feel the same way as you. But I just try and find a place to let it all out and I feel a little better. Whenever you need to talk or anything, feel free to PM me or talk to me on AIM:)
Just don't think of doing anything you'll regret later...because all this will pass, and before you know it you'll be moving out on your own. So just hang in there for now.:)

[wolfie]

I'm so sorry, but you'll get through this. *hugs*

My parents can be crazy too sometimes. I just try to ignore them. Friends can really help you get through rough times. And I have a friend who went through the same stuff though. She spent a lot of time at her cousins house, and I told her I'd take care of her pets if she ever needed me to. Now she's at college though, and doesn't have to deal with it anymore.

I don't know if that made you feel any better... but just so you know you're not the only one. And we're all here for you.

[dukedogsmom]

Hey, how are you doing? You need to come back and post some more.

[slick]

Maria, we all care about you. Please let us know how you are doing.

[MariaM]

First off, I want to say thanks everybody.

I'm in tears again. I feel like they all hate me now. My mom keeps yelling at me. My dad is mad at me, but he doesn't show it to my face. Sarah and Michael...it seems like they don't like me either. My mom is being so rude, she's not listening to me, I asked if we could have a discussion tonight, about Major coming in the house, and my dad said maybe, but he thought it was pretty clear Major was staying outside for the winter. He said "he seems to be the kind of dog, that if we put some heating thing in his house, he could survive" and I wanted to tell him something, but I didn't want to make him upset and I knew he wouldn't understand. My mom just started her same old rambling on "I'd get rid of him before he came in here"

I think Major will be safe outside (probably happier and everything inside, I know that)but I just mean my mom wouldn't let him loose or anything. She wouldn't she just sais some things sometimes...

I hate it how they always talk about me though. When they think i don't hear them...it happens all the time now.

carole -

whenever my mom is in a good mood (which isn't often) as soon as she sees me, she gets mad/grouchy again. I i know he will survive...but...I just think it's plain mean. I don't know what to do about it. There are a lot of things I want to say on this topic..but I don't think I really want to/can say them here. Thank you though.

slick - I don't think my mom is going through menopause...I'm quite sure she has passed that already. She is 52.

I have a dad, and while he's usually nice and tries to understand, he just doesn't. And here's not here that often and never has that much time. He is a farmer and our crops are doing really really bad this year.

Thanks Val. I know my mom would NEVER EVER consider counselling. She doesn't have the time (is what she'd say) and there'd also be 'no reason for it' and she would make me go, if anyone.

I am not the greatest person in the world, placed with the worst mother. I know that I probably don't have the greatest attitude. I'm trying to change that, but everytime, she keeps giving me reasons not to.

caseysmom - I'll try that tonight (if and when, hopefully we have a good discussion) but I doubt it will do any good. She refuses to open her mind up and see my opinion.

Thanks everyone - I think this is all I can write right now, she's mad again..

[MariaM]

Oh, and any suggestions/points would be appreciated for tonight, if we have the meeting about Major coming inside (which doesn't mean much...but its a start)

I know there are alot of good things I could say, but they aren't coming to me.

ONE of the things that I will discuss...mom said when we got him, he could come inside. He can't. Why? Because "she thought he needed to come inside, once she realized he didn't have too..." and...I know there ARE good replies to that, I'm just not sure what they are.

[dukedogsmom]

Also feel free to contact my mom(dukedogsgrandma) She's just retired from being a guidans counselor at a school with kids your age. So, she may have some better info for you. If you want me to, I can have her write to you. I hope it gets better for you. I know you must be sad right now. If the weather isn't too bad this weekend, I'm going to try and get that picture done and mail it to you. I've got a couple of other things as well. Maybe that will help to cheer you up.

[lizzielou742]

How did it go last night - did you and your parents have a meeting, MariaM?

As for the menopause thing, my mom is also 52 and she hasn't even started yet. So you never know. Not that I'm trying to say that is why she is acting that way towards you or anything, I wouldn't know.

How long until you can live on your own?

[heinz57_79]

Maria, I'm so sorry you're going thru all this right now. Teen years are hard enough without dealing with a rough home life. Believe me, I know. try the 1-800 number that was suggested. If nothing else, it may be a place for you to vent and get some professional advice.

For now, just keep lovin on Major. Nothing beats the unconditional love he can give you. We're all for you here, vent all you want! Feel free to PM me any time, ok? :)

Let us know what happened with the 'discussion' last night. Hopefully everything went ok. Keep smiling. It's the world's best defense! :D

[Queen of Poop]

Please believe me when I say it will get better. The younger years are rough on everyone. I get along with my mom now, but we had to lose all of my siblings for that to happen. 2 died and one went to jail. So she was stuck with just me. You and your sweet baby will be in my prayers. Please take care.

[DogLover9501]

I hope you all had a talk...

First I want to say that sometimes I feel the same way, but luckily my mom loves animals and would never want them outside.

In winter(here anyway--there too I believe, alot of places in Canada) they have radio warnings and everything to NOT leave your pets outside for very long and all kinds of things like that, as alot of times its way too cold.

I also think that animal control or something could take pets away if people leave them out in that weather(especially after radio warnings), and if not, they should be able to.

Also you could bring up that HUMANS could survive living outside, but that doesn't mean we want to!

I also want to add that if she still wants to keep him outside all winter, If *I* were in your position, *I* would definatly try to get him another home before winter, where he'd be inside where he belongs.

I know how hard that would be for you, but you have to think of Major..

[wabbitwuver]

You don't hate them! You just think you do....my friend has the same kind of problem! She really takes it out on her friends mostly me! She physically and verbally abuses me, of course I defend myself which has caused a few fist fights. Next time she hits me bye bye friendship, I'm not putting up with her anymore, especially since she hits me in public, that really made me make up my mind, the problem is my BFF is friends with her and I always wanna hang out with my BFF(who luckily is kinda holding a bit of a grudge too, by High School she'll be in her own little freak group!MUEHEHEHEHE) anyways waaaaaaaaaaaaaay off topic! Maybe you should talk to them, usually at that "time" of month girls/women turn evil! My mom has been horrible lately and it's driving me insane, picking at me for everything, I just tell her to stop nagging at me and I go somewhere FAAR away(a walk,out to see my bunnies,ect.)! Calling friends and pets really help, keep a diary too(me and my BFF plan on stealing my "friends" little diary, we truely wanna know what she thinks of us!)....Anyyways give them a talk, it's not going to hurt, I understand most people don't like talking to their mom's about anything but if your not close try to get close to her. And for the sister well sisters(ESPECIALLY older sisters are the biggest pains in the ass,scuse my language:() I have an older sister who used to bully the crap outta me and always hit me, but now she's practically afraid of me, hehehehe! I showed her what I was made of and she knows if she messes with me she's in for it....HINT: joing a wrestling team really helps for older sisters and abusive friends! Just tell your sister how rude she is, video tape her being mean to you, then show her it, she'll how rediculous she really is! Anyways good luck with the family! I hope this info helps!

[wabbitwuver]

Your mom sounds SO much like mine! I do love my mom alot, she does LOTS for me and is really nice most of the time, a cool gret mom BUT....she always seems to want to be in control! Okay I have ALL my own money saved up $155 for spaying my rabbit,Spice, and got $30 extra, anyways I've been saving for a WHILE and when I can afford it I don't trust my vet very well, then I find this place about 30 minutes away and it costs $170 for spaying, 5 vets I called who don't do spays recommened this place, I called and made an appointment, well my mom gets extremely MAD at me and says mom:"Why can't we just got to the place closer to home and $170 BUCKS OMG YOUR OUT OF YOUR MIND YOUR NOT SPENDING THAT MUCH ON A GOFFY RABBIT WHO ISN'T EVEN SICK!SHES NOT GONNA GET CANCER SHES HEALTHY BLAH BLAH BLAH" me:"mom you dont' understand!I want to take Spice there, it is SAFE there and we don't even know the backgrounds of Downsview vet!You care more about money then my rabbits life! I love that rabbit and I'm not letting anything happen to her!" older sister:"don't even get her spayed she's not going to DIE your wasting your money!" me: be quiet Tara I know what I'm doing and just because you are gonna throw in your opinion doesn't mean I'm gonna change my mind" mom: "It's either downsview or not spaying!"

She gives me FRIGGIN options! I should be able to choose for my bunnies sake, and if my mom won't drive me then I cant get there! This happened yesterday.....at supper and it makes me mad! My dad agrees with my mom(he always does,itz a parent thing!) and my little sister says: "she's going to die if you get her operated on just leave her be" well let's see here I kno WAY MORE about rabbits than any member in my ENTIRE family(grandparents,cousins,aunts,uncles,ect.) I think I should decide, I read and read and read about rabbits while they dont read a single thing about them, they gather their info from me. And i DO know what u mean...UGH...most moms nag and nag like that, they change their minds then disapoint the hec outta ya!You look forward to it then "sorry not today" "maybe next week" I just don't understand....

[MariaM]

Thanks Val. I'll PM you maybe tomorrow...I have to go to bed soon, school tomorrow.

I'm sorry, I reply to the rest tomorrow...I have to go..