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sirrahbed

05-25-2004, 09:37 AM

I will put it here in case it helps someone else. I am not ashamed at all. PTSD stands for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Usually people associate it with returning war soldiers who have witnessed horrors but it also happens to others such as survivors or rape, witnesses to murders, abuses or various trauma that cause feeling of fear of well-being, etc. Think about the students who were at school during the Columbine shootings, or the people who survived 9/11, the workers, etc. Anyone who already HAS PTSD is also likely to be triggered right NOW because of the instability in the world and on the news.

MDE is a Major Depressive Episode. Usually an emergency. I have had two, possibly three of them. They are severe depressions that make a person somewhat non-functional for a period of time and usually suicidal. I am prone to depression but MDE's are very different.

YES, anathiona, I often feel like a bad friend and family member - a bad mother and wife especially. How can you feel good when you can't seem to react to people the way you really WANT to? I recall the episodes as feeling like I was existing in mud or cement mixture, and even moving was such an effort! It wore me out to get from one place to the other! Try walking through mud up to your neck!

The worst thing about these illnesses is that they are not understood very well and people who are not familiar with them are afraid of them - tend to feel we can just "snap out of it" and get over it. I used to think that way too, until it happened to me!! I worked as an RN in my 20's and did a psych rotation. I had NO sympathy or much compassion for psych patients. I was afraid of them!!

While virtually everyone has some normal depression at times, I did not have a taste of clinical depression until my late 20's after my first child - just a normal post-partum depression but man was that scary! Anyone who has PMS may be able to identify a bit when they feel their brain temporarily take over - or a pregnant woman who finds she suddenly snaps or cries without knowing why? THAT is a tiny taste of what depression feels like.

PTSD is frightening. It has physical symptoms that go with the diagnosis. Best to look into google but some of them are sudden panics, heart racing. a startle reflex to sounds or sights, disturbing nightmares, sweats, flashbacks in time, insomnia, unable to concentrate, irritable, crying fits, tremor-trembling shaking hands, violent outbursts, depression, empty parts in memory, huge fears, isolation, etc...

anathiona...What can you do for yourself? Just being aware that something is wrong is already more than half the battle. If you can still force yourself out of isolation, maybe you can "ride out" the depressions. Do things for yourself that usually make you happy. Treat yourself well because you deserve it. Be aware that you tend to think badly of yourself when depressed but those thoughts are not true. If you can do that, you may just be OK without having to get help. If you have people to talk to, that helps ALOT!

I would definitely encourage you to keep talking - even if it is to PT folks. Professionals would probably not like that idea - sure, there are plenty of whackos here - but you can also find compassionate REAL people who will talk with you on the Internet. If you feel badly for months and months, or start getting worse, I would suggest talking to a doctor. It's no big deal-really! There are anti-depressants to try and I bet you will find that 1 out of every four people right here on PT have or are taking one of them :D :D

moosmom

05-25-2004, 10:13 AM

I suffer from Clinical Depression. I was diagnosed over 20 years ago, although I can remember at times when I was 13 sitting and crying for no reason, feeling really bad.

I have been on a number of medications until I found the right one, Paxil. It saved my life.

There are times when I go "underground". I stay to myself, don't feel like talking to anyone. Although it has been rare these days, and I attribute it to the wonderful friends I have met here on Pet Talk, every once in a while I'll take time out.

PTSD, clinical depression, bi-polar disease and any number of diseases that effect the brain can be debilitating. There are some people out there who do not understand them and will say things like, "Pull yourself up by your bootstraps and move on!!" "Snap out of it!!" Well, if it were THAT easy, I would've done it a long time ago! A chemical imbalance of the brain is like diabetes. It is necessary to control it with medication. It's not going to go away on it's own. It's also not something you can ignore or treat with alcohol, as some people (including my Dad) have tried.

Like sirrahbed said, there are times in one's life where you get the blues. But when it gets to the point where you become a recluse, sleeping alot, eating alot, not eating, crying for days on end, suicidal thoughts and dependency on alcohol or illegal drugs, that's the time to seek professional help.

I did and I'm glad. Between my cats, having a wonderful, caring therapist and great friends here on PT, I'm one of the lucky ones. Some aren't so lucky.

anathiona,

Hang in there. Know that all of us here on PT are here for you. Anytime you want to talk, give me a call. I'll PM you with my number.

(((hugs))))

sirrahbed

05-25-2004, 11:19 AM

It just occurred to me that this discussion could best be held in General - why the DogHouse?:D

DJFyrewolf36

05-25-2004, 11:36 AM

I agree that this should probibly be in general...

I was diagnosed with PTSD about three years ago when I overdosed on asprins and was put into a treatment facility. Moonsmom, I've noticed a similar reaction when you tell people you have PTSD. For a while I was an alchohlic (sp?) and addicted to over the counter pain meds and sleeping pills. Not only did I have to deal with the symptoms of PTSD and severe depression, I was also dealing with a growing addiction to alchohol and drugs. It was a double whammy. I am glad I got help and while Im still struggling with it, I DO have family (my husband is a real life-saver) that encurages me to go on with life. It's hard, but don't feel like a bad friend or family member. Friends and family are there to help YOU just as you are there to help them in times of need. Without my husband, I don't know what I would do!

Hang in there, and do talk about it. People here on PT are the most wonderful and encuraging types Ive had the pleasure of meeting. Know that you aren't alone, sometimes thats the best therapy in the world!!

Believe me, I am glad that I CAN discuss things with people on here and like sirrahbed said, it sometimes is better to talk to someone who has experenced this sort of thing instead of some therapist who most of the time doesn't have a clue.

My happy thoughts and prayers be with you!!

moosmom

05-25-2004, 11:13 PM

DJFyrewolf36,

Actually, I was diagnosed with Clinical Depression, not Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Regardless, each disease is debilitating. I wholeheartedly agree with you when you say that we are all here for each other. No matter what, no matter where, let one of us know you're feeling down and out, and believe me, we'll be here! That's what friends are for!!!

[email protected]

05-26-2004, 09:01 PM

A lot of the symptoms you describbed Sirrahbed is things i deal with often and it is scary...I have Bipolar disorder and in the past had some really bad episodes due to wrong meds given to me by a prescrion happy quck psychiatrist! Ever since then, I am afraid of Psychiatrists and so I am trying to manage depression with my family doctor and Zoloft, but the Zoloft isn't working for me, as i have been taking it for three months at 200mg per day and it hasn't made any significant difference in my depressions cycles. But, I will just deal with it one day at a time. Thanks for all the things you said, and all the things that you said too, Leslie, you are very helpful. I appreciate the time you both took in answering me. God Bless you!!! :)

[email protected]

05-26-2004, 09:08 PM

Awww shucks you guys-I wasn't thinking right, you are both right that I should have put it in general...see, my mind just definitley hasn't been all here! Anyhow, thanks to all of you for such good advice, and kind concern. You are all friends to me, and I am a friend for you. :)

leslie flenner

05-26-2004, 09:23 PM

You got back to your thread! Lots of people responded! Many, many of us have experienced depression and it is depressingly (lol) debilitating. I hope you will not shy away from exploring other medications and hope you are in regular counseling... I personnaly hate counseling but it does work! (i'm notoriuous for cancelling counceling appts. for various reasons!- yet i do feel better afterwards- go figure! self-sabatoge?)
Anyway, communicate with your treatment providers, sometimes a psychiatrist will make a change via phone, although mostly they insist on seeing the person before making a change. My psychiatrist is someone who is willing to call in changes to my pharmacy without seeing me- guess I got lucky! (or she's awfully busy!) Anti-depressant alone is not appropriate for bi-polar. There are neuological changes in the synopsis' in your brain that require a mood stabilizer- different from an antidepressant (i know you already must know this!!!). Once your brain starts feeling better, back comes some motivation, gradually the dark thoughts will lessen in frequency and duration. (Again, as i am sure you already know- i don't want to come across as "preaching to the choir"! Please keep us posted?! If you want to be cheered up tonight, go to the thread re: does your cat communicate? Not sure what catagory it's in but there is a wonderful video from Tubby and Peanut (hope i got that right!) that is so heartlifting!! So sweet and adorable! check it out!

cubby31682

05-27-2004, 09:58 AM

I remember being 14 and doing things that I shouldn't have done. I got into drinking and drugs, I was very depressed. I was trying to help my mom through her battle with cancer, I was trying to help my dad with money. I was working 3 jobs, all with friends. I would bring money home to give to my dad (which he hated but he knew he needed the money) for gas, food, medication for him and my mother. I would bath, dress, and drain my mothers tubes. I would clean the house and get food on the table all before my dad got home and all before my brother had to go to work. My opinion at the time was, my dad had to eat because he had diabetes, my mother had to eat to stay strong to fight her illness, and my brother had to eat so he could go to work, I had no reason why I had toe at. I always lied to my dad and told him that I ate to much at school and I wasn't hungry, when in fact I was.

I remeber being in a very bad car accident when I was 10 two weeks later I became a women with all the changes. The person I was in the accident with, she never took me to the hospital, she never let me call my mom to tell her what had happened. I had a concusion, and a headache, she gave me 2 adult tylonal, and I fell asleep, I woke up 2 hours later with her and her kids out of the house, they all went down to the pool. I was left alone in her house after I fell asleep. I went down to the pool figuring that is where they went because we were on our way to the beach when we got in the accident. I went down to the pool and she picked me up and through me into the pool and told me to stay there because i wanted to go swimming. I got dizzy and wanted to get out of the pool and go home she told me NO that I had to stay in the pool until she said it was time to get out. After about 12 hours after the accident she took me home. I never said a word to my parents about it because she was right there. I was afraid. I told my mom I was tired so I went to my room and went to sleep. At 3 am the next morning, I woke up and ran to my moms room. I fell on the floor holding my belly because I was in so much pain. She picked me up and rushed me to the hospital, I had to explain everything that had happened the day before not knowing weather or not she would be mad at me for not telling her sooner. I almost lost my life because of the women I was in the accident with. She never wanted to take me in to the hospital and she was a nurse at that. I never understood why she did that to me and even to this day I still don't know why.

When I was 17 my mom went to California to see her family, my dad had a reaction because he didn't eat on time. I sat there and fought with him asking what he ate and when, he kept giving me the same answer. I would ask if he ate and he would say yes, then I would ask what he ate and he would say nothing. After I looked into his eyes and they were grey I knew I had to do something. I had to force feed him. He spit on me, he yelled at me, he kicked me and he never knew what he was doing. My brother came in and grabbed a steak and went to walk out of the house and I asked him if he wanted to know what was wrong with dad and all he said is yea sure, but it looks like you have it under control. I didn't under stand why I had to do everything to keep my family going. If I wouldn't have fed my dad he wouldn't have stayed alive. He ended up dieing 3 weeks later.

I am still dealing with his death. People tell me all the time that I show no emotion at all. In my mind I do show emotion just not the way people want me to. I don't cry in front of other but I cry all the time in my room, I refuse to let my husband see me cry.

I have asked my whole life why me. Why do I have to take care of my family. Why couldn't my brother help, why why why. My answer is always the same. If I wasn't there to drain my mom's tubes she would have died. If I didn't give my dad money we all would have gone with out eating. If I didn't force feed my dad he woldn't have lived. Even with those answers I am still very depressed. I have good days and I have bad days.

Sorry my post is so long, I just needed to get some of this stuff off my chest, some of it I haven't talked about in years. Sorry I didn't give much advice.

DJFyrewolf36

05-27-2004, 10:15 AM

A cautionary note about meds:

Be sure to talk with your doctor about ANYTHING that happens as response to meds, especially mood stabilizers...in Virgina (this is why I have a problem with psychiatrists too, so you aren't alone there!) I got thrown into a mental hospital because someone said they saw me jump out a window :rolleyes: . They put me on this weird med and it actually made me hallucinate! I was freaked out. I tried to tell them what was going on and they totally ignored me. (Turns out the place wasn't even medically licenced but thats a different story) Most doctors wont do that though. My family doctor was rather helpful in telling me how to figure out what meds were doing to me and was willing to talk with me so I could pinpoint what works and what doesn't. I agree with Leslie that you shouldn't be afraid to try new things and you shouldn't be afraid to tell your doctor when something isn't working or your having a bad reaction to it. They are there to help you.

I saw the kittes, sooo cute! I agree, that will cheer ANYONE up lol.

sirrahbed

05-27-2004, 10:46 AM

Originally posted by cubby31682
I just needed to get some of this stuff off my chest, some of it I haven't talked about in years.

I am very glad you did so!!! You have a great amount of pain to live with! Heavy baggage, so to speak, for a child to drag into adulthood. :( I hope you keep talking, even if it is to Cubby!!!

About meds - yes, I agree with trying others if the current one is not helping. Some "families" of meds have more side affects than positive help and every body reacts differently. I think over time, I have tried them all!! Not everyone even needs medication but for some people, there are lifesavers. My cats are my best therapy ever. They are good listeners, show unconditional love and never tell my secrets!!:)

Isolation IS a very big problem and a temptation so easy to fall into. I know I am a loner by nature anyway, always have been. I *like* to stay home and I *like* to be alone, but being withdrawn gets to be extreme at times and if I am not careful - I can fall into a despair without realizing it. If I find that I do not even want to check PetTalk, for example, this is NOT GOOD.

I AM trying to force myself out and about even though I do not want to. I have joined a gym (Curves) and a Bible Study - both of which I am currently avoiding but will try to do better in June ;)

I will have a my first grandbaby in about ten weeks and so THAT is a very happy and hopefilled thing to look forward to! I will be going to stay with my daughter-in-love during the first days when she comes home - they live here in town - just for support and to give her rest as she needs it. (like she had to ask twice!:D) Her mom is also an RN and will come after work. Evenings she will have hubby-my son.

Take care all - and hope some of you keep posting! This can be a *very* helpful place to visit!

lynnestankard

05-27-2004, 12:49 PM

Yes I suffer from Clinical Depression too.
Just after New Year I had to have a long break from Pet Talk - I'm useless to talk sensibly when I'm having a bad time.
Normally my meds., keep me on an even keel - but just every now and then I have to 'hide away'.
I find it very difficult to put my thoughts into words and would just like you to know that your not alone and lots of us here on PT understand what your going through. You're not alone.
I know I'm not within phone reach but a PM would always be answered.
Oh yes - I found a psychiatrist I could trust and he helped me so much it was incredible.

Lynne

sirrahbed

05-27-2004, 01:17 PM

Originally posted by lynnestankard

Just after New Year I had to have a long break from Pet Talk - I'm useless to talk sensibly when I'm having a bad time.

I agree that a break is necessary at times and I go "underground" as Moosmom put it aptly. It's a fine line though - between a planned temporary hybernation or *cocooning* (my term) and an isolation which is so unhealthy for me.

I am happy to see this thread - just wish it was out of the DogHouse!!:D It is a very healthy and common topic - no shame in it whatsoever!!! I had thought of a tongue-in-cheek thread for General "What is YOUR anti-depressant?". :p

I resisted any sort of help for years and years!! I still don't *like* to go to the hospital where all the clinics are and go down the hallway that used to say "Mental Health" and now say "Life Skills" (PC you know!!) When I stand in line for my pharmacy refills, I feel my face redden when they tell me to stand back because some of my meds are class 3-controled and come from the vault:o - "uh could you shout that a little louder please - some people on the other side of the room didn't hear"

My shrink tells me to compare my ptsd med with insulin or the thyroid I must always take for Graves disease and part of my brain resists anyway.:rolleyes: She tells me how Hollywood folks brag about having a "Therapist" and I'm like don't compare ME with THOSE whackos!!!:D :D

*EDIT - I put my POLL in General - hope it is taken in the right manner:rolleyes:

Karen

05-27-2004, 05:15 PM

I moved this thread to General.

Cubby, you are a survivor, and we love you for it!
And each and every one of you who has battled depression or other illnesses, I am proud of you as well. Just had to say that.

tatsxxx11

05-27-2004, 05:23 PM

That's me to a "T":( When I get sad, depressed, overwhelmed by life, that's exactly what I do..."close down." Some people feel better talking about their problems, but not me. And working in the medical field, I know I might feel better if I did! But, it's just not in my nature. I think it's becasue I've been disappointed in the past by friends/family's seeming lack of sincere concern, empathy, when I do, so I'd rather say nothing than feeling like I've bared my soul for nothing and feel foolish. So, your're not alone . But, I have good advice for you, even if I don't follow it myself...find someone you trust to talk to and confide in; you'll feel lots better. And Pet Talk's a good place to start. So many compassionate friends here:) Feel better! We love ya! {{{HUGS}}} Sandra

DJFyrewolf36

05-27-2004, 05:31 PM

Thanx from me Karen, you know kind words help way more than people give them credit!

lynnestankard

05-27-2004, 05:38 PM

Thank you for the move Karen.

Lynne

sirrahbed

05-27-2004, 06:45 PM

Yay!!! We are outta the DogHouse!! Thank you Karen!!!:D
Like I had mentioned before, statistics say that one in four people will undergo a mental illness at one time or another. It is no big deal! I mean, YES it is horrible to experience but there is no shame in it. People in emotional pain are just everywhere. It just does not show on the outside for the most part. You meet me in real life - I look normal, act normal, I am smart, funny, educated, I have degrees in Nursing and Literature/Secondary Education, have raised three terrific kids, etc, etc...but there are times when I am non-functional. There are times when I have flashbacks and I cannot sleep for many nights. There are times when I jump at the slightest noise and times when my heart begins to race and I sweat profusely and find it hard to breathe. I HATE IT!!! But, I have it. So, I take my medication and I can live with it. If the episodes start to last very long, I become depressed severely and withdraw, feel like I am not a good friend, mother or person. I don't talk to anyone during those times. Hubby forces me, like a child, to get in the car and go to a store or for a walk around the block. Most of the time, I have no memory or distorted memory of those episodes. He brings me food to eat because otherwise I forget. I feel as if I am walking in cement or thick mud. Those are the Major Depressive Episodes and thank God they have been few. So, I have to monitor how I feel and only allow the withdrawal to be brief enough to be therapeutic and healing.
Something I totally LOVE doing is visiting my local nursing home. I need to get back to a regular schedule. What I most love to do is "give manicures". All I do is rub hand lotion on!!! But, for the "clients" it is a time to hold hands and talk as well as softening for dry skin:D And *I* need it and love it just as much as they do!!

trayi52

05-27-2004, 07:01 PM

Sandra, that just the way I feel. I would just rather be alone, and not have any contact with anybody. I just get so down, I feel like there is no hope at all. I have been there yesterday and today. I just barely want to post when I get this way. I feel so confused, I forget what I am going to say, and just shut down.

CatMama78

05-27-2004, 09:05 PM

Originally posted by [email protected]
How many of you experiences shutting themselves away from your loved ones, friends, and even online friends when depressed? I want to apologize to you all whenever I don't reply to a thread. It's not that I am not interested, it's just that sometimes I feel it is better for me to hide my pain and I feel like everyone can see right through me when I write and have been told before that they can tell by the way I write when I am depressed. I feel that I don't want to burden you at most times, but felt I owedyou all for my disappearances from Pet Talk. What I do is just shut myself off from everyone. How many of you have the same problem now? :(

I've never been diagnosed with anything, but I know I've suffered from bouts of depression (not sure if that's technically really what it is) for a long time. It's more of a self loathing, or constant anxiety and it's always in the back of my head. I've never not been able to function (I have to go to work - so I keep going), but I do seem to sabotage and self destruct every 2 years or so (I've done some pretty extreme things I don't want to get into...but if you need someone to talk to, please e-mail me - [email protected]) - Probably about once a week, to once a month, I'll go into extreme crying for a day or so and thinking only extreme negative thoughts (I'm a terrible person, no one loves me, etc.) for no reason and the hard part is it's impossible to turn it off. My bf thinks I can just train myself to think positively, but it's not like that. Truthfully I'm always thinking 'the worst' in my mind, but mostly I can hide it, but every so often I really show it and suffer an episode. It's like I know how I should be feeling and I tell myself to stop acting this way, but I can't.

I also have a serious problem with wanting to be social, or wanting to be around anyone other than my boys (by boys, I mean my cats :)). This social phobia as the term is called now, prevents me from doing things like going to company christmas parties and family functions. It's not the not wanting to go that bothers me, cause I don't see anything wrong with being a 'loner', it's the fact that I know I'm obligated to go, sort of and I can't just shrug it off and say it's just a night - instead it's like a major trauma and panic the whole day. It just seems to get worse with time.

I know I seeing a dcotor would be wise, but I can't seem to build up the courage.

Anyways not to ramble or respond to your problems with my problems, but I wanted you to know that you are not alone and I do understand. I may not be able to know exactly how you are feeling as I'm not in your shoes, but I can offer an ear and the comfort of knowing you are not alone in your pain.

leslie flenner

05-27-2004, 09:23 PM

Yes. Sometimes it's the pressure of being obligated that makes keeping commitments so hard. So do you bail out? Or do you go and put on the obligatory happy face/happy life? It usually does not take courage exactly to ask for help (yeah some) it most often takes desperation and you don't want to wait. If you see a pattern of self-destructive behavior (I will be honest here, for the last 3 years, my hard, self-destruction has landed in july and aug) then tell your doctor you want a referral to a counselor, you don't have to say why - it's an insurance thing (check your insurance- mine requires md referral). Then, you see her, and say, "I need help with my moods" or whatever you think is wrong. She in turn will ask you a series of questions about your life and moods and go from there. It's not scary at all and actually is very reasurring in that no one gets excited about your request, the earth doesn't stop spinning etc, and you feel BETTER for talking to someone who sees people in your position a kazillion times! We are all there for you (and Anathiona). PS- i have counseling tomorrow and am already thinking about how I am going to get out of it- but I do want to see my psychiatrist soon and ask about topamax for me!)

Karen

05-27-2004, 09:33 PM

Originally posted by CatMama78
This social phobia as the term is called now, prevents me from doing things like going to company christmas parties and family functions. It's not the not wanting to go that bothers me, cause I don't see anything wrong with being a 'loner', it's the fact that I know I'm obligated to go, sort of and I can't just shrug it off and say it's just a night - instead it's like a major trauma and panic the whole day. It just seems to get worse with time.

Do see a doctor, please. The "social phobia" is something dear friends of mine struggle with. One, a professional cellist, is a very shy person naturally - maybe why she chose cello, as she can pretty much hide behind it! - and was experiencing horrific 'social anxiety' before solo performances. She knew the pieces, could play them almost in her sleep, so it wasn't just "nerves." She finally told her doctor about it, and instead of telling her it was nothing, he prescribed some med, I don't know what it was off the top of my head, and she just takes it the day of the performance and is able to go about her job without being sick with anxiety for the entire time.

Another friend, a very outgoing person and a vocalist, had the same problem, which you'd never guess. She tried the med on her doctor's advice, and was also happy with the "normalizing" result.

leslie flenner

05-27-2004, 09:43 PM

no reason to be shy (either one of you). Just remember, it's not your fault, it has to do with the chemisty in your brain, it's no big deal to ask for help at all, and in fact, care providers want you to ask for help, in the long run, it's cheaper for insurance companies! And remember, you can say no, report side effects asap, and the psychiatrist will listen to you -- none of them wants a lawsuit on their hands so they are quite attentive- and its very comforting if you get the right psychiatrist. Mine is very comforting- she explains exactly how the medications work in the body and draws pictures to help me (of neurons and what they are reacting to and how the medications make them react). AND, she talks to me about meds that are not yet approved here but are in Europe! So I have the opportunity to join in on US studies and learn a lot! (i did one study already and she is going to do a different one when it's approved- hence my interest in Topamax). Hang in there, be patient, call your pcp.

QueenScoopalot

05-27-2004, 10:42 PM

It's a common thing in this crazy world to be depressed. I often am depressed and I tend to hide it. Hmmmmm. I sleep, drink, go out trapping cats (that one helps me overcome it). I'll have to work on this one for my own piece of mind. Terrible childhood (was I a child)?? really makes things so hard as a hopefully productive adult. In fact I take that back...I KNOW I'm productive..I've found my calling and it's saving those who couldn't save me! AMEN! I'll strive to save those who can't save themselves, and earn my sense of peace somehow in this tortured existance. I have to work on this thread some more....booze is talking..but then that says more than one wants to admit! ;) P.S I COULD be a whole lot drunker..but am not *sigh*! It's called responsibility. I have a lot to take care of in my life, and do. My bottle baby "Marshall" is a BIG one! If it wasn't for me, he wouldn't be here. This helps me emotionally, and physically. *grin* (photobucket is not allowing me to share his picture groan). :rolleyes: :eek: :confused:

sirrahbed

05-28-2004, 10:11 AM

Originally posted by Karen
Do see a doctor, please. The "social phobia" is something dear friends of mine struggle with. he prescribed some med, I don't know what it was off the top of my head, and she just takes it the day of the performance and is able to go about her job without being sick with anxiety for the entire time.

Odd you should mention this - I was talking with a friend who is a pianist and she told me she takes Propanolol (Inderal) and that most performers she knows also take it before a public performance!! Weird things is - *I* also take it! For migraine prevention! It is a betablocker - slows down the heart rate, prevents the flushface, sweating, etc - so worth asking the doctor about!

AGAIN - no medical advice here - just discussion to assure people this is COMMON, it is OK, ways of coping are available - some medical, some practical - but the problems so very common and global - OK?:) See that lovely self assured actress on the big screen? See your physician or lawyer with all the degrees? See the friendly lady that takes your money at the bank or grocery store? See the statesman with the big words and confident sppech? The man who keeps the school clean? The lady who keeps people in stitches with funny cat stories? They likely get depressed, probably get counseling and may even take medication. NO BIG DEAL!

carole

05-30-2004, 12:03 AM

I just wanted to add I suffer from Social Phobia, have done all my life, when I was young I did not even want to go to partys, but drinking sure relaxed me and made it possible. I actually hide it very well, even to this day, I choose no longer to drink, so that I can socialise, I just DON'T want to do that anymore.

As a young child, we used to go for a sunday drive and then My parents would say now go in the shop and get an ice cream, my sister and I would argue about who was going to get it, she probably just could not be bothered, but for me it was painful to even do that, I hated just going in front of everyone and asking for it, I would have rather done without the ice cream.

It has been the most difficult thing in my life, as there is very little understanding, I believe it is something you are born with, my mother is exactly the same if not worse.

I have tried all my life to socialise, to please other people, and it has been traumatic for me, now I just won't put myself through this ordeal anymore. I loathe parties and get togethers, and yes part of it does come down to a low self esteem.

karen I have to respectfully disagree with you, i donot believe there is any medication that magically will make this disappear, and I for one would not take it, I just don't feel I should have to take something so that I can enjoy a party, it is something you learn to live with ,even though it is hard and there is very little understanding or empathy from anyone,(they think you are strange or stand-offish the only time it really pains me, is for my partner, who has taken years to deal with it, and finally has, but he wants to take me to xmas parties etc, and now has become a bit of a recluse like me, that does not make me happy.

leslie flenner

05-30-2004, 12:34 AM

I don't think anyone was trying to say there is a magical medication regarding social phobias. I am on an anti-depressent and it doesn't make me more inclined to join in those kind of activities (I avoid them). But it makes me less likely to go into a severe depression as sirrahbed talked about before. That's all.
As I grew up, social events were there but i don't remember really enjoying them. I felt shy, stupid, ugly- you name it. Even though I wasn't stupid or ugly. And to this day (I'm in my 40's) I am extrememly uncomfortable in social gatherings. There were/are no family gatherings for me- so that's probably why I'm not acclimated- there was never a "family" per say. It's been a problem with my relationships all my life. I don't want to go to the holiday dinners, weddings etc (total ick and panic).
I don't want to be alone all my life- but that is where things are headed. You are sad that your husband has "become a recluse". Is he sad about that? If not, well I don't know what to say! I was going to say be glad but that is not the right solution as one can't just switch emotions like a switch and it is so much more complicated than what you are saying here...

sirrahbed

05-30-2004, 09:37 AM

I also do not believe anyone should feel odd or like they have to go on medication because of a social anxiety. That is, unless it is something extreme and debilitating. That is the fine line I talked about before. Being shy and withdrawn (now known as *social anxiety* and I hate all those labels!) CAN be part of who we are and that should not be something with a label. BUT there are times when it IS a disorder. Gets complicated doesn't it?? Another reason I am glad to see more people talking about this stuff!!

Sometimes I enjoy getting out with people, but I tend to be withdrawn most of the time. I think it is normal for my personality. I have never been a social butterfly. When I was in my major episodes, however, I carried it to a terrible extreme. I would not even leave my room. The few times I did go to a store, I left my cart and ran to the car. I tried church and ran out to hide. So, I have to keep watch for these warning signs. Now, even when I am FINE, I am slightly withdrawn. It is ME and it is OK. No pill will make me different:) That said - other people have a phobia so debilitating and extreme that they cannot function normally without some medical help and it is wonderful that a bit of chemical change enamble them to live their lives again! Sometimes, it mat only take a few months or years to get back to normal, others may need to medicate always. NO BIG DEAL.

I like to use famous peole as examples. THE have the same fears phobias and disorders as everyone else - to all degrees. Some over come with medication and help. Try entering 'famous people mental illness' into google and you may be surprised!

[email protected]

05-30-2004, 03:39 PM

Hello again to Leslie and Cubby and also to others who have responded so kindly to my thread. I am back, I have been out of town for a mini-vacation at my sister-in-law's house in Clarksville, TN. She just got her new swimming pool in and I went swimming for the first time in about two years! My husband and I played like children and we really had a blast. Of course we had a kind friend to come in and feed water and chat with the critters each day. It was so good to get away and enjoy ourselves with out the worries and usual woes. We played cards until about one in the morning. We watched several movies that are fairly new and even had a strawberry daiquiri one night while we were away. My son, Blake, age 14 had fun with our 16 year old nephew, John. They had lots of fun too. Leslie, you were right about the Zoloft not being right to treat bipolar disorder, I know that anti-depressants tend to cause the manic part of this illness more profound. I just have had experiences with psychiatrists when they put me on bad drugs and I became very suicidal, I am terriified of the meds that may help me attain a balance, so I try to make the best of the Zoloft and my family doctor. Cubby, thank you for sharing your story, I surely felt your fustrations, the overwhelmed feeling that I know you felt with so much responsibility at such a young and tender age, and the lonliness that you felt though you were surrounded by people whom you loved and who were dependent on you for their very life. I am glad you talked about it and got it off your chest-I had my own struggles at that age also, but I never had all of those heavy responsibilities you did when you were so young. I had to cry when I read your story. You are a very strong woman, and you should be proeud of all you were to your family. I am in deep hopes that you have found some comfort and happiness, and that you are now being taken care of to some extent. May God Bless you, and also the rest of you, my friends at PT. :) :)

[email protected]

05-30-2004, 03:53 PM

Hello, thanks for the encouragement and letting me know it is okay to feel the way I have been feeling. I will go and look up the famous people you spoke of, that is very interesting. I guess I have a pretty shy nature, but I am also in- tuned to when I am isolating. When friends call and I screen their calls. I will keep my phone on only because my children may need me and I want them to bee able to reach me, or my parents or other relatives may need me in case of a serious illness or something. But, then I tend to ignore calls from dear friends, that coould very well get sick too. When I answer calls from relatives that I worry may have an emergency and find they have just called to check on me or just want to chat, I make up excuses. I lock the doors, avoid phone calls that I know deep inside I should take. I close my blinds and curtins and don't go anywhere for days or even a week and only go out when I absolutely have to. I feel I am being very selfish, which that part is not me. I have always placed friends and family before myself. But anyway, I am okay at the moment and thought of you guys at PT while I was away the last few days and thought, "Wouldn't they be proud of me now?" I was out and being my normal old self, laughing and smiling and talking so much that I am sure they were wondering when I was going to hush. lol It was all really therapuetic for me. Thanks a bunch to you all! :)

[email protected]

05-30-2004, 04:02 PM

Hi carole. Though I have bipolar disorder and that may be quite different, the social part, about wanting to avoid it at all costs, even if it meant doing without something you would really like to have, sounds very familiar to me as, I have had bouts with this too. Thanks so much for sharing with us so sincerely. I appreciate the input of you all. It looks as if I have became very rich in friends, right here at PT. God bless you. I pray that you are having an easier time as time goes on and you have had to deal with this painful problem for so long. I wish you the best of everything. :)

moosmom

05-30-2004, 06:25 PM

I am grateful for Paxil. As I said before, it saved my life.

My Dad, who I believe I inherited my depression from, never got help for his depression. Instead, he chose to drink, 24/7. He became a recluse toward the end of his life, always telling me how much he loved my Mom and my stepmother, and was just waiting to "cruise on outta here". His choice of treatment caused him to lose out on his only grandchild's life. But, that was HIS choice.

My choice was therapy and medication. I never regret nor do I justify my choice to ignorant people who try to reason with me that the drugs I take are bad, and that I should try going "cold turkey". Believe me, I've tried. It almost cost me my life.

Until those people (no one on PT) have walked a mile in my shoes, they should keep their thoughts to themselves.

Debbie,

I feel my face redden when they tell me to stand back because some of my meds are class 3-controled and come from the vault - "uh could you shout that a little louder please - some people on the other side of the room didn't hear"

I was ROFLMAO!!! Not at you. It reminded me of the time I went to the drugstore to buy "personal care" items and the clerk at the counter announced it over the PA system!!! :eek:

carole

05-30-2004, 07:41 PM

Anathiona, thanks for our kind words of understanding and support that mean't alot to me.

Yes Medication sure can help in certain situations, but if it is just Social Phobia you are suffering from, I personally don't believe so, hey I only need a couple of drinks and I then become very social lol, but I will no longer do that to myself.

I often wish to be like others, when they get an invite, they are thrilled and really looking forward to the event, me I dread it, loose sleep over it, trying to find ways to get out of it, and feel sick to the stomach, even my own Niece"s wedding was like this big ordeal to me, but the best thing that happened was it turned out to be the best social event I have ever been to, I really enjoyed myself and did not feel bad at all, for the first time ever in my life., but yes I stay away from things like it was the dreaded plague, because that is how it feels to me.

I suppose if there was indeed a magic pill with no side effects, I would be tempted to take it, but that is highly unlikely.

One always feels enormous amount of guilt, letting friends and family down, especially my partner, who now does not go rather than go alone without me, this is what i was trying to say Leslie, and you are right it is very complicated, and in the past it caused many problems in my relationship, because he just did not get it, he thought I just picked and chose what I wanted to go to, it has taken years, but he now is very understanding, he has gotten used to it I suppose and accepted the way I am, and that I really cannot help it.

Despite this , yes I do have friends, and good ones at that, I have always chosen to have only a few, not a lot, but they generally tend to be good loyal ones, I have explained to them how I am, and they seem to be ok with it, and just like me anyhow, but like I said they are GOOD FRIENDS.

Anyway enough about me, I DON'T want to turn this into being about ME, just wanted people to have a better understanding of what Social Phobia is like and the impact it has on our lives and our loved ones,. that is what is really important to me, and this thread has given me the opportunity, to express this to each and everyone of you, I am grateful for being able to do this in such a public way, its like everything else educating people, is the only way to better understanding.

So thanks for bearing with me on this subject so close to my heart., it was not my intention to hi-jack this thread or change the subject in anyway, but I saw this as the perfect thread to help people to understand me and others like me,hopefully it will give people something to think about, who knows you may know someone who sounds just like this and often thought they were snobbish or whatever and now you will have some empathy for them, heres hoping.

PS one thing I must add PLEASE NEVER put all people with Social Phobia in the same category, we are all different, what bothers one , may not another, and every situation is different. THANKS.:):)

leslie flenner

05-30-2004, 07:59 PM

You reminded me of a sad fact in my life. I was in a relationship for 10 years. Every year I was invited to my partner's family events: Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthdays, etc. I never once went. In hindsight, I guess I regret it. But never having had a family myself really (just me and mom), I have always felt wierd about these things. I (unrealistically) feel like one might feel eating alone in a resteraunt or going to a movie alone, ie, everyone is probably whispering, "why would she be out alone, she must not have any friends". At other's family gatherings, I imagined that they "KNEW" I was uncomfortable, awkward, gangly, wallflower, a girl with no friends or family (even though I have plenty of friends)- i image others looking at me like someone who might not- it's a very strange and unrealistic perspective but it operated my direction all my life.

carole

05-30-2004, 08:17 PM

I sure understand what you are saying there Leslie, its amazing what we conjure up in our minds.

I forced myself to attend social gatherings with my husbands family, it was very difficult, because they were real party type people and if I were very honest, we were like miles apart, very different in many ways, things have changed, its a very long story, but my husband ended up dis-owning all his family(nothing to do with me) and even though I feel sadness for him, there was a huge relief for me, no more social events, that I felt extremely uncomfortable with., its funny how things have a way of working themselves out.

leslie flenner

05-30-2004, 08:29 PM

My mind plays tricks on me all the time when I am alone! (I have left stores because the lines are long and I feel a sweat coming on- I figure i better leave because I MIGHT have a panic attack- rather than just relax and think about something else!) Or, lots of times in the past (not for a couple of years now) I would get partway to work and then over several minutes convince myself that i didn't unplug the coffee pot- simply because I couldn't remember if I did or not. Well, Now I use a melita coffee pot!! Fixed that problem but sometimes, if i leave the house too fast, I will worry about what I didn't do that could cause a fire. It's totally insane but nevertheless there. I recently had to join co-workers for a dinner out. I spent the entire time working on a newspaper crossword puzzle while everyone else drank and got silly. It was ok- I was in a compatition with another co-worker to finish the puzzle first- (which I did!) No one minded so it was a very ok evening!

sirrahbed

05-30-2004, 08:33 PM

I have been thinking about this social anxiety/phobia part of the discussion and realize there are so many degrees of it and that I probably have more of it than I would *like* to have at times. Like anathiona and Carole, I seldom go anywhere and there are times when I can go for days or weeks not answering the phone or door, drawing my curtains, etc. My hubby may want to go out, but either goes somewhere alone (to church, the grocery store, watches a video instead of going to a movie) because I choose to remain at home - and I sometimes feel very badly that his life has adapted to mine in these ways. If I think about it too much, I can become very depressed about it and feel like I am not worth very much! But, we try to strike a balance. But much of this is pressure I put on myself and feel from society's expectations of what "normal" is. Perhaps my life IS normal for ME, at least at this time.

BTW, anathiona - I AM very proud of you for getting out with your hubby and son - getting away from the house, playing like a child and for hearing of your laughter!! That is wonderful that you were able to d this and that you enjoyed it!! It sounds as if it made you feel good and so it was a victory :)

leslie - just read what you posted as I was writing this and so I can add a bit more because I relate to what you have written also. I am awkward in large groups and family gatherings with my husband. I feel self-conscious and as if I am a bug under a microscope. My original family never had "family" things either. Most of the time, I can *act* normally, but inside I am terrified and very ill at ease and always have been. Even when I am FINE, I feel this way - my counselor tells me that most people do! that we all wear masks...I wonder??? When I was working at my last job - I was assistant to the director of a non-profit agency and had a good bit of responsibility and I definitely wore a mask that I put on every day along with my work clothes and make-up. My co-workers *saw* me as so cool, smart and efficient. My boss trusted me with his trustees and to stand in for him at agency meetings. I acted confident! When I left work each day - walking to the car...driving home...I felt the mask crack..and I usually cried. I only held the job for less than two years and my boss was very bewildered when I decided to leave! Before that I taught school and worked as an RN, but never very long for the same reasons - no confidence!! I was happiest at home with my children and now with my kitties. Maybe I am socially inept or maybe I am naturally shy - I really wonder? There was a time when I had a circle of close friends and a life that seemed normal - I was fun and funny, laughed a lot. I still like to laugh!! Those friends betrayed me badly, though! Maybe the PTSD is finally gaining the best of me?? I never really understood what it was within me until some events several years ago revived very old wounds and I was re-victimized in a terrible, horrible way.

I am going on too long - did not want this thread to be about *me* either. Hope it continues to be one of sharing and encouragement that shows many of us that we are really not so different from one another, and there are many ways to cope with what life brings to us.

carole

05-30-2004, 08:59 PM

I think a lot of us with this problem are great actresses, and indeed could win a grammy for our efforts, it suprises people when I share with them how I really am.

One of my fav things to do is going to the movies, you ask why? because you are in the dark, I feel totally relaxed, I am good on the telephone as well, it is all about the non-face to face stuff.

I love shopping and that is my real social event, my hubby often asks did I see anyone i know, and I say NO and thats the way I like it, I like to be amongst the crowd, anonymous.

Sirrahbed I can relate to the closing of the curtains, not answering the telephone, but that is usually just on a down day, and let us face it we all have them, but i like to close off from the world and its day to day pressures sometimes, and it helps too.

The strange thing is sometimes I am really better off in a large crowd, other times I feel better in a smaller crowd with people I know, it all depends on how I am feeling at the time, and for others this part of it , is hard to understand, even for me, and probably why hubby thought i just picked and chose my events to attend, but I didn't it all depended on how my coping mechanisms were working at the time.

PS I never knew there was such a thing as a shy American lol, just joking.

leslie flenner

05-30-2004, 09:00 PM

This will not be all about you by your telling what happened a few years ago that triggered the original events in your mind (or did I misunderstand?). It is about everyone who has had to deal with trauma and for many, didn't even know they were dealing with trauma until something happened that triggered a response! You don't have to share if you aren't up to it but I'll bet anything that a bunch of pters went through same or similar traumas- remember, the laws were not in the 50's and 60's as they are today- by any means. And in fact- the first case of child abuse (I'm not saying this is your trauma) that put it in the books as a real illegal thing to do- did not happen till 65- and even then the family was considered to be in the right so to speak.. I believe the book is called "On Bear Mountain" (or Lake- I used to own it- it boggled my mind!

sirrahbed

05-30-2004, 10:01 PM

I don't really think the facts are that important - but rather how I and others are responding and dealing with the outcome but I will share the *nutshell* version. I come from a strict military family and grew up in a state of constant fear in a home I can only recall as being a battlefield/warzone because I have so few memories of it - mostly conveniently forgotten I suppose. At an age I do not recall, but it was very young - perhaps 3-4, I was sexually assaulted/abused by someone in a uniform, a professional I believe - while I was hospitalized. I was often hospitalized. My parents either did not believe me, did not understand what I tried to tell them, or were fearful of rocking the boat, etc. Life in the military was strict in the 50's.

As an adult I went for counseling to my pastor for an unknown nagging depression and anxiety. After a 12 year close counseling relationship in which I trusted and looked to him as a father, he sexually assaulted/exploited/abused me. Another abuse by a professional - thus reliving the same betrayal of trust I had hidden away for so many years and now - the ptsd. It happened in 1999 and I was an adult! I buried the secret of the abuse for over a year but I disintegrated. Unless it has hit home, it is hard to understand how it can happen but it does. It did to me. I am like one of the statistics you hear about in the news with the Catholic Church and so many others. Some say those people are lying or exagerating - I can say we are finally finding the bravery to find our voice that has been stunned and shamed into silence.

Things like 9/11, the war against terrorism, the daily news - these things are very triggering for anyone with ptsd - as well as depression and I would imagine a variety of illnesses. It is so very scary to not feel safe, to feel that fear rising - for a real reason of course but exagerated greatly from the ptsd and the symptoms caused by the disorder. Too many days of sleeplessness and withdrawal that might be normal in one situation - could possibly lead to another major depressive episode (MDE) and so I am vigilant and watchful!

But, I also have a life! This weekend, I watched all three Lord of the Rings movies :D I had never done this before because I thought they were silly but I have suddenly become a fan. I studied up all the characters and now have Middle Earth on my desktop:eek: I enjoyed watching the kitties lounging on the patio, took pictures and posted to Cat General and spent hours admiring the other kitties there and posting - I am addicted and *know* most of the regulars and their kitties like my own!! Yesterday I went to a senior's home to work on her computer and give her a few lessons. Hubby and I do "consulting" for seniors only and for donations only. He does the hardware and I do the software and teaching. This job I was paid with an old set of dishes:D Maybe a boring weird life by another's standards but it is mine! I wrote numerous e-mails and posts to Internet friends - mostly PT people I have never met but whom I certainly consider genuine friends! One I am concerned about in the mid-east and another who has other worries. I love to encourage where I am able! I am also politically motivated and write numerous letters about things I am concerned about and badger my lawmakers about laws I want changed.

See? I am a REGULAR person. :D .

cubby31682

05-31-2004, 03:27 PM

Today is not a good day. I went and got a $10 game for my pc. I got it loaded and it wouldn't work, mean while my husband is at his pc playing the game he just got. I was very mad, upset, hurt and so on. Over a stupid game. Instead of keeping a clear head I got mad. I am still mad.

I know I have alot of issues that I need to work through. Those of you who are on medication, I have to apploud you for that. I my self hate taking pills. I had a very bad experence with them and now try to refuse to take them at all costs. I am curently on a few pills, that make my life a little better. Although they are suppose to help me medicly, I forget to take them or I remember and just don't feel like putting a pill down my throut.

I also try to refuse to go to see a doctor. I took a very hard fall at work on friday, I refused to tell the managers because I knew they would send me to a doctor. Since friday I have really bad back pains if I move a certain way. I know I should probably go in, but no matter what any one says I will refuse. I can not begin to tell you how much I dislike doctors. After one of them took my dad's life I refuse to let them take mine as well. Even though I know it was just 1 doctor out of how ever many we have in this word but still to me it doesn't matter.

Sorry about my rant. I am done now.

Katie

carole

05-31-2004, 04:01 PM

Katie I am sorry to hear you had such a rough day, we have ACC here, if you have an accident at work, then doctors fees are subsidised and if you are permanently injured you also get a payout either lump sum or ongoing, I guess USA is different, Have you not found a doctor you can trust, I can understand how you must feel, but you may have really injured yourself and need some treatment, if you feel worse please consider seeing a health professional.

Sirrahbed it was tough reading what has happened to you in your past, and you are as normal as any of us, we all have our funny little quirks, things that bother us , whatever, your life sounds perfectly regular to me my friend. I am blessed that nothing like that ever happened to me, my anxiety or social phobia is not related to anything bad in my past, I believe it is hereditary simple as that., and although often it is the case, not always as in mine.

You have come along way to overcome what has been nothing but traumatic for you in your life, and I admire your courage.:)

cubby31682

05-31-2004, 04:36 PM

I have found a doctor I can trust. I really like my doctor now, it's just hard for me to actually pick up the phone and call when I know I need to. All it does is bring back bad memories. In the US we have workmens comp, which will pay if you get hurt at work or what not. I am not sure how it works. My husband also has aflac which pays us for going to the doctor. Which next year we should get a good amout as many times as I have been to the dentist already this year. I work tomorrow and I will let what ever manager know that I can't lift anything heavy. Which I already know they wont be happy with me but oh well.

Deb, I also have to tell you it was painful for me to read your story. My half sister touched me when I was a baby and after my mother found out she was no longer allowed in the house. Although I was an infant when it happened I can not relate to how you must have felt, let alone trying to cope with what had happened to you not only when you were a child but as an adult. I can feel your pain to some extent.

Katie

sirrahbed

05-31-2004, 05:28 PM

Thanks for the supportive feedback Katie and Carole - sometimes I wonder if I will get the "so what is YOUR problem whiney baby?" speech:D

Katie - I can understand not trusting doctors! On my YES - I suspect that is why I chose to go to nursing school myself - to confront those fears as an adult!! - but yes it is worth reporting at your job so that Worker's Comp rather than your own AFLAC should cover you. Part of your tax money covers that little bennie so who cares if the boss or manager doesn't like it? It happened at work so it is work related. I fell out of my chair (DUH!) about two years ago and got a whiplash. (still hurts as I ruptured a disc and you don't wanna mess with that!!) I was too embarrassed to report what I did (it was really a really graceful move, trust me :D)so never reported it although I did go and get medical care. Do you have a friend that can go to the doctor with you? I ALWAYS drag someone with me! Hubby, friend, neighbor - never alone, no way. Plus, it is just good to have someone else along to remember questions, instructions, etc as well as bolstering confidence.

slleipnir

05-31-2004, 05:33 PM

I basically live in my room so I guess I know lol. I cut myself off from the real world and just hide away. I've been like this for a long while now though. It's really no fun, huh?

carole

05-31-2004, 08:09 PM

Is it possible you suffer from agraphobia,? my girlfriend down the road has this, it is quite difficult to understand, are you afraid of open spaces?.

Just the fact you like to be cut off from the world made me question this, it appears there are alot of us here who suffer from some form of anxiety, I guess that is why the internet is such a positive thing in our lives, it gives us that outside contact worldwide, without even opening the door.:)

leslie flenner

06-01-2004, 09:10 PM

to what you said carole, is why we get along so well with animals! Creatures that were put on this earth without being asked to and need love- just like us! I THINK we relate to animals very well! (not in a "crazy" kind of way- just have an inclination towards the injured, abandoned, less abile. I work with mentally ill adults! If I had my drithers, I'd work with animals for a job but there is too much pain in losing pets and seeing neglected pets etc. I really admire vets and others in the field! I wonder what the burn out rate is like?

spunkadelic

06-01-2004, 10:05 PM

I was clinically depressed for about seven years. I would have bouts of happiness - not bouts of sadness. It all seemed to lift last July when I had a seizure, then another...and another. I was constantly sick. When I finally got all of my testing done, it was determined that Hypoglycemia was it's cause - and Hypoglycemia can cause severe depression.

I think mine started when my Grandmother died, then improper eating habits led to hypo. which led back to depression. I used to feel like I had this black cloud over my head all the time. I could never think straight, I would stutter when I was faced with a boss, or a teacher or my father. I barely got sleep at night and was always tired. Always hungry, so I gained weight, which made me embarassed, and later homebound.

My cat made all the difference in the world. He's my best friend. I would go to work and have a bad day, and Maui would be right there for me when I came home. He was my tissuebox, my radio (he always purred when I cried) and my confidante. I can tell Maui anything - and I know he'll never tell another soul. He detected my seizures (and he isn't even trained!), and can tell me when my blood sugar is low (but I can tell now - without him, but he still likes to tell me)
The move from New Smyrna to Tarpon Springs has been the best thing I've ever done. I now only have bouts of anger, or bouts of sadness. It never lasts for long. I'm perpetually happy. Maui has moved on to bigger and better things - mainly my Father. Maui is still my best friend, and he still sleeps with me on my bed - but during the day he's with my Dad. My Father's changed. He's sad, and Maui knows it. It's Dad's time to have a confidante and a best friend.

Animals were God's greatest gift to the Human World and without them I would probably still be a depressed, lonely girl with no one. It's for Maui's sake that I learned to eat properly because I am the one that takes care of him. What would happen to him if I wasn't here?
I don't know if this ties in with your post, but I had to put my input, and part of me here. I hope you don't mind. You'll all have to pardon my absences too, I'm rarely online anymore. I'm too busy out with my new friends, my sister's puppy or hanging out back with Maui and Birdeo.

kimlovescats

06-02-2004, 11:43 PM

I am just now finding / reading this thread! Boy, am I glad that I did though!!! I have Major Depressive Illness and Panic Disorder. I was diagnosed about 10 years ago, when I had a nervous breakdown and ended up in a psych hospital for two full weeks! I had been raised in a very strict home, with a violent-tempered father, a handicapped brother, a bi-polar (but still undiagnosed) sister, and an emotionally fragile mother ... but the final "blow" was all of the stress and emotional abuse that came after my divorce and child custody battle with my ex-husband. :rolleyes:

I have been on many different anti-depressants during the past 10 years, but the one that finally worked for me was / is Celexa! I have been doing very well on it now for about 4 or 5 years. I did have to increase the dosage after about the first 6 months or so, but I am holding pretty well at 40mg. per day. I do still have panic attacks from time to time, but they are so rare now, that I have to remind myself that they are panic attacks .... that I'm not sick or dying! Luckily, I usually have a few Xanax on hand for those. When I first got out of the hospital I was heavily on Xanax, and even had a terrible withdrawal, because I tried to get off of them too quickly by myself. But now I can have one RX and it last a year or more!!!
:)

Well, I have shared quite a bit now, so I will stop here. I just want to tell everyone that has shared that you are NOT alone, and WE are not Freaks!!! As far as the social aspects ... I have never been a social butterfly myself... always uncomfortable in crowds, and prefer a quiet one on one meal with a friend, as opposed to being with a group of people. I avoid the telephone as much as possible, and I do like to close my blinds and lock the doors from time to time as well. I love the freedom and contact that the internet gives me, but at the same time, I can "shutdown" when I need to!!! ;)

DJFyrewolf36

06-03-2004, 11:44 AM

From reading this thread it seems like a lot of people have had good luck with Celexa...I was on celexa for a while...it made me dizzy and ditzy for a while but things evened out...unfortuneatly just as things WERE evening out and my body was begining to deal, the insurance stopped covering it. I'm not taking anything now, and sometimes things get really really really hard. Last night I was crying my head off for really no reason but the hubby was there for me :) and for that I am happy. He knows that I can't take many anti-depressants and that I have to deal with this somewhat on my own due to the whole bad drug interaction thing. *many antidepressants make me dizzy like Im on some sort of narcotic and it doesn't matter if Im happy as all get out if I cant function* I WISH my dumb insurance covered celexian because I would be back on it in a heartbeat...it worked so well.

sirrahbed

06-03-2004, 12:27 PM

Please see companion thread (http://petoftheday.com/talk/showthread.php?s=&postid=720799#post720799) which was going well in spite of the silly name I gave it!:rolleyes:

Karen - any way to combine the two???

BitsyNaceyDog

06-03-2004, 03:08 PM

Originally posted by CatMama78

I also have a serious problem with wanting to be social, or wanting to be around anyone other than my boys (by boys, I mean my cats :)). This social phobia as the term is called now, prevents me from doing things like going to company christmas parties and family functions. It's not the not wanting to go that bothers me, cause I don't see anything wrong with being a 'loner', it's the fact that I know I'm obligated to go, sort of and I can't just shrug it off and say it's just a night - instead it's like a major trauma and panic the whole day. It just seems to get worse with time.

I know I seeing a dcotor would be wise, but I can't seem to build up the courage.[/B]

That's me. I was diagnosed with a social anxiety disorder about 5 1/2-6 years ago, at age 16. I've been on Paxil for 5 years and it has helped a lot. It did however come with a lot of side-effects. I am currently being switched to zoloft so that my husband and I can start a family soon. Even on the paxil I hardly go anywhere without Justin. Before the paxil I couldn't go anywhere, period. High school was pure torture, I spent most of my time in and out of school crying.

If I were you I would see a doctor. Believe me when I say I know it's hard. I have justin make the appointment and then he goes with me.