In view of 9-11, I feel guilty but still distraught at death of my favorite cat...

[Susan48]

someone recommended this message board to me. I am so depressed about the death of this particular cat that I wonder if I am just putting a lot of sadnesses (from 9-11 to other sorrows) into the death of my beloved Pearl, a shaded silver Persian. How do I cope with this grief?

[DNova]

Without a doubt, losing a cat is no less painful than losing a beloved family member. They are, after all, beloved family members, right? You should not feel guilty about grieving over your cat. It's our natural way of dealing with tragedy. The only thing I can suggest is to just keep living your life. I see you are new to the board, so read posts, post your own messages, get to know other members and their kitties. Tell stories about the good times you had with your cat, we'd love to hear them.

It will take time to feel better, but that day will come.

Take care, and know that our thoughts are with you during this hard time in your life.

~Don

[Former User]

Hey, I've lost my beloved dog some time ago now, and it takes time to get over it. Still it hurts me to look at his pics, but now I know he's happy in the Rainbow Bridge.

I'm sure Pearl is happily playing there too, with other kitties, but also keeping an eye on you.
Take your time to grief, that's the only way to feel better. And don't feel guilty for being sad or depressed, you have every right to be, you've lost a beloved family member.

Stay strong and take care, ok?
Your in our thoughts.

[ November 12, 2001: Message edited by: Casper & Kitty ]

[zippy-kat]

Casper/Kitty & Don's welcoming words were beautiful.

It's ok to feel guilty--it's part of the grieving process. Know that you've found a unique community here. Take the time to look around & read other's stories. When you feel like posting about Pearl's life, we'd love to hear about it!

You can read about one of my rainbow bridge kitties by clicking Here. (http://petoftheday.com/cgibin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic&f=12&t=000327)

Welcome to pettalk--we hope you'll enjoy it here. There are many wonderful & caring people that post.

[ November 12, 2001: Message edited by: zippy-kat ]

[ November 12, 2001: Message edited by: zippy-kat ]

[Pam]

Susan, welcome to Pet Talk. You have found a wonderful place of caring friends who are held together by the loving bond we all have for our pets. Unfortunately since we will outlive our pets, we will all go through what you are going through and many of us have already. Our pets are family members and we grieve as for a family member. There is an empty hole in your life right now, but time will help to heal you. Try to think of the pleasant memories of your special kitty and maybe even in time you will be able to open up your heart and life to a new kitty. We are here to help if we can.

[purrley]

Susan - welcome to Pet Talk - although no one can tell you how to get through the grief you are feeling, all we can say is that we understand exactly how you feel. I lost my wonderful Seal Point Siamese that I had for 12 years last March and a miss her so very much. She had a sweet, sweet personality that no other cat could ever have. Even though I have 4 cats, each one is special and I suffer an incredible lose when I have to see one pass to the Rainbow Bridge. However, the pain does die down with time and the pain is replaced with wonderful memories of the one departed. And so it will be with you. Take care Susan and God Bless You!!!

[Karen]

We speak here freely of the Rainbow Bridge, but you may not know the story. It is an old Norse legend that many find quite comforting:

Just this side of Heaven, is a place called Rainbow Bridge...

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food and water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable. All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by.

The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing: they miss someone very special to them; who had to be left behind. They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into
the distance. The bright eyes are intent; the eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to break away from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster. YOU have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge together.

[Former User]

Karen, that is so beautiful, sniff.

[tmckay]

Susan,

You shouldn't feel guilty about grieving for your kitty. It's a very hard thing to go through and I am very sorry for your loss. A good friend of mine just went through this last week. Her boyfriend e-mailed me at work on Wednesday and told me she had to have her beautiful 17 year old persian put down. I left work early to go be with her. Believe me everyone here understands your grief. You will be in my thoughts and prayers. Take care.

[Kirsten]

Hello Susan, welcome to the board. I'm sorry to hear about your loss, and I can understand so well how much it hurts! I know it's not easy to cope with a loss like that, but I think joining this board and talk to the people here might help a bit... At least this was my experience when I lost my beloved Katz last year. People have been great to me on the internet and that was when I heard the Rainbow Bridge poem for the very first time. I talked to people who experienced the same, I made a photo album with Katz' photos and I even built a virtual pet cemetery which I dedicated to her. All this helped to deal with the loss, but it's a long way full of tears.
Whenever you would like to talk about your Pearl, feel free to share your thoughts here. I'm sure she's happy at the Rainbow Bridge where she doesn't have to suffer any pain. Now she's your little angel...

Kirsten

[tatsxxx11]

Dear Susan. My heart breaks for you. Breaks because so many of us here know the deep saddness and emptiness you are feeling with the passing our your beloved baby Pearl. Pearl was a beloved, adored, loving member of your family. Your grief is real, your loss is real, not to be minimized or dismissed. After years, I still grieve, and sometimes cry over the loss of my Rainbow furkids. You are not alone. Time helps, but it a long, sometimes lonely road to travel. But grieving is that time which helps you to cope with your very real sense of loss. You should never, ever feel guilty for your very real feelings; your pain. I know that Pearl is at the Rainbow Bridge, looking down upon you with love, and waiting for that day when you will be together again. We are all here for you. We all know the very real pain you feel. Come to us when you need to. Everyone here is on your side and wraps you in the warmth and comfort our love and the healing strength of our prayers.

[ November 12, 2001: Message edited by: tatsxxx11 ]

[4 feline house]

Susan48, it could be that you are mixing up your grief, but losing a pet is a very painful experience. Please don't think that your loss is not proportionate to your pain, therefore you must be transferring your sense of loss from other events. In other words, I hope you aren't thinking that losing little Pearlie was not a bad enough thing to be feeling so bad. It may be unfortunate that there are other horrible things happening at the same time, perhaps adding a synergistic quality to your sadness, but that does not mean that Pearlie was not "important" enough to grieve for, maybe for quite some time.

Of course, if you feel overwhelmed, there's nothing wrong with seeking some professional help, either. Sometimes, no matter how valid our feelings are, we still need help sorting things all out.

Good luck to you, and I'm very sad for your loss.

[sariejane]

Originally posted by Susan48:
<STRONG>someone recommended this message board to me. I am so depressed about the death of this particular cat that I wonder if I am just putting a lot of sadnesses (from 9-11 to other sorrows) into the death of my beloved Pearl, a shaded silver Persian. How do I cope with this grief?</STRONG>

[sariejane]

Susan - myself and my husband moved over to Austin, Texas 18 months ago now from England, and we had a huge dilemma on whether or not to bring our 10 yr old wonderful moggy...our vet in the UK gave the all clear and we did bring him with us, he flew on the same flights we did, and travelled so well; 3 wks after getting here, his health went down hill fast - evidently he had a heart murmur that our vet had not picked up on, and he died a few days later, which was just awful.

We were both racked with guilt and I think it took me close to a year to get over losing part of our family...do not feel bad at the sadness and grief you feel - no-one can ever tell you how long it will take to get over this, but I can tell you that you will...my husband wanted another cat but I didnt - however, he persuaded me to go to the ASPCA shelter and we came home with a 6 month old cat, who needed alot of time and attention, as she had been abused...she has turned into the most wonderful companion...I now realise that I turned my grief into a positive and feel so glad that my husband took me to that shelter (although I was kicking and screaming not to go!)

The vet in Austin was wonderful - I had never heard of the Rainbow Bridge, but she sent a copy to me, which I have subsequently framed and it hangs on the wall above my desk at home...when I read it, it reminds me of what an amazing addition to our family Samuel was. His photo still has pride of place on the mantel.

I am so sorry for your loss...it takes time...

[tatsxxx11]

Just wanted you to know that I was thinking of you, and of Pearl. I hope you have a Thanksgiving that is filled with healing support, peace and health and beautiful memories of the many years of companionship you shared with precious Pearl; the love you gave her, the love she returned. Holidays can be a hard time. The "first" after the loss of a beloved being, all the more so. Bless you Susan and Pearl, the beautiful kitty girl.

[Pam]

Susan I have been hoping to hear from you again. I hope you haven't stop visiting these boards. Maybe you just don't feel up to writing just now and that's OK. We would all like to hear from you again when you do. Feel free to share stories of Pearl or comment on anything you see here. This is a loving group of people and many of us have gone through what you have. You're in our thoughts.

[Susan48]

Thank you all so very much for your wonderful words of sympathy and advice! I've been responding to you individually and am so overwhelmed with the outpouring of love here that I will definitely be a faithful reader! I printed out all the replies and will make a little scrapbook with pictures of Pearl and the "Rainbow Bridge" story. I'm still looking for her in her favorite haunts and hoping I won't forget what it felt like to hold her and smell her fur, which for some mysterious reason always smelled like cotton candy! I want to get another shaded silver Persian just like her but think it might be unfair to a new kitty to have to live up to an old kitty's habits and personality, so I'm thinking I should wait a while to give that new kitty a chance to be able to have its own personality. I love all the websites you all have either devised for yourself or have recommended to me! And this site itself is so full of wonderful information and your beautiful signature photos! I'm in "human kitty heaven." Once again, thank you all lovely people so much! You all will be the main thing I am thankful for this Thanksgiving! You've helped me so very much!! With much love, Susan

[Pam]

Susan your words touched me and I'm so glad you came back to let us know how you are doing. It will be nice to see you on here from time to time and we look forward to getting to know any new furkid that may find its way into your home and heart!

When my husband and I finally started thinking about adopting a new dog (after two years) we were conflicted about the color. Our last standard poodle was black and definitely was the *apple of my hubby's eye.* For that reason he wanted another black female. I didn't like that idea for the same reason you mentioned. I didn't want the new pup to have to live up to any expectations and I felt that being the same color as Whitney might create sadness as well as unintentional comparisons. Hubby actually wanted to see a litter of blacks and I visited a breeder with cream standards before he got a chance to! ;) I called him at work from the breeder's (he didn't even know I was there! :) ) and told him where I was and asked him for permission to get a cream colored puppy. He gave me the OK and the rest is history.

I think when the time is right you will know it. Also your new furkid will probably give you some signals that he/she wants to be yours. We have heard lots of stories like that on Pet Talk. I would have personally liked to adopt sooner than we did but my husband kept saying he couldn't handle the grief and sorrow when they die. It is horrible, no doubt about it, but the love that we can give and receive over those short years to me is well worth it.

I wish you the best in your search someday for a new little one to love. In the meantime stay around. We enjoy hearing from you! Hope each day is a little easier for you.

[thelmalu99]

Hi Susan,
I always catch up to posts late, but I just wanted to say welcome and I'm very sorry for your loss.
I guess it has all been said, and beautifully, might I add, by everyone else here: Don't feel guilty. We all understand.

[sasvermont]

Hi Susan,

I am sorry to hear about your kitty passing away. Many of us have had to endure the pain and grief of having lost a pet. Over the years, I have had cats and dogs die for various reason and each time getting over it is a bit easier, but far from easy. I have shed many a tear, for days on end. Each pet has held a wonderful place in my heart and can never be replaced. BUT it seems that each time I find a new pet or pets, the new pet has such a special personality, not like the other pet, but different and guess what, I love them just as much for different reasons. I have come to know that there are hundreds of wonderful pets out there in need of our love and our care & companionship. Might I suggestion that when you feel ready, you might consider looking for a wonderful new kitty who will need you and your warm home and who will give you unconditional love that everyone needs. Little kittens, puppies and babies have such a simple and wonderful way of healing big hurts and discomforts. Again, my heart goes out to you. I spent oh so many hours sobbing over my special friends. I have new special friends and know that someday I will have to say goodbye to them too. It is all part of life. Good luck, be strong, go ahead and cry a lot and hey, remember, there is a kitty out there who needs you! ;)

[thelmalu99]

Sas is absolutely right. When I lost my Charlie back in July, I thought I would wait a while before getting another kitty, but I soon realized that the only way to help me start healing would be to find another kitty to love. So I adopted these two wonderful boys.
I still cry for Charlie and I still miss him so much, but I'm sure he would be glad that I gave a home to two more babies who needed it so much.
It may take time for you; everybody is different, but when you feel that you can, remember what Sas said, there is another sweetheart out there just waiting to love and be loved! :)

Be well,
Thelma

[tuxluvr]

The depth of loss often bespeaks the depth of the love that went before it.

It is a blessing to have loved something so much. Cherish the memories, sadness is part of everyone's life tapestry.

[4 feline house]

Susan, I think your idea of compiling a scrapbook is an excellent one. A few years ago I suffered what was the worst thing I have ever been through, and I've been through a lot - the deaths of all three of my cats at once. I truly believe the only thing that got me through it was gathering all their pictures and putting them in an envelope, along with jottings of everything I could ever think of about them - how I cam to have them, why they got their names, their nicknames, the songs I used to sing to them, the funniest things they did, their favorite treats, their favorite toys. I still have it, and every once in a while I come across it and look at everything again. I know look at it with a smile on my face instead of tears in my eyes.