Latest episode about my Stepdad - so annoying!

[Kirsten]

I know, I posted about him before, about the way he always annoys me when he comes to visit, because he's just not respecting the way I want my cats to be treated.

Unfortunately, I'm totally depending on him and my mother at the moment, because I'm not allowed to do much after the back surgery. :(

However, they just showed up here to bring me some things they bought for me and to pick up a letter for the mail office. Because the blue carpet in my bedroom looked very messy (vacuum cleaning is stricly forbidden for at least 6 weeks after surgery) I asked them to do that for me, and because the bag in my own vaccuum cleaner is full, we went downstairs to Gabi's place to borrow hers. Well, that was when the argument began. :(

You know, I'm terribly frightened that the cats accidently sneak out when the apartment door is opened. Not only that there's the danger to fall through the banisters, I know that at least Lily wouldn't hesitate a second to go outdoors in case the front door is opened. So I have to be very very careful when I'm leaving, and it has happened to me several times that Lily ran into the stairways, she's just too fast. SInce I know how easily this happens, visitors are told to be careful as well - and everyone is, except my step dad!

You won't believe it, but last week, when he brought me home from hospital, he left the door wide open when he left - even though he has been told a hundred times how important it is to close it!! I was only lucky that I saw the open door 30 seconds after he has left, Luna was half out there already, and luckily Lily hasn't noticed. I don't even want to think about what could have happened if I didn't see that!!!

Needless to say, I confronted him later, and - since he never respects my wishes when it comes to the cats - I wasn't very nice.

Well, and today, when we left to walk upstairs to Gabi's place for the vaccuum, he intentionally left the door open, much longer than necessary, and pushed my hand away when I wanted to close it. Only to tease me and to show me he doesn't take me serious. Of course I got really angry, but when we brought the vaccuum back downstairs, he did it again. Needless to say, I was furious! And my mom??? Instead of being understanding, she got mad at me and called me ungrateful. Then she talked to him as if I wasn't there: "Reinhold, it's better when you're not going to visit her anymore. You're trying to help her and all she does is blaming you, it's bad for your health..." Then they left.

Boy, am I mad at the moment!!! You know, it's not the first time they got me so angry because of this, so I'm sorry for venting... :o

Kirsten

[ramanth]

:mad: :mad: Oh, how RUDE!!

Do you have anyone else that would be willing to come over and help you so your stepdad doesn't?

[PayItForward]

I am sorry , he is being such a jerk. :(

He should respect your choice of being owned by inside only cats :(

What about placing your cats, in your bedroom with a litter tray water and toys and the door firmly shut...for his next visit. Then he can leave the main front door open as much as he likes :)

[sirrahbed]

Please don't be "sorry for venting..." - this is so awfully RUDE of him!!! Not only is it rude, but he is taking advantage of being able to say this to you when you are helpless and in need of help which is twice as bad!!:mad: I am also very sad that your mom did not defend and support you:( That must have felt even worse than what he did ((((((Kirsten))))) I am completely with you on this!:mad: That behavior is so disrespectful and mean of him. I hope he does stay home from now on! He is bad for YOUR health!!:mad:
It is sad to me that people do not understand that Luna and Lily ARE your children. I don't see why this is so hard to understand. Would they leave the door open for a toddler child? What is the difference in this case? They are not respecting your feelings at all and I know that hurts.:(

[CatMama78]

I share the same feelings as Debbie. I can totally understand why you would be furious. I too have indoor only kitties and I am also really careful with the door and ask others to do so if they visit. Your stepdad is being extremely rude and inconsiderate:mad: . Those are your babies and you are in a time of need - how dare he take advantage of that just to get your goat.

Is there anyone else who might be able to help you? Wish I could!

[Kirsten]

Ahhh, it's so good to talk to people who are understanding!!

Yes, to be honest, it hurts a lot to be not respected by my own family. It has always been like that. Even though they're helping me a lot at the moment (financially, because I cannot work since I got that sick), they never really understood me, I always felt like a stranger in my family. To them, I'm a freak because I prefer to live with cats instead of having a family. I better do not repeat all the comments I always have to listen to when it comes to that! :o

I wish there would be more people to help me at the moment. I could ask Gabi (neighbor), and she's already helping me a lot, but she has health problems as well and a lot of stress to deal with, so I don't want to bug her all the time. And Lily's first humans, also friends of mine, don't have much time either. They have a handcapped son and three dogs, and one of them cannot be left alone at home. Well, and my other friends don't live close enough, it's really annoying.

Yes, I think it would be the best if my step dad won't show up here anymore. Actually he's no bad guy, but he has absolutely no understanding of the way I'm living with my cats. The other day, he also got me angry. I got new curtains lately and Lily found them very interesting and tried to climb them. Of course she was told it's a no-no and much to my relief, she lost her interest after a couple of days. And now that jerk encouraged her the other day to climb them. Of course I told him not to do that, but it is so annoying! Whenever he is here, I have to tell him not to do this and that, and basically I'm scolding him all the time. This is what makes my mother mad. But what can I do? He's just so ignorant!! :mad:

Kirsten

[catlady1945]

It seems that his behaviour is not normal. He seems a very mean, controlling person. People who have no respect for your rules are very selfish. Is it possible to hire someone to help you a couple of times a week?

[kimlovescats]

"He" is the kind of 'help' I could do without!!!! :mad:
I'm sorry you are having to depend on them so much right now ... and that he obviously gets some sort of SICK pleasure out of taunting you!!!! :mad: :mad: :(

[trayi52]

I am sorry Kirsten that your stepdad is acting like such an ass****, if I was your mother, he would get a really huge chunk of my mind. I wish she would realize that you are more important than the stepdad!

Its a shame you are not close to us Pet Talkers, we would all be there in a flash to help you, and make sure you didn't hurt yourself. And I promise we would keep the door shut!

It is so hard to know there is a friend stuggling to get something done for her, and there is no way we can all help you.

You feel free to vent all you want, we are here to listen and to fume right along with you.

Take care!

Willie:)

[DJFyrewolf36]

Originally posted by sirrahbed
Please don't be "sorry for venting..." - this is so awfully RUDE of him!!! Not only is it rude, but he is taking advantage of being able to say this to you when you are helpless and in need of help which is twice as bad!!:mad: I am also very sad that your mom did not defend and support you:( That must have felt even worse than what he did ((((((Kirsten))))) I am completely with you on this!:mad: That behavior is so disrespectful and mean of him. I hope he does stay home from now on! He is bad for YOUR health!!:mad:
It is sad to me that people do not understand that Luna and Lily ARE your children. I don't see why this is so hard to understand. Would they leave the door open for a toddler child? What is the difference in this case? They are not respecting your feelings at all and I know that hurts.:(

I couldn't have said it better myself. Helping people isn't about trying to make the person you're helping feel guilty about it. *groan* I hate when people do that...

I'm with you on this one too. I've experenced this BS first hand...NO ONE should have to be disrespected in this way.

[catnapper]

How completely RUDE! Gosh you are in a bad situation of needing them so much while wanting to tell them to take a leap off the highest rooftop! Is there anything that he loves that you could find a way to destory? bwahahaha. "Hmmm, your priceless car seems to have a huge scratch down the side of it!" Just kidding! But doesn't it feel good to just think about making him feel bad for a moment?

[sirrahned]

Venting is good. AND...it is healthy. Us men can be such jerks sometimes. Do you have any other cat lovers in your building? I think I would trade an entire housefull of relatives for one sensitive neighbor who can help you while you recover.

Hang in there!!

[carole]

Kirsten I share everyone's sentiments here , and agree it is very dis-respectful of him to be in your home and not respect your wishes, what a rude man indeed.

It is a pity your mum cannot see that he is dis-respecting you, she should at least see that.

You have my full empathy, I have no answers to your problem, and I am sorry you are being upset, at a time when you least need it, after your surgery , you need some nice TLC and it saddens me to hear this. HUGS .

[Craftlady]

I'm sorry that your stepdad cant follow the rules at your house. He would expect others to follow rules set at his home but it appears it's different at someone elses home. I would ask mom not to bring stepdad over if it were me until I felt 150% better. Once I felt better I would dish it right back to him. He thinks its cute to remark wonder if he can take the remarks????

[catcrazylady]

Kirsten I'm so sorry! You and I have posted about the ignorance of our Stepfathers and I understand how hurtful it can be. Mine is the one who believes that Magoo should have been put to sleep because of his blindness.
I am very fortunate that my mother is an animal lover and does come to the rescue but it is only her love for the animals that makes that happen. Anything else and I'm on my own.
I'm so sorry that you have to go through all of this especially now while you are trying to recover. Everyone else has said everything that I wanted too so I will just tell you to come here and vent anytime you want! We understand and we love you! You take care and don't let the jerk get you down!

{{{{{{{ HUGS }}}}}}}

[catmandu]

That is incredibly RUDE , and I am betting if Lily , and Luna did get out , he woulddnt bother , to try and get them back , in. Are there no other people that you can call , on. If I was closer , I would help out , gladly!

[carole]

Kirsten I may well be way off base here, but it almost sounds like he has jealousy issues, maybe of the relationship you have with your mother or the cats, just a thought, people often behave in very strange ways, still he is behaving badly, and no excuses for it, shame on him, take care Dear and I hope someone else can help out, rather than this man who has no respect for your wishes.

[RICHARD]

One drawback in a situation like this is, that more often than not
a parent will side with their partner.

By complaining to mom you risk alienating her.

One thing you may want to consider is to let the chores that can be left alone, alone.

Focus on the things that NEED to be done.

A few extra days between vacumning won't end the world..You will notice it but it's no reason to get upset.

You need to show him that his thoughtlessness DOES NOT BOTHER you. He feeds off of that and it makes him think he is being cute.

It's like a monkey that pushes a button in his cage that makes him laugh. You can either let him push it for his entertainment, or unplug it...

You have the power in your hands...

Good Luck and feel better

[jazzcat]

Originally posted by RICHARD

It's like a monkey that pushes a button in his cage that makes him laugh. You can either let him push it for his entertainment, or unplug it...

You have the power in your hands...

Good Luck and feel better

LOL!! Well said Richard! I think your advice is a great way to handle this.

[CatMama78]

Originally posted by carole
Kirsten I may well be way off base here, but it almost sounds like he has jealousy issues, maybe of the relationship you have with your mother or the cats,

I was thinking the same thing. Not to go all Freudian on you, but it almost sounds like he's trying to get your attention. Obviously not the good way to go about it, but some people do not understand how to act or how to express emotions. And those that do not share our love of animals, have absolutely no comprehension of how important our babies are to us and I think it may make some even angry, (oh it's just an animal, I'll teach you a lesson attitude! It's awful, yet true. So maybe in a warped way, he is acting this way out of jealousy of your feelings for Luna and Lily. Doesn't matter though, a parent should be able to respect their adult children's wishes and house rules, unconditionally.

[Kirsten]

Well, I think it could really be something like that.... Not sure if it's really jealousy, but maybe something similar to that, at least I'm getting the impression he tries to stirring up things by upsetting me about the way he disrespects my love for the cats.

You're right, I should just ignore that, that way he will probably lose interest.

BTW, I wouldn't invite them at all if I wouldn't depend on their help at the moment. Like I said; Gabi, my neighbor who was also looking after the cats when I was in hospital, is sick at the moment, so she cannot help me as much as it was planned. And I'm not in the financial postion to pay anyone to help me.
Guess I'm doing more things myself meanwhile than it is good for my back, but now my mother has promised to come here on Monday to clean my place - without him!!

Kirsten

[lynnestankard]

Kirsten this is awful so very gentle {{{{hugs}}}} across the miles.
Everyone's being so polite and saying how rude he is - sorry I think he's a complete moron.

I think Carole and Richard have stated things very succinctly (sp?)
jealousy seems to fit the bill and don't let him push your buttons.
He has to learn that in your house he does things your way.

I'm so pleased your Mum is coming without him on Monday. Maybe she too has realised he's gone too far.

Lynne

[gini]

Kirsten, I knew someone like your step-dad once and he would do or say things just to get people around him upset. He was a person totally self absorbed.

I agree with Lynne - everyone is being so polite about their opinions of your step-dad. My own opinion is that he is CRUEL.

It is wonderful that they are helping you out financially, but they do not own you - and they have no right to try to run your life.

If you chose to live alone with your cats, then it is your RIGHT. If they do not understand your life style, then they don't and they probably never will.

If he is cruel to you, he is probably cruel to others as well. Perhaps even to your Mom - but she doesn't tell you that.

He is on a power trip - don't give him that power. If it is possible to close the kitties up in your bedroom when they come over, then I would do that.

Come to us and vent anytime you like - you have been through a lot - and are still going through a lot - and you know that all of us care.

[NoahsMommy]

I'm glad your mom is coming alone this time. People like that are of no use to you if they aren't going to help. I hate closeminded, immature people. :mad: :mad:

If you're ever in that situation again, I agree with whomever said to put the cats in one room with a closed door while he's there. It'll show him you can trust him, without saying as much and it'll show you are the adult and have found a solution to a problem.

I'm sorry he was such a jerk, Kirsten. You don't need that right now. :(

How are you feeling, by the way?

[Kirsten]

Yes, I think it's the best to have the cats in a seperated room the next time he's showing up here. Lily doesn't like him anyway, he once got her startled and now she's always hiding when he's here.

Actually I don't think he's cruel to my mom, it's just that he doesn't respect animals (and my decision to live with them). Doesn't surprise me that his own cat is so mean btw!

But I think the main reason is that they just cannot accept that I prefer to live on my own. They just don't think that it's normal and I better do not mentioned the comments I'm hearing from them regarding that matter. Totally disrespectful!

Kirsten