Too sarcastic?

[catnapper]

I need your opinions everybody... to make a LONG story short, my husband's exwife is a deadbeat mom. She wants nothing to do with the kids and hardly bothers to pay the child support... get this: she's only ordered to pay $60 a week for ALL THREE of our kids.. not $60 per kid, but for all three! Given that insanely low amount, she has still managed to become over $18,000 behind on Child Support payments! No kidding.

Anyway, my oldest stepson turned 18 this month and rather than a birthday card (or call) she sent the court paperwork to file to have him emanciapted so that she no longer has to pay $80 a month for him. Sad, isn't it? Anyway, I'm writing a letter to the court about this, and while I'm at it, I'm asking a few questions about her... of course hubby will sign it after I've written it since I have a better way with words.

Here's an excerpt. Is it too sarcastic, should I tone it down? Should I add something else?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In addition to replying with the requisite information for the Emancipation Inquiry, we are inquiring about my ex-wife’s current responsibility towards all three children. As of date, she is currently $18,000 in arrears. She is currently paying a meager $14 every two weeks towards the arrears. At this rate, we will receive 1,300 payments, or 50 years’ worth of payment. Our children will have grandchildren. What benefit would the money do them at that point? We need the money now, for the needs of the children at the moment. They are preparing for college. Expenses are at an all-time high and her contribution barely covers their weekly school lunch fees.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(note: I did change some of the total numbers just so I didn't give out the exact amount she owes us.) Please note this woman has been claiming poverty to the court for years. She DOES have an arrest warrant issued for her, but choses to ignore it and we can't make the cops go knocking on her door. Its SO frustrating! She has a college degree, and owns a home (why can't we get a lien on it????) and has a good job (why can't we get her paycheck rationed????)

[micki76]

Do you have an attorney? I though all states would garnish wages for child support if there's a court order in place. I withhold child support weekly from paychecks at my company for employees that have a court order. Even court orders from other states.

You can also go before a judge for modification of child support and increase her payments based on her current salary.

In your reply, the only thing I would change is the "we" to "I".

Can you tell I used to work for an attorney? :D

[catnapper]

Thank you, I'll change "we" it "I" - there is a court order to pay - a court order for a whole $14 a week! We're trying to get it changed. We keep trying to have more garnered and she keeps filing a petitition to not. The last time it actually went through, she simply quit her job and didn't work for several years... at least this way we're getting SOME money a month. :rolleyes:

We honestly cannot afford an attorney to handle the case. We have no money. I'm sure that if we looked, we'd find one that would take the case on an as-win basis, but hubby said "you can't get blood from a stone" so even if we won, she still would not pay it. She's not afraid of being arrested because she knows it won't happen. she also knows hubby is afraid of her and would like as little contact as poosible. The last time he ever spoke to her was three years ago, before we got married, and she had the nerve to ask him if he'd sign a paper stating she'd paid the CS she hadn't. I swear that if I wasn't there, with my jaw on the ground, that he would have said yes... because she has that kind of control over him. :eek:

Of course she's out of state.

[Freckles]

I would delete "a meager". Rest seems fine to me.

[micki76]

Well, thank God she's out of state! Those kids are much better off without that kind of dirtbag in their lives! :mad:

My sister's ex is the same way, except he pays nothing, lives on the run, and sells dope. LOSER! :mad: We're just all glad that he has so little contact with the kids, as I'm sure you are about her.

[heinz57_79]

Have you thought about calling one of those agencies designed to help you get owed child support? I think the fees are less than an attorney and most won't collect unless you actually get money. I hate deadbeat parents. You need a license to drive a car, to own a gun, to FISH for gosh sakes! But they'll anyone breed! Ticks me off! Especially when there are people out there for whom it isn't as easy as hopping into bed at the right time of the month. *sigh* But I digress.... :)

Just a couple of examples:
http://www.supportkids.com/?MarketingSource=Overture&MarketingCode=01070B

http://www.childsupport.com/form.asp?source=overture&OVRAW=child%20support&OVKEY=child%20support&OVMTC=standard

[Tonya]

It seems fine to me. When I went to court to relinquish Jaden's biological father's parental rights, I think the judge was more sarcastic about the deadbeat then I was.

[almamee]

it seems fine

[NoahsMommy]

I don't think its too sarcastic. If you feel it is, maybe taking out the grandchildren comment?

Stressing the importance of current expenses is good. Maybe you can get proof of what is spent/needed? Something outlined showing what you and your hubby spend vs. the $14 she does.

I'm surprised they haven't attached her wages. My dad had his attached and my mom finally got all that was owed to her that way.

Good luck with that. Its a shame people don't feel they need to do their part when it comes to raising their own children. :(

[catnapper]

Thank you everyone!

We would look into those child support collection services, but they are set up for people who aren't paying... she is currently paying what the court mandates. We think the court is nutes to order her $14 every two weeks towards arrears. $14????? Sheeesh. And when we try to talk to the courts about it, they say, "well, she's paying so we can't do anything about it." So we'll wait for the first time she's missed a payment - whichj was this month. Perhaps she's waiting to see if she doesn't have to pay for my step-son? Either way, she missed a payment this month already.

I feel bad whining about CS because if they were all three our own children we'd have the expenses ourselves, without her support, so why do I feel so strongly now? To me, it is the principal of the issue --- she has three lovely, wonderful kids and doesn't know anything about them nor does she care to know anything.

[sasvermont]

Aren't there organizations around your town that do pro bono work for people in need? My guess is that you need an attorney. It wouldn't hurt to make some calls. Good luck.

[lbaker]

$14 a month toward arrears should be in addition to what the alloted monthly (piddly amount that it is) child support is. Is all she pays is a TOTAL of $14? Sorry, I'm just confused. My ex was the same way and I never did get the "arrears" but I do wish you luck. At least the kids seem to have a stable loving family and will grow to have more respect for their fellow human beings than their biological breeder does (I refuse to refer to her as a mother). :mad:

[Logan]

I don't have any suggestions, but I would like to say that those 3 children, and your husband, are lucky to have you. :)

[catnapper]

Thanks! Hubby's family is always reminding him and the kids how "Wonderful" I am and how "lucky" they are to have me! LOL! I think its funny! I'm the one who's lucky since they have all made my life so much brighter (and more frustrating!!! tee hee :D )

To clarify, his ex-wife pays what she owes plus the $14. Sorry for being unclear. It irks the heck out of me that she does this. She has so little to pay as it is and can't seem to do so. I know people with CS payments of a $1,000 a month per child - she owes $250 a month for all three! What a joke.

As for pro-bono lawyers, I was wondering about that myself. Part of me knows that even if I find a pro-bono lawyer, that hubby will still be reticent to take her back to court. She terrifies him and he'd rather not have to face her in court. He'd rather not ever have to see her again.

Side note: This is the tye of woman she is:
Guess what this $%^& did a few years ago? When my mother-in-law was dying of cancer, she flew in (My SILs PAID for her to fly in!!!) and sat by MILs deathbed. Hubby did not see his mother the last two days of her life because ex-wife was there! He never said goodbye to his mom because of HER. Then she came to MY house (thank goodness I was out with the girls and missed her) and DEMANDED my stepson. She took him. She never asked where the girls were. She doesn't care one fig about the girls. So here we were, a dying MIL, a crazy ex-wife taking step-son and two girls that are sitting there blinking in shock that their mom was in town but didn't want to see them.

I have never met this woman face to face and hope I never do. I have never hated someone so much in my entire life. She disgusts me. It blows my mind that someone could bring 3 kids into the world and feel no love or affection for them. She's cold hearted and selfish.

[Cataholic]

CN,
First, I would stay away from any attorney that would take a child support case on a contingent fee basis.

Second, if there is already a support order in place, as poor as it might be, there really isn't anything an attorney could do for you anyhow. The court has heard and ruled on the situation. The only thing left to do is go for an increase. In Ohio, you gotta be able to show a 10% greater ability to pay. I think...anyhow.

Third, you can't attach someone's wages/lien the house, etc., if the person is currently paying the obligation, including the arrearage.

Fourth, I don't understand why she had to petition for emancipation, if the oldest turned 18. Did the divorce decree speak to this issue?

Johanna

[Tubby & Peanut's Mom]

I was just going to suggest contacting you, Jo, and I see you have spoken.

Kim, as strong as you feel about this, sometimes it's just better to let things lie. If she causes your hubby so much distress, I think it's best to just leave it alone. As an example, and I know it's a bad one, way long time ago when I was young, I was living with a deadbeat guy. He ended up owing me about $2,000.00, and that time $2,000.00 was a HUGE amount of money to me (not that it isn't now, but so much more so back then). Anyway, this guy was in the same league as your hubby's ex so when I finally got my head straight and decided to leave, I said bye-bye to the $2,000.00. It was worth that much to me just to not have to deal with this loser anymore and to have him totally out of my life.

Knowing you, I think your kids have their heads on straight and they can see what their mother is doing, and they are getting to the age where they can make their own judgements. She is certainly not doing herself a favor in their eyes, and I believe the whole karma thing will be in force and she'll get what's due her in good time.

In the meantime, don't let this consume you or "she" will end up being a rift between you and hubby, and you don't want that to happen. I know this is all easier said than done, but for me, it's the "peace of mind" factor of hubby not having to deal with her. And just how much is that worth?

PS - just for the record, it's so sad for your son that this was his 18th birthday "gift" from his mother. :(

[Corinna]

I can understand your anguer I have an ex sister in law who for 7 years kept taking my brother to court for more $ every time she had another kid from other men (sleezy doesn't even begin to call her what she is) Finally he got the case changed to the court where he lived and got full custody . He had gone from $100.each per month to $1,500 each of his 2 children.
She had inforcement from the state on him. He finally proved that he had the support systems in a better reach than the witch did but now the kids both are having counsiling.
I am a bit confused at the emancipation order if she doesn't have custody I think a judge would be too. As I understand (not much legal knowlegde) that is for the custodal guardian to file . If she has no custody I fail to see how she can get it granted. Any one can file any thing they want but here in Montana we have now a law if you file a frivolous court partion and it is deemed that . You the filer must pay for the courts and the person you filed againsts time to appear. It sure has cut stupid filings.
I would check with a legal aid place about the legality of her abilty to even be filing the document. We do have a couple legal people here. Where are you guys?

[moosmom]

Catnapper,

I can speak from PERSONAL experience on this one. My daughter lived with my ex-husband and his @#$%* wife from the time she was 5 years old. Don't get me wrong, I am VERY greatful to Karen (ex's wife) for loving my daughter as much as I do. I paid child support every single week. I insisted that my pay be garnished so I would be sure that I took care of my kid.

Unfortunately Amy's circumstances were a little different in that she was diagnosed with brain cancer and they needed my help with insurance which I happily put her on my plan and paid for without asking.

I think Debbie said it best, and given you wonderful advice. Jo, being the lawyer also gave you great legal advice.

Don't get in the middle of it. It'll cause problems between you and your hubby AND believe it or not, you have absolutely NO consideration whatsoever according to the law!!! I know that pisses you off, because whatever effects hubby, effects you. All you can do is stand by his side through the whole thing. The kids, once they get older, will realize everything that has happened and see for themselves what went on.

I got advice from a great friend. No matter HOW much all this pisses you off, say absolutely NOTHING negative about the 6itch. Eventually my daughter will see for herself and come to her own conclusion. She did. It killed me not to call her names and say what I REALLY thought, but it paid off. I complimented Karen (ex's wife), told Amy how lucky she was to have her in her life, etc. I never regret taking that advice.

Hang in there kiddo. You're in for a rough ride. But it WILL work out in the end.

[catnapper]

Thank you so much everyone!!!!

We were a bit surprised bny the emancipation request as well. Step son is currently out of town, so he has no idea all of this is going n.. we haven't told him yet. All he knows is that his mom never called or sent a birthday card. :(

Yes, I am well aware that I am considered as nothing in the court's eyes. That is the hardest thing ever. I'm there for everything, and the majority of MY money goes to the kids and their activities. Why can't I have any say in the court? FRUSTRATING!

I never ever talk about their mother to the kids unless they bring her up. The youngest totally hates her - she NEVER ONCE recieved a birthday gift from her mother (the divorce proceedings started before she was a year old) and is the one who has attached herself more to me than the other two. She was 10 when I met her.

The middle child, has MAJOR trust issues with women. I would to if I had a mother that pushed me away when I was very young, but old enough to remember. The middle child was the biggest hurdle for me when we were dating, and even after we were married... in fact, at times I swore she was trying to break us apart.

As for my stepson, well, he is a whole other animnal on his own. He went from thinking his mom walked on water when I met him.... to last winter, we overheard him tell someone that his mother was dead. :eek:

[moosmom]

Trust me on this one. These kids will realize on their own, all about their mother and what a kvetch (I'm being nice here) she is. I'm glad I listened to my family's advice about biting my tongue, as hard as it was.

One thing that REALLY got to me was my ex's wife's insistence on my kid calling HER Mommy and me Mommy Donna. But all along I knew that I was her mother, always have been, always will be. And everytime Karen and I were alone, I reminded her of it. THAT really pissed her off.

I also understand how frustrated you are at not having a say in court. Especially since your money and time go to those kids.

My life was made miserable because I WANTED to spend alot of time with Amy (they lived 50 miles away from me) and every time I requested an extra couple of hours here or there, the answer was always no. And it was always for spite.

Hang in there, okay? It's a very difficult situation being in the middle. But in the end, you'll be the winner and the one they call when they need someone.

[Tonya]

Moosmom is giving good advice. Both my husband and I were raised in broken homes. We both realized who was right and wrong once we got older. And we both realize who it was that loved and nurtured us. Now, we are in the same situation with Jaden. I am so blessed that Mike went through this himself...it really helps out.